When Trying is Trying

infertility and ivf_extra petite fashion blog
When it comes to the women in my family (or maybe it’s Asian culture), personal issues are supposed to remain just that – personal. It was only very recently that my mom opened up to me, sharing about the pain and loss she went through as a woman and as a mother. Things she had kept internalized for years that I never knew about. Watching her raise me and my two younger brothers, I saw firsthand being a mom isn’t easy. But what I was never really prepared for was the emotional and physical strain of trying to become a mom.

While I have all the admiration in the world for women who fight their battles quietly, I’m opening up about something very personal in this post. It’s different from the curated version of my life you usually see on my social media, but I think it’s important that we can talk about this kind of struggle without fear of stigma.

The Frustration Cycle

We all have friends who don’t want kids or who are indifferent (“If it happens, it happens”). I respect that, but I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. Once Nick and I decided to start a family, we naively thought it would happen right away. When it didn’t after several months, I started tracking my ovulation like a hawk (I think Ovia overtook Instagram as my most-used app!) And after that, we probably tried every wives’ tale in the book – Mucinex, “special” lube, headstands. Lots and lots of headstands. You try to keep the negative thoughts from creeping into your head, but it’s hard. There’s always this whisper … maybe there’s something wrong with me.

As time went on, the pregnancy announcements that seemingly surrounded us eventually became babies and then first birthday parties. And while we were genuinely happy for our friends’ milestones, at the same time it was like a depressing re-run that I had to watch on repeat. Every cycle the same. High hopes, scheduling, timing, followed by waiting, and then frustration. And shame. And anger. And always, sadness.

Getting Tested

Earlier this year, we finally decided to see a fertility specialist and get tested. It was a few days of getting poked, prodded, and dyed, and plenty of surprise “oh, insurance doesn’t cover that part” bills. When it was over, I was almost wishing for something definitively wrong so we could just “fix” it. But our doctor told us everything looked fine, and started us down a 6-month plan of fertility treatments. Meanwhile, everyone would offer their own advice. Do acupuncture. Don’t stress. Work less. And of course that one line of advice that undoes itself as soon as it’s uttered…“Just don’t think about it.” During this time, the once innocuous question of “so when are you guys having kids?” by well-intending friends and pesky aunts became one more pill to swallow and politely smile through.

After months of the less-invasive treatments without success, the next step would be In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). A more invasive, more expensive, and even more emotionally draining procedure.

For those who aren’t familiar, the IVF process starts with a few weeks of daily self-injections into the abdomen to essentially trick your ovaries into becoming an egg factory. Your doctors monitor egg progress at the crack of dawn almost daily by drawing blood and doing vaginal ultrasounds (let’s just say, it’s not an EXTERNAL ultrasound), and then determine your injection dosages for that night. Next, surgery is performed to retrieve as many eggs as possible, which are then fertilized externally with sperm before being transferred back into the ovaries as an embryo.

However, since our tests indicated nothing was wrong, we were told our insurance would not cover IVF. And without insurance, it can become quite expensive because each cycle brings only a chance of success, and each attempt could cost upwards of $15-20k. Needless to say, at this point I’m not doing so well following the “not stressing” or “not thinking about it” advice!

ivf injections and medications
When it came to giving stomach injections, “nurse” Nick had to employ some creative distraction tactics
An Insurance Mix-up

This August when I got my period again, I just felt empty and defeated. We made the hard decision to pay for round 1 of IVF out of pocket, and to figure out the rest as it unfolded. As a last ditch effort, I had our doctor submit the case anyway even though we were told insurance wouldn’t cover it … and we were dumbfounded by the response. Our insurance said that our test results (from over half a year ago) showed sufficient abnormalities to approve IVF coverage. Had we submitted it sooner, it would’ve been approved immediately at the time. I’ve never felt so frustrated and relieved simultaneously.

ivf egg retrieval surgery extra petite
Nervously awaiting egg retrieval surgery, where as many eggs as possible are removed from the ovaries
Where We’re At

Last month we officially started IVF. Probably the most emotionally loaded three letters I’ve ever typed. The fertility journey is a roller coaster, and one of the hardest parts is you never know how far along the ride you are. The ultimate unknown and worst part, is that you could go through it without success. That you do all of it for just a chance to be a mother, and you might have to do it again and again.

Throughout it all, I’ve felt ashamed and frustrated that my body couldn’t do something that a woman should be able to do. Lonely because there was no one to talk to who I felt would understand. Jealous every time there was a new pregnancy announcement, especially from those who weren’t even trying. Guilt, for even feeling that way. Left behind as I watched seemingly every friend and peer graduate onto the next chapter, wondering when it’d be our turn. And silly, knowing how many women go through years of infertility, miscarriages, and so much worse compared to me.

But sometimes, you just have to focus on what’s right in front of you. And in this case, that meant confronting the cooler full of syringes that arrived on our doorstep. As someone who turns into a 5-year old girl at the sight of needles, the daily injections and blood drawings never got easier. And then there were all the unnatural changes to my body from the hormones. The feeling of having no control over the outcome. This week, while waiting alone in pre-op before egg retrieval surgery, I was fighting nausea from the IV and felt tears start to roll down my face uncontrollably. A nurse came in and asked why I was crying, and I just couldn’t explain and didn’t want to have to explain. It was both nothing in particular and everything all at once.

cramps and bloating after ivf egg retrieval surgery
Not a pregnancy photo! Pre and post-egg retrieval, both ovaries (typically the size of a grape) swell closer to the size of grapefruits

Now, I’m writing this recovering on the couch, wrapped in a heating pad, awaiting news on how many embryos made it and will continue on to the next step. Infertility and IVF gets mentioned so much these days – whether it’s on TV or through a friend – it almost seems commonplace. But that shouldn’t take away from how tremendously brave and strong each woman is throughout her unique journey. It’s something we shouldn’t be afraid of talking about. Because it’s something that no one should have to take on alone.

So whether you have kids or don’t want kids; whether this topic is far off in your future or you’re in the middle of it right now – thank you for lending an ear and letting me open up.

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671 Comments

  1. Tammy wrote:

    Thank you for so bravely sharing your struggle. As a Chinese American from a traditional family, I know how difficult it is to make public such a personal issue and I applaud your courage. Much love & best wishes. XO

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  2. Michelle wrote:

    Hi Jean! I don’t usually like reading blogs, but yours do make my head turn every now and then 🙂 first off wanted to say you are such a brave women for sharing this! I also have be patiently waiting for a baby to happen to me and my soon to be hubby for five years…. just like u i went to the fertility facility to check and everything was confirmed fine but the baby just didn’t happen… we tried for another two years still nothing… so right when we were lost and out of hope we decided to finally go in for the IVF process, but miracle does exist! We were on a trip to Asia and were going to go in for IVF when we come bk , then i noticed my period has been missing for 2 almost 3 months and so we decided to maybe do a prego test, and now I’m 9wreks pregnant! So i wanted to tell you don’t give up! I’m sure your great personality deserve to be the mom you want to b soon!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  3. laura wrote:

    Thank you, Jean for sharing your story. I have been going through my own very personal journey with the idea of pregnancy and really appreciate you being so open with your experience.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  4. Esther wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. However painful to pen, I hope you gather strength from all of us faceless admirers. I hope you get the news you want to hear – good luck in your journey. We are here to listen and sympathize.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  5. Sarah wrote:

    I lived this. I tried for 3 years, the last of which was a depressing blur of anger, sadness, and hopelessness. I didn’t open up to anyone about it except my husband until after I had an early miscarriage in 2015. I was fortunate enough to have success last year with my second round of IUI. It was a long road and I still have a hard time believing that I am here holding a baby. Thank you for sharing your story – reading something like this would have meant the world to me when I was struggling. I’m sure many other women appreciate this too.

    And I hate to be one of those people, but acupuncture did so much for my stress levels. I did it for 2 months along with the IUI and it really helped me in so many ways. Angela Bell in Cambridge is the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  6. Eneri wrote:

    We are in the same boat, sorta. We are trying to get pregnant and we’ve decided to do it naturally and if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. Who has that kinda of money for IVF? I teach kindergarten and teachers surely don’t make enough for IVF treatments. I love kids and would love to have my own kids but because of some health conditions, I just can’t imagine putting my body through it all. Oh, and all the pregnancy announcements, baby showers and birthdays…it really is a sad,sad reminder that I am childless and will probably never had a child of my own . I no longer teach and is in search of a new career. Thank you for sharing so I don’t feel so alone. I wish both of us luck in whatever the future holds! Sending positive vibes!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  7. Jen wrote:

    Its so brave of you to share your story. In this curated world we live in where everything looks so pretty all the time, unfortunately there aren’t always pretty things going on behind the scenes. Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest. If anything, you sharing this made someone feel better about going through the same thing. I hope you have a succcessful round and phew what a relief about insurance. Just know that when you do become a mom you will look back on all this and think to yourself, it was so worth it. You’re also in some of the best hands in this city.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  8. Lily wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve been reading your blog for the past 2-3 years and I love that you’re open about your life in a very real way. I can’t imagine what this must be like for you. As someone who has irregular periods and issues with my hormone levels, infertility is one of my worst fears. I can certainly relate to the cultural aspect as I’m Vietnamese but it’s such an important topic that we need to talk more about, in order to build a community of women to support each other.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  9. Lisa wrote:

    Thank you for opening up about your struggles and sharing this personal story, Jean. I’m one of the childless-by-choice women, have always known since I was a teenager that I didn’t want kids, which comes with its own societal struggles; but it’s nothing like the visceral, physical pain that you and so many other women go through in order to have the kids that they want just as much. Wishing you the very best on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  10. Agnes Tan wrote:

    Hi Jean, thanks for sharing your stories, have been following your blog for few years now and this latest sharing nearly brought me tears. I totally understand how you feel, I myself one of the many women who experienced the IVF, needless to say that happened after trying, trying and trying. Had my eggs retrieved back in April this year and the hub and I thought, yeah finally and we would get our first good news in 10 days [my doc was very positive too] …….but the test came out negative a big fat negative later. I cried for hours that day, and was reminded the injections, visits to the clinic three times a week, bloating and etc. I was much better the next day and I thank God for HIS peace and comfort, and I know in HIS time HE will give me the desires of my heart. Take care Jean and I wish you the best. Hugs from Malaysia!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  11. Helen Ly wrote:

    Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  12. Rebecca wrote:

    Aw gosh Jean. Keep smiling. You got this. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  13. JR wrote:

    Hugs to you, I think ivf is my only choice too- my insurance doesn’t cover it but i feel like we can’t put a price on being a mother. Prayers for you that a healthy baby is on its way to you!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  14. Hope Wang wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    I am a long time reader of your blog; I so admire your bravery at sharing something so personal. I also went through infertility and the whole IVF process. In fact, reading your blog and seeing your photos brought back so many memories that I cried. Infertility is such a soul-crushing type of disappointment that only someone that went through it can truly understand its impact to an individual. I felt so powerless about my life and myself that I wanted to give up on my life.

    Fortunately for me, after many round of treatment, IVF with ICSI eventually worked and I was able to conceive a child. Today my daughter is almost 2 and I love her SO MUCH. So please know that there is an end to all of this and it is absolutely worth everything you are going through right now. And please know that infertility will eventually become a part of your past, not your entire identity. It will get better!

    Thank you so much for bring awareness to such an important yet overlooked topic! Please let me know if you ever need someone to talk about any of the infertility process (the frustration, the cost, the injections, the disappointments), I would be more than happy to listen!

    Love,
    – Hope

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  15. Julie Tran wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Like many of the comments above, I’ve been following you for years but this is the first time I’m leaving a comment. I’ve been going through the same thing too so reading this, and typing this,
    brings me to tears. My husband and I have been trying for four years and about 2 yrs ago decided to go the IVF route. We’ve done 3 IVF procedures and had two miscarriages. Our dr couldn’t find anything “wrong”with us either so suggested that we look into surrogatcy. However, we decided to get a second opionion at cornel. The dr. at Cornell had us do a hysteroscopy with biopsy (different from HSG ) and saw that there was chronic infection, which could have contributed to us not having success. I’m on antibiotics now and once infection clears, we will be starting out 4th IVF cycle.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate to every single word (you described it perfectly) and I know how emotionally draining and infuriating this process is. I sincerely wish you and Nick all the best and hope you will get encouraging news soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  16. T wrote:

    Jean,
    I have been following your blog for the past couple years. You’re one of my favorite bloggers although I have never left a comment before. As I’m sitting on my couch reading your blog, there’s no words to describe as I know exactly what you’re going through. Tonight is my last day of taking BC and tomorrow will be the first day of my 2 weeks IVF injections. Every word, every sentiment you described in your post resonate so well that it gives me chills.
    By the way, thank you for posting that picture. That was one of my main worries of how the body will react to the ovaries stimulation. I wish you the best on your journey, and know that you have one more reader also going through the exact process as you. I would love to stay in touch with you through this process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  17. S wrote:

    I’ve been following your blog quietly since a while now but this post really touched my heart. Two of my closest family members are in the exact same boat as you and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be. Thank you for opening up and letting us know about your struggle as hard as it must have been. Will pray you get your positive soon and that you have a healthy happy baby. Till then, keep smiling and rock those awesome outfits! xx

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  18. I know firsthand the infertility struggle as it’s something we went through ourselves. Relatives would ask when we would start our family – not knowing that behind-the-scenes we’d been trying for years. And I *so* commiserate with the “relax and it will happen” frustration – this advice may be well-meaning but it just adds in one more layer to the self-blame cycle …i.e. “now it’s my fault because I’m not relaxed enough.” In the end, the combo of acupuncture, IUI and injectables worked for me – as well as the support of the fertility message boards I’d visit daily. You’re so strong to share this now – it was something I kept hidden at the time – but the more support and knowledge we all share, the better. Sending you hugs <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  19. Cynthia wrote:

    I’ve been following your blog for several years and never commented before, but wanted to thank you for this post. Sometimes blogs present such a perfect, polished life that it’s easy to forget a real person is the author. I really hope that things will work out for you and Nick. If not pregnancy, at least peace of mind. *hugs*

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  20. IVF baby wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story, you are helping so many women who are going through the exact same thing. I am currently 37 weeks with an IVF babe. We tried for 16 months, we had EVERY test (all came back great), clomid, femera, 4 iui’s and nothing. I was diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” which was the biggest frustration! We are 31 and 34 (hub) and healthy. We just wanted to know what could be fixed to fix it! My doctor disagreed, though. She said this was her favorite diagnosis-she didn’t want to waste more time to figure out what was wrong, she wanted to get me pregnant with IVF and she did. Unexplained infertility has very good results with IVF and often times IVF can uncover what the issue was for instance if it is a fertilization issue, implantation etc. which can all be fixed. It was very scary going into it knowing we tried EVERYTHING else and I was just certain it wasn’t going to work, but it did!! I pray for women longing to become mothers every night. It is (in my opinion) the worst thing a woman can go through, but the infertility community is wonderful. I wasn’t comfortable sharing with most of my friends after I received some naive comments. Some people just don’t get it and that’s okay. We shared with a handful of people who were supportative and we asked that they not ask about our progress that we would share what we were comfortable with. I hope you have good fertilization results and that the transfer goes smoothly!! I was doing acupuncture which helped my mindset tremendously. Give yourself a selfish pass to do whatever you and your husband want to relax and stay positive. ill be praying for you!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  21. Dee wrote:

    Let me start by saying that there aren’t words eloquent enough to provide the comfort and peace to those who struggle with infertility. The loneliness, the disappointment, the pain, the frustration, the embarrassment even… all these raw emotions are so hard for people to sympathize and emphathize when it’s not experienced first hand.
    I’ve been following you for years, Jean. I adore you and think you are absolutely inspiring! I appreciate you opening up, especially a topic so close to my heart as my husband and I have also struggled with loss and infertility. I wish you the best of luck on this journey! Just remember, you are not alone. <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  22. Kapik wrote:

    Thank you for being the awesome and honest with your posts! Jean stay strong, you can do this!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  23. Kristy Vo wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    I wish you and Nick all the best!! Thank you for sharing your personal journey.
    Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  24. miriam wrote:

    I’m sure you can see from your comments that this is a common issue for a lot of women. I hope you will find comfort and encouragement knowing that you’re not alone =)
    we had a miscarriage earlier this year and have been trying again since. it’s very heartbreaking, frustrating and somewhat unfair. thanks for sharing your heart, i totally understand it’s hard and somewhat “taboo” to talk about, esp if you’re asian but i’m excited to follow along on your journey– the ups and the downs and hoping for joys and miracles! <3

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  25. June wrote:

    Jean – I have been in your shoes and know how you feel. It took me 12 months of hoping it would happen and then 6 months of fertility treatments with the accompanying emotional roller coaster rides. My doctor went with IUI (basically forcing ovulation and then using a turkey baster) for those 6 months and we were going to turn to IVF after that. I was working on Wall Street, was constantly stressed, and also worried about how much this was costing us. But like you, I always knew I wanted to be a mom so I was going to do whatever was needed. I ended up missing one of my best friends’ wedding because it fell on “the day”. Well it finally worked and i became pregnant with twins. My third arrived when the twins were 22 months old. It was almost as though my body just decided it was ready after the first two! Ten years later, I ended up with two more step kids, who l love like my own. i was never shy about talking about my fertility issues. There is no shame in wanting children and there is grace in helping others by sharing your experiences so others realize they are not alone. Don’t give up. Keep the faith.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  26. Ai wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you for sharing this with us. It is hard to open up to the public since all of our pictures on social medias theses days are showcase of the best of us. I hope after sharing this posts you will find positive energies and emotional support from your followers who went through the same thing as you.
    All of us are awaiting to hear your updates and hope you and Nick’s hard work will pay off soon. Take care, Jean!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  27. Annemarie wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been a long time follower of your blog. I can relate and sympathize with your beautifully written words. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  28. Archana wrote:

    Jean,
    Thanks for sharing this! I have been through this phase of fertility treatments over the last few years and understand how frustrating and depressing it can be. I wish you all the best and will hope and pray that you and Nick will be parents soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  29. Jacqueline wrote:

    Thank you Jean for finding the strength to share your story! I’m sure there are people that really needed this post. That was really thoughtful of you to open up. Sending you love and prayer!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  30. Tiffany wrote:

    Jean, I have been reading your blog about six years now. I learned how to dress smarter and better because of your influence. When I dress for work now, I always keep your tips in mind. You taught me how to dress for success, and I’m incredibly thankful that I found your blog when I was lost, just fresh out of college, and trying to find my way in the world in terms of career prospects, during a time when I naively thought I will never amount to anything because I didn’t have pretty clothes to wear or didn’t know how to style myself in order to look more professional so someone can hire me. That day many years ago, I stumbled across your blog from a Soompi post a person recommended that you’ve put together about how to look older, in which you wore a purple sweater and jean and transformed the look with a green blouse. When I first started reading your blog, I was a lost person who didn’t see a future in myself of ever becoming a success, but since I’ve found you, I’ve learned great tips about clothes and fashion that has helped me become a more confident person. Even till this day, I’m thankful I found you to learn from.

    Jean, reading this post, I didn’t know what to feel but deep sadness for you and Nick. I wish you and Nick the best in your journey of becoming parents. You’re guys are going to be great parents. Sometimes the problems that we’re facing is just a trail that we have to go through. I always believe that evetually things will fall into pieces although it might take a little time. I wish you both the best.

    Xoxo,
    Tiffany

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  31. Amy wrote:

    I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this post. It helps to read this. I can completely identify. It is so emotional and painful to go through the cycle of hope and disappointment every month. It is terrifying to look at the expense of IVF and it is so nerve wracking to think that it may not work. I hope everything goes perfectly for you and Nick. Thank you for your honesty and courage. You are not alone and you’ve helped me feel that I am not alone either.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  32. Anonymous wrote:

    Sending you so much love and good wishes, Jean. You are a truly phenomenal, brave, powerful, and fierce woman.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  33. Alexis S wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you so much for being so brace and opening up about your journey. I’m wishing you and Nick the best in the coming months. Sending you lots of love.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  34. Naomi wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve been having a different but also very challenging journey to parenthood and really appreciate hearing stories like this. It is hard when all we hear are pregnancy announcements so it is really important to share these stories as well.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  35. Mizeats wrote:

    Dear Jean, thank you for being so brave and sharing your IVF journey. I wish I was in the same city as you so I could give you a big hug. Please know that you are not alone and brighter days will soon come. Sending you lots of love and hugs your way! I’m here for you if you ever need anything. 😘

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  36. Stephanie H wrote:

    Jean-Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I will be praying for you and Nick for good news.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  37. Caroline Kim wrote:

    Thank you sharing with us, Jean. I’m sure it’s not easy to share about your personal journey. I wish you the best with your IVF experience and hope you can enjoy a healthy and joyful pregnancy soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  38. Alicia Yang wrote:

    Jean, I want you to know that I have heard alot of successful IVF stories and you have to focus on the positives that it will happen eventually. I understand what you are going through as it took me a year to get pregnant and I eventually did using clomid. I know it will happen for you and Nick but it may take some time.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  39. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi Jean, Thank you for sharing. I’ve gone through it. Two years of fertility treatment before moving on to IVF. We’ve been blessed with a little girl. My thoughts are with you, I hope you only have to go through one round of IVF. You’re article is exactly how I felt during fertility. The days of loneliness, sadness, depression, happy for friends and family but bitter because it isn’t happening for you. I only shared with my inner circle, many people don’t know what I’ve been through. Good for you for sharing! There needs to be more women like you! Once again, good luck.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  40. Liz wrote:

    Thank you for being willing to open up and share the imperfect, messy, scary, and human parts of life. Sending thoughts and love your way for this challenging journey.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  41. Meisha wrote:

    Sending lots of love and prayers your way! I am in the process of IUI and your message was so touching. Thank you for sharing your journey!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  42. Alexandra wrote:

    Sorry to hear that. We also had problems conceiving and my second baby was IVF. You couldn’t describe the whole process better. For us was also very expensive and not covered by insurance. I know you have heard it all, but one great advantage you have is age. I am glad you didn’t wait longer, and have to deal with this problem later and not even be able to retrieve good quality eggs. Sending you only the best wishes!! And hugs. And I hated all the injections too. I held the needle close to my tummy for about an hour before being brave enough to inject myself for the first time, and ended up being easier and less painful than I imagined.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  43. N wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. It’s very brave of you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  44. Joreley wrote:

    Thanks for sharing! You are so brave. You are not alone, I tried for over a year to get pregnant and I know how fustrating that can be. I remember waiting every month and feeling so upset when I got my period, until one day I started crying and praying outloud at home by myself. I asked God for a miracle and that same month I didn’t get my period and my pregnancy test was positive!!!! God is amazing and I know he will do that same miracle to you too! Just keep praying and don’t give up! Just visualize that baby in your arms. God bless you!!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  45. Kerry wrote:

    Jean…I am so proud of you and Nick for being so courageous and open to share such a personal topic. I am also Asian and understand there are many things we don’t speak about outside of the family, but I don’t think this should be the case. Too often many of us are afraid to share our personal struggles for the sake of protecting “face” or scared of what others may say about us. It is important to realize there are others out there who may be experiencing the same issues and feel like they have no outlet to turn to. Thank you for opening up and I really hope other women out there who are going through the same thing realize there is hope and not to give up. I wish you and Nick the best of luck!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  46. @arienics wrote:

    I’ve been following you almost 4 years now and I’m inspired by you and reading this makes my heart cry.
    There’s so much bravery in struggle a battle in silence or public… maybe its destiny or not, but you have made a Community and you are not alone, at least I am here and from my Home I’m sending you and Nick love and energy. 💛❤️

    Thank you for sharing, you are a strong woman💐

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  47. Rainbow wrote:

    As someone who has experienced infertility, your honesty and raw emotions resonated with me. I thought twice before even replying to your post. My own insecurities and memories flooded back. I remember sitting in the car bawling after a friend‘s pregnancy announcement and feeling guilty about being envious of them.

    It‘s funny that you mention the asian mentality. After my miscarriages, I was always asked if I had lifted anything heavy, ate too many mangoes/watermelon, or drank cold drinks. Each comment would make me rethink if that was the key to why we weren‘t able to maintain the pregnancies.

    Each woman has their own pregnancy journey, some are on blessed and easy paths while others are on a road less traveled. However, once I began to open up and let people in on my journey I began to realize I wasn‘t alone. This isn‘t something that just affected me, so why must I bear the loneliness all on my own? Thank you for opening up and allowing others to do so as well. Keep fighting for what you want and know that this process will make you and your husband stronger together.

    xoxo

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  48. Tatiana wrote:

    Wow. Thank you from someone going through a similar situation.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  49. Cheryl wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I have been through multiple rounds of IVF myself and totally understand how you are feeling. I felt alone too because all my friends were getting pregnant, especially in the Chinese culture where parents have no filter. I used social media to chat with others, and I knew that I wasn’t alone.

    You are brave to take that step to share your journey. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  50. neurosciency wrote:

    i’m sorry you are having such a difficult time. thanks for your honest post and keep being brave!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply

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