When Trying is Trying

infertility and ivf_extra petite fashion blog
When it comes to the women in my family (or maybe it’s Asian culture), personal issues are supposed to remain just that – personal. It was only very recently that my mom opened up to me, sharing about the pain and loss she went through as a woman and as a mother. Things she had kept internalized for years that I never knew about. Watching her raise me and my two younger brothers, I saw firsthand being a mom isn’t easy. But what I was never really prepared for was the emotional and physical strain of trying to become a mom.

While I have all the admiration in the world for women who fight their battles quietly, I’m opening up about something very personal in this post. It’s different from the curated version of my life you usually see on my social media, but I think it’s important that we can talk about this kind of struggle without fear of stigma.

The Frustration Cycle

We all have friends who don’t want kids or who are indifferent (“If it happens, it happens”). I respect that, but I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. Once Nick and I decided to start a family, we naively thought it would happen right away. When it didn’t after several months, I started tracking my ovulation like a hawk (I think Ovia overtook Instagram as my most-used app!) And after that, we probably tried every wives’ tale in the book – Mucinex, “special” lube, headstands. Lots and lots of headstands. You try to keep the negative thoughts from creeping into your head, but it’s hard. There’s always this whisper … maybe there’s something wrong with me.

As time went on, the pregnancy announcements that seemingly surrounded us eventually became babies and then first birthday parties. And while we were genuinely happy for our friends’ milestones, at the same time it was like a depressing re-run that I had to watch on repeat. Every cycle the same. High hopes, scheduling, timing, followed by waiting, and then frustration. And shame. And anger. And always, sadness.

Getting Tested

Earlier this year, we finally decided to see a fertility specialist and get tested. It was a few days of getting poked, prodded, and dyed, and plenty of surprise “oh, insurance doesn’t cover that part” bills. When it was over, I was almost wishing for something definitively wrong so we could just “fix” it. But our doctor told us everything looked fine, and started us down a 6-month plan of fertility treatments. Meanwhile, everyone would offer their own advice. Do acupuncture. Don’t stress. Work less. And of course that one line of advice that undoes itself as soon as it’s uttered…“Just don’t think about it.” During this time, the once innocuous question of “so when are you guys having kids?” by well-intending friends and pesky aunts became one more pill to swallow and politely smile through.

After months of the less-invasive treatments without success, the next step would be In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). A more invasive, more expensive, and even more emotionally draining procedure.

For those who aren’t familiar, the IVF process starts with a few weeks of daily self-injections into the abdomen to essentially trick your ovaries into becoming an egg factory. Your doctors monitor egg progress at the crack of dawn almost daily by drawing blood and doing vaginal ultrasounds (let’s just say, it’s not an EXTERNAL ultrasound), and then determine your injection dosages for that night. Next, surgery is performed to retrieve as many eggs as possible, which are then fertilized externally with sperm before being transferred back into the ovaries as an embryo.

However, since our tests indicated nothing was wrong, we were told our insurance would not cover IVF. And without insurance, it can become quite expensive because each cycle brings only a chance of success, and each attempt could cost upwards of $15-20k. Needless to say, at this point I’m not doing so well following the “not stressing” or “not thinking about it” advice!

ivf injections and medications
When it came to giving stomach injections, “nurse” Nick had to employ some creative distraction tactics
An Insurance Mix-up

This August when I got my period again, I just felt empty and defeated. We made the hard decision to pay for round 1 of IVF out of pocket, and to figure out the rest as it unfolded. As a last ditch effort, I had our doctor submit the case anyway even though we were told insurance wouldn’t cover it … and we were dumbfounded by the response. Our insurance said that our test results (from over half a year ago) showed sufficient abnormalities to approve IVF coverage. Had we submitted it sooner, it would’ve been approved immediately at the time. I’ve never felt so frustrated and relieved simultaneously.

ivf egg retrieval surgery extra petite
Nervously awaiting egg retrieval surgery, where as many eggs as possible are removed from the ovaries
Where We’re At

Last month we officially started IVF. Probably the most emotionally loaded three letters I’ve ever typed. The fertility journey is a roller coaster, and one of the hardest parts is you never know how far along the ride you are. The ultimate unknown and worst part, is that you could go through it without success. That you do all of it for just a chance to be a mother, and you might have to do it again and again.

Throughout it all, I’ve felt ashamed and frustrated that my body couldn’t do something that a woman should be able to do. Lonely because there was no one to talk to who I felt would understand. Jealous every time there was a new pregnancy announcement, especially from those who weren’t even trying. Guilt, for even feeling that way. Left behind as I watched seemingly every friend and peer graduate onto the next chapter, wondering when it’d be our turn. And silly, knowing how many women go through years of infertility, miscarriages, and so much worse compared to me.

But sometimes, you just have to focus on what’s right in front of you. And in this case, that meant confronting the cooler full of syringes that arrived on our doorstep. As someone who turns into a 5-year old girl at the sight of needles, the daily injections and blood drawings never got easier. And then there were all the unnatural changes to my body from the hormones. The feeling of having no control over the outcome. This week, while waiting alone in pre-op before egg retrieval surgery, I was fighting nausea from the IV and felt tears start to roll down my face uncontrollably. A nurse came in and asked why I was crying, and I just couldn’t explain and didn’t want to have to explain. It was both nothing in particular and everything all at once.

cramps and bloating after ivf egg retrieval surgery
Not a pregnancy photo! Pre and post-egg retrieval, both ovaries (typically the size of a grape) swell closer to the size of grapefruits

Now, I’m writing this recovering on the couch, wrapped in a heating pad, awaiting news on how many embryos made it and will continue on to the next step. Infertility and IVF gets mentioned so much these days – whether it’s on TV or through a friend – it almost seems commonplace. But that shouldn’t take away from how tremendously brave and strong each woman is throughout her unique journey. It’s something we shouldn’t be afraid of talking about. Because it’s something that no one should have to take on alone.

So whether you have kids or don’t want kids; whether this topic is far off in your future or you’re in the middle of it right now – thank you for lending an ear and letting me open up.

Leave a Comment

665 Comments

  1. Lauren wrote:

    You are really lucky to even have insurance that covers IVF with a diagnosis. I am not sure what state you live in, but in California IVF is not required to be covered even if you have a diagnosis. That was the case for myself and my husband. This is just to say… we should all advocate to have insurance standards for infertility federally mandated. Anyhow, you are really lucky to have coverage.

    Posted 2.12.20 Reply
  2. Laura wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I too am Asian and am currently struggling with feeling the need to “keep this to myself.” It is lonely and scary and whenever someone tells me “don’t be so hard on yourself” I want to scream and throw a tantrum. I know my husband and I are still young and I worry about the road ahead of us. We only just started our TTC journey but it’s been so hard to stay off the message boards and then diagnose myself with some issue.

    I am so full of shame for feeling like my body isn’t doing what it was created to do.

    Thank you for opening up this space. People need to share more about the struggles they’re having.

    Posted 4.23.18 Reply
  3. ANGELA wrote:

    Thanks so much for being honest and sharing. It helps for women to talk about these things rather than avoid the stigma and pretend everything is ok. I’ve just had 2 miscarriages. And just by talking about it I’ve discovered 2 other friends who have gone through this as well. Good luck, and I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly.

    Posted 4.20.18 Reply
  4. Jean, will be praying for you and Nick . 🙏🏻 God is is control and just find rest in knowing that in his perfect timing God will bless you both with a child. I struggled for years with infertility and now have a beautiful little girl. Thank you for sharing your heart, it made me watery eyed and reminded me of how far we’ve come only by the Grace of God.

    Posted 1.21.18 Reply
  5. Anonymous wrote:

    Google searched “Cole Haan Hayes ankle booties” and came across your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a very dear friend who went through a very similar pregnancy journey as you. All the wives in group have become mothers of at least two or more children. It’s been many years (the first born babies in our group are in now elementary school) and finally our dear friend decided to begin fertility treatment. To my friend’s surprise, they got pregnant naturally after starting injections. Miracles happen in different ways. As hard as it may be, be positive because it is good for your mind, body and reproductive system. Imagine yourself being pregnant. How do you think it would feel? The flutter early in your pregnancy? To the flips and full on kicks? Soon you will find out how it truly feels…and your life will be forever changed. God bless you and may he send you your very own blessing soon.

    Posted 1.15.18 Reply
  6. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you

    Posted 1.1.18 Reply
  7. Melanie Yu wrote:

    Jean — thank you for sharing such a personal story and being so candid for so many women out there going through the same thing you’re going through. You are definitely not alone in this and I pray for strength, hope and guidance through it all. My sister actually went through IVF and now has beautiful twin girls and she couldn’t be more ecstatic. A lot of hard work went to this of course but definitely losing hope wasn’t one of them. Although we haven’t kept up with each other in so long, I still from time to time follow your journey. We all go through struggles that are hard to voice it out loud especially in Asian families. But I agree the more we talk about it, the less women will become ashamed of what’s part of our make up. You aren’t less of a woman nor Nick less of a man for going through this. The worst thing is not trying and only God will hand you things that He knows you can both can handle. I wish you and Nick all the best. Much love, Melanie

    Posted 12.9.17 Reply
  8. Borana wrote:

    I am sorry to hear this story of yours. But hey don’t discourage and keep going. You are a lovely women and you will definitely have an amazingly healthy baby soon. Check out Alisa Vitti Floliving programme. I am doing it my self to regulate period/ovulation. It is the most natural one and effective. Also check out Christine Northrup – Women”s bodies women’s wisdom ( I think she released a new book as well) They will definitely help. All the best , Borana

    Posted 12.6.17 Reply
  9. Karen wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, I shared your struggles with infertility and it’s is such a hard process emotionally, physically and financially. I’m thankful I have my beautiful son today! Prayer and talking with others will get you through the hard times. Wishing you the best!

    Posted 12.6.17 Reply
  10. Maureen wrote:

    Hi Jean, I hope you are having a great morning so far. I wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I am sure that was hard especially sharing something that is truly personal to you. I have heard of IVF and have friends that are in process, some in similar stages as you and others that are far along. My friend who has been trying for a few years now is pregnant and expecting her first child. I am sharing this with you in the hopes that it helps put your mind at ease (even though I know it’ll still be running at 100 mph) that it can work and it will work. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time and I have faith that everything will work out. Stay strong and looking forward to good news.

    http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    Posted 12.6.17 Reply
  11. Shanne wrote:

    i just stumbled upon this post and i’m not sure how are you doing right now. but reading this reminds me of an Indonesian blogger who is also an IVF survivor. she mostly writes in Bahasa but you can read this one in English:
    http://www.alodita.com/2014/12/my-ivf-success-story.html?m=1

    i’m praying for the best for you and Nick! 💕

    Posted 12.5.17 Reply
  12. michelle joung wrote:

    Jean, I have been following your blog for more than 3 years. but this is first time to leave a comments because English is not my mother language.
    I might be your mother age. You remind me my daughter. when I read your wedding , I blessed you like I did to my daughter. when I read your post today, it makes me cry. thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey and I really hope you will be a wonderful mom soon. There are so many things to say but I don’t know what to say.Praying for you.Send you tons of love!!!

    Posted 12.4.17 Reply
  13. WithloveinSeptember wrote:

    Wishing you good news soon! Thank you for sharing your story. You are incredibly brave and you’ll be such a wonderful mother ❤️

    Posted 12.2.17 Reply
  14. Trinh wrote:

    Thank you for your raw and honest blog about infertility and IVF. It helps women like be who haven’t had issues w infertility understand what my family and friends who have had to deal with this are going through. It’s helps me be more understanding and mindful of what I might say or might not say to them that can be helpful. Please continue to share your journey. I will keep you and Nick in my prayers.

    Posted 11.29.17 Reply
  15. Lee Erlich wrote:

    U R Amazing women!!!

    Posted 11.28.17 Reply
  16. Em wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing this. I have always admired your style and journey as a blogger. I am now admiring you for taking on this journey and sharing it. I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending good wishes your way.

    Posted 11.27.17 Reply
  17. Em wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing this. I have always admired your style and journey as a blogger. I am not admiring you for taking on this journey and sharing it. I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending good wishes your way.

    Posted 11.27.17 Reply
  18. Lolo wrote:

    Thank you for sharing Jean. I am praying for you.

    I will share my story in the hope it might help other women.

    Between the age of 37 and 40, I got pregnant and miscarried 5 times. 4 times naturally and 1 time doing IVF (3 cycles, 2 with my own eggs and 1 with a donor 15 years younger). Then it became too much, emotionally and financially so we decided to stop. At 43, we decided to try one last time and my husband went to see a urologist to have varicocele surgery to correct a low sperm count. Within 3 months of trying, we got pregnant naturally and had a beautiful baby after I turned 44. Male infertility is often discounted and fertility clinics will not suggest you see a urologist to fix the problem when they can pump for cash for multiple cycles. I hope you all succeed in your journey. Stay positive and strong.

    Posted 11.25.17 Reply
  19. Tiff M wrote:

    Just stumbled upon your IG page which lead me to your blog. I can totally relate to your journey as it is also mine. I was happy to see that you live in Boston as MA is a wonderful state that covers IVF (I used to live there). I just finished finished my first round of meds (I ABSOLUTELY HATE needles!) & the body changes are indeed significant (no one talks about the belching & flatulence 🤣)!! I pray you get LOTS of eggs/blastocysts & I pray my little blastocyst survives the thawing process for implantation. We are going to do a second round to get a few more (I’m older & I want to harvest as many as I can). If you need/want to vent to a stranger, I’ll lend an ear. It’s a hard journey (with many bumps & tears) but a worthy one. Blessings!!

    Posted 11.24.17 Reply
  20. Diana wrote:

    Dear Jean, since the day I read your post I’ve been thinking about it. I’m not in the same situation but I’ve been waiting for a year to start to try to have a baby because Endometriosis. I’am afraid what is going to happen and when I read you post I realized I’am no alone, we are plenty of women around the world fighting to become a mom. The only thing I can tell you is to believe it is going to happen, believe there is a beautiful baby waiting for you and Nick. I hope soon you write good news. God bless your beatiful family.

    Posted 11.24.17 Reply
  21. zhiyan wrote:

    Jean, your little angel has been looking for you. He or she just needs a little more time as they don’t walk fast enough from the beginning. You will be there! Thank you for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes. Hug Hug. It’s difficult… On another note, this is good preparation for parenting! Because parenting, despite exhausting, is worth looking forward to. Wish you and Nick all the best.

    Posted 11.24.17 Reply
  22. Jean Wang wrote:

    Dear Jean!

    Hello from Jean Wang in New Zealand! I’m a Mum to 2 beautiful boys and I want you to know how much I feel for you and that you ARE incredibly brave and strong, even when you don’t feel like it. Your time to be a Mother will come because absolutely everything happens for a reason. I wish you all the best through your IVF journey, its only one chapter to the rest because the best is yet to come!

    Ps: I love your blog and everything on it. Please let me know if you ever come down to our part of the world!

    Posted 11.22.17 Reply
  23. anazncat wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    As a petite asian women myself (I’m exactly the same clothing size as you), I totally understand the stigma and expectations of being a “quiet” women especially regarding “personal” issues. I’ve been following you for quite sometime – I want to thank you for opening up about this part of your life. You are brave and strong. I will keep you and Nick in my thoughts as you both go down this journey together.

    Posted 11.21.17 Reply
  24. Dru wrote:

    Hey Jean, been seeing your post on FB within my friend circle regarding this topic. You have been an inspiration to many.

    Keep hope alive.

    Well wishes.

    Posted 11.21.17 Reply
  25. Michelle wrote:

    I’ve been following for years, and this is my first reply. I cried reading this. I am 32 and you have elegantly conveyed everything that I am feeling, but didn’t know how to say. My heart goes out to you.

    Posted 11.20.17 Reply
  26. Jane wrote:

    Lots of hugs!!! Jean you are an incredibly brave and gracious woman. I cried reading through the post. Even though I did not go through you are going through, I hope I feel the frustration, pain and loneliness you are feeling. It can be liberating to share your struggles with others and you will find that are not alone. I know for sure good things will come out of this journey and you will come out better and stronger! I will pray for you!

    Posted 11.18.17 Reply
  27. Joyce wrote:

    My husband and I went through IVF too and we could identify with you (and Nick’s) heartaches all the way through. What kept us going at that time was counting every little blessings that we do have, even if at times you just have to pretend to feel grateful. I have great faith in IVF and its success rates so even if you do ended having to do a few cycles, keep faith and stay strong. I pray that one day you’ll be able to gaze at your little ones and all the pain of IVF will be seen as just little hiccups along the way of motherhood.

    Posted 11.18.17 Reply
  28. Karen wrote:

    Good luck with the IVF process! I truly hope it goes well for you

    Posted 11.16.17 Reply
  29. Natasha wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve just been Googling male infertility for the past hour as we have found out after two years of trying that we will need to have IVF. I came on here because I have followed your fashion advice from the UK for years – it’s a comfort to hear someone else open up about their journey. Thank you for being so brave and I’m truly sorry you have to go through this. It can be the most maddening, isolating thing!

    Posted 11.15.17 Reply
  30. yushi wrote:

    I’m so sorry for you both. It’s really painful. My husband ans I had experience the same stressful experience. At my 6th try of IVF and it was negative….I thought I will never be a mom. At that moment, I can’t talk to anyone. Actually, I don’t think any of my friends would understand me. It was so easy for them. Most of my friend already had a second child a that moment. I felt that I need professional support and go for psychology consultation. Actually, I was just crying the whole session. And finally when I thought there was no more hope for us, I get pregnant on my 7th IVF. We have wonderful little boy now. It’s really not easy but keep fait. Love!

    Posted 11.15.17 Reply
  31. Ping wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    I been following your blog for some years now and never leave a comment, I just wasn’t the type of person that like to leave comment. But this time I really want to send my best wishes to you.

    I had been through some tough time as well, for miscarriages. I had two in sequences so I decided to went to private clinic and done a lot of tests, took medication to prevent further miscarriages, lots of stress, but all worthy in the end, my cute little son is 2 years and a half now.

    You are very brave to share this, it’s very hard to go through this and anxious while waiting for results, but stay positive and I am sure your little cuties will arrive soon! Lots of love xxx

    Posted 11.15.17 Reply
  32. Peggy wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    Thank you for being courageous to share your story on your blog. I have followed your blog for several years and it’s my favorite- always so polished, well-written, and professional. I struggled to get pregnant for about two years with my son and am now in the same situation again trying for a second, totaling two miscarriages to date. I empathize with everything you expressed in this blog. I have many friends who conceived beautiful, healthy children through IVF and I’m sure you will be one of them, too! Hang it there.

    Thinking of you.

    Posted 11.14.17 Reply
  33. Alyssa wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey with the world… I will be lifting you and your husband up in prayer to a mighty God that loves you both so much and sees the desire of your hearts. Many blessings of love and unity and hope to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.14.17 Reply
  34. Susanne wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this, and for your honesty! I’m amazed at your strength in going through ivf and sharing during uncertain times! Good luck to you! I’m willing you my strength to stay strong! I’m rooting for you.

    Posted 11.14.17 Reply
  35. Molly wrote:

    You are so brave, Jean! I am praying for a healthy baby for you!

    Posted 11.13.17 Reply
  36. Rachel wrote:

    I’m starting IVF injections this week and I have every emotion under the sun right now. You described the feelings associated with infertility perfectly! I appreciate your braveness to share this. I wish I could so that I could be a help to other women going through this. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and so glad I have your journey to follow to help prepare me for the road ahead.

    Posted 11.13.17 Reply
  37. Silvia wrote:

    I am a follower from Spain, I love your looks, hopefully in Spain there would be bloggers with your style. I hope you never leave this because you are very good at it and you help me a lot to prepare my outings.
    regards

    Posted 11.13.17 Reply
  38. Tatjana wrote:

    Wow! I’m so sorry, but don’t give up! Please! I get pregnant luckily with IWF when I was 44! Tried several times – finally I got the right IWF Institution, which was in Czechoslowakia! Very much highly recommended – I got pregnant at first try! Go and have a look at reprofit.cz! I know, it is in Europe, but sometimes you have to go different ways. So did I. I just wanted to share this with you. Tatjana, Switzerland

    Posted 11.13.17 Reply
  39. Lily wrote:

    You’re an amazing person and inspiring. Don’t give up hope. Y’all will make amazing parents.

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  40. Diana wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, Jean. I’ve been going through almost the exact same thing. Nothing’s apparently wrong, but no pregnancy. I just had my retrieval a few days before you. It’s rough. And being small, I think, makes it tougher—the nurses always had trouble drawing blood, and then the swollen ovaries… OOF. At least we’re lucky that Massachusetts seems to have great coverage for infertility. Anyway. I hope one round was enough to get you a ton of viable eggs. Best of luck to you. <3

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  41. Donna wrote:

    Sending you love, light and prayers. I know this is unrelated and have no idea if you are interested but I have gone through many different challenges in my life and have found the emotional prison I felt I was in the hardest part of the ordeals. Like I said … I have no idea if you are interested but I have found something that really helps me neutralize the negative emotions. It is free and called PSTEC. You can look it up on the internet. It is a free download. It has some similarities to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) of which I am a practitioner … but in my opinion PSTEC works faster and easier. Take what you like and leave the rest … just thought I would share as I can hear the emotion in yours words and would like to help any way I can.

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  42. Ania wrote:

    Jean, sending lots of love from Poland! Thank you for opening up, I hope everything goes as planned soon!

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  43. P. wrote:

    I came across this post through a link on a forum I visit. Your story is so spot on to many other women’s stories I have read online or have known in person, including myself. After a miscarriage, we have tried for two years for our first child. After many tears, frustrations, pregnancy announcements, and sorrow, we, too, went to a fertility clinic to get diagnosed. It came back unexplained.

    You are right, any medical treatment is not cheap. But I knew I would regret not trying. We skipped the Clomid, the IUIs, and went to IVF. All in all, the process wasn’t as bad as I thought. The recovery after egg retrieval took me a few days, but in the end it was worth it. We froze a few embryos. And by chance, I spontaneously became pregnant while we took a break before our embryo transfer. I have kept my IVF a secret, even from my own mother. There is a certain stigma attached to it still.

    Sending you love and well wishes your way. You are doing all you can to grow your family, and that is what’s important.

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  44. Kyle wrote:

    Everyone thinks that pregnancy is the happiest time in your life. While that is true, for me it was the scariest and saddest too. My daughter has congenital heart disease, and at one day old was put on a life support machine called ECMO and I was told I should be prepared for her not to survive. She came off of it successfully and had her first heart surgery at two weeks old. I didn’t get to hold her after she was born, they took her away as soon as she came out. I got to hold her for the first time when she was three weeks old. She had a second open heart surgery at 6 weeks old. She has lived her entire little life in the PICU. I can’t breastfeed her because her vocal cords have been damaged from intubation, so she has a feeding tube that we have learned to use. We will finally get to bring her home at 10 weeks old. I hope that you get to experience motherhood, just know a lot of times it isn’t perfect and it doesn’t always go the way you expect.

    Posted 11.12.17 Reply
  45. Nicole wrote:

    Thank you for your story. My own Nick and I are on year 5 of trying. After two failed IVFs and the blame resting on my shitty egg quality we are hoping to move to adoption. No easy feat after the $40k+ we just spent out of pocket on IVF. Adoption is typically around $20k which many people don’t seem to realize. The money, the stress, the heartbreak, the well-meaning moronic things your friends say…just wanted you to know you are not alone.

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  46. G S wrote:

    I have been following your blog posts for about couple of years now. I always thought you are so beautiful. But after reading this post I say you are not just beautiful but incredibly brave. It takes lot of courage to open up on such personal topics. What you are going through is not easy. Words are not enough to describe the pain and emotions. But I wish you good luck for a positive result .Will pray for you and Nick. Stay strong.

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  47. Jennifer wrote:

    Hey girl! Amazing story to share of such a personal matter. I know In some way what you are going through as I decide since I am 37 and single still that I would electively freeze my eggs this year. For ten days I was giving myself injections of menopur, follistim, and ganirelix. I went through the retrieval and reukts were not as high as I expected. I was a little disappointed. So now I decide if I want to go through another cycle of treatments and another retrieval. My fertility doctor will do four in one year which I do not plan on doing-a second is my only thought here and unfortunately while the retrieval is something I don’t have to pay for again the meds I do and like you said it is not inexpensive. Just thought I would share my story and I wish you the best of luck!

    Jennifer

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  48. Fernanda wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been following you for over 5 years now I just adore your blog, your style, your writing, your beautiful personality and how down to earth you are. You have inspired me in so many ways and this post wasn’t different! We all love you, Jean! You will be a wonderful mom! Good luck! xoxo Fernanda

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  49. Jay me wrote:

    I stumbled onto your blog accidentally this morning and I’m so greatful to see this article. We’ve been trying to for a few years, but just started seeing a doctor and this is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever been through as my husband refuses to talk about it. Thank you so much for acknowledging all of the emotions that go through it.

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  50. nazareth wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    I’m writting you from France. i love your style, yous lovely couple and the way you do chic and class everything (from a trip to Hawaii to a vegetables soup). But his… Oh my dear,this is your real YOU. Thanl you so much for open to your readers like that, and a I have to say that you are a brave and awesome woman. You are amazing and everything will be alright.

    Kind regards from Lyon (France)

    Posted 11.11.17 Reply
  51. HuskyGal wrote:

    Hi there. I’ve been following you for a few years and have benefited so many times from your fashion Recs. I’m fact, I’m wearing the Gibson fleece sweater right now!
    Thank you for having the courage to share your story. You are a strong, inspiring woman! I do understand what you mean by being Asian and keeping private. I haven’t spoken much about witnessing my father’s death ten years ago I guess because of … privacy. You’ve inspired me to talk about it. Maybe I will start with my husband. Thank you.

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  52. Danielle wrote:

    I’m sure there is nothing I can say that you haven’t heard before and I can’t even imagine how emotionally trying this has been for you, but I just wanted to say that I also come from a family that doesn’t really talk about personal things like this so I understand how awkward it can feel to open up about it. I will be keeping you and Nick in my thoughts, and I hope that soon this stressful and trying time turns to joy for you ❤

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  53. TC wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Thank you for sharing your journey thus far! My husband and I have been trying for 5 years, we have had the same thoughts you’ve been thinking, and seeing this is giving me courage to do the same! We also have “nothing” wrong with us, tubes clear, sperm on point, but 5 years later, nada. I just can’t thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I appreciate you and hope only the best for your family.

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  54. Jenny wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. I’ve been through five IVF cycles and can relate to your story. It’s such a rollercoaster! Know that you are not alone and there are many IVF warriors out there. The Domar Center in Waltham has a Mind-Body group that really helped me. I didn’t think it would be for me as I’m quite private, but having that outlet was invaluable. It’s a 10 week small group session (8 or so women) who are on their infertility journey (some IVF, IUI, secondary, etc). It was so helpful to have a weekly meeting to talk about what was going on, learn how to address comments from inconsiderate people, learn relaxation/stress relief techniques and form lasting relationships with those you can talk openly and honestly about what you’re going through. Our group ended in March and we still meet 1x/mo. Four are pregnant via IVF and egg donation and some of us are still working through treatments. Having a support group of people who understand what you’re going has been amazing and takes some pressure off the relationship with your husband as you have another outlet to vent/share your infertility challenges. I wish you the best of luck and know you are not alone!

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  55. Big S wrote:

    You brought tears to my eyes reading this post, I wish you the best and can’t wait for you to become a mother, I have two kids, 3 and 5. Thank you for your honesty and posting this personal journey, I never knew the process of IVF until now. Stay strong, you are awesome!!

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  56. Liz wrote:

    Dear J,

    First, I wanted to tell you that I love your blog & all the work you put to bring and share with us your ideas. I like your style & genuine approach to each post in your blog.

    I’m sorry to hear about the hardship you’ve been through.

    This may sound a “thrilled” phrase, but stay positive. You are gifted & you are blessed to have a family and a husband/partner and close friends who love you now and forever.

    We may not know each other but I can assure you that we, your fans/pen pals will send our best and strong vibes for your wellbeing.

    Stay positive.

    Warm regards.

    Liz

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  57. Jocelyn wrote:

    I rarely comment on any blog but felt a need to so after reading your post. I’m also a Chinese American woman, tried for 3 years, doctors could never identify a cause for our infertility, and we did IVF last year. So I hear you, lady. I had similar feelings of shame that my body wasn’t doing what “it’s built to do” or “meant to do.” One thing that helped me is realizing that the large majority of our current medical treatments for infertility are all focused on the woman’s body not because the problems all lie within women but because most of the research has been focused on female and not male infertility. I suspect that we’ll know more about infertility overall in the future when there’s more science focusing on male infertility (like testing for DNA damage in sperm, which seems to be catching on in Europe). The science just isn’t there yet. So for now, women bear more of the stigma and physical and emotional brunt that comes with infertility treatment. I hope it’ll be different in the future. In the meantime, try to be gentle to yourself and stay strong. I hope it gives you some hope to hear that our IVF gave us a wonderful baby boy who is turning 9 months soon. Wishing you the best.

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  58. Angela Chan wrote:

    It breaks my heart to read this but if a baby is what you really want…stay strong, push forward and don’t give up.

    I turned 44 years old in March and gave birth to my precious rainbow baby girl in June.

    It was not an easy journey. It took about 7 years, 12 unsuccessful IUI’s, 1 unsuccessful IVF, and in between all of that, I got pregnant on my own but miscarried 4 times. And that was only after I had a c-section to remove 34 fibroids. I also had a fertility specialist tell me not to bother since I was too old. Well, obviously I ignored him and sought help elsewhere. This last treatment I did that worked for me was mini-IVF. Everyone is different and what will work for one may not work for others, but it’s worth looking into.

    Stay strong and know that you’re not alone in this journey. Too many women struggle in silence when there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of. I’ve shared quite a bit on my FB page and have had friends/acquaintances come to me for support and thanking me for sharing my story. Reach out to me anytime if you have questions.

    Big hugs & all the best!!!

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  59. Sophia wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. My prayers and well wishes are with you both during this very difficult time. I can completely understand the feeling. We have gone through two IVF cycles, both of which ended in a chemical pregnancy. The loss is unbearable. I pray that you have a successful, healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby. Good luck!

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  60. Amy Collins wrote:

    Jean, thanky ou for being so real and sharing your story. I truly relate as my husband and I are on our own journey and it’s not easy to see things come so easily to others. Remain strong and lean in to get support. Sending you prayers!

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  61. Wendy wrote:

    Hugs and blessings to you. You’re such a special young lady and my heart aches for you. Don’t give up hope.

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  62. Lindsay Lin wrote:

    Jean, I’ve followed your blog from the early days and wanted you to know that I’ve been inspired by your fashion, words and strength in life. I think it takes a lot of courage to do the things you’ve done let alone say them out loud. Supporting you from the other half of the hemisphere, have faith 🙂

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  63. Chloe’s Mom wrote:

    We went through the exact same journey after two attempts at IUI. “Unexplained infertility”. Frustrating and yet relieving at the same time. Our first fresh embryo transfer failed and then I finally got pregnant from our first frozen transfer. Reading your journey brought back all the memories of the shots, drugs, bloating, and rollercoaster of emotions. We had our daughter last year and she’s perfect. How funny you forget the difficult journey once you finally get the good news.

    Here I am now pregnant with our second completely naturally!! I say this to let you know that it took us years and medical intervention to get pregnant and then I was able to somehow get pregnant completely on my own. It was quite a shock. I say this to give you lots and lots of hope. I know the days are long right now and the wait is unbearable. Trust me. There is nothing I can say to change that but stay faithful, deep in prayer, and whatever the outcome of your journey – you are a strong woman.

    Posted 11.10.17 Reply
  64. Heather wrote:

    Thank you for sharing ❤

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  65. Anna wrote:

    I’m that girl that never wanted kids and is terrified of pregnancies, however I’m a girl, and I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you will have beautiful happy kids!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  66. Rosie wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you especially for not waiting until after successfully conceiving before sharing. I fully understand why most women will wait until the 3-mo mark after conceiving or after giving birth to share their IVF success stories because no one enjoys talking about loss and failure. It’s not always shame or embarrassment that keeps me from sharing, it’s mainly because I am guaranteed to burst into tears when the topic comes up. Many women like myself have gone through multiple IVF cycles and are still unsuccessful. I’m at a stage where I’m wondering if there truly is light at the end of the tunnel. Will this all be worth it in the end? The truth is, I don’t know, but I’m going to do everything I can now. I bring this up because it’s hard for me to hear a friend or a family-member say to me, “Don’t worry. You’ll have a baby!”. Really? Well, how do you know? Or, the most insensitive comment of all is “Have you considered adopting?”. Instead, I would want to hear: “I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It’s not fair, and you are not alone. Whatever the outcome may be, you’re going to be okay.” I guess, these are my words for you.

    p.s. I’m starting my second round of IVF. I loath needles, too. I’m at high risk of getting OHSS. What’s worse is that my veins are small and it takes multiple tries to draw blood. Four tries just a couple days ago and going again in a few minutes. I feel you. :’(

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  67. Dannielle wrote:

    You are brave to take this step. You’re going to make a great mom! Hang in there. Prayers are with you as you walk this journey to parenthood!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  68. Gwen wrote:

    Jean, this post had me in tears, as I felt I was living this with you. It was so poignant, honest, and open. You didn’t have to share this part of your life, but you did, and I thank you for that. Thank you for opening a window into your heart and personal piece of your life, so that others could find peace in knowing they are not alone in such an emotionally wrought fight to become a mom. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I wish you all that you are hoping for and more. XOXO

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  69. Jeannette Garcia Perez wrote:

    Hola. Mis oraciones para que tus esfuerzos por ser madre se vean concretados. No te desanimes, sigue adelante. Es un precio tan bajo por conseguir la familia que desan ambos, tanto tú como tu esposo. Dios los bendiga nuevamente.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  70. Sylvia Roxas wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    My prayers for you. I think I’m a lot older than your other followers–been married and a mother for 20 years already. The path isn’t easy and I have friends who took years to conceive–and they did. One thing they learned is not to be too hard on themselves, it will come. Take care dear.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  71. Lenka wrote:

    Dear Jean, I did the IVF cycle two times and then luckily had a boy who’s now 8 years old. 5 years later a took a chance with our frozen embryos and one of them is now my 3 year old son. I know what you are now going through and wish you the best of luck! I want to share a tip with you – drinking a tee from “Alchemilla” (in Latin) is not only very healthy for women (esp. uterus) but also helps to create a fertile environment for an embryo to nest. Before and first 2-3 months of pregnancy. Just try to ask in pharmacy or your doctor (although they prefer more scientific approach 🙂 ) But it won’t hurt you…and you can do it even within your medication. I have several friends who got IVF and none of them ended up without a baby! 😉 Be strong, YOU CAN DO IT! Hugs and kisses, L.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  72. R wrote:

    I have been following your blog now for the psat 5yrs, always admired how well you dressed yourself.
    I was in a similar situation 7yrs ago, we were trying and it wasn’t happening, I went for check ups and that thought of “will i ever.. can I?” started to creep in. I also have many friends who are/were ina similar situation some in exactly where you are. All I can say is things fall into place when you least expect it. I know it isn’t reassuring and it’s difficult to see when that will be but it will and the both of you will be in the right place in your own lives when it happens.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  73. Michelle wrote:

    Thanks so much for sharing ❤️

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  74. Cindy wrote:

    Hi Jean! I started watching your Youtube videos a few years back and started following your blog and really enjoy learning how to style my petite body. You’re very brave to talk about IVF and infertility and you’re not alone. I am going through the same process and kept it under wraps for a good bit of time and then suddenly both my husband and I have to undergo a procedure prior to IVF treatment. I only know of a couple of people who had similar treatments so it’s good to know you’re not alone. I feel for you, having people ask when you’re having kids hits a nerve when trying to be a mom is all you want at the moment. All we can do now is hope and I do hope you and Nick hear good news soon!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  75. Lin Piao wrote:

    Stay strong. Wish your dream come true so!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  76. Renee Coover wrote:

    Jean,

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have followed your blog for year and you actually met up with my sister Janine, who works for Amazon, a few months ago and someday, we still plan to meet up with you in Boston! I went through years of fertility struggles to have my first baby and I know it is an emotional roller coaster with many lows. Just want you to know I appreciate you opening up on your blog and sharing a personal, and real side of your story. -Renee

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  77. Jael wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you so much for your willingness to share your journey with us. I’ve been loving your blog for quite awhile now. Everything in this post resonates with me…wrestling with cultural norms, dealing with comments from others, having close friends that were not TTC getting pregnant/having babies, coping with the waves of varying emotions, navigating through health insurance loops, etc. My husband and I have been on the fertility roller coaster for a little over a year now. Just yesterday I had surgery to have uterine polyps removed. Our fertility doctor and we are praying that we will finally be able to get pregnant now that the polyps have been removed. As we all know there is still no guarantee, so I’m trying to remain hopeful. I try to allow myself to feel the emotions in the moment and then reframe my thoughts toward the positive via journaling. I appreciate and adore women, like yourself, that choose to open up about their fertility journey. I believe it empowers other women to share their stories and inspires us to “link arms” in sisterhood. Thank you again for sharing with us.

    Please keep us posted on your journey. We are all rooting for you and Nick.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  78. ANONYMOUS wrote:

    There is nothing anyone can say to make you less likely to cry at nothing and everything. Not that you would want to be sick with a deadly disease, but with that, you wouldn’t have to feel frivolous in your sadness. I went through this process 29 years ago. What compounded my burden was that no one around me felt my urgency, or even my need, to actively pursue what naturally happens to millions of other women. Mine was an idiopathic case, which meant no one knew how to fix it. With each month, it was like a little death that nobody saw. But I could not believe that it wasn’t possible to make things right. Well, I did what was called GIFT twice, and I have 2 children. I hope you will get your happy story, too.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  79. Carmen wrote:

    When I read this post, I felt like you were in my head. You described every emotion I experienced. I went through infertility (still so hard to say that word) and IVF. It’s been 9 years now and I have 2 happy, healthy and beautiful boys. Not only are you an amazing writer, you are a beautiful person in and out and I wish you and Nick success on this IVF journey. Hang in there. Love to you both!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  80. Anonymous wrote:

    I went through the shots and retrieval by myself when I froze my eggs. I would’ve given anything to have a husband support me through it. I haven’t met the right person yet and I’m almost 40, so I don’t know what’s worse. Really wanting to be a Mom but never getting that chance, or having that chance but not being able to get pregnant. Sigh.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  81. Linni wrote:

    I have been a silent follower of your blog for over many years. You helped me go through my awkward high school years to become a young adult with a relatively good fashion sense (Still love your style, BTW!). As a fellow Asian American, I understand how difficult it is to open up about personal issues, as I have always been taught to share the good and never the bad. I just want to thank you for showing us this side of you that isn’t the polished, well-dressed Jean that I have often been envious of (in a good way). It made me feel more with connected with EP, and I sincerely wish you all the best on your IVF journey!

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  82. Saya wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you so much for being so brave and for sharing something so intimate with us in this post. Having gone through my second round of IUI unsuccessfully, I was feeling extremely disheartened this week and having lots of self doubts. Two weeks of euphoria thinking that you are on your way to becoming a parent followed by getting your period before it is even time to take a pregnancy test can really take an emotional toll on your heart. I want to thank you for being so candid with your journey including pictures. This post could not have come at a more needed time for me. You and your other readers have given me some new renewed strength to face this challenge. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  83. Amanda wrote:

    Thank you for sharing! I know this can’t have been easy but now we’re all sending good vibes your way! We’re in the beginning stages of trying and no matter how happy you are for other people it’s still so tough. Thank you for normalizing this a bit for everyone going through something similar.

    xo, Amanda

    Posted 11.9.17 Reply
  84. Jo wrote:

    Jean, you are so great to have grown such a community of women through your blog who will support and cheer you on no matter what you go through. Thank you for sharing such a private time for you and Nick. We are sure that through your story, a lot of women will be able to gather here to share their struggles and successes and take comfort in each other’s experiences. Thank you for being so brave!!!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  85. Maggie wrote:

    I am so grateful to you for sharing. My daughter is going through IVF and I know it’s hard for her to share. I wish you the best.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  86. Jing wrote:

    Jean, I love your blog and I’m so grateful you opened up. There’s so little information about this process because I think there is shame around it that shouldn’t be there. Thank you for talking about this process and I hope you know so many of us are hoping for the absolute best for you and Nick! I wish you all the luck and am sending you hugs. If you feel alone just know so many of us are thinking of you and are there for you in spirit.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  87. Trude wrote:

    I can’t imagine trying to go through this kind of process; we thought a miscarriage was hard enough! But to go through IVF and then pregnancy is a real test of strength, more power to you both! If you aren’t listening to it already, there’s a podcast by Matt Mira and his wife about going through IVF that I’ve heard great things about, it’s called Matt and Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure. 🙂

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  88. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for this post. I am about to have my eggs retreived and I am so scared. Reading your post made me feel less alone.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  89. Erica wrote:

    Thank you for sharing – it took my husband and I over a year and a half to get pregnant, only to loose the baby at 13 weeks. Over the course of us trying I had multiple tests and ended up having and undiagnosed thyroid disease. Fast forward 4 years and we have a beautiful baby girl. No matter the method, you will have the children (genetic or not) you were meant to have. It may not be an easy journey, but in the end it is worth it.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  90. Amy wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is so hard. I remember when my husband and I were going through IVF, and especially before when we were “just trying”, everybody would tell me, “Just relax!” Relax? HAVE YOU MET ME? Later I learned that those old adages of relaxing, not thinking about it, etc. are just old wive’s tales that drove people like me crazy.

    Infertility affects every aspect of life. It affects your relationship, your sex life, your financial life, your friendships, your work schedule, your eating and drinking, your workout schedule, literally everything. And the monthly cycle of try / hope / grieve is so, so difficult. I am so heartened that your IVF is covered by insurance. Back when we faced infertility, nothing was covered, and the financial strain just adds insult to injury. I think things are slowly beginning to change now, and thank goodness for that.

    Almost 11 years ago, we did our first round of IVF, after multiple failed rounds of IUI. Our girl/boy twins will be 10 next month. There are some gifts that have come from surviving infertility. Never for a single day have I stopped being grateful that it worked and we have these beautiful, amazing kids. I don’t sweat the little stuff as much, because we went through so much just to have them. A decade later, I still regularly revel in the joy that they bring us and marvel that they even exist. Infertility was a thing I would never wish on my worst enemy. It is so heartbreaking. But it did teach me, in some ways, to let go — and it brought some amazing friendships into my life.

    I hope with every fiber of my being that this round is a huge success for you. From one total stranger to another, I am sending every positive thought your way. xoxo

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  91. Jen wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, you brave, brave woman! You nailed every emotion I’ve felt for the past few years but haven’t been able to share with anyone except my therapist. THANK YOU. And I wish you and Nick ALL THE BEST.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  92. AJ wrote:

    Hi, Jean,

    Thank you so much for this post. There is so much to which I can relate, and I am sending you and your husband lots of happy, positive, and healthy thoughts. One of my other favorite bloggers writes about food, science, health and nutrition, and she recently shared her struggles with fertility. Feel free to take a look, it might be worth trying. http://www.summertomato.com/could-coffee-be-preventing-you-from-conceiving

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  93. Hanna wrote:

    Jean- thank you for being vulnerable with your readers and letting us in on what’s been going on in your world lately.

    This process has been challenging on all levels for you and Nick. Please take heart that you are strong, loving and enough where you are now and always. It’s hardest to remind ourselves of the positives when what we are fixated on tells us otherwise. You and Nick are in this together. Continue to lean on him and I hope that in your courage to share, more women can offer support- near or far, close or just a passerby, mom or not.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  94. Gaby wrote:

    Thanks for sharing your journey. Sending love and positive toughts your way ❤️ Stay strong!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  95. Dear Jean. As a mother of 3 I feel kind of out of place to give you some comfort or advice. I do have quite some friends that have been through the same ordeal as you and your husband are facing right now, so I know a bit from the sideline. All I can tell you is: Yes, it does have an enormous impact on your life, on your relationship and on friendships. No, there aren’t any guarantees. Yes, you are the one who decides how to handle this and how to deal with it, whatever the outcome. Wishing you lots of courage, strength and love. Lieske

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  96. Gita wrote:

    Jean, I know exactly what you are going through – I know those thoughts, those fears, those hopes, everything as Im going through the same right now! After one year of trying to conceive we finally got pregnant but unfortunately had a miscarriage after 8 weeks.. Now after almost one year trying again, we finally went to the clinic.. All our tests and examinations show NO REASON not to get pregnant, we both are healthy but why it does not happen nobody knows..well, it did happened once and this is already a big sign. But now I no longer want to wait.. The doctor has offered us to try with a simple IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) before jump into IVF. We are getting ready for this now and fingers crossed it will work! Jean, you are not alone! There are so many women going through the same sad stories but most of them become a mother! And im sure you and me soon we will be there as well.. Yes, its not an easy way but seems like we have to go through this.. I do pray for you and your family and God Bless you with many beautiful babies! Big hugs to you!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  97. Karen wrote:

    This year, my cousin also went through IVF to conceive (she is now expecting a little boy!). She kept every single needle and I cried when she showed me the box full. I can not even begin to express the deep respect I have for her, you, and every woman who has walked this path. The essence of motherhood is sacrifice for those you love more than yourself, and you are already knee-deep in this love for your little one before he or she even arrives. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage in sharing this aspect of your journey. I hope you find comfort and courage in knowing that you are not alone. Praying for you and Nick!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  98. Amie wrote:

    Oh Jean, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know and understand all the emotions that you’re going through. I went through IVF three times before we were successful. Actually my story began a few years before then when I conceived naturally but lost my son after I got really ill and ended up in the ER room. My doctors advised that I should not carry a pregnancy ever again. So not only did we go through IVF, we also used a surrogate. And we did this on our own, we did not let my family and friends know because they just didn’t understand or supported us. My daughter is now 10 years old. I wish you success in your journey and can’t wait to hear more of your story (because I know you will have a happy ending like I did).

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  99. Jess wrote:

    Hi Jean – I’ve been a lurker on your site for years and wanted to just say thank you for sharing your story – and seconding what someone said earlier, BEFORE the “happy ending”. I’m just starting my fertility journey, though I’m not at IVF stage yet. I haven’t had a period in over six months so currently trying a round of drugs (Letrozole) to kick off my cycle. I’m on my third round of drugs (and if this round doesn’t work, not sure if IVF might be my next and only step.. =/ Maybe I try different drugs? No idea)

    I feel like what people don’t talk about is also how time-consuming and expensive the whole process is! Even before you get to IVF. I have to go to the doctor 1 – 2 times a week to get blood drawn and an ultrasound to have my cycle checked (that’s 1 – 2 times a week I have to arrive late to work). Even with insurance coverage, that’s $200+ a visit for the ultrasound and blood work. I’m lucky that I have the means to afford this and flexible work hours but I honestly don’t know how normal people who have fertility issues get pregnant!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  100. Sonu wrote:

    Jen we are in the same boat and at very similar stages in our treatment. Please reach out if you just need to talk and vent. It’s been helpful having a girl friend to compare notes with.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  101. Ellice wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story…I am so sorry your going through so much heartache. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you ❤️.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  102. Melani wrote:

    Hi jean, I usually do not post any comments on social media however, reading your blog post hit so close to home. My husband and I were in your exact shoes a little over 2 years ago. Reading every word you wrote felt so much like my story. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant with no success and no reason as to why we were infertile. Then, we did IVF and it was the most stressful thing I have ever been through. After paying the entire thing out of pocket because insurance did not find “infertility” to be a medical necessity we ended up with only one embryo and only one shot at having a baby. Miraculously, that one embryo took and now we have a very active, beautiful 19 month old son. He made the whole IVF journey worth it. From every injection, transvaginal ultrasound, surgery, you name it, worth it! Hang in there and just know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Many people feel ashamed and keep infertility to themselves, but when we opened up and shared our story about our struggles we were surprised to find how many other people were in the same boat and others thanked us saying our story gave them hope as they were currently struggling. Good luck to you two and I wish you all the best.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  103. joan wrote:

    My name is Joan. and here is my Testimony of my IVF case:
    I had to undergo IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) as there was a medical
    history of me having endometriosis. I had been trying to get
    pregnant for about 5 years with all kinds of fertility treatments and
    nothing worked. I finally started going to a friend doctor for
    Acupuncture and still had no success on getting pregnant. Then,
    my acupuncturist introduced me to Dr. Bash(herbal specialist) ,
    who practices Traditional African Medicine and utilizes herbs for infertility. Dr. Bash put me on his herbs, oils, and a special
    diet. I did his treatment along with acupuncture for 3 month. Then, I did my IVF recently and am pregnant. I can’t thank Dr. Bash enough!! He is
    always sincere and brave in all that he does for
    people. I highly recommend him to anyone who is seeking IVF,infertility treatment.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  104. Lisa wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m considering IVF as well. Your post reflects how I’ve been feeling. Going through infertility treatments is emotionally and physically draining. And it’s lonely at times.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  105. Michelle wrote:

    What an honest post. While I’m in the other camp when it comes to kids, your post has really touched me. Wishing you all the best in this journey, and know that you are not alone!

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  106. RJ wrote:

    Dear Jean,
    I really wish I could get into my phone screen to give you a hug and thank you for sharing your personal story.
    I am a mum of a 16 month old… and while I was enjoying this new phase of my life my best friend was undergoing an IVF treatment for 3 years and she too was fine but as they couldn’t conceive naturally and even though I knew she was happy for me, I could see the sadness in her eyes… but just last month she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl so as hard as it is now, please hang in there… seeing the happiness on my best friend face now gives me more joy then anything and I’m sure you will have that happiness too.
    Sending loads of luv and wishes and you are a beautiful strong woman who will be an exceptional mum soon.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  107. Bela Anzu wrote:

    I’m sorry to hear how difficult it has been for Nick and you as you’re trying to conceive. I’ve wondered from time to time when you might decide to have a baby, but I didn’t want to ask or assume since I remember what C and I went through a few years ago. I was able to identify with a lot of what you shared because it took us 1.5 years before I became pregnant. I went through similar cycles of hopefulness and despondency, bracing myself when I anticipated another one of our friends wanting to share their happy news of their pregnancy and eventually acknowledging that we could be childless. I came to a point where I decided that if I were ever to become pregnant, I wanted to tell others that it didn’t come easily. When I reflect back, I realized that those experiences and challenges refined my desires and character. So in a way, every part of the journey is meaningful, no matter what the outcome may be.

    I hope that your recovery from the surgery has been going smoothly and that your swelling is less. I’ll be praying that you’ll have peace as you go through this next phase of IVF. Take care Jean! Warmly, P.

    Posted 11.8.17 Reply
  108. Daisy wrote:

    I know from my own experience what you are going through, and I am really sorry you have to go through it. It’s really hard to make sense of the disappointment.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  109. Qtrpnt wrote:

    Thank you for writing about this. I personally know so many women who have struggled to become a mom, including me. Maybe it’s the field I’m in (I’m a pediatric subspecialty physician). During residency, every time one of us experienced a miscarriage, we would initially feel like we were alone, and we soon realized that there were many of us who had similar stories. It was made harder by certain rotations we had to be on (NICU, well-baby nursery) watching in anger and frustration and sadness as month after month, the second line on the pregnancy test remained stubbornly absent while there were so many women who got pregnant so easily or by accident. I won’t say that it will definitely happen for you or offer you the usual advice. What I will say is allow yourself to feel everything you’re feeling, regardless of what that emotion is – alone (you’re not, there’s a huge community out there that is becoming increasingly vocal), scared, frustrated, anxious, resentful, angry, hopeful – they are all legitimate responses. Be gentle with yourself and Nick, and know that a whole bunch of internet stranger/friends are crossing all the fingers and toes and sending you all the sticky dust in the world.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  110. Shei wrote:

    I will pray for a successful IVF & pregnancy. Hang in there!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  111. Yándary wrote:

    Sending you and Nick love and prayers from afar! Thank you for sharing so openly with us. Know that we are rooting for you guys! <3

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  112. Meg wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal journey. I have read and enjoyed your blog for years, but haven’t commented before. Thank you for speaking to the shame and feeling that there’s “something wrong” with not being able to do the “natural” thing our bodies are supposed to as women. When I struggled to nurse my first child I felt the same shame, but I know it isn’t the truth, and I so appreciate you bringing that to light. I am keeping you and Nick in my thoughts and prayers and hope all the best for you!!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  113. Renee wrote:

    Jean, thank you sharing your story. I’ve been following you for years. Hearing this story from someone I respect so much is really empowering and encouraging. My love to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  114. Linda C. wrote:

    Jean, I just started reading your blog a few months ago. I only follow a few blogs but I always get excited when I see you’ve posted a new one. You are so good at finding the beauty in things. Thank you for sharing how even in the most difficult and trying of times, you can find beauty in honesty and openness. I will be praying for you and Nick.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  115. Samantha wrote:

    Hi Jean! I’ve been a reader for a while now, way back when and then I found your blog again! I was literally just thinking about you and kids. Thank you for opening up to us readers about your journey and struggle. Praying & wishing the best for you and Nick!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  116. Lisa wrote:

    I am writing with tears in my eyes, I know that journey all too well. I know the frustration, the expense $30,000 out of pocket( we were almost 12 years ago) people telling me to relax ( when I wanted to yell “it’s male infertility!”)The poking(210 times to be exact) at specific times of the day and evening the endless visits to physicians office. But don’t give up your inner spirit find it and good things will come your way! After all of that I was blessed with our daughter. She is now 11 1/2. We were only able to have one. But so Blessed to have our miracle baby! I am wishing you best of luck, hope and prayers! Hugs on your journey.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  117. Denise wrote:

    Hope you are better now. I hope all your maternity dreams come true. I can´t imagine what you have been thru.
    best wishes from argentina

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  118. Elizabeth wrote:

    Jean, my heart aches for you. I have so enjoyed following your blog as you’re beautiful and have amazing style, but also seem to have a heart of gold. Thank you for sharing. Not two months ago I wouldn’t have read this with the emotions I have now. I was always one of those people who could’ve been okay without kids (and I still think I could be), but I’ll be 33 soon and starting to finally think maybe we should actually start trying now. It’s hard not to think about it often! Sending good vibes your way!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  119. There is strength in sharing our story. Thank you for telling yours. I’d love to tell you a bit of mine, in case any readers here find strength in the length and shear delirious insanity that is the journey to become a family.

    My husband and I have been married 15 years, but we didn’t start “trying” to have kids until 3 years married. There was charting, there was mucinex, there was headstanding. There was the being told that our insurance covered no infertility. Tests were placed by our sympathetic doctor as much as possible under “menstrual pain” to ease the financial burden. There was varicocle surgery (for him) – just in case, what the heck?

    There was discovering that our insurance *did* cover infertility, but it was our policy from the previous year, not the one we currently had when his work changed their coverage. There was the embarrasement of standing up in front of a board of directors for my husband’s work (mostly middle aged men with as many children as they could wish) and pleading our case for the fact that the coverage was not accurately explained to employees and therefore retroactively deserved to be covered. (They didn’t go along with that, but they did give us a tiny “guilt check” for $500 and had the satisfaction of seeing me cry in public.)

    There was clomid, there was injectibles, the weight gain, ovary over stimulation, and then follicle reduction. So many shots.

    Finally, we came to the option of IVF. At that point in the road, we turned course and looked toward adoption. Maybe it was the $$$ out of pocket, the uncertainty of results, maybe it was just how darn tired I was of needles, but we threw in the towel and started our adoption paperwork that week. Fast forward six months later and we had adopted (through a crazy series of circumstances) a tiny orphan baby boy from Pakistan, who is now 10 years old. We now have three boys, the younger two are from South Korea – and our youngest was a surprise! He is the half brother (same birth mother) of our middle child, we got a phone call out of the blue asking if we wanted to add him to our family.

    So, with 10, 7, and 6 year old boys (and crazy ones at that!) we were certain our family was complete. Then this May out of the blue I missed my period and finally broke down and took a test at 5:00 am (as long as I could hold my pee!) on Mother’s Day. It was positive for pregnancy. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I cried (tears of sadness, if I’m being honest, and of fear – what would my sweet boys think of this?), we wept together and spent the next two months in complete disbelief that I was indeed pregnant.

    Here I sit, advanced maternal age (37), with a seemingly healthy baby girl due on New Year’s Day, and I think “you just can’t make this stuff up.” I still haven’t wrapped my head around being pregnant and starting over as a mother (and I’ve done that part three times!).

    Life is a journey, it hands you lots of crazy, but the hardness that it handed us made my husband and I closer, stronger and more together than ever before. It also brought us the three most amazing little boys that I feel like I never could have produced if I tried. And now, we add to the madhouse a baby sister.

    Infertility is a sad and silent place. We need our stories to be told, our voices to be heard, and our pain to be shared. Together we can be stronger. Much love!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  120. Kit wrote:

    Jean- you are my hero! I’ve been following your blog for awhile and had always admired your sense in fashion. Being single and aging I’ve decided to go through a round of egg freezing. The results did not turn out as expected (along with the emotional and financial strain) and I’ve felt really alone in the process. Thank you for sharing. It’s comforting to know that other ladies go through similar experiences but also different in our own ways

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  121. Anu wrote:

    Hi Jean, Thank you for sharing the most intimate part of your life. I can totally relate to your experience. 2 miscarriages and with obsessive ovulation tracking for 2 yrs I had no luck getting pregnant. Finally resorted to IVF and my first cycle ended up being ectopic. Despite losing all hope I stuck with it and went in second time. I must say it was worth all the effort and pain. My 3 month old beautiful little girl has brought so much joy in our life. So stay positive. Sending you all my prayers!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  122. Shiungor Velez wrote:

    The last I commented, I wrote how proud your Cantonese sisters are of your gracious and kind attitude! My heart aches for what you are enduring, yet so proud of your resilience! Praying for a successful journey!
    加油! 希望你一切健康!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  123. Michele wrote:

    This was a lovely post. Thanks for sharing your journey. I wish you and Nick the best of luck.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  124. anon wrote:

    i’m sorry that you and nick have to go through with this. i’m sorry any women and men go through infertility.
    in an attempt to ‘busy’ your time while you wait for results, i’ve collected some online comics that resonated with me as a bystander. (someone near me is going through the same thing so i wanted to understand the experience more to support her)

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kids
    https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/price-of-infertility-ivf-cost-c-v-r.html
    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/moms-comics-show-how-isolating-and-draining-infertility-is_us_5978d28ee4b0c95f37610387
    http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/advanced_technology.png

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  125. Melissa wrote:

    Jean, I have been reading your blog for several years because I love your style and advice – and I’m so glad I got to read this post too. I haven’t come to the point in my life where I’m trying to have kids, but I can’t even imagine what it must be like to go through your struggle (and the struggle of many other women – you are not alone!). I have my fingers crossed for you and Nick. It looks like from all the other comments on this post that you have many other fingers crossed as well! Thank you so much for sharing.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  126. Anne wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing your story. I, too, have been struggling to get pregnant despite all tests coming back normal. I am at peace now and put my faith in God. May God bless you and your husband and give you strength to go on. Stay strong!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  127. Bella wrote:

    Jean, I have followed you for a few years now and I never leave a comment on your blog. You and I almost have the same weight, heights, and age. That’s why I find your blog is very helpful for me. I gave birth to a baby girl last year. This is not suggestion, but I find that gaining some weight do help with getting pregnant. You was slim like you when I tried to get conceived and I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy. Now I am back to my normal. What I want to say is that mind your nutrition and don’t worry if you gain weight through the process. You body will be back after all of these, since you are naturally slim and that’s the thing in your gene.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  128. Kendal wrote:

    Thank you for this post. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to write and publish, but it’s definitely something that should be discussed more openly.
    Your willingness to share your personal story is incredibly brave. Best wishes to you and your husband as you continue this process.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  129. Sara wrote:

    Jean, Thank you for this very brave post. I’ve been down every road you describe myself. IVF was not something I ever fathomed going through. But then after a year of trying, there we were. With my husband’s rare issue, it was our only option other than prayers and a 5 percent chance of conceiving naturally. We had no insurance coverage, but we jumped in. My son just turned two and I am three months along with baby number two from my frozen embryos from my first round. Two of my closest friends are going through IVF right now. You are brave and not alone. Take care of yourself. The waiting on the embryo report is brutal. I hope you get good news soon!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  130. Diana wrote:

    As an Asian-American ER pharmacist also dealing with infertility, your post was very relatable. From the taboo nature of discussing infertility to having difficulty navigating our healthcare system to all the mixed emotions, you so eloquently put into words my own thoughts and feelings. Thank you, Jean, for sharing and helping to shed light on an important topic. Your post is very much appreciated. Rooting for Nick and you.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  131. Jane wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing Jean. This is such a poignant post and I truly admire your courage to be so open about your experiences and your struggles. Wishing you all the best from the bottom of my heart!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  132. Anonymous wrote:

    I just wanted to add to the multitude of comments and send some virtual encouragement and support your way. You’re very brave to post about this, and I’m glad that your bravery spurred many readers to open up as well about their own experiences – it’s nice to be reminded that people don’t need to go through these things alone, that they can talk about it and receive love and support. Thank you for this, for bringing people together in such a positive way, and for being you.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  133. Mandy wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal yet informative experience on your blog. I really enjoy it. It gave us a glimpse of the process only those who have gone through could see, and it gave many others hope. I know we are lucky at this age in time where the world is technologically advanced enough to give us a chance to have baby due to whatever reason we couldn’t. Recently I found out my sister needed to rid her tubes and she was devastated how she could not have a baby naturally (via natural insemination). She needed IVF. Like you, she then questioned herself why she couldn’t do what most women could do and why did that happened to her, etc etc. She hasn’t start the inducing process yet, but right after I saw your story, I shared it with her.

    Good luck and best wishes to you and Nick on this tough but beautiful journey! Thank you so much again! <3

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  134. Nadda wrote:

    Good luck ! Read your site all the time as I too am your height, I’m in the UK

    Can’t believe you’ve posted this now as I’ve just started my 5th round of IVF after my last one ended in an ectopic pregnancy and surgery to remove my left tube

    I too suffer from horrid jealous thoughts when hearing friends are pregnant it so unfair and want it to be me

    I’m doing acupuncture, reiki, reflexology and many other treatments

    I believe it will happen even though I’m 41 we’ve had blastocyst embryos and no medical issues

    Good luck and all the best

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  135. Lauren wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing this. Sending you love and positivity as you and Nick continue through your IVF journey.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  136. Savan wrote:

    You are a brave beautiful soul! This was so touching & raw, I am praying that IVF works for you!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  137. Crystal wrote:

    I usually don’t leave comments but this post touches me so much. Thanks for sharing your story. I wish you the best of luck!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  138. Thank you for sharing this. I️ am one of those who have been lucky enough to not have to go through IVF but a couple of my friends have, and I️ had no idea that it was that hard. I️ can now be a better support and friend bc I️ understand a little better what it would be like. Your story brought tears to my eyes. We all have our trials, but anything dealing with motherhood and children is a special one.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  139. Gwen K wrote:

    Jean – Thank you for opening up and sharing your courageous personal journey. You and Nick are both so brave and inspiring to all of us who feel as if we “know ” you. There is not one of us who wouldn’t want to give you a huge hug or be a listening ear right now! We are all there in spirit. Whether we choose to bear children, or not (as I’ve chosen) or are somewhere along the journey to making that dream a reality – I can firmly say that your bravery, honesty and commitment has deeply touched all of our lives . Know there isn’t a follower here – in Boston and beyond – who isn’t fighting with you and sending all of their love. I know couples who have been through IVF and you are definitely not alone. You are an incredible woman and an inspiration as a couple – a formidable duo. (May I be so lucky to find the fierce commitment and tender love that you both share.)

    Much love, and keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

    -Gwen Kennedy

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  140. Faith wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story with everyone. I completely understand what you are going through, personally because my husband and I share a similar story. We have been battling with infertility ever since we got married back in 2009. You can read our IVF story here:
    https://racetothebump.wordpress.com/
    We kept a blog to document this season of our lives. To be honest, I have NEVER imagined at the age of 37, I would be childless. Leo and I have always wanted a big family – at least 3 kids! As our friends have moved onto extending their families, one baby at a time, today we stand feeling like we don’t belong anywhere. Being in last 30s without a family of my own, there isn’t seem to be a community for us. It’s a daily battle so I completely understand the jealousy, disappointment, fear, and heartache.

    I have a deep longing in my heart to revamp our blog to focus more on our adoption process, letting people in again, and what it means to life in this season of our lives. What does it mean to LIVE in this season? I am still struggling with this question.

    I only share with you in hopes that you know someone else is with you and Nick. I am Korean and my husband is Taiwanese. That comes with a whole list of battles, as you mention. Sharing personal struggles is not something we do in our culture, you are right. It’s hard. It’s also hard to try to break that mold and open us. That takes such courage.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you, Jean!

    Love,
    Faith

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  141. Graciie wrote:

    I have been following your blog for a while now and never have I felt the need to comment until todays post. I was extremely touched by your story. Thank you for being so honest and sharing. I wish you and Nick all the best.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  142. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean, you’re such a wonderful and kindhearted person. I was just in Boston 2 weeks ago and was hoping I would bumped into you & Nick on the streets. Needless to say, my friend managed to get a glimpse of you while my family & I were headed to the airport to go back home. I wished I could see you to give you a big bear hug. You are an inspiration to all women. Praying for you and Nick and I’m sure you both will be wonderful parents!

    Sending y’all lots of love!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  143. A wrote:

    Thank you for sharing and helping to remove this stigma! I hope you guys get all you want regarding a family no matter how it happens. And if you do get pregnant, as someone entering into trying, I v much look forward to pregnancy clothes recommendations 🙂

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  144. Heather Palmer wrote:

    I love your blog… and I’m sorry you are going through the stress of IVF. I also had to go through IVF for my first child 13 years ago.. (got pregnant on my own three times after that!) I know the stress and the poking etc… just know that someday all this will be in your past and I truly believe that you will be a mother. Keep holding that thought high in your mind and you will get there. Hang in there momma! xoxo

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  145. Elsa wrote:

    I wish you the best Jean! I know all these negative feelings you have to fight, I had to wait for a while before getting pregnant, saw many of my friends had children easilly, had to answer questions from my family about when I will have children, experienced a miscarriage, etc. But I am now writing this while my 3 months little boy is falling asleep on me. Keep hoping, you will be a wonderful mum one day. Love from France, this really is a universal problem.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  146. Justine wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this Jean…my husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years now. I am in the same boat where I want to open up about it, but then people just keep telling me things I’ve already tried or have done. Babies are all being born from my friends and I’m like wtf is wrong with me? And then I had a miscarriage back in April and it broke me. I don’t wish that upon any woman. It was the most painful thing I’ve experienced. I’ve finally (sort of) gotten over it (some days it hits me) and we’ve starting trying again. I’ve been temping and using opks again and I’m now in the tww this cycle. I’m praying that your treatment goes well for you and know you’re not alone in all this! Hugs!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  147. Sam C wrote:

    Jean,

    I have followed your blog since college eight years ago- as a tiny Asian girl, you’ve bee my professional style icon for years- and the raw pain and authenticity apparent in this post has motivated me to finally stop lurking and send you some written love. 💓 In a world of Instagram filters and a “curated life”, as you put it, it’s incredibly brave of you to share your experience and you’re definitely making it just a *little* easier for other women to talk about IVF and infertility. My own Chinese mother struggled with infertility while conceiving me- an only child- and only now as an adult thinking about the timing of her own family one day do I begin to understand some tiny inkling of the love and hope and paranoia parents put on their children. I am so, so sorry the process has been so trying this far.

    I don’t know if it’s down your alley, but if you haven’t listened to Matt and Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure I recommend it; it’s basically a podcast narrated by a couple about going through the IVF process and it’s genuinely touching, often funny and useful if you need to listen to a conversation and feel less alone.

    You are so so brave and I admire you and your work so much and thank you for continuing to invite us into your life through this blog. Sending you well wishes. Xxxxh

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  148. Vi Dang wrote:

    I’ve been following your blog for years, and this is the first time I read the whole content, not just looking at your outfits.
    You are so brave for all the difficulties, bad feelings and pain you’ve been through. I pray for good things to come to you both soon. Hug you!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  149. Kate wrote:

    Praying for you and Nick as you go through the procedure. I have a number of friends that are also having a hard time conceiving but do not have the funds to go through IVF. I also have a friend who waited 5 years and are now blessed with triplets through IVF 🙂 truly God makes all things beautiful in His time. I pray that you find comfort and know that the best is yet to come. 🙂 I’ve recently had a miscarriage but believe and trust that God has better plans for me and my husband.

    Sending prayers and good vibes from Manila 🙂

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  150. Martha Artyomenko wrote:

    I have been following your blog for awhile, as I simply love your style. Your post really spoke to me today. ((hugs))
    Thank you so much for sharing it. I know it is so hard to be open about personal struggles, but every little bit makes you more real, and in a way you have all these friends out here hoping for you and each treatment along the way. Thank you again for being so brave. You are amazing.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  151. Sunny wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I agree wholeheartedly that society doesn’t share enough about the heartaches associated with the journey to motherhood. I can definitely relate, with having had endometriosis and a miscarriage. I am sending prayers for a successful and peaceful process for you and Nick. I have been reading your blog for over 5 years now. My husband (who has zero interest in fashion) has heard my references to you so much that you are a household name! Your warmth as a person shines through your thoughtful and intelligent posts – much more than fashion blog but a lifestyle. You and Nick will be amazing and fashionable parents! Lots of love.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  152. CW wrote:

    Jean, I’m so glad you shared this. I also know that I want to be a mom one day. I’m even further behind than you in that I’m not even engaged. I sometimes worry about infertility, and it gives me a lot of comfort to hear your story and the stories of other women. It makes me feel like I don’t need to worry so much because there are options and hope. I hope you get the beautiful baby you’re hoping for and we all get to see some cute baby pics.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  153. Faith wrote:

    Add to my last comment. My last ivf cycle was successful, after 5 years of trying I got pregnant last September, now my baby boy is 5 months old, his name is Chace.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  154. Michelle wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey, You are so brave and I hope that this process works out smoothly. Awaiting good news! You will be an amazing mom!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  155. Anna wrote:

    I have followed your blog for a while now, but have never commented. Your post today, however, brought tears to my eyes. This month is my first IVF cycle , and it has been a very hard, and painful process to get here. I don’t know how much longer the road ahead will be for me, or you, but we are stronger than we know. Somehow, we will survive. I wish you the best, and thank you for having the courage to tell your story.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  156. Faith wrote:

    I have been through 5 years of infertility, one miscarriage and 5 rounds of IVF. I once wrote a bible long article on sharing my journey in an IVF community. I have gone through everything you have gone through and you are going through. Hope everything goes well for you 🤗 and of it doesn’t, don’t stress out. Just try three months prior to the next IVF cycle: 1. Jogging for metabolism (three times a week ) 2. Acupuncture (both u and ur hubby for vitality) 3. Chinese herbal medicine to make your cycle 28-30 days spot on. 4. Some good quality s*x (not for the sake of baby making) for good hormones. Last but not least, forget about bed rest, pro fertility diet etc… just do whatever you want to do and the magic will happen.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  157. Karen wrote:

    Thank you for being so open about this topic <3 Best of luck.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  158. Valentina wrote:

    Be brave and stay strong! 💜

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  159. Sherry wrote:

    You couldn’t have written anything more close to my heart. I literally had my egg retrieval today and am experiencing all the same feelings. Good luck on your journey and may we both have good news!!!!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  160. Elizabeth wrote:

    Thank you for opening up about such a personal topic, Jean. I’m so sorry to hear that you and Nick are going through this process, and I just want to offer some words of comfort and encouragement. Sending lots of love and prayers to the both of you.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  161. Amy wrote:

    Sending you tons of love and prayers from Texas. Thank you for sharing this piece of your life with us. It is incredibly important.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  162. T Tran wrote:

    Dear Jean –

    What an awful and trying journey this has been so far. It takes a brave person to bare their soul and struggles as you just did. Wishing you and your family the best. Hang in there!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  163. Selena wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story with so many others. Struggles in Chinese culture are often silent. Keep digging deep when the day is tough. I believe that things always happen for a reason. I hope everything works out for you both.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  164. Christine wrote:

    It goes without saying that your blog is beautiful and exquisitely curated and the reason I read it. That said, to me, this is one of your most influential posts. As a physician and someone who has had multiple friends in their early and later 30s go through IVF, I just wanted to say I think it is wonderful you are using your voice to talk about this thing that so many women are doing, but feel a stigma against. The more we can normalize it, the better. I wish you good luck on this journey — and with all the hot flashes! Thanks for putting yourself out there in this way — and of course for your every day eye candy gorgeous and clever fashion and lifestyle posts! If only I could have even a fraction of your fashion sense, style, and energy, how fabulous I would look! All the best to you —

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  165. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I’m in the same situation… my husband and I have been trying for almost 2 years without success. I’ve had blood tests, ultrasounds, and just recently had a procedure (D&C) to remove a polyp. The feeling of seeing everyone around you get pregnant one after another… literally hurts my heart but at the same time I’m also so happy for them. I’m not sure if we’ll go down the IVF path, but I guess we’ll see when we get there. Wishing you and Nick all the best!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  166. Claire wrote:

    What a beautiful post, so open, honest and brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I was about 33 when I went to go see a fertility doctor about egg freezing as I had just gotten divorced. After undergoing testing I was told that I had dimished ovarisn reserve (DOR) ie low numbers of follicles and hormone levels for someone my age. I was devastated because the doctor made it sound like I may never have a biological child. I got remarried one year ago and my husband and I are now going through IVF. It’s definitely been an emotional roller coaster but I’m trying to have faith and stay positive…

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  167. Wow. This is a very deep sharing. I’m so needing to give you a pat on the back for your continuous effort. So many people take a new life for granted. I’m happy there’s people like you who value adding life to their family and knowing how much joy it is to have one. I hope you all the best. Thanks so much for being so transparent with us!

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  168. Su wrote:

    This post really hits hard on me. I certainly cannot relate to this completely but I am surrounded with friends and family member who share their struggles to conceiving.

    I have friends who found out that they have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), a condition many women are unaware about & take very lightly of. However, it can be treated & many have had children after treatment despite the struggle =)

    On the other hand, my sister and her hubs decided to see a fertility specialist and get tested and the result was that, everything was fine. However, I am not sure why it never occured to them to get a second opinion. They put family planning on hold & went on to start a business. Life was pretty much a rollercoaster of emotions especially while trying to run a young company & the fast paced lifestyle took a toll on their couple time & their health. They too encountered embarassing moments having to answer the inevitable, “when are you having kids” question fired by relatives & friends during family/ friends reunions . However, they stand strong together through thick and thin and are happily married with kids albeit not their own (their business is a preschool).

    I just want you, Jean, or any other women out there to know that not having kids does not make you any less of a person. So stay positive and & know that you are blessed to be surrounded by your loved ones. You’re such an inspiring & brave soul for doing this! Hang on there and don’t lose faith because God works in the most marvellous ways we can never comprehend.

    On another note, its astounding how so many of us are going through the same struggle and yet there’s so little support or talk about infertility. I’m so moved by the sharing & testimonies (so many brave hears out there!) by your readers.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  169. Sarah wrote:

    My coworker is going through this right now, but I didn’t quite understand all of the emotions behind it. Thank you for sharing your story so I can have empathy and compassion….and understanding.

    Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  170. Beeta wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story with all of us – I think it’s so important for women (and men) to know it’s okay to talk about their struggles. Your courage to share the process as you’re experiencing it is so admirable, inspiring and encouraging. I appreciate this post so much and for many reasons. I hope the love and encouragement you & Nick receive from your followers helps boost you up when you’re feeling extra tired. You both have a village behind you 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  171. Libby wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Nervously awaiting the results of our last round of IUI. It is so good to know we’re not alone.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  172. Heather Fish wrote:

    Jean, You’re an inspiration. Thank you for sharing. My sister and her husband faced many of the same struggles and today she has 7 month old twin boys! Your miracle will come.
    xo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  173. Aisha wrote:

    Thank you for being brave in sharing your experience! After a year of unsuccessful trying, my husband and I decided to see an fertility specialist and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. We are now starting the process prior to IVF but if it doesn’t work then we may be on to IVF next. Even though it’s early on in the process it’s been so hard seeing everyone around me getting pregnant or with young children. Literally, EVERYONE around me. My coworkers, friends and neighbors. So I truly appreciate you sharing your experience because I can relate to those feelings of envy, sadness, frustration and hopefulness. And I know what it’s like to wonder how to successfully relax and not think about it when it’s all you can think about. Wishing you the best in your journey!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  174. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean, you are so brave and courageous. You are so blessed to have such an amazing and supportive husband to be you pillar of strength through such a difficult time. Blessings come in seasons. Sending warm hugs and prayers that this journey will harvest you the family you seek.

    -K

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  175. Pam wrote:

    You are such a beautiful person on the inside as well as the outside. I’m sending you positive thoughts and lots of good wishes. Thank you for sharing your journey with your readers.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  176. Anonymous wrote:

    That was very brave of you to share! I wish you all the best! Sending positive energy your way!
    Every time my husband and I decided to take a break from trying to get pregnant, I was pregnant. You just never know. It will happen.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  177. Jc wrote:

    You are a brave brave woman and I wish you best of luck with the FT. I’ve been following your blog for years and have never commented before. As a mom or a 2 year old boy and another boy coming in January I have literally been coming to your blog with hopes of you being pregnant and scooping some mom fashion advice. This post really shook me up and my heart breaks for what you have had to endure. Sending you all the best wishes possible and keeping my fingers crossed. Stay strong.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  178. Victoria wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey. Wishing you all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  179. Sue wrote:

    As I’m holding my youngest and reading your journey I’ve never felt more lucky. I truly believe that good things happen to good people. You and Nick will be blessed with a rainbow baby soon and he/she will be so blessed to have you as parents. Sending you both many prayers, love and good vibes. <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  180. T wrote:

    Thanks Jean for sharing this. It’s really perfect timing, because I’m starting the shots tomorrow and I’m scared to death. I’m only freezing my eggs, because I’m in my late 30s and had very bad luck in love. So after my doctor recommendation, I’m doing it now.

    I had never thought I would have to go through it. And doing it alone is really though, even though is not the whole process. But a lot of emotions amd sadness.

    So I wish you guys good luck. Crossing my fingers for you and hoping that you’re doing better now. Thank you so much for your post

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  181. Caroline wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. There are many women in my life who have struggled with infertility. It is a hard journey. Some of the most beautiful stories that I got to watch unfold were families who chose adoption as an alternative. Adoption was an answered prayer for both the families and the kids who finally had a home. Good luck, Jean. I sincerely hope that you will have a child soon either way.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  182. Hi Jean, I have been a long time follower of yours and never posted a comment, although I have admired your sense of style for years. Today, I just could not pass without leaving you a note. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience on such hard topic. I will send you & your husband good vibes for some very happy news in the near future. Stay positive.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  183. G wrote:

    Dear Jean, thank you for opening up and sharing on such a difficult topic. Infertility is something that I would never wish on my worst enemy – the loneliness, the frustration, the physical and emotional toll that you described so well.
    Are you (and Nick) getting the psychological support that you need?
    Be gentle with yourself. Know that you are not alone. Sending you lots of love and warmest thoughts. xoxoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  184. Alaina wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. Sending good thoughts and wishing you the very best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  185. Lady Evergreen wrote:

    Much love and support to you and your husband. Longtime fan of your blog and am wishing you well on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  186. Clara Eaton wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    A baby made by Jean and Nick would be a wonderful baby! Thank you for sharing your real
    life. This reader appreciates you and all you contribute to my petite world. I prayed today that you would have the desire of your heart.

    May I share with you that I struggled to get pregnant for a time? My mother and grandmother advised me that I was too thin and they were right. The body I maintained so carefully needed fat to build hormones and fat storage for the baby. Since then I have read the book Nourishing Traditions and have learned a lot about the nutrition women need to be mothers. We don’t talk about that much in our culture, but I mention it here in case it can help someone else as it helped me. You are courageous, Jean, and your child will be blessed by your courage and desire to be a mother. God be with you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  187. cat wrote:

    Jean, you are so brave for sharing what you and Nick are going through. People and the media talk about IVF in passing a lot and the bit that isn’t highlighted enough or at all is the process. It’s not just about the money. It’s not a walk in the park. On top of all that, it’s not fool-proof. So I thank you for educating all of us, me included.

    I am rooting for you both and hope a miracle baby is in the works. Sending you lots of positivity and love!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  188. Kim wrote:

    Thinking of you both and hoping for the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  189. Yi wrote:

    Thanks for opening up for your story. It is very touching! Hope for the best! I am sure you will be a great mum.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  190. TiTi wrote:

    Thank you very much for sharing all of this with us. I am going through and trying everything you are feeling and doing right now. Everything will be fine! Looking forward to hearing GOOD news from both of us!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  191. hunny_o wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    The fact that you shared such a personal experience itself shows how strong you are! Every person goes through their share of ups & downs. Its all about staying positive, having faith & being strong. I’m sure you already have all these qualities. Never let anything make you feel otherwise.
    Stay blessed!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  192. Erin wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I have been in your shoes and literally today my husband and I are celebrating one year ago bringing our twin baby girls home from the hospital! We were on a similar journey for four years. It will happen….I firmly believe that if you KNOW you are meant to be a mother….you WILL be! Somehow, some way…it will happen. I am thinking of you all the way from CO and wishing positive results soon! Hang in there!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  193. Winnie wrote:

    You are so brave to share this very personal very difficult experience with the world. Thank you for putting in into words in a way I could not. After trying for four years to get pregnant my husband and I also went through the testing, the noninvasive and then the IVF this summer. Everything you’re feeling, physically and emotionally, know that there are others out here that have been through it too. Go easy on yourself. You’re allowed to feel jealous, guilty, sad, silly. You are going through an incredibly trying thing. Hang in there lady!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  194. jenny wrote:

    You are so incredibly brave to share your story! I sincerely hope that a baby happens for you and Nick. Stay strong!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  195. K wrote:

    I wish I were as brave a you to make it known what I have gone through. I have kept my struggles so private. The emotional rollercoaster is difficult to describe. After years of trying I have only known failure. I am one week after my second miscarriage. Still coping. My days of trying are over. All the sadder. It is comforting to know that others share similar difficulties but hearing of others “happy ending” is not easy right now.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  196. Kacey wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. It can’t have been easy for you to write this post. As a fellow Chinese American woman I know how our moms and aunts do not talk about things like this. My mom had a miscarriage before I was born and when she finally told me (I was 26) she made it seem like no big deal. Thank you for your bravery in opening up. I agree it is so important for women to be able to support each other and not feel alone. I love your blog and have been reading for a few years now. I pray you will get pregnant. My husband and I are also ready for kids, but due to my recent lupus diagnosis my doctors told me to not get pregnant while I am on a lot of medications. All our friends are also getting pregnant so I understand the mixed joy and sadness. Hang in there!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  197. C wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal and emotional journey …one that is so hard to talk about.
    My husband and I have been trying for over a year now and have had 2 miscarriages. Its a struggle thay so many people go through and not enough talk about. I feel that everyone around me is either getting pregnant and having a baby and it makes every month that goes by harder and harder. While I don’t know the experience of IVF, I understand the emotional rollercoaster.
    I truly wish you a happy ending and success with this IVF treatment.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  198. Diane wrote:

    I’ve followed you for years and have always loved your honesty and grace. Sending you so much love and support in this really difficult time. Thank you for sharing!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  199. Brittany wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story. We’ve been trying for almost two years, and we found out several months ago that I have stage 4 endometriosis. Your story touched me and put into words many of my thoughts and feelings. You reminded me that we’re not alone and encouraged me to be more open about my feelings. Thank you, Jean! I am praying for you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  200. Sarah wrote:

    Thank you so much for this post, for helping normalize something taboo that is so important and emotional to those of us going through it. Best wishes to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  201. Sam wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine it was easy to open up like this. I’m wishing you all the best and sending love your way.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  202. A wrote:

    Jean, thank you SO much for posting this. Although my husband and I aren’t quite at the point of IVF, your description of the journey is SO SO SO on point; I could have written it myself. Wishing you a successful end to your journey ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  203. Petiteish wrote:

    Jean, How brave you are to share your story and soldier through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing (and so eloquently) this personal struggle, it’s a service you’re doing for other women. Good luck to you and Nick on this next stage, fingers crossed that happy news is on the way! Sending hugs and love your way.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  204. Tina Wu wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    I’ve been a religious reader of your blog for over three years now and I really enjoyed all your blog posts and fashion recommendations. Thank you for sharing your journey to becoming a mom. I’ve been through the exact same phase and had all the emotional roller coasters for three years as my husband and I tried to have our baby. Rounds and rounds of lab test and driving 20 miles to go to a Chinese doctor that prescribes bitter tea every week. Even though like you, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, at my lowest point, I was ready to give up, and just accept the fact that I will not have a kid in my life. It was a very harsh and painful sentence to accept.

    For me, the reason why I wanted to have a kid was to become the mother that I’ve never had. So even tho at the moment I was not pregnant, I started reading this book call “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk ” by Adele Faber [ http://amzn.to/2ycZ9ll ]. As I read through the scenarios the moms had to encounter with their kid, I was imaging in my head interactions I had with me (imaged) kid. I was so grateful everytime the book revealed the “secret solution” to dealing with each kids’ problem, because it gave me a sense that I becoming the mother that I wanted to become.

    I don’t know if you belief in metaphysics such as Law of Attractions, but that same night after I finished the last page in the book, I was pregnant and now my baby is almost one years old. When you became defeated or feeling painful, there must be some part of the day that you are not in pain or not feeling defeated, at those moments, if you can find something to appreciate, it might transfer your attention and lift your spirit. Visualizing that you are already a mother dressing your baby up for the latest fashion (which you are very good at!) will enhance your attraction to becoming pregnant.

    Your future baby (babies) will be so lucky to have a mommy like you, who is sensible, fashionable, and strong! Your baby is on it’s way, share the good news with us when he/she arrives!

    -Best Wishes,
    Tina

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  205. Rith wrote:

    ThAnk you so much for sharing. I too went through and I truly believe it will happen when the timing is right. I know exactly how you feel & felt the fact same way… we went through 2 rounds of IVf and it completely consumed us… and inflated our finance. Although it didn’t work… I then took a rest from it and after a few months we conceived on our own. And now we have a 2 & 3 year old. 😊You just never know what will happen. Stay strong and try to be open about it to friends & family … atleast that way what helped me get through the hard times. Good Luck on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  206. Joanne wrote:

    Hi,
    I am sorry to hear you are going through this hardship.
    I went through the same thing. I had a miscarriage and had scar tissues in my right ovari which made my one of tube blocked. After two surgeries, They were able to remove most of the scar tissues but the tube is still blocked. We’ve been going to the fertility clinic and been on fertility drugs for 6months. And still nothing. The doctor said it will be hardfor us to conceive naturally because of that blocked tube. So we decided to do IVF. The whole process is not easy, timeless hours spent in the doctor’s office waiting, doing blood tests, ultrasounds, taking injections and drugs. Then came the big day for retrieval. I could still recall how painful and uncomfortable the surgery is. Nor how nauseous I was during and after recovery. Few days later, I was excited and pumped to get ready for my transfer. I received a phone call from the nurse, she told me that my appointment has been cancelled. They told me my embryo had stopped growing on day 4. As soon as I hung up, I bursted into tears and cried for hours. I don’t know how and why? I felt like im the unluckiest person in the whole world. I don’t knos if I will ever become a mom. This September me and my husband decided to take a break from trying. So, we went on a vacation to get away, away from the stress and pain we were facing. At this point I don’t know what’s next for us. But I am not ready to give up, not yet. I will continue to try and try till I want to. I believe there will be hope for us all. I am glad you opened up to your readers. I want to Thank you for this opportunity to allow me to share my story here as well.
    Please be brave and don’t lose hope. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  207. Karen wrote:

    Praying for you and Nick! It must be more than hard to open up to write up this blog. Am sure your little angels are waiting in line to pick their perfect parents of theirs. Hope to hear some good news from you guys very soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  208. Michelle wrote:

    I have been a long time reader of your blog, because you dress so fashionably. Thank you for sharing this personal post. I would like to give unsolicited more advice: each individual has their own trajectory and timeline with their partner. Once you have a child, everyone will ask when will you have the next one, because they don’t believe it’s ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ to only have one child. It’s not worth catering to others’ needs. Enjoy your time together. Usually couples become pregnant unexpectedly. Let me know if you need an ear. I’ve worked as a registered nurse for over ten years, especially in labor and delivery. Fertility issues are challenging.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  209. Andrea wrote:

    Hi Jean, Thank you for sharing your story. It is uniquely yours and an incredible gift to your readers. I love following your feed – you are a woman of grace and elegance <3 I wish you endless love and strength as you continue on your journey. You are so beautiful, inside and out! Best wishes to you and your hubby! XO

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  210. Carla Krae wrote:

    Saw the IG story and congrats on 21 eggs!

    I think women need to be open about all aspects of adding a child to the family – miscarriage, infertility, difficult pregnancies, and adoption.

    Since I’m 40, I see things a little differently than someone younger, and it personally makes me sad to see all the children desperately hoping for a good home while some couples obsess with having a biological child at all costs. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a child of your own blood, but there’s also something amazing about choosing a child to add to your family, and I think the latter gets lost a bit in these kinds of talks. Especially with women 40 and above, that time and treasure spent on that tiny chance of a healthy pregnancy could also give them a child they could hold today that’s just as eager to have a mom and dad.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  211. ST wrote:

    Jean – Thank you so much for baring your soul. I’m also Asian American and was told by family members that it was not okay to put my “diary” (blog) for real world to read. But the courage you took to share your struggles will help others who are experiencing similar pain. Sending love from the SF Bay.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  212. Taryn wrote:

    Thank you for being brave and talking about your struggle. Sending you love!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  213. Y wrote:

    I just went through that. I cried on the hospital bed while I was still wobbly after the egg-retrieval procedure because I was told only 5 eggs were retrieved. Apparently, my ovaries did not respond well to the medications. I did not have that bloat as you shown in the last picture, at least the bloat was a good sign. Now I only have 2 embryos that are still alive after the 5th days. They are undergoing genetic testings now. It’s gonna be a few weeks wait before getting the result. All the best Jean!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  214. Jenny wrote:

    You are so wonderfully beautiful, Jean, outside AND inside!! Thoughts and prayers are with you and nick. I can’t relate and feel so frustrated that my hubby and I weren’t “trying”, and so many beautiful, wonderful women like you try so hard and long for it so badly. Hang in there, and just know that so many of us are cheering you on!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  215. Ann wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. You hit the nail on the head with your first two paragraphs. I can only imagine what you are going through and I’m sure it’s very tough to share this with us. I hope you don’t mind me giving you some advice …I’m a Mom and had a fairshare of some hardships and from experience I’m going to say don’t compare yourself to your peers or friends. Everyone has their own journey and this is yours and Nick’s. You are doing things to improve the situation and with prayers and positive thoughts i know you will be a Mom one day. Tough times don’t last and my best way to get through them is through prayer and a wonderful support system. (which is so evident by all these wonderful comments) I’m cheering you on. Wishing you all the best and when the timing is right believe it will happen.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  216. Elisabeth wrote:

    I just finished reading and my heart goes out to you and your husband. I pray that your treatment works. Never forget how strong your are. Sharing your story shows strength, courage and love.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  217. Dalia wrote:

    Jean, I think you’re even more beautiful now than ever. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and for modeling how to be courageously vulnerable. You continue to inspire 🙂
    Wishing you and Nick the best of luck and looking forward to your updates.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  218. Judy wrote:

    Jean,
    Acupuncture does work, but make sure you have a good one who also knows herbs. Four ladies got pregnant where I go for acupuncture, and one with twins, but she was also seeing a fertility doctor along with acupuncture. If you get a chance check Jen Ross on Pretty Neat Living Blog. Jen did acupuncture and she had a baby girl who is now almost two in December and is expecting a baby boy in February 2018. Jen also has some good tips on ovulation, etc.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  219. Anita wrote:

    Been following your blog for a while and never posted. Today though I had to : thank you for your courage in posting such a personal journey and struggle. Those of us who have tried and tried again know at least some of what you are going through. I so admire your strength and will keep you in thoughts and prayers. Wishing you the very best and hope your wish to be one a mom is right around the corner. Stay strong

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  220. Jenn wrote:

    Jean my heart goes out to you. I’m not a Mom but can relate to the deep desire to be one. I pray that you and Nick are given your hearts’ desire with a healthy baby or two. I have two friends here in San Diego who were on a similar journey and I’m happy to tell you that one has healthy triplets and one has healthy twins…after several rounds of IVF each. Hang in there! We’re all routing for you. 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  221. Kimberly wrote:

    Jean, I teared up reading it. I think you’re so brave for sharing your journey. I’ve followed you for years and love reading your blog and also your style. I hope you & Nick will receive some positive news soon!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  222. Cathy wrote:

    Thank you for your brave and honest post. My husband and I have done two rounds of IVF and bracing ourselves for a third try. Even though I don’t wish this struggle on anyone, reading your words comforted me. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not the only one going through this. I wish you and Nick the best in your journey. Sending you lots of luck love and joy.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  223. Thanh wrote:

    You are so brave to share your story. And you are definitely not alone in this journey, although it can often feel that way. These days, so much is about instant gratification – if you want something, you can buy it online right away, download it, find it in the shop. Unfortunately, this is not always the case when you want to have a baby, and the frustration of not being able to conceive can be so distracting and depressing. But there are so many happy endings for people who go down the IVF route and I wish you and Nick a quick and happy journey. You are one of my favourite bloggers and I hope you will never stop blogging and never stop smiling 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  224. Meghan wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Jean. I’m currently on year two of trying to conceive. I’m 30 and Korean and have had two healthy children with no issues before. So far, I’ve gotten similar responses from my doctor. Everything seems to be fine. I was wondering how you decided to go with IVF. I feel like that’s where we’re headed, but I’ve heard there are other options too. Just wondering how you finally decided. I’m wishing you the best possible result from your surgery ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  225. Anna wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing! I felt myself nodding my head to every word. My husband and I have been trying for almost two years and it is the loneliest and most trying thing I’ve ever been through. By sharing your story you’re helping so many women understand what it is like and also helping those going through the process not feel so alone. Good luck to you and your husband! Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  226. Just found your blog and will be following. Just wanted to leave a comment on how brave I think you are and that I am praying that this process works for you. While I have never been in this situation lately i have know quite a few women who have gone through IVF. Have faith and I am sure it will work…

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  227. Nicole S. wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been following you for many years and am a fan of your content (recipes, travel and fashion posts – they are all wonderful!) and also your personal story, which you’ve shared in bits and pieces. Thank you for sharing this piece of your life – you owe an explanation to no one, but sharing this will help many people feel less alone in their journey (and for those like me who don’t necessarily want kids, it helps us develop empathy for those that choose to undergo IVF). Wishing you the best of luck!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  228. Lily wrote:

    As a 38yr old single female, I wanted to be a mom since a kid. However there’s not even prospect of a guy on the horizon yet, and I didn’t want to just get with any guy just so I can fulfill the dream of being a mom. Those bitter sweet moments of prepping for married friends’ baby showers are really hard. Hopefully your round of IVF can become fruitful. God bless you and Nick. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  229. Anna wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. My husband and were in a similar situation, but we’re a bit older than you. We ended up trying Chinese medicine to regulate the hormones and it took about 6 months, but I now have a 4 year old daughter (she likes looking at your blog pictures!). Stay strong and best wishes!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  230. Maria A. wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal and moving story! I am Asian as well and understand your hesitations to share at first but so happy you shared this! I have had many friends go through this – sure you know there are success stories, some turned to adoption, some with twins, baby after several attempts, etc. I am by no means knowledgeable in any way in this area but some of my friends tried naprotechnology and after years of infertility, it worked for some! http://www.naprotechnology.com/ Not many know about it- just thought to share it although you may already know about it.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  231. Hey Jean,

    Thanks for sharing your story. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now but I’m sending positive vibes your way 💓 and have my fingers crossed the IVF works. Stay strong!

    x Sabrina
    mymiaou.com

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  232. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been reading your blog weekly for 6 (!!!) years now. I don’t have enough kind words for you, but today I just want to let you know I cried reading about your struggle and I’m wishing you ALL the best in the world. The fact that you’ve invested so much heart, time, and money into having a child proves how great you’ll be as a mother. Love and peace to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  233. JM wrote:

    You both seem like such amazing, loving, caring people and I have enjoyed seeing your journey through this blog. Best wishes that you will get through this time as quickly and painlessly as possible. We are all rooting for you!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  234. RJ wrote:

    Thank you for your honesty and transparency! I am blessed to be an IVF mama, so I know exactly what you’re going through. I will be praying for you and Nick, and I can’t wait to celebrate with you when your little one is born.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  235. Anonymous wrote:

    You are so brave for sharing your story. I have also struggled with infertility and underwent IVF last year and paid out of pocket. After genetic testing we had only one normal embryo and I gave birth to my beautiful daughter in May. It is such an emotional journey that no one really understands unless they’ve gone through it. You are not alone, there are so many of us that struggle in silence. I wish the best for you and pray that you get good news soon!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  236. Danielle wrote:

    You are so brave! Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I too am going through this as well. I will be doing my first IUI on my next cycle.

    A friend of mine that went through this horrible infertility journey told me that God doesn’t put desires in your heart that he doesn’t plan on fulfilling. Those words have me so much hope!

    Best wishes and prayers for you and your family!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  237. Hum just when you think your life is miserable God shows you someone else’s sufferings. Let me tell you will conceive cause God wants that for you. Please take heart and be at peace. LIFE will be carried in your belly. You are strong and your journey will help other to remain strong. Take heart

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  238. Shari wrote:

    Hi, Jean.
    Thank you so so so much for sharing this. This is such a now moment for me, and being able to know someone else is there with you makes a huge difference. I can totally relate to almost everything you wrote today, and we too are waiting. I admire your strength and am so thankful for your courage to write on this.
    Best wishes,
    Shari ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  239. Lindsay Ward wrote:

    About 7 years ago, I could have written this exact post. I completely understand all your mixed up feelings especially re: family and friends pregnancies. We chose to do IVF only once and unfortunately we did not get pregnant. After that, we took some time off and then about a year later, started the adoption process. We are actually leaving tomorrow to go to China to pick up our second son (our first is also adopted from China)! After our failed IVF, I came to terms with the fact that I may not ever have kids. Now, just a few years later, I am about to become a mom of 2! Just wanted to encourage you that no matter the outcome of this IVF cycle, there is hope through continued fertility treatments or adoption.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  240. amy wrote:

    Hi Jen, Thank you for sharing this post. I did not go through IVF but my husband and I was a carrier for a genetic defects and the first thing the doctor told us was to get IVF. They did not give us any options on what we could and should do. When i called the IVF center all they wanted was to pump stuff in me and get this process going-even though we haven’t made decision yet. We then got pregnant naturally and everything is ok-it turned out even if we went the IVF route it’s still not guaranteed. I wish you the best in everything. Hang in there

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  241. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi Jean!

    Everything you wrote from tracking ovulation to all the surrounding pregnancy announcements to the feelings of shame and frustration were exactly the sentiments and thoughts that I felt and am still currently feeling. My husband and I also took multiple fertility tests (which all came out normal) and had to deal with insurance nightmares as well. It was surprising to read how similar a stranger’s situation could be to ours and to read how eloquently you described your feelings which mirrored mine.

    I greatly appreciated this post and hope you continue to share with your readers whatever you feel comfortable sharing. My husband and I have been trying for 3 years and have experienced multiple miscarriages, but we weren’t sure if IVF was for us. I read your post out loud to my husband and it helped shed some light on the process even though we currently have a few friends who are going through IVF. Much luck to us both and all the other strong, struggling women out there! <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  242. Wendi wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing. My husband and I have been trying as well and I always feel depress when results come back negative. It really helps to know someone out there feels the same and is going through the same emotional roller coaster.
    I wish you guys luck with IVF!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  243. Ash wrote:

    Oh thank you so much for sharing this. It’s every bit as important to share our struggles as it is to share our gifts and talents. For me, it’s been a challenge to reflect an authentic version of myself over social media. I’ve always felt pressure to put forth a positive cheery image, even during college when my parents were going through a divorce. It was so brave of you to share this with your readers. This post makes me personally feel more empowered to share a more honest version of myself.

    I am not sure if you consider yourself a role model, but it occurred to me that you’re definitely modeling how to share on social media with your readers. In general I look up to not just your fashion sense but also your valued relationships with family, active social life, and taste for adventures.

    I am sorry to hear about the pain you’re feeling as you go through this medical struggle. I wish you all the best and hope that you can find peace with both the outcome and the journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  244. Thu wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the best in your journey to become a mother.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  245. Danielle wrote:

    Sending so much love (and hopefully a little luck) your way. It isn’t easy to be honest or open up to strangers. Your strength is admired.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  246. Samantha wrote:

    Jean, even though I found your blog a few years ago I have gone back to the way beginning and can honestly say that I’ve read every post of yours. You and Nick are such heart-warming people, I follow both of you on Instagram too and I always joke when I’m in Boston, “What if I meet my idol, Jean!?” Sending prayers and love to you two. Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest, as you always are. You are strong and this community loves you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  247. Susan wrote:

    my dear sweet brave Jean–we hold you in our arms and prayers, and hope that you conceive (twins!) quickly and easily after all you have been through. You are in one of the best medical cities in the world, and fingers crossed for you and Nick. Thank you for your bravery and honesty amidst a community of bloggers who hesitate to be real and forthcoming.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  248. Arts wrote:

    Dear Jean

    I have been following your blog for 5 years and counting. I love reading about everything you share. This has been very personal, and so real. Wishing you and Nick lots of good wishes and love.. Praying for you both to have a blessed, happy life.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  249. Janine wrote:

    Dear Jean, Thank you for sharing such a personal thing. I have loved your blog & like many others, felt like you were a girlfriend. I also struggled with infertility & it took two years of holistic treatments to get pregnant. I now have an amazing 9 year old (the time flies!) and would encourage you to supplement the IVF with acupuncture & herbal medicine. Good luck and may you have peace in your heart as you & Nick continue this journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  250. Danielle wrote:

    I admire your openness and courage to share. I went through IVF last year and we had a beautiful baby boy as a result 4 months ago. This will all be soooo worth it. You are strong. You got this!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  251. Theresa wrote:

    I really appreciate you sharing this, especially the part where even in your own family, certain things aren’t discussed. I’m glad we’re becoming more open with each other as women and learning that we aren’t usually alone in the struggles we face. I hope you and Nick will have a short road to walk with this one and that you’ll be blessed with a little one soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  252. Kate wrote:

    ❤❤❤sending you all the positive thoughts and thank you for sharing your experience.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  253. Stephanie wrote:

    I’m sitting here in complete awe of how perfectly you explained this. I’ve never before read something quite like this, capturing EXACTLY how it is I’ve felt for the past year and a half since my husband and I started “trying”. It has been the most difficult experience we have been through as a couple. Of course, life could always be worse and so many people go through so much worse, but as a woman who really wants to be a mother, it is very difficult to be told that there’s nothing exactly “wrong”, but that you need to undergo fertility treatments without any certainty of when or even whether or not they will work. I admire you for voicing your very difficult journey and your feelings, as it echoes those of so many women, like me. It’s always somewhat comforting to know that you’re not alone and that others will be there to try to understand you and provide support. Thank you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  254. Lily wrote:

    “It was both nothing in particular and everything all at once.” Couldn’t have said it better. Thank you for this post and sending you and Nick positive vibes. <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  255. su wrote:

    Dear Jean,
    So proud of you .. an incredibly brave women. We are with you praying for the safer ,successful and happier future. Best wishes.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  256. Callie wrote:

    I admire the your strength to write this post more than you know. It brought back all the feelings I once felt. It is like you said such a lonely and sad feeling to feel like your body will not do what it is supposed to do. Sending you all my love, prayers and a hug

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  257. Laura wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    I have been following you for years and refer to you for style inspiration always. I am not going through IVF but have had two miscarriages this year so far. We are fortunate enough to have a beautiful 2 year old boy so I am well distracted but every now and then I see a pregnant woman pass and can’t help but feel like it should be me and that there’s something wrong with my body. Thank you for sharing your story and letting everyone who is going through their own fertility journey that they are not alone and to remind everyone to be sensitive to others. You never know the struggles that someone might be going through. Wishing you and Nick the best, stay strong ❤.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  258. Kileen wrote:

    Jean, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this but I wish you and Nick the best. I struggled with infertility too during my second pregnancy and completely understand the frustration, guilt, and loneliness. I will definitely be keeping you in my thoughts and sending you lots of love!

    Kileen

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  259. Kate wrote:

    Jean, though I have never met you I have always admired your blog and work as a fellow Boston blogger. You are what every Boston blogger aspires to be! And through everything you have shared on your blog I feel like I have gotten to know you and your husband really well. I am so sorry for this pain you both are going through. Know that you are not alone and that their is nothing that is wrong with you. I am so glad to hear that your medical insurance has finally decided to cover the costs of your IVF because I know that the two of you are going to make one very beautiful baby someday. You have a loyal support group in your friends, family and all of your fans. I know I’m sending my prayers to you!

    Wishing you all the best with your journey,
    Kate

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  260. Sho wrote:

    Jean, I’ve quietly enjoyed reading your blog for nearly a decade, but never commented. I wanted to thank you for sharing and sends lots of support. “Throughout it all, I’ve felt ashamed and frustrated that my body couldn’t do something that a woman should be able to do. Lonely because there was no one to talk to who I felt would understand.” These words ring so true – I had a difficult pregnancy and felt the same way. When I did open up to friends and family about what was going on, I felt like the odd woman out for not ‘handling’ pregnancy with confidence or ease, the way so many women around me seemed to be doing. I now believe that struggles at various stages of this journey are far more common than we are led to believe, and I hope that women take heart from your post that they are not alone. While I understand why many women choose to fight their battles quietly, I think this does a disservice to us overall when many of us find that the process is not what we expected. It’s so important that we share our stories. Thank you for opening up about yours.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  261. Catherine wrote:

    Sending you and Nick love, Jean. You’re brave and kind to share your story with others, which you’ve done eloquently. Wishing you strength, peace, and of course success in your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  262. Alice C. wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing your story. Have you heard of the podcast Eggcellent Adventure? It’s done by a couple who is sharing their IVF journey and they have built up a community of people who are doing IVF and the shared knowledge there is incredible.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  263. Niamh wrote:

    This is so beautifully written, thank you for sharing. Your honesty will really help a lot of people who are on the same journey. Your mom showed you just how powerful and strong women are when we need to be . I wish you and Nick both all the best whatever the outcome. Take care of each other. Thank you Jean for everything you do.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  264. Lilly wrote:

    Wow. This is the first post I’ve read of yours, and it’s absolutely beautifully written. I’m so sorry for your journey, and I’m even more sorry that you’ve felt like you couldn’t open up sooner. What a difficult time for you and your hubby. I hope y’all have positive results and that the only poking and prodding you get from now on comes from a chubby little finger saying, “Mama!”

    https://batalidioranddeweywalkintoabar.com/

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  265. Anonymous wrote:

    Good luck, I really hope it works out for you. I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through physically and emotionally but you sharing your story will be helping so many women in ways you can’t imagine. Stay strong. X

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  266. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean,
    I love your website and have never commented before, but your very personal story made me emotional as I have been through the same journey and was completely ready to give up. I am now the mother to a beautiful 12 year old daughter. I wish you the best and am sending you ‘extra strength’ and hope you and Nick have good news soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  267. Peggy wrote:

    I’ve loved your blog and have been following you for years now, but haven’t felt compelled to comment until now. My husband and I are also part of the 1 in 8 couples who struggle with infertility. We have gone through two failed IVF cycles (with another cycle to start up in a few weeks), and can sympathize with you and your struggles. It’s not something we typically share with others either (we’re Chinese-Americans too), but you are brave in your willingness to talk about this extremely personal matter and to share about it while you’re in the middle of it. Unless someone else has walked through it before, it’s hard to describe how physically, emotionally, and financially exhausting the process is. And I totally get it – friends and family are well-intentioned, but don’t quite know how to respond in a way that would be helpful. By sharing what you have, I hope that others out there will get a glimpse of how difficult the process can be, and how they might be more helpful and compassionate in addressing those who struggle with infertility. I commend you for sharing, and also want you to know that you’re not alone! And I hope there’s good news about your embabies!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  268. Wvreeve1@gmail.com wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. I wish I could have read something like this ten years ago. Your story sounds unbelievably familiar. At the time I felt so alone….I know this will be a comfort to many others.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  269. lisa wrote:

    I hope this message reaches you, seeing that you’ve been receiving tons of love via this post. My husband and I tried getting pregnant and was successful after 8 years (nothing was wrong with us, just lifestyle change). My colleague has gone through IVF and conceived naturally after 10 years and now has 4 kids. I pray that you hang on to faith. When I felt defeated and depressed, faith was what I hung on to and kept me from sinking. The Lord gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  270. J wrote:

    Thank you for sharing! As someone currently struggling with infertility it is nice to know you’re not alone when there’s not a soul around that can relate.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  271. Anonymous wrote:

    Our friends have tried for 8 years and tried IVF twice and they finally had their baby girl. Just when they were planning to do IVF for their second baby she go pregnant naturally! Although things may seem grim….don’t give up!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  272. Sunny wrote:

    Jean, I can’t relate directly to the IVF experience, but I have gone through family issues where I had to go though abortion (wished that I didn’t wake up after the surgery), to wanted to have a baby but had no heart beat, another surgery, then out of no where when I gave up, I was blessed with a beautiful-cutest of the world-loving son. I was in tears and tears and tears thru this whole up and downs. All I want to say if you and Nick are beautiful loving couples and you will be leased with kids (plural) because you will be great parents. I want to give Nick a big shoutout because without him being strong and with you and supporting you, you won’t have the courage to decide on the IVF and writing this post. Kudos to you and Nick. Relax ( I know it doesn’t sound appealing, but try to, as much as you can). With all the blesses here there everywhere, you will have plenty of kids. It’s just a matter of when. Hang on…. because parenthood isn’t easy too. Kind suggestion,: take your time now to fully enjoy your alone time with Nick, families and friends. Me and my husband looked at each other last week and said what did we do on a normal day/weeken before we had kids???

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  273. Sharon wrote:

    Hi ,

    Hang in there! I know exactly how you feel. The frustration that nothing is happening, the jealousy that others get pregnant easily, the anger that comes when family members asking isn’t it time for you to have kids, the resentment towards woman who get pregnant and didn’t want it, scared that you won’t be able to ge pregnant again, ashamed that the natural method doesn’t work for you, irritated that people don’t understand what you are going through.
    I was 16 weeks pregnant when my DR found an abnormally with my baby girl. He said that I had to do an abortion right away because she wouldn’t survive the entire pregnancy. My heart just stop. Signing the abortion paper was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I regret everyday for signing it, but we had no choice but to do it. It’s been 2 years now since we put an end to my pregnancy. The truth is, I miss little girl, and I wake up every morning regretting it even if we had no other choice. I wonder every day if I didn’t do the abortion, would she beat the odds and survive or woukd her tiny heart give in like my DR said…., I don’t know…..
    My husband was thinking of IVF, and aim afraid to actually go to that clinic. There’s so many if….what if I don’t get pregnant on the IVF, what if the baby gets an abnormality too…. I’m actually pretty scared to get pregnant again.
    I’m glad that you wrote this because this is the 1st time I said/wrote what I actually feel since my little girl died. And I don’t feel alone doing this

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  274. Meghan wrote:

    Love how open and honest this post is. So real and raw. This is beautiful. Thank you. The blog world and social media world need more people like this.
    xo, Meghan | http://tanlinesanddaisies.com

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  275. Annie wrote:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing such a personal post. I have followed your blog for years and love that you used your platform to bring such an important matter to light. Reading your post brought back many emotions from my struggles and treatments. I admire everyone and every couple that goes through this. I think it was the hardest trial on our marriage as the roller coaster of emotions for both people involved is so intense. It has taken a lot of time and personal reflection but I am now able to talk about my experiences without getting emotional. I wish you and Nick all the luck on this journey and hope for a healthy happy outcome. Know that you are not alone and thank you again for sharing.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  276. Kim wrote:

    I can’t say anything that you haven’t heard before but just wanted to say I read your words, it truly touched me and brought tears to my eyes, and I hope good news comes your way!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  277. Deidra wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that you and Nick have the strength to make it through this process. God will give you what your want just believe and have faith that he will. Continuing to pray for you guys hang in there. XO

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  278. C wrote:

    Praying for wonderful news soon!

    We too struggled for years to conceive. Suffered many miscarriages and one horrific ectopic pregnancy.

    A year later I cleansed flouride from my system. Only drank reverse osmosis drinking water and removed it from my tooth care.

    I gave up trying to ‘control’ my body and make it happen. And with every part of my mind and body gave it over to God. I simply did what I did not want to do. I stopped thinking about it. I quit social media and following my friends to move on and not have those jealous thoughts creep in.

    Shortly after, we found we were pregnant! I felt the exact same feelings you have shared here. I write this hoping to help someone looking for advice and hope for their journey.

    Please, please research and read about flouride in your diet. It has a direct link to infertility. And then take the next steps with all your care regimen. Makeup, shampoo, conditioner and lotions all enter your bloodstream. Think about what you put on your body. No doubt in my mind that this helped us in our battle for a baby.

    Baby dust to all!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  279. Justine wrote:

    I commend you for your authenticity and openness in sharing your infertility story. I had a miscarriage in May and have been trying for 5 months and each month that passes without “success” is a shot to the gut. I’m getting results of my full panel blood work this Wednesday and am anxious to learn “what is wrong with me.” Ugh. I can relate on so many levels to what you’ve shared, the highs and lows, the guilt, it’s tough. Infertility and miscarriage is so difficult and you really can’t comprehend how hard it is until you go through it yourself. I pray this treatment is successful for you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  280. Briana wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, one of my greatest fears is not being able to conceive, it is common in my family. I am frustrated that my husband refuses to start trying now because, even though he 100% wants kids someday we “aren’t financially ready for a baby now.” I have such anxiety that by the time /he feels/ ready my chance of conveiving will have passed and we will not have kids. We are not blessed with the resources to try IVF. I know it is in God’s hands, but I believe deep down that my husband’s naieve stubbornness will leave me childless.

    Just wanted to get that off my chest, i visit your blog daily, Jean, and you are such an inspiration to me in more ways than one. I wish you and Nick all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  281. Brenda wrote:

    Thand you so much for this extremely honest post. I completely understand how you are feeling. I feel the exact same way. I am further behind than you in my infertility journey but I totally sympathize with when you say this is an emotional rollercoaster. It is the most frustrating thing in the world when you don’t have control over your own body. My husband and I were trying for 11 months and miscarried at 5weeks. Since then nothing has happened and it has been almost a year. If my second IUI doesn’t work this month I have to get surgery for possible endometriosis. I’m currently in the two week wait and going crazy. After surgery is 3 rounds of injectables. If that’s doesn’t work we would be onto ivf but my husband has major reservations about it so I’m not even sure if ivf would be an option for us. I understand the stinging pain and feelings of dispar. They are so raw and real and unless you have ever experienced it yourself it is so hard for others to grasp what it feels like. Know that you are not going through this alone and all us infertility warriors are rooting for you!!! You are so brave and amazing for sharing your story!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  282. Allison wrote:

    Girl!! All the hugs for you<3 After having a miscarriage last year and then a trying year of trying, I had tests done too and found a mutation. I have never had such mixed (but mostly negative) feelings about finding out what the issue was. On one hand, “everything is fine” would be reassuring but also deceiving since something was clearly not working (as you had to go through). But, just knowing about the mutation doesn’t really solve anything since I have to majorly adjust diet and supplements and that still might not “fix” anything. Best wishes for you guys!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  283. CN wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this with your readers. It’s so hard when it seems to happen so easily for everyone around you. I am in a similar place and have a lot of the same frustrations and fears that you expressed here. You’re not alone! I wish you and your husband the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  284. Hinal wrote:

    Jean, you have a beautiful heart and you are a strong woman — don’t ever forget that. I have been following your blog for a few years now, mainly because we’re about the same size and have the same fashion taste. Little did I know we would have a lot more in common. We may not be going through the exact same thing (I miscarried my first recently), but I feel your pain and your sadness. I urge you to stay positive and be patient. I keep telling myself that great things just take a little more time, and soon enough we will both be happier than ever. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for as long as you need. Thank you for sharing your story, I feel more compelled to share mine. The fear of the stigma is out there and it’s up to us to help diminish it. If you ever need to talk, you should have my email in the post 🙂

    Take care and sending you the warmest hugs!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  285. Lori wrote:

    Jean, you are so brave to post your story and I’m sure it will help many women struggling with the same issues. Have you and Nick been tested for MTHFR? If not, please do. Folic acid is added to so many products and if you can’t metabolize it, infertility and miscarriages can be some of the outcomes. http://mthfr.net/is-mthfr-affecting-your-pregnancy/2013/05/24/

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  286. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean, I’m in the same boat with you. I just transferred my last embryo from my second cycle. I have BFP however the hcg is not rising as expected. I have been so devastated after 2-year of treatment and nothing has come out from the painful journey. I transferred 6 times, 4 didn’t implant, one miscarriage and will most likely to expect another miscarriage again. I will have to move on or maybe start with another cycle. I don’t know yet.

    But my best wishes to you. Given your age, you could be done after 1 or 2 cycles. My prayers are with you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  287. Andrew Poupart wrote:

    It is brave of you to share this post. My ex-wife and I went through everything you are going through (and more) over 25 years ago. The pain, the shame, the guilt, the heartache. It can be crushing ands it can crush the joy right out of your life. For us, it crushed a lot of the love out of our relationship. The stress and pain of multiple failed attempts eventually left us adrift from each other. Don’t let this happen to you. Please make sure to focus of the love that you share and make sure to reassure one another that your love does not depend on the outcome of your fertility treatment. But I wish you good fortune and good luck. I truly hope you welcome a healthy baby into the world in less than a year form now.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  288. Charlotte wrote:

    I work as a RN in the NICU and I have encountered many IVF pregnancies. It is quite common nowadays but I agree with you, it’s a journey and commitment that is not often talked about, perhaps due to the fear, guilt, and stress that comes with that decision. Due to the nature of my work, I know about my coworkers pregnancies a lot sooner than their families and friends and the ones that have losses or experienced infertility. All I can say is these things happen a lot more than you think. People certainly don’t advertise it. You are definitely not alone, even though it may feel like that at times. I’m glad you were able to share your thoughts and feelings on here, it’s not an easy step to take! But I hope that you’ll see that you’re not alone in this and that writing and documenting your journey can be therapeutic as well. I sometimes wondered in my head whether you and Nick will have kids, and you’ve answered that for me in this post. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story and I really hope that the treatment is successful and that we’ll hear about a healthy baby growing inside of you! On a side note though, pregnancy itself is both an emotional and physical experience, and sometimes with the hormones going all crazy and your body changing it can make you feel like you’re not yourself. Make sure you talk about your feelings, whether with your husband, family or like you do here. Don’t let fear, frustration and sadness spiral into depression… I’m sure you have a great support system so make sure you reach out! And try not to stress out too much (I know it’s easier said than done) and think about the unknown. One step at a time, one day at a time 🙂 xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  289. Hi Jean,

    I’ve been a follower of your blog for many years, as a matter of fact, you’re the first blog I’ve ever followed and still do! I never comment on blogs, but felt compelled to for this post. Thank you for sharing this personal post. In the perfectly curated world of blogging, you’ve brought us back down to earth by sharing this with us. That aside the fashionable outfits and beautiful vacations, everyone goes through struggles and challenges. I could feel the heartfelt frustration and sadness in your post, but from this, it shows the beauty, depth and humanity in your being. In hopes of offering some comfort, know that with every heartbreak, failure and challenge comes greater growth, compassion and strength. Best of luck to your family during this journey!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  290. Cat wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey, Jean. There’s so much to say and not enough to say, so I’ll just say thank you… and also that you’re incredibly brave. Wishing you the best and all the happiness in the world.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  291. Stephanie wrote:

    **hugs** Wishing you lots of rest and peace over the next stages of your journey. I can’t imagine how physically and mentally exhausting the whole process must be. I admire how you’ve managed to keep working so hard regardless– please feel free to take a break if you need it! I think all of us here will understand. <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  292. JRose wrote:

    Jean, Thank you so much for sharing. I applaud you for your bravery. I just want to tell you that you are not alone. I am also an Asian woman and I plan to do my second round of IVF this month, after trying naturally for 2+ years and 5 IUI. I still haven’t even told close friends and family of my pain and struggles. It wasn’t until after my first failed IVF that I told my sister (who is a doctor) that I even attempted IVF. I recently read an article regarding higher infertility rates among East Asian women. compared to other women. I will forward it to you. In NYC I see a disproportionate number of Asian women in my IVF waiting room… These struggles are very common. We are not alone. I wish you all the best on your journey and hope that you stay positive. So many of us are rooting for you!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  293. lauren wrote:

    I can’t tell you how much sharing this helped others. I remember the “trying” phase. I would walk down the street and I could swear, all of a sudden, everyone was pregnant. And I would wonder if it would happen. My boys are 13 and 15 now and I know how lucky I am but nobody was talking about this then. Good luck to you and Nick. If you need any nutrition advice through this journey, I’m here. Sending you positive thoughts.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  294. Chels wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been reading your blog since high school (I’m in my last year of university right now) and I can’t tell you how much your blog has helped me over the years. I came to you for prom, interviews, networking events, reviews, and I come to you now just to see how you’re doing. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story. I’m wishing you all the best and all the love and happiness in the world because you deserve nothing less. Have courage and stay strong, we’re all with you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  295. Sophie wrote:

    Thank you for posting your story! You just described my exact story in every way. I went through the exact same thing as you (same steps, same thoughts) and remained very private during the process because I just couldn’t take one more “pity look”. We were lucky and just welcomed our baby girl 3 months ago through ivf. In my experience, the egg retrieval was the most painful part. Stay positive and wishing you luck on you embryo transfer!! I know it doesn’t really help (I’ve been there), but the process worked for us, so stay positive! It will work for you too! Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  296. Kate wrote:

    You have so eloquently described what I went/ have been going through. I think you are amazing for sharing as it is something that people should not feel shameful about. Infertility was the hardest thing I have ever gone through; I never felt so lonely, disheartened, dejected and hopeful in my life. Four years, 4 IUIs, one miscarriage, $$$$ spent on meds, 3 IVF retrievals, 100s of injections later, I finally have my rainbow baby. I certainly hope that your path to parenthood is easier than mine was, but once you get there it is all so worth it. So much so, that I am gearing up to do it all over again to give my daughter a rainbow sibling. 🙂 I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  297. Carol wrote:

    Sending good thoughts your way as you continue on this journey. Stay strong and positive. Hugs!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  298. Serenity wrote:

    #Stay strong 💪 # keep fighting #hope #sendingloveandhugs

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  299. Maria Lee wrote:

    Thanks Jean for sharing. I also dealt with infertility for four years until pursuing ivf. Just like you, I was given advise and asked questions. I’ve tried everything including herb medicine and etc. then after 3 cycles of ivf, we are fortunate to have a Beautiful 20 month old girl and currently pregnant with a boy. I didn’t have many embryos to work with at all. One chance both times but we were extremely fortunate. Thank you for sharing and I hope that it was healing for you to share. For me, as physically and emotionally hard as it was, it was healing to talk about it. Best of luck with the treatment and I pray and hope to see you pregnancy post soon!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  300. Jean, Thanks for your sharing. I have been through exactly like your journey except that we didn’t go for the IVF route. Yes, it was the most frustrating experience. Every time I had my period, I felt so defeated and helpless. I tried whatever a human being can think of to get pregnant. I did everything you said and more, except that i don’t know how to do a headstand!!

    After 2 years, I basically just gave up and thinking that would never happen. And then, it just happened naturally. Be strong. Now, looking back, this experience really helps me and my husband to love each other more, and also build a very strong relationship for us. I truly wish you all the best and looking forward for you to feature maternity outfits for us petite ladies!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  301. Kristy wrote:

    It’s so brave of you to open up about this issue. I can relate as well as other women in here. Be strong, when it’s time, God will send those angels to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  302. Shad wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I’m new to the blog and just want you to know how brave you are for sharing your thoughts. So many people go through something similar, but no one ever talks about it and it feels so lonely. Wishing you the very best and loving your blogs.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  303. Lisa T. wrote:

    My husband and I faced the same challenges last year. We ended up going through 2.5 cycles before we got pregnant. It was an emotional roller coaster and our chances of success was less than 30%. We now have a happy and healthy 4 month old daughter. Don’t lose hope! Miracles do happen!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  304. Joyce wrote:

    Hi Jean, I am also Chinese and an older mother. I know exactly how it feels to watch all your friends have kids and your the one who has not. I also went through IVF – I live in the Boston area. Many of my friends don’t know what I went through to get pregnant, as you said it’s something you keep to yourself. I also kept thinking how could I not be a mother someday. I had thought was it because I’m older? If I had known I should have been more reckless and gotten pregnant when I was younger…
    Anyway, I know I’m a stranger but if you need/want to talk to someone who went through it I would be happy to help in any way…

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  305. Ritu wrote:

    Hi Jean…
    I have tears in my eyes after reading this post! But at the same time you’re in my prayers… I wish and hope everything will turn out to be good! Just stay strong and believe in God’s will!! Love <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  306. Rubina wrote:

    Hi! I have been following your instagram for a long time. Your reviews and recommendations helped me buy so many outfits that even my husband knows your name by now. Thank you so much for sharing your personal journey with the world. We will be praying for you and sending good thoughts your way as you go through this trying process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  307. Karyn wrote:

    Dear Friend,
    I have been exactly where you are. I tried IVF twice and now have twin girls. I was so sad when things didn’t go according to my timing. Now I see God’s timing was perfect. Everyday I see my girls I know that those little souls were waiting until the time was right. Your little soul(s) are out there and they will come to you in the most perfect time. This is how I made it through, I hope this message helps you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  308. Jami wrote:

    I am so sorry you are suffering through this incredibly painful process. I can relate. I have walked a similar path and understand the deep sense of loss that comes with each passing month, as well as the loneliness that comes with the perhaps well-intended but misguided input from others. My heart is so full of compassion for you and your husband right now. I hope you find success very soon and wish your family (in whatever shape that takes) so much love.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  309. Adri wrote:

    Really sorry, I passed for infertility also, but we are very happy with an adoption.
    I recommend you to look for this site http://mixandmatchmama.com/2017/11/pics-pics-pics/

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  310. Kellie wrote:

    I am so sorry you are going through this. While I have not personally gone through infertility, I do have close friends going through it and went through a miscarriage myself. While it is not the same experience it has made me realize that how others respond with not well thought out or downright insensitive comments is quite similar. “It will happen when it happens”, “it will all work out”, “it’s quite common” (a personal favorite- argh). They all may be well meaning but can send you spiraling as they clearly do not understand what you are going through.

    I wish you the best in this process and thank you for being so open with such a personal experience. I’m sure it will help many readers who are feeling alone in their own journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  311. Hidden wrote:

    This post hit my heart. These are words I can`t say to anyone. After trying and trying and seeing everyone surpass with bundles, I have chosen to tell people `I don’t want kids` `Its not safe these days to raise children.“My puppies are me kids, kids aren’t for us` . When in reality, I want! Kids. I`ve always wanted children. As a woman, it’s my duty to bear children;however my body has failed me. I`m ashamed to say that I unable to get pregnant. I`m ashamed of the looks, judgement, failure because this is truly how I feel about myself. I can only hide here and speak my true feelings because I can`t face the rejection. The thousands of whys. You are so brave! With all my heart, I wish you the best and success!!
    Thank you once again for speaking what I can never bring to words.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  312. Maggie wrote:

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! The emotional journey of infertility is difficult to put into words; but you nailed it. My frustration and tears are triggered so easily these days, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Even when I journal about the mixed feelings I experience, I can’t quite seem to fully express what’s happening in my mind and body, but I resonate with everything you wrote. Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  313. A.P wrote:

    Hi completely understand your struggle and have been through multiple rounds myself. It can be an isolating and grief filled process but it is also this incredible opportunity to realize how very strong and brave you are and your partner is too. Sending you both good vibes!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  314. Molly wrote:

    I wish you all the best as you go through IVF. Try to remember that you have so much to contribute to the world–so much that you HAVE contributed–and that this does not make you a failure. You should be so proud of your accomplishments! Good luck🍀

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  315. Cynthia wrote:

    I have followed your blog for quite some time now. I recently just started my own personal blog and have yet shared my experiences with IVF. You are not alone, and I hear you and understand all you have gone through. My loving thoughts are with you in hopes that your journey has a happy ending. We did three rounds of IVF, only to have no eggs to retrieve, with the fourth round finally having two follicles, with only one fertilizing, but at a very low grade. Needless to say, we never became pregnant through IVF. We are one of those lucky couples, however, that became pregnant naturally after a couple of months of being done with IVF. I have every faith in the world for you and your husband. All my love and prayers to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  316. KAY wrote:

    I have seen many couples who are using IVF to have babies and trust me I have seen all positive results. I salute all the women who go through this painful procedure to have a baby. All my good wishes to you❤️. I always follow ur blog but do not comment on it but this time, I had to comment.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  317. Annie Shang wrote:

    I have been reading your blog for several years. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Trust me, you are not alone. Now being blessed with two beautiful boys. I have to say, hang in there. The end results are so worth it. All the pain and uncertainty will be washed away once you hold your true love of your life in your arms.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  318. Jenny Siegert wrote:

    I found this post because Emily Gemma from The Sweetest Thing tweeted it and I just want to thank you for opening up about your journey. My husband and I endured a miscarriage earlier this year and even though it hasn’t been that long that we’ve been “trying”, its been long enough to keep me awake at night wondering when our time will come and wishing and hoping and praying every month that we’ll get a positive on that little stick. It’s comforting to know that we’re not going through this alone and that our feelings of frustration and guilt are valid, even though I regret feeling them in the first place. I hope your prayers are answered soon, along with all of us patiently waiting. Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  319. ruth wrote:

    thanks for sharing your story! I had found out 3 weeks before my wedding that I wouldn’t be able to conceive… they had to remove my ovaries and I was devastated. Not quite how I imagined starting married life! We eventually decided to do IVF with an egg donor since my uterus is healthy. we only got 5 embryos, and only 4 were really that good. We had a failed round, a miscarriage, and then finally success! I have my 2 month old baby sleeping beside me right now. But after the miscarriage, my dr told me that sometimes it takes people up to 6 tries. I broke down in the parking lot, crying that I didn’t have it in me to go through 5 failures… but one step at a time. I know it’s so scary, and frustrating, and a whole range of other emotions, and there’s not a great way to put them all into words.. and you’re right, you don’t want to have to explain your emotions. I hope you have success, and that it comes soon! <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  320. Emma wrote:

    I’ve always been a silent reader but today I shall break my silence – I wish you the best of luck and if anything, all of us here will be here to support you and read every blog post. Stay positive!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  321. Hey there fellow petite blogger! I’ve been following you on IG for awhile and reading this really tugs at my heart. We are currently dealing with secondary infertility and while I know its not the same since we do have two kids I completely understand the frustration.

    We’ve gone 7 years without getting pregnant and doctor after doctor saying nothing is wrong and we have 2 other kids so our timing is just “off”. I knew something wasnt right but our insurance is horrible and we never met our deductible to be able to have any fertility treatments or testing covered. This year we finally met the deductible and we finally decided to get testing done.

    TO my suprise i have PCOS, blocked tubes, a cyst around my csection scar, endometriosis, and a hole in my uterus! CRAZY and upsetting but as im writing this im sitting in bed recovering from laparoscopic surgery to fix those problems.

    hoping we get a baby…….and praying you get your sweet baby too. I promise you it will all be worth the wait and frustration and this process will feel like a distant memory once you are pregnant …..sending you love and positive vibes and prayers sweetie xoxoxoxo

    Erica Valentin
    http://www.EricaValentin.com

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  322. Kaitlyn wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing your personal story! I have been following you for many years, I love your style and your personality! Your story is really touching and how brave you are to go through IVF, keep your hope up! My friend was persistent with IVF & they finally got a boy! ❤️🤗

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  323. caitlyn wrote:

    Just wanted to thank you for sharing openly about such a personal and emotional topic. I admire your courage deeply, especially when your emotions are raw and there isn’t a happy ending yet. Sending you a virtual hug and wishing you all the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  324. Amanda wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing!
    We started the journey 4 months ago as well and so far nothing. Considering the problems our close relatives have had I wouldn’t be surprised if a similar situation is awaiting for us. It is unbelievably comforting to know that other people going through the proces are as affected by it as youself.
    I am sending lots of thoughts and love in your direction and crossing my fingers that soon you will be able to live out your motherhood-dream 💜

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  325. Susan wrote:

    I have followed your blog and benefited by your wonderful sense of style & taste but have never posted before. Your heartfelt testimony of your struggles to have a child brought back memories of my own travail over 17 years ago. So many comments from your readers of successes and failures with IVF and each story so unique and touching.
    I wish you and Nick success to create your own family; knowing that there are so many paths towards that end. We tried and failed with IVF but we do have a happy ending and I pray that you will too. Try not to be too hard on yourself and have faith that life will unfold in its own time.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  326. Kim wrote:

    I have been in your shoes. It is lonely and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing your story. I am wishing you lots of luck

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  327. Kat wrote:

    I know that you are well loved by your family and followers and I believe all that positive energy can only help. Unless you have struggled with infertility, it’s impossible to know the absolute heartbreak of it. Asking yourself “ what is wrong with me?” so often . Not understanding why my body can’t seem to do what it was designed for, being emotionally crushed by every new pregnancy and baby announcement. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are not alone. Sharing your story just got you an army of supporters, we’ll wishers, and lots of extra love and support. You and Nick are being very smart and proactive to start IVF while you are young. It avoids extra challenges. I struggled with infertility for 5 years and was eventually blessed with my son. But I never want to forget the emotions of that 5 years so I can listen and support any couple facing this. I’m sorry to welcome you to the Wanna-be-a-Mama club, but there’s a lot of us out there and we are cheering for you. I actually have a good feeling about your chances and wish you both the very best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  328. asat wrote:

    Hugs and Prayers! Here’s wishing you both the very best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  329. Cristina wrote:

    Sending much love and power to you both <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  330. Thank you for sharing this very personal piece, Jean. Just by doing so you are showing so much strength and bravery in your journey. It takes a lot to share something so personal but it resonates with so many women going through a similar situation.

    I’m sending you all of the positive thoughts and prayers. You’ve got a very supportive community with this blog….one who stands beside you throughout journey. Don’t ever forget that!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  331. mrswright48237 wrote:

    Dear Jean, I know you’ll get a thousand comments on this very personal post. I will add only one thing about IVF. It is all about the lab. Having been through boston IVF, FCNE, and finally the Brigham, I will tell you that how they treat your embryos in the lab (post fertilization) is such an important step of this process. It’s totally out of your control once they’re in there, but worth doing some research into how the different labs in Boston handle them. Some feel light exposure is compromising, some grade the embryos daily. A ton of information is thrown at you, but this research can be so helpful. This is a huge strain on your marriage. Take care of one another.
    Sending you strength.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  332. Ionela wrote:

    I have tears on my eyes! I have the same fellings about this! Is so hard and sad to be in this situation! You are so brave! I admire you a lot for this post!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  333. Baby dust to your and your hubs! I hope the procedure was a success and all the best to you. thank you for sharing your struggles and your story. It’s so important to be able to share the hard stuff and it draws us to each other more, even virtually

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  334. Jennifer wrote:

    A friend who follows you and knows about my struggles just forwarded this to me and I burst into tears reading about your struggles, because I was you from 2013-2015. Married, Asian, knowing I wanted to be a mom of big family. Even though today I’m unbelievably fortunate enough to have to most wonderful 22-month old son, reading this beings me right back to all the sadness, guilt, shame, frustration, jealousy, anger and depression and anxiety during that time. I’m not going to pander you with “everything is going to work” or “it’ll happen when it’s meant to be” or something other bullshit like “god’s plan” – fuck all that. But I do want to give you a ginormous virtual hug and let you know you’re not alone. There have been, there are, and there will be many of us, in similar situation where despite nothing being wrong, natural pregnancy just isn’t in the cards for us, for whatever reason. I felt so broken and just really lost, unable to have any control over the one thing I should have complete control over, my own body. Luckily for me, IVF did work, and I hope it works for you too. Best of luck on your journey to motherhood, whatever path it takes. I like to think that those mothers who are forced to go this/these extra step(s) appreciate and cherish our little ones just much more. Big hugs and chin up. The worst part is just feeling so alone. I wish we were all as vocal and honest as you in your struggles so that we wouldn’t feel as alone during them. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and for anyone who struggles with her fertility. Good luck.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  335. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s all too familiar. We struggled with infertility for 5 years and just gave birth to twin girls, the product of our 4th embryo transfer (3rd egg retrieval – all out of pocket). The pregnancy was complicated and they were delivered via emergency c-section at 30 weeks due to Preeclampsia. The struggle leading up to this prepared us for this shock and I’m happy to say our girls are home from the NICU after 6 and 7 week admissions. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It’s clear how brave you are just by your posting of this personal story. I’ll keep you in my prayers…know God already knows the desires of your heart. That baby is on its way. We loved trusting our loved ones up above cradled the souls of these precious girls until just he right time ❤️.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  336. TAYE wrote:

    While I don’t know you from a hole in the wall, I do feel personally connected to you by following your posts over the years. I will keep you and Nick in my prayers. Wishing you all the best! Stay positive!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  337. Valeri Pighini wrote:

    Jean and Nick. I, too, have been following you for several years now. Thank you for your share. My heart goes out to you both. My brother and his wife, my sister and her husband both went through this. It was hard; I know what you’re going through. Sending you hugs and love sweetheart. You have become so dear to me; I’m hoping and wishing and praying for you. Love, Val

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  338. Leah wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing and using your platform to shine a spotlight on this issue that’s too often in the shadows. You and Nick are in my thoughts – I hope that this grueling process is short and has a very happy ending!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  339. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. Wish you all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  340. Melody kwok wrote:

    Your post literally brought me to tears. I cannot imagine how tough it has been for you. I’ve just started on the baby making process myself, but not very far along to make any diagnosis yet. Did suffer through a miscarriage previously tho 🙁

    However I want to let you know how common it is… my mother did not have IVF, but she did have very low progesterone levels, so her eggs were fertililized her uterus had issues keeping the fetus attached. She’s a doctor herself and said that it was mainly due to her body mass being so low, as fat is required for the body to produce progesterone.

    My sister in law suffered from some form of endometriosis and had to get surgery prior to wanting to have kids. Then later they found out my brother had his own issues too so they had to do IVF. BUT, They now have an adorable, healthy, and active daughter.

    Then our friend wanted to have kids when she reaches 40, so she also had to go through the IVF process. First time she tried… it wasn’t successful. She decided that it wasn’t meant to be…. so she gave up on the IVF approach, but switched over to acupuncture, and it worked! She now has a beautiful healthy baby boy!

    Hope these stories give you hope knowing that there are many successful stories and that you’re not alone.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  341. Katie wrote:

    I’m glad to see I’m not the only one bawling my eyes out reading this. I’m wishing you and Nick the very best from the bottom of my heart. Certainly all of our thoughts/wishes/prayers here can’t hurt. Sending love.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  342. Grace wrote:

    Dear Jean,
    Thank you for sharing your story with all of us, for being open and vulnerable. I’ve been following your blog for a couple years now and while I love your fashion and style posts, this one really struck a chord with me. I wish you and Nick lots of luck, love, and hugs as you go through this scary and uncertain process together. 💗

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  343. Jane wrote:

    Thank you for sharing a very private struggle with us. I am also Asian and struggled with infertility, keep hoping and praying. I know you’ve been flooded with well wishes and suggestions but I wanted to share about both my cousin and a friend of mine in college if I may. They were both super skinny, my uncle is an OB/GYN, he told my cousin to gain some weight. She followed his advice and got pregnant. I shared the same info with my college friend who was also very thin. She did the same and got pregnant, now she has 5 little ones. I don’t want to intrude in on your lifestyle or eating habits but maybe gaining some weight may help in the process as well.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  344. Annonymous wrote:

    Thanks Jean. I needed this so much today. Thank you for being a voice when this journey becomes silent and pretty lonely.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  345. Mom2Smithboys wrote:

    I’m going to pray for you! I know your time will come. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Don’t feel guilty for feeling envy over those baby announcements, its only natural. Instead, be happy for the blessing and remind yourself that your time will come. Have faith!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  346. Ana wrote:

    Hi Jean. I believe social media has such a great influence on our society but Quite honestly I was getting fed up by the lack of reality in posts. My husband and I are in our early 30’s and have a 14 yr. old daughter. Because we were so young and unprepared when we had her, we decided to go on birth control and have been ever since. However, seeing some of my favorite bloggers as well as friends have children moved me to become a mother again, so earlier this year we decided to try for a second child. It took but a few months to get pregnant however the pregnancy was not successful. Sadly we lost the baby due to a miscarriage. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I appreciate your honesty and portrayal of reality, for posting the good as well as the bad. I wish you the best in your journey/fight to becoming a mother. Stay strong!🌸

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  347. Abrah wrote:

    Your beautiful, brave post today touched me very deeply. So many of us know this experience personally or through the eyes and hearts of family and friends. Thank you for so eloquently and courageously giving voice to the feelings, struggles and hopes that go along with this journey. Know that in sharing your personal story, you are giving great comfort and support to so many. I hope this in turn gives you back the same. Very best wishes, luck, love and strength to you!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  348. Nicole wrote:

    Wow! Bless you for sharing your story with all of us. I have been following you for two years now and always admired how beautiful your outfits and home and dinners out and trips always were. All shot beautifully and all written up with impeccable detail. Never would I have guessed that you and Nick were going through such a battle. You two are certainly are so strong and brave. I think a lot of people take for grantite having children or the ease of having children. You certainly put into perspective in such an honest way that not everyone is so lucky. I know that although I may not have experienced what you and Nick have, that I will be a bit more compassionate if I ever encounter a couple struggling with conceiving. I will absolutely avoid those comments made to you, I’m sure made out of sympathy and compassion, but not helpful nonetheless. Thoughts and prayers are with you both!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  349. MyHanh wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you for your candor and openness to share your journey. Sending you and Nick so much positive energy and warm, well wishes.
    xo,

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  350. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate. This week was the hardest. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost two years. After receiving a similar diagnosis of mainly “unexplained infertility” (I have “mild PCOS”), we did our third IUI two weeks ago.

    Since I started tracking my period (using the Clue app for anyone that needs a recommend), I have not been late. I was five days late so I took a pregnancy test only to receive a negative result. While I had been trying not to get my hopes up, I couldn’t help but get excited before I took the test since I’m never late.

    We have decided to try IUI two more times and will then move onto IVF. I really appreciate you and others who have shared what it is like going through IVF, so I know what to expect should we get to that point. I’ll be thinking of you and your husband and hoping for the best as you go through this process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  351. Isabelle wrote:

    Jean and Nick, I am wishing you all the best and sending you lots and lots of good vibes from Canada. 😘

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  352. Laurie wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been following you for a few years. I admire your style and your sweet demeanor!! I know how frustrating this can be. I have one daughter. I miscarried when she was four and never became pregnant again. I have many friends who went through what you are going through and had success. My heart goes out to you. I have tears in my eyes. I’m proud you were able to share this and I’m stumbling on my words. I wish the best to you and Nick. Keep being as strong as possible I strongly believe in my heart this will work for you! Sending hugs to one of the sweetest ladies out there! ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  353. Quiana wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. So many need to know they’re not alone.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  354. Laura wrote:

    Jean, Thank you for sharing! I live in the area, see you passing by on the street, and have followed you for years. Your style and overall energy is inspirational!

    I’ve gone through IVF 3 times and our second child is due in two weeks. Fertility treatment was one of the most emotionally and physically taxing times of my life. I learned early on that keeping the process a secret made things even more stressful. Your willingness to share your experience was a beautiful choice. Sending tons of blessings your way!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  355. Mrs TRG wrote:

    I, too, was in those shoes. I still remember what it was like. Feel free to send me an email if you want to talk without having to explain. Be well. Hope you get positive news.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  356. Danielle P. wrote:

    Jean you are so brave! Please never forget this and never forget the strength that you have! It is in these instances that we see just how strong we are.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  357. Julie wrote:

    Keeping you and Nick in my prayers! Thank you for sharing. Continue being strong and don’t use hope. This is exactly why I never ask those questions regarding kids or relationships status. I know most people don’t realize how hard those questions can be. Take care and many hugs.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  358. Yanna wrote:

    Hi Jean, thanks for sharing. Reading your story recalling what I went through few years ago, I had similar experiences except it was little bit more complicated. I have a 3 years boy now, when I look at his face I feel whatever I’ve been through is totally worth. I know some factors can increase the success rate, like age, health. you both are young and healthy, just need a little bit of luck. Good luck, hope can hear your good news soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  359. Nasim wrote:

    Thanks for being brave enough to share this Jean! I’m 34 and have a 10 month old daughter who I became pregnant with on the 2nd month of trying. Meanwhile, my sister just became pregnant via IVF, after 3 years of trying… I have a number of other friends who have also gone through IVF. It’s so hard to know why some people are able to get pregnant so easily, while others struggle. I know from my sister’s struggle how challenging it is. I wish you the best of luck with this process, and hope you’re blessed with a beautiful child in the near future. Parenthood is truly a blessing!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  360. Sofia wrote:

    Hi Jean. I’ve been following your blog for years – even though am not so petite – but for your great style tips. I hadn’t ever commented here before but I must today. You’re so brave in opening up here with such a difficult subject. I can understand the emotional rollercoaster it is every month, the pain and the tears, the wondering why everyone else seems to easily have children and I couldn’t. We tried everything for 4 years. I thought if I had to hear one more time that I had to be “relaxed and stop thinking about it” I would go completely crazy. How could I relax and not think about it if that was the only thing I wanted? Anyway, after all these years, we literally gave up and stopped trying. And that’s when it happened (and naturally, no treatments). We couldn’t even believe it at first. I’m now 7 months pregnant with a very active kicking baby and plenty of yucky symptoms, but we still give thanks every single day. Sometimes that thing about “just relax” works. Wishing you the bestest of luck and I hope to hear some happy news from you soon. xx

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  361. Liz Gow wrote:

    Jean- this blog post moved me so much. You articulate your journey so well. As the blogging community has grown, I feel like there has been so much more discussion on this topic and have learned that there are WAY more women out there struggling with infertility than not. I commend your bravery in sharing your journey. I’m sure that things will work out and you will get pregnant!! Sending love and hugs your way!! Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  362. Gaelle wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this story. Wishing you guys all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  363. There are so many couples walking through this difficult journey. One thing I’ve been told is that being open about it makes it so much easier than trying to hide it. I hope this post brings some freedom and a lot of hugs and support. One day at a time, and fingers crossed!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  364. Cristina wrote:

    Thank you for this amazing post. I’ve been reading you for YEARS and have long envied your seemingly perfect life. Goes to show that none of us know the struggles we silently face. Please know that so many of us readers are keeping you and Nick in our thoughts. I hope beyond all hope you get your happy ending. Stay strong Jean.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  365. Courtney wrote:

    Thank you for opening up and having the strength and courage to share your personal story. While I haven’t been trying as long as you have, it feels like forever and I can totally relate to the whole jealousy thing when someone else announces that they are pregnant and it seems that I see a new announcement every week. but when I get those feelings of anger and jealousy, I turn to God and remember HE is in control and that when it is my time it will happen. I am praying for you and your family that you will be a mommy soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  366. Monica wrote:

    Thank you so much for opening up. We got back embryos 3 times already but it didn’t work… Now more testing is ahead of us and we hope everything is gonna be alright and our 4th embryo will make it!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  367. Angelica wrote:

    Hi Jane,
    Thankyou for sharing such a private story. I too am suffering from secondary infertility. I was able to conceive easily the first time, but endometriosis and a clogged Fallopian tube got me slumped and we’ve been trying for over a year now. Thanks for sharing your story, it made me feel less alone when I read your post.

    Just wanted to share a bible passage with you that was given to me by chance, because I still haven’t told anyone about the infertility. I hope it brings you peace, courage, hope, and faith that God is listening. Much love and I hope the best for you!

    “Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” Exodus 23:25-26

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  368. Sonya wrote:

    You are such a lovely person and as an Asian woman myself, I know what you mean about keeping things on the inside, so thank-you for sharing your story Jean💗 Both my sister and sis-in-law have walked this path as well (now both have little ones) and I know it was always hard to know what to say to make them feel better because it is such an emotional journey. Just know that you many prayers🙏🏼 {{hugs}} and positive vibes are being sent your way to you and Nick as you continue your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  369. Julie wrote:

    I so incredibly admire your opening up. My mother had fertility problems having me, and went through five miscarriages and the daily injections to get me. The knowledge of that has really scared me, now that becoming a mother is in my very real future since I got married. I want kids, desperately, and am so scared to find the same things happening to my body. It’s a very real fear women have to live with, that we may not be able to do what our bodies are made to. Your choice to do what most people think of as the “drastic” measures early, is the smartest thing I think you can do. You’re giving yourself the best shot to be a mom, and what a great one you’ll be!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  370. Jemellee wrote:

    I’m definitely no where close to thinking of having children yet, but I do know that I want them soon. I guess this would have to be one of the things I fear when I do attempt it.

    Thank you for sharing and I am rooting for you!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  371. Kelly wrote:

    Thank you for being so open. I had my first egg retrieval in August, and frozen transfer in September. I decided from the beginning to be open about it, and can’t tell you the number of others I know that came out of the woodworks regarding their own fertility struggles. It isn’t fun, but it also isn’t something to be ashamed of. I will keep you & your husband in my prayers!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  372. Georgette wrote:

    I feel you. I went through several IVF cycles, discovered I have an immunological problem that causes repeat miscarriages. If your embryo doesn’t “take” I would run, not walk, to Dr. Jeff Braverman in Long Island (there’s basically two reproductive immunologists in the US that are worth the money, it’s him and Dr. Joanne Kwak-Kim in Chicago) and get tested. Getting pregnant is about much more than the hormones and the sperm meets egg but most if not all fertility treatments focus on only that part. There’s so much immunology and hematology too… .anyway, best of luck!!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  373. Souhair McDonald wrote:

    You’re such a strong, brave and amazing woman for even sharing this with the world. I started following you about a year ago because I loved your fashion (and purchased many of the outfits you posted 😊) but I admire you even more now . I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through and I will keep praying for you and Nick. I believe there is nothing greater than the power of prayer and wish you nothing but the best 😘 stay strong and sending lots of hugs to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  374. Sacche wrote:

    All the best dear, I felt the same.
    Love
    Sacche

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  375. Maria Laura wrote:

    I fully understand all you are going through. I went through all the roller coaster of the full fertility treatments stuff for years, put up with unsolicited advice, babies all around, etc. After some years, IVF worked and I was able to have a beautiful baby boy, starting school next year. All the pain you go through is worth it. Good luck!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  376. Sarabby wrote:

    Praying for strength and a positive outcome for you. Your post summed up all the IVF feelings I had 16 years ago. I had 3 cycles after years of endometriosis did a number on my fallopian tubes. I only had one tube left. But I did eventually have success and then 3 years got a bonus baby after my IVF baby cleared the way, Wishing you every success!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  377. Anon wrote:

    This post has really touched me because it reaffirmed that there is so many of us on this journey where trying is really just trying; it is all you can do. It is hard month in month out, year in and year out you have to be positive especially when you are told you have to stop thinking too much about it and it will happen. I have been trying for 5 years and in the process had 2 miscarriages. It is difficult to be hopeful but we hold on. I pray that may your wishes be fulfilled.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  378. Amy wrote:

    Jean,

    I’ve never commented on any of your posts, yet felt the need to reach out to you after reading this truly heartbreaking, unbelievably brave post. I can’t begin to comprehend how strong you two have to be, what with the pressure we as indiviuals, and society as a whole, puts us through. I’m in my early thirties too, and me and my partner are still unsure about having kids; yet we feel this pressure on us everyday, seeing all our friends getting married, having babies. I can only imagine how hard it becomes once you decide to try and it just doesn’t happen the way you wish. I hope things work out for you; you and Nick seem to have a beautiful relationship and at least face this ordeal together. If it’s any help, many, many people have been touched by your words, for various reasons, and thank you for them, and try to send you good vibes to help you guys along your path. Love to both.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  379. j wrote:

    Jean,

    thank you so much for posting this. like you said, not many women talk about infertility (myself included) and i just thought you were very brave for talking about your journey so far. my husband and i are going through a similar situation. we haven’t been to a fertility doctor yet, but that is the next step and i’m terrified of going. this post has made me feel so much better and has given me what i needed to take the next step. i hope that everything works out for you and nick and that everything will have been worth it. ♥♥♥

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  380. Ina wrote:

    Thank you for opening up, I will pray for you. I’m so sorry.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  381. Vicki wrote:

    Hi jean, I’ve been following your blog and channel for many years, but never made any comments till now. I want to applaud your bravery in sharing something so personal and stigmatized. I’ve been in a similar situation like you. I’ve had 3 miscarriages until my baby was conceived and born last December. My husband and I tried for 4 years and we’ve been to traditional Chinese doctors, quit my job to alleviate stress, fertility specialist and even considered spending 15-20k (almost cost of a car) for IVF. It’s always a topic that people don’t talk about because it’s so personal. Thank you for sharing and sending baby fairy dust and kisses your way!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  382. Sarah wrote:

    You are precious and your journey is important. Thank you for opening up about your pain and hopes for the future. Sending you positive vibes.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  383. Teri wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey! My husband and I have gone through 3 egg retrievals and one miscarriage. We have an appt today to look at the next step. It’s super hard to see babies everywhere. To see your story makes me feel a little normal and not so weird but I hate that you’re having to go through it. The only thing we can do is to keep the hope. Sending love and prayers your way!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  384. Rachel wrote:

    I hope you have amazing success this cycle!! ❤️👍🏻🤞🏻

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  385. Sam wrote:

    Hang in there Jean. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. Look forward to hearing some good news soon x

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  386. Lauren wrote:

    Thank you for this post! I am currently going through the first part of your journey. My husband and I have been trying for a year. We use ovia, opk, Mucinex, ect and still no luck. It makes me cry every time someone in our family asks when we will have kids and asks what we are waiting for. You are not alone!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  387. Jenny wrote:

    I can’t pretend to know what it is like to go through this process, nor would I suggest this will magically help, but, my sister and I both are horribly afraid of needles, and have found this little device to be a bit of a life-saver (basically it uses vibration and cooling packs to quickly numb an area before a shot or a blood draw): https://www.buzzyhelps.com/

    Wishing you all the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  388. Linda wrote:

    Thanks for being brave and sharing on such a vulnerable and raw subject matter. Wishing you all the best to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  389. Sophie wrote:

    Praying for you and Nick. Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  390. Effie wrote:

    Thanks for sharing, good luck and stay strong! I wish you all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  391. Maria wrote:

    Thank you for opening up about this, I know how hard it is because I was exactly where you are 5 years ago. You are strong and brave don’t ever forget that. Sending lots of hugs , love and prayers!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  392. Kaylee wrote:

    What a beautifully honest post. I am sorry to hear you find yourself on this heartbreaking rollercoaster. My love and hope and best wishes for you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  393. Katja M. wrote:

    I’ve been trying to conceive for 7 years. I’ve tried two IVF and I’m just in the middle of our third IVF. Fingers crossed for you too!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  394. Kai wrote:

    I frequent your blog despite the fact that I’m not even close to being anything remotely described as petite. But I’ve enjoyed following your fashion and life over time. This post definitely struck a chord, as I am on the other, gratefully lucky, side of this journey. I’m sorry that you have to go through this. It sucks. Wishing you the best of luck in this journey and process and I hope that you will soon be holding your baby.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  395. Kina wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. For opening up about such a sensitive topic and being real, not just showing us the gilded Instagram curtain. I’m 32 and will be getting a hysterectomy in January to rid myself of adenomyosis, a uterine disease which has wrecked my life. I also have a long history of endometriosis and have developed other debilitating pelvic pain conditions, as a result of long delays in diagnoses and proper care. A hysterectomy, of course, means my husband and I will never have a biological child. But it’s the only way to alleviate my suffering and hopefully get some semblance of a life back. I understand all the feelings of jealousy, brokenness, loneliness, and heartbreak you describe. I honestly can’t even focus much on the baby part at this point because I need to focus on getting better, and instead all I would do is panic and cry. I’ve already done a lot of grieving and I’m sure there will be more to come. Not being able to have our baby is a sorrow I will have to learn to live with somehow… I guess like the chronic pain I manage every day. I’d like to hope we can adopt in the future, but time will tell.

    I’m not sure what advice to offer, other than “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” Support groups (online and in person) and counseling can help immensely too, because even though it may feel like it, you aren’t alone. There is so much comfort in sharing with others who know exactly what you’re going through. I really like what another commenter wrote about accepting herself… it does help and I’m working on it!

    Wishing the best for us both… this isn’t the end, and even without biological children (if it comes to that), we can still have a good life. <3

    "Many terrible things happen every day. They have happened to me, to my family. It's why courage is so important. It takes courage to see such terrible things happen, and still get up every day, and be able to see what is still beautiful. It takes courage to remember that this is a world where some of our dreams… do come true." — Capheus Onyango, Sense8

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  396. Jamie wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your personal journey. Nothing about motherhood is easy. I was determined to have an all natural birth. 36 hours into my labor my midwife sent for a doctor because I couldn’t do it in my own and needed a c-section. I felt like such a failure as a woman because I couldn’t birth my baby. It took many many months for me to realize it didn’t matter HOW he got here. It didn’t make me any less of a mother. I will be praying for you through this process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  397. Jessica wrote:

    I’ve been following you for five years and have never posted. Jean, thank you for sharing intimate details on your blog and helping to humanize a serious topic so many families deal with everyday. Growing up in a family similar to what you described, I understand it can be uncomfortable expressing your journey among your curated blog. Thank you and I’m sending positive thoughts your way!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  398. Cera wrote:

    your post touched my heart,i pray that God grants your wish of motherhood.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  399. Anonymous wrote:

    This was beautiful, and made me feel less alone. Thanks so much for sharing. As I was reading, it seemed like I was reading my own thoughts and feelings. Like you, we also are on our first IVF and I just had the egg collection and subsequent embryo transfer. And my stomach looks the same! If you ever want an idea for a follow-up blog post…maybe some recommendations about what to wear while going through the IVF process, because on top of everything else, it’s been one more thing to deal with.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  400. Shloka wrote:

    Firstly, thank you for opening up. It takes a lot of bravery and courage to share something so personal with us and I think what you’re sharing is so beautiful. All women go through trials in their life and you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I’m wishing you all the best for the future and I am sure the IVF is going to go well!

    x
    Shloka
    http://www.thesilksneaker.com

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  401. Sandra wrote:

    Hi Jean! I’ve been following you for years now and have never commented but I feel like I need to now. I cant imagine how hard this is for you. You are so brave for sharing your experience and difficulties. I want you to know that you’re not alone and I hope you never feel like you are. I’ll be praying for you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  402. Fiona MacDonald wrote:

    Thank you for this . One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say ‘oh don’t stress’ like that’s immediately going to stop you from stressing ! This is your journey you are a powerful woman and are going to be an amazing mama. Stay true to your hopes of being a mama and we are all here sending you good vibes xo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  403. Xeena wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, Jean. I can only imagine the fear, pain and anger you must be going through. I have been following your blog for over 4 years now and have always admired how kind and likeable you come across. I’m wishing you and Nick all the love in the world and hope your journey will be successful very soon. All the best from Zurich, Switzerland. Never give up!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  404. Susan wrote:

    I am thinking about you. I went through IVF 28 years ago (3 X), when nobody knew about it. I am glad you are sharing. It was hard to endure silently as a couple. We ended up conceiving and have an amazing 24 year old son who lives in Boston. I wish you only success and allow yourself to feel what ever you need to feel. It is such an emotional journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  405. pk wrote:

    Im your long time silent reader but like others this post has moved me. You have such amazing courage to share this very personal post especially when you are still in the thick of it, often ppl will only share their stories once they are out of it and have closure. I have gone through the same thing, the same feeling, the same loneliness not able to talk to anyone for fear of hurting even more – this post would have touched and empower so many others feeling the same way and i applaud you for being so real and honest. My miracle baby finally arrived after 2 rounds of ivf. i really hope things will work out for you and nick and whatever happens please stay positive. God bless.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  406. A wrote:

    Jean, you and Nick deserve a special “thank you” from the bottom of our hearts.
    Your bravery, strength, and resilience are truly precious. I hope all this passes soon enough for you and your wishes are answered. Either way, hold each other tight and know you have each other (and your families and friends). And all of us are rooting for you both!
    As a physician and a mom, I have seen and felt multiple stories of IVF and you have described it so clearly and so well.

    God bless and thank you for sharing. I know you have helped so many going thru this now and tomorrow.

    hugs,
    A

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  407. Giovanna wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. You are so strong and courageous. Praying for you and your journey to motherhood. Even though I don’t know you personally I know you will be the greatest mom someday 🌸

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  408. BDub wrote:

    Jean, thanks for sharing. It’s important to share as so many women struggle with infertility. I am also currently undergoing my first round of IVF. Getting closer to my egg retrieval. I wish you luck with the outcome. It only takes one egg so don’t get caught up in the numbers. Keep the hope and try to stay positive. You are not alone. Sending baby dust!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  409. Jean, this post hits hard today. My husband and I were overjoyed to announce our little bundle on November 15, after our 12-week ultrasound. This past Friday, after not feeling right all week, I went to the doctor and they did an US and there was no heartbeat. I was almost 11 weeks pregnant. The empty feeling, the silent feeling is unbearable. I’m 35, a geriatric mother by definition, and I can feel my clock ticking. This morning I am waiting for a call from the hospital to time the procedure, and it’s a sick feeling. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your personal struggle among the posts of beautiful clothing and handbags. It humanizes you for those like us who only see the fancy, perfect life. It also encourages me to do what I’ve wanted to do since Friday…share. It makes it all a much less lonely experience. I wish you love and luck on this journey. Be gentle on yourselves. And if all else fails, try Bora bora. That’s how we got Lucky with our first princess when I was 33. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  410. Tiffany wrote:

    I’m so sorry. That’s all there is to say. If you ever want a place online to go, I love the subreddit for infertility, /r/infertility. It’s a great place without some of the annoying nonsense I see elsewhere.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  411. Akanksha wrote:

    This was so alarming at so many levels. Going through your facebook posts, reading your wedding stories and seeing (appearance) how happy you guys are.. and then this post, is a complete case reversal.
    In India (Asia), actually we don’t talk about all this and you’re right, those advices come free of cost. Kudos to you guys for being so brave and taking this step.
    It made me think of all those women who get pregnant on time, deliver on time and that too (a natural birth). They are actually lucky, right?
    I hope to hear good news soon.
    Good luck!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  412. Sharon Hui wrote:

    Hello,
    This was my first time reading your blog. I am sure you are being flooded by well-wishers on your journey through IVF, so I hope you do not mind having another one 🙂

    I, too, went through infertility years ago. My hubby and I had been married 2 years when we began trying for a baby, but after 1 year of being unsuccessful , we began infertility testing. I went through to hysterosalpingogram to ensure my Fallopian tubes weren’t blocked; my hubby got checked by urologists to make sure his reproductive organs were fine. We both ended up finding out that my hubby had low motility and low sperm production, and I had a tipped uterus that made it more difficult for conception and implantation.
    We went through 2 round of unsuccessful IUIs before having 2 IVFs. We went through the same emotions you are going through due to hormonal changes, learning about others getting knocked up just by looking at each other, etc. I especially felt hopeless, mad, and negative about the whole experience. We did not tell our families about the 2 IUIS and the 1st IVF. Just like you, as a fellow Asian, we felt this was super private and did not think our families would need to know, and if they did, we did not want them to be worried. After the first unsuccessful IVF, I was so depressed I needed to speak with the IVF Center’s in-house counselor, who encouraged me to share this experience with our families. We took her advice and so we did, and it was great receiving so much support, as both our parents were eager to help us become parents and promote to 1st Time grandparents.

    Unfortunately after the 2nd IVF did not work, we were in a bad place. Physically and emotionally, I was drained, and my hubby felt hopeless. He did not handle being around friends and family with kids well— at least I wanted to try to be there and happy for others, but it was too hard for him to put up a front.

    Also, we both did acupuncture and brewed Chinese herbal medicine every week, along with the IUIs and IVFs to help along the process.

    We were about to try 3rd round of IVF when we found out we were expecting. We were happy but more nervous about going through another d miscarriage (we had 2 prior to infertility testing). My husband was “cautiously optimistic” and refused to do or say anything for fear of jinxing the baby. I ended up with a tough pregnancy with placenta previa, polyhydramnios, and being unable to walk. When I finally delivered via emergency C-section after inducing, being in labor for 23 hours, I finally got to see my baby boy. The emotions flooded al over the place: Happiness, relief, etc.

    After Nathan was born, we decided to not go in birth control, as we knew we have a hard time conceiving. After 2 years, we decided that we would not go for IVF again, as it would be way too stressful going through that process while caring for a toddler who had some developmental issues. But we did end up getting pregnant again naturally, and we ended up welcoming our 2nd baby boy when Nathan was about to turn 4.

    Although we we conceived naturally after unsuccessful infertility treatments, we learned so much about being patient and being grateful for what opportunities through medical technology and family support. I know that it may seem at times your dream is a far reach, just know that no matter what, you will become a mom and dad in some way. We are here to support you all the way.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  413. Petra wrote:

    Thank you to be so open and share your journey. We are wainting for baby for almost four years. Both healthy, no problem founded. I have same feelings, same downs, I can agree with everything you wrote. I cried so many times. My friends doesn´t have one baby, but two babies now. We went through 3 rounds of IUI and next is IVF. Thank you to be open, you are not alone. You are so brave and I am sure, that you will have your rainbow baby <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  414. Seena wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. As a fellow “petite” I follow you because I adore your fashion. Reading this blog however has brought another commonality between us. I too am going through the journey and have been for 7 years. I only started taking my infertility serious though after having an early miscarriage two years ago. I had found myself pregnant after struggling for so long , only to miscarry a week later (one day before we we were going to do the grand reveal to our parents). Those gifts to the grandparents-to-be still sit in my ottoman. What the experience did do was push me to finally go to a fertility clinic. Like you, after every test under the sun, there was “nothing wrong “. I have been at the clinic now for 2 years. Many low key treatments, 4 failed IUIs, and 2 more early miscarriages. It’s crazy how strong a woman is. I never knew that with all of that I would still find a silver lining “at least I could get pregnant.” Now I just have to make it stick! Although that is my personal positive mantra, God help the person who tries to feed that line to me!! Lol. At 34 years old, I too am now starting IVF, so you do not know how timely your blog is. I will pray for you and send positive vibes your way. Again, Thank you so much for sharing . -your fellow IVF sister

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  415. Nancy Fuentes wrote:

    Hi Jean, I am a mom to my 10 year old boy, Ryan. I love this kid. Sometimes he amazes me. Reading your post was so captivating I really wish you and Nick are able to conceive any time soon. You are in my prayers. May the Lord bless you and Nick with children. Don’t despair I am sure you will be bless too. Have faith.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  416. I have been reading your blog and social media for around 1 or 2 years and I would like to send me support to you as a Hong Kong fan. I wish your dreams come true soon but please remember that you do not need to feel ashamed as no one needs to be “something” or be “qualified at something” in order to be a real woman. Again, wish you all the best!! <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  417. Gabrielle wrote:

    Congratulations on such an emotional and personal post! Wishing you best of luck on your journey! Stay strong and positive. Everything happens for a reason.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  418. Anonymous wrote:

    Wow, in tears reading this, thank you for sharing. It must have been incredibly hard to write about. Just want to wish you all the luck in the world.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  419. Mi wrote:

    I’ve been following you for maybe 5-6 years?? This is a very brave post. Wish you lots and lots of healthy, strong embryos!! <3 <3 <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  420. Xox129xox wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    It was a very emotional read bc I went through it as well. Our friends were going from no kids to seconds and all we had were miscarriages. I understand the frustration, anger, and a tad bit of jealousy with my friends. Needless to say, we had no other choice but did IVF. It was not an easy decision to make bc it was a huge financial commitment without any guarantees. We were among the very few that were fortunate enough to have only one healthy embryo each time. My daughter is now 5 and son is 2.

    Miracles do happen and I went in to IVF without thinking that it could possibly fail. Stay positive and believe that it will happen. It’s not your fault that you are not pregnant. Everyone is different and I feel that we appreciate our kids much more after going through so much to have them.

    Love always..and best wishes.
    @xox129xox on Instagram – if you need someone to share your journey with.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  421. Fanny wrote:

    Hi Jean, I am sorry both yourself and Nick are going through this. I was there before too but wasn’t until the extend of venturing into IVF. I can totally understand how you feel, the frustrations, the jealousy of knowing others having their own kids although you know you shouldn’t. The trying hard part not to think about it but it is just impossible. I just wanted to say, you are not alone and I wish both yourself and Nick the very best of luck. Baby dust to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  422. You are incredible – keep going!!

    Rebecca
    xx

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  423. Arisa wrote:

    Reading your post hits so close to come for me. My husband and I have been trying for 5 years and this year we started fertility treatments only to find out nothing seems to be working. It makes me feel so inadequate as a women and it makes it so hard when everyone around you is having babies and moving on in life. Thank you for sharing. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this whole process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  424. Christine Farag wrote:

    You are an amazing woman and it takes a great deal of strength to share this. I know it will help many. Even though I am not trying to get pregnant there is something that I have been eagerly waiting for that has me chasing hope like a vulture. I wish to one day get married, but the older I get the harder it is. It is something I have always dreamed about. I thank you for sharing your story because it gave me courage to face the future no matter which way it turns. And I too hope to have kids one day. I truly hope this happens for you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  425. Brenda wrote:

    Thank you for sharing Jean. Hugs and best wishes.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  426. Devyani Khare wrote:

    I’ve been following you on Instagram for a long time now but I was never a blog reader. I’m a 26yo married woman who would like to be a mom someday in future and this caught my eye and drew me here. I’ve always looked up to you and have loved your posts, outfits and everything that you do because there’s something so positive about you. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this difficult time. So many women go through similar difficulties in life but no one opens up. Reading this has made me realise how difficult it must be for someone to discuss something like this when you’re blaming yourself and how brave you are for sharing such a personal experience. I’ll be praying for you. I hope you are blessed with a beautiful child or maybe twins? Who knows. Lots of love. ♥️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  427. Tian wrote:

    Jean, I am wishing you all the best, and want you to know how stunningly brave you are. The idea of keeping pregnancy struggles private really took a punch to my family and my heart, and I promise you that sharing your story will undoubtably Bring you more comfort and peace.

    My sister lost her baby last month, 5 months into her pregnancy, and my mother was adamant she keep quiet about her “failure”. We were so heartbroken and ultimately, sharing her experience brought so many friends together to share their stories and find comfort in knowing how common it is.

    I have so much love and respect for women who have to go through pregnancy struggles, and I truly truly wish you the best in your health, and the health of you and nick’s future child(ren).

    Stay strong, rocking your baby to sleep will be worth every tear you shed along the way. Xx

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  428. Ester wrote:

    Oh wow when I saw the needle, I was about to faint myself. I didn’t know it was such a painful journey, in my mind it was just a lab session. I guess I’ve watched too many movies. It is such a difficult decision and I assume you never know when to start or to stop, how far to go and how much it will hurt, physically and emotionally. I really just wish you all the best, and lots of love!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  429. Katrina B. wrote:

    I went through the same thing and after 10 years I finally got pregnant from a donor egg. Don’t ever give up and just keep praying.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  430. Ruzanna wrote:

    You’re brave.

    Prayers all the way from Brunei.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  431. KM wrote:

    Hi Jean! Thank you for articulating what I was and have been feeling.
    My husband and I have been married for 17 years now. We got married when I was 25 and decided to go on the pill for the 1st year of our marriage. After about 4-5 yrs we went to an ob-gyn and was eventually referred to a fertility specialist.
    The diagnosis was that both me & my husband are normal but together we just couldn’t get pregnant. My ob-gyn even said that with different partners, we are likely to be successful.
    They called it ‘unexplained infertility’ and in Canada about 10-20% have this.
    And so invitro was the next step.
    At the time, nothing in the invitro process was included in our healthcare benefit. This means we had to pay for all the fees- registration ($500), dr visits and injections up to the actual procedure which was $15k.
    As there was a small chance (10-15%) that it would be successful, we ended up deciding not to do it.
    Our reason was that whether or not the procedure is successful, we would end up with a large debt.
    It was heartbreaking for me as I have always loved children even when I was still in elementary.
    It was also difficult because my husband never showed how he was feeling. Everytime I would bring up my wanting to have a baby he would just shrug and not say anything else.
    It was also difficult seeing all tour friends having their 1st, 2nd, 3rd babies. I felt what you felt- all of it. The jealousy, sadness, guilt, emptiness, and at some point mad. Mad at myself and even God.
    I hated it when couples who were pregnant or have babies gush how they were blessed. It made me wonder, dows that mean I’m not because I don’t have a baby?!? Then I feel guilty because I understand what they mean.
    There would be times when I’d cry seeing babies/ kids knowing that I don’t have any.
    Thank you for sharing what you have been through and what you are going through. I wish you all the luck and blessings that you will be successful.
    From a fellow Asian…

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  432. Bara wrote:

    Dearest Jean,

    I don’t even know if you remember me, you published my photo on your blog once and we exchanged some messages <3. I am a mother of two boys and have been following you forever.
    I went through a lot since that time we corresponded. I got divorced, which was a shock and probably worst time of my life. I got brain cancer with only 10% chance of survival (it's been 2 years, seems I am the lucky one at the moment <3)
    I always admired you. Seeing you on social media, your blog and youtube put a smile on my face even in these worst of times. I couldn't imagine I could admire you even more. Until todays post.
    My heart goes to you and I wish there was something I could do to put just a small smile on your face.
    I wish you all the piece of mind there is. I talked openly about my illness to people too and got lot of support. But also some unsolicited advice. Things like don't stress, don't think about it… well they are easy to say but impossible to do.
    You don't have to listen to anybody. You are such a role model and you made all these great decisions in life. I wish I was as smart and responsible as you are. You will do the best that is there to be done. I believe it will happen for you and will pray for you. <3
    Sending love, Bara

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  433. Anonymous wrote:

    This is so powerful
    And more than yourself it will help other women going thru same pain.
    I have faith God will answer your prayers, he is faithful.
    Stay strong, don’t give up!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  434. Lily wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you for writing this. I know exactly how you feel and what you’re going through. I went through 3 retrievals and 3 transfers and is starting my 4th IVF this month. You are right, we go into this not knowing if we will succeed or not but we do it because there is a chance of success. That is why I keep on trying and trying. Thank you for being open about this. Makes me feel less alone. Stay strong. Good luck and baby dust to you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  435. sku wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing such a personal story and journey. Sending you hugs from afar!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  436. Nancy wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. As I read your post, I just kept nodding and saying “I know” and wanted to give you a hug. My husband and I have been trying for two years and started seeing our RE in January. The infertility roller coaster beat us up really good….and then we were hit by Hurricane Harvey a few weeks before we were scheduled to start the STIM phase. We lost our home but did not want to stop our IVF plans. I don’t know if losing our home was distracting us from IVF or IVF was distracting us from losing our home. Whatever it was, we knew we had to keep taking a step forward each day. I also cried uncontrollably in pre-op ahead of egg retrieval two weeks ago and it is exactly as you said. It was about nothing and everything all at once. We meet with our RE this week to go over our final embryo report. Only a handful of family and friends know about our journey. It’s my way of protecting my heart. I know everyone would have the best of intentions but I wouldn’t be able to handle the questions and unsolicited advice. It would be too much for my already battered heart. The seemingly endless cycles of hope, denial, anger, some more denial, acceptance, and ultimately deep sadness with each negative pregnancy test….rinse and repeat. These days, after having literally weathered a storm, we are so thankful to be together and safe and will continue our IVF journey with renewed hope. I am praying for you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  437. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing Jean. My husband and I went through a lot of infertility treatments before becoming pregnant. I pray everything will work out and that you will soon be sharing your pregnancy journey with us. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  438. Jooyoung Kim wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been following your blog for almost 3 years now. Not only do I love your outfits but I just love your spirit, love, positivity, and now your vulnerability.

    My husband and I have been “trying” for now a year but unofficially trying for more than that. I felt like I was writing what you were writing. Every emotion from being positive to just defeat to feeling alone to jealousy back through the cycle. I’m living it right now. I cried the day one of my best friend told me she got pregnant while using condoms. I lost it. And then felt like a horrible person for not being to be happy for her.

    My husband and I haven’t gotten tested yet. And are seeing a fertility specialist beginning of next year. I fear for the results. Wishing for the best news but thinking that the best news won’t bring me peace.

    Though I’ve never met you in person your post makes me feel connect … like I have a friend who is going through it with me. I felt alone (even though my husband has been supportive) until now.

    Thank you so much for sharing! And hope you and Nick will shortly have good news!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  439. Jen wrote:

    I don’t comment on post but this post brought tears to my eyes. I’ve been down your road, unfortunate for me, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But I have a good feeling things will work out for you. 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  440. Katherine wrote:

    Jean, it is so courageous of you to publish this personal struggle of yours. I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. It’s not easy to go through this while juggling the many roles we have as women, and in your case, a blog alongside multiple forms of social media. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  441. mcadp wrote:

    i suffered secondary infertility after i had my first child. i also have suffered 2 miscarriages over the years. but don’t loose hope. i was fortunate enough to have another boy through an IUI process in boston. after 4 years, i conceived naturally with my 3rd child, a girl. you’re surrounded by the best healthcare in the country. even before i had my first child, they said it’s impossible for me to have children because of my condition. so, never give up!!! miracles do happen. everyday. xo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  442. Rachel joy wrote:

    Wishing you all the best through this journey. Your bravery in sharing, but most of all going through the procedures is admirable.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  443. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your personal story and I hope it will empower you! You can do this and you have that strength. I pray for you and Nick for a successful IVF! Don’t give up hope!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  444. Lisa wrote:

    Thanks for sharing something so personal and yet will help so many women going thru the same trials and tribulations! When my husband and I started trying, half of my friends got pregnant within a month or two of trying and the other half were going thru IVF. I didn’t know which side I would fall towards, so it was scary. I really hope you and Nick get your good news soon! The more we know, I feel like the more power we have. Thank you for sharing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  445. Jocelan wrote:

    I am a petite half asian and your story today is very honest and inspiring to all. I wish you luck on your journey!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  446. Lisa Liberato-Ariola wrote:

    I am praying for you and Nick 🌱. God’s blessings to you both ♥️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  447. Chia Hui wrote:

    I just wanted to say good luck and all the best. Being an Asian, I’m totally agree with you. Becoming a mum is always my dream when I was just a little kid. I went through a lot of test and ultrasound just as you did, but nothing happens. Until one day, my hubby told me, it’s ok, as long as both of us are happy with our life, everything is going to be fine. So, we leave the baby plan aside. We continue our life without even thinking about it. And quietly, I got pregnant naturally without any medication and professional assistance from any fertility specialist. We are blessed with a baby boy in 2014 and we felt complete now. What I’m trying to tell you here is just relax and stop thinking about all the negative things. Try your very best and leave the rest to God.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  448. Natasha wrote:

    Thank you for opening up about your struggles with pregnancy. My husband and I are currently trying without result, and it definitely weighs on you emotionally. It’s also frustrating to see what feels like, everyone around you, getting pregnant so easily, when it’s been something you’ve been wanting for so long. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this, but it’s refreshing to read about all of the women who have gone through similar experiences and come out with beautiful blessings on the other side. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  449. Stephanie wrote:

    Jean,
    All you describe I remember feeling myself on my own IVF journey. Probably the most trying and lonely time of my life. There simply are no words for how hard it is. Thinking of you as a sister who has walked the same path.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  450. Olivia wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. Wishing you and Nick all the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  451. Adrienne wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. Growing up in a Chinese household, we definitely don’t talk about fertility struggles and such so it’s very hard to answer when relatives comment about why we don’t have kids yet, etc. I hope your round of IVF is successful. I’m so glad you have a supportive husband like Nick. Please continue to share (if you feel like it) as I’m sure your readers wish you nothing but the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  452. Amy Lai wrote:

    Jean, I echo the sentiments of the other women here and appreciate your honest feelings! Not easy to open until like this. You are indeed not alone with this struggle. I am thinking positive thoughts that the baby you and Nick desire will come soon. ((Hugs))

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  453. Jenna wrote:

    I know you didn’t ask for advice and while I hope you’re successful without it, I just want to note that I’m also petite (5’2 about 95lbs normally) and it wasn’t until I gained weight that I was able to conceive naturally. I wasn’t dieting or anything previously, but once I had a bit more body fat, it happened immediately (and I only get 4 periods a year naturally). 🤞🏼🤞🏼for you and Nick as you continue on your journey to parenthood!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  454. Lizzy wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey with us. It really takes such a brave soul to share the most intimate details of your marriage. I️ appreciate your honesty. My husband and I️ have been on that struggling battle of infertility as well. Sending prayer and love your way! Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  455. RTG wrote:

    Jean, I have read your blog for years but never posted. But I’ve been where you are, and I want to offer you support and comfort. I wish you success this time around, but also to let you know that no matter what happens you will survive and be all right.

    I also wanted to offer a couple tips that I wish I had known at your stage. Please, please watch your weight gain over the next couple days. You are probably at higher risk for OHSS being slim (I was), and I never felt like I got enough info about it up front. If you gain more than 5lbs of fluid, please call your doctor! Also, gatorade helps drain the fluid faster.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  456. Sally Hung wrote:

    Hi Jean, I’ve been following you for several years, love your style and your stories. Be strong and I believe something good will happen soon. I’ll pray for both of you ❤️❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  457. Kristen wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing! I agree that it’s a subject matter that, while difficult to be open and honest about, it needs to be shared.

    I totally empathize with being stuck and watching everyone around you get what you so desparately want, and feeling less for not having it.

    We’ve been trying for quite some time ourselves and have seen a specialist to do testing and finding out there’s nothing wrong ourselves. And while that is comforting, it’s not at the same time. Instead of going to IUI like they suggested, we’re seeing a homeopathic doctor some friends recommended that they had success with.
    So here’s to fingers & toes being crossed, prayers, and along with every hope in the world that we both get what we long for most.

    In the meantime, just lean on that support system. I truly don’t know what I would do without my husband, who I have grown closer with through this trial, and friends and family.
    Hugs.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  458. Trini wrote:

    Hi Jean, thank you for sharing. I understand how hard and painful this journey can be. I was married 3 years ago with plans to start a family soon. But didn’t realise it could be so hard. Personally had to go through 3 IVF cycles myself before finally being able to conceive – currently 4.5 months pregnant. Be strong and be brave! I will keep you in my prayers 🙂 just a short note – chill throughout the 2 week wait and don’t think about it!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  459. Pixl wrote:

    You are a beautiful strong woman and I wish you all the luck in this journey of yours! There’s a quote on one of my favorite books ‘When you want something with all your heart, the universe will find a way to give it to you ‘, please do not lose hope and seeing how much you want to be a mother, a child that you’ll bring into this world would be the luckiest, loads of love!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  460. Victoria wrote:

    I’ve read your blog for years and years and silence and this is the first time I, like other have felt the need to comment. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share. So often women live their truths in silence. I’m rooting for you guys and sending nothing but love and good vibes in your direction as well as all of the beautiful comments above me from ladies who were also brave in sharing a bit of theirselves.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  461. Vickie wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing. This indeed is a very personal post and I wish your retrieval was a great success. I’ve been there, well, half of it. I did egg freezing out of pocket last year. I understand the physical discomfort and burden of cost bearing that you went through. Very happy that your insurance ended up covering it. I wish this is the only cycle you’ll have to go through.

    I’ve followed your blog for years now. Watching it grew from a personal project to now a professional site makes me very proud of you and Nick. I will continue to follow what you write, and hope that sooner or later, you will give us an update of what happened. No matter what, you will be loved.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  462. maggie wrote:

    I am sorry that you have to go through this. It must be really hard when you think about the hurtle you had to go through to achieve something that is supposed to be natural! But once you are through this, you will be tougher than ever and be a strong mother to your future child. Think about how luck that child must be to have a mom like you! This is God’s way to telling you ahead of time how challenging motherhood can be. And you are ready. You will go through this. Good things will happen to good people, sometimes you just have to wait a little longer.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  463. Patty wrote:

    I’m sorry you are going through this. Here is something for you to think about. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who was a nurse before she retired. We ran into a couple she was friends with years ago. After they left she told me it was because of her they had their first child. They had been trying to have a child for years. The doctors couldn’t find any reason why they weren’t conceiving. My friend asked them if the husband took hot showers or baths and if he did to use cooler water. He did. She got pregnant. Not an old wives tale. My friend told them this based on her medical knowledge as a nurse. Maybe your husband could try using cooler water from now on. Wishing you good luck.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  464. Judy wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story! You are so brave and courageous. I’m not good with comforting words, but don’t give up! I have a friend who tried IVF twice before she had her baby, so you’re definitely not alone! I know you and Nick will be great parents. I wish you both the best! <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  465. Jothi wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing this. You are so brave. Wishing you guys success!!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  466. Sy wrote:

    Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing. I’m Asian, and so well understand what it’s like to be raised to keep your business private. Fertility is such a personal issue, yet something so many women struggle with. I struggled so much with fertility after a year of miscarriages and I had so many sentiments that you wrote about – guilty envy, shame, and mostly sadness. I hope other women are able to open up and garner support. Best wishes to you. I wish you a successful cycle!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  467. Marylou wrote:

    Wishing you and Nick all the best. Love ! Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  468. Kim Hoye wrote:

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband! We went through IVF to have our children and reading this post brought back all of the emotions and thoughts and memories…it’s amazing how all encompassing it all is while you are going through it all- but then the second you move on to the next step for starting your family (whether you successfully get pregnant, decide to adopt, or go another route to have a family) it’s all just a small memory and all you can focus on is the next step. So not sure if that helps at all or not, but i completely feel for you two and all that you are going through and I’m excited for when you both get to the other side and this is all just a tiny and wonderful find memory of how your family came to be. I always say that i appreciated every second of pregnancy so much more than the average woman because we went through so much to get to that point.. i know we don’t know each other but You used to work with my husband Mike and if you ever want someone to talk with that has been through it all then I’m always more than happy to talk! Sending love

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  469. Sy wrote:

    Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  470. Candice wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    I’ve been following your blog for years and love all
    your fashion posts.

    Sending you virtual hugs! Thank you for sharing your journey. I pray for a safe and successful journey for you and your husband. ❤

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  471. Catherine wrote:

    This is so touching. Thank you for opening up and being willing to share some of the ordeals you’re facing. I’m saddened to hear about all the frustrations and disappointments you’re going through. I have an aunt who really wanted a child, but didn’t have one until many years later (now a very bratty and clever elementary school cousin). I can only imagine the anguish that she and you and Nick are going through. Sending a hug your way and rooting for you on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  472. Y wrote:

    When you feel sad, just remember there are many single ladies out there who are older than you. They also had dreams of having family and becoming a mom but they never got to.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  473. Yael wrote:

    Sending you good vibes and virtual hugs (if you want them, if not, that’s okay too). Many women don’t open up about it, I have several friends who recently told me about their struggles with infertility and miscarriage. It is a strange and sad and loving sisterhood to be part of. Take care of yourself.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  474. Emi Q wrote:

    This is beautifully written and really captures the struggle and frustration of this crazy process… Thank you for sharing your story. Hope you will have good news soon 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  475. helen wrote:

    i’m already on ivf cycle #3, all out of pocket. keep sharing. i’ve learned so much medically, socially, and financially from talking to my friends. it’s gotten so common as women are placing careers first, that there’s hardly any taboo. re: the money, don’t spend more than you have to, and don’t be afraid to shop for ivf guaranteed success programs! big picture, though, let this be the exception for money to buy you happiness. ask questions, challenge your healthcare providers (i am a doc too), keep all your cycle maps/records. as one girlfriend told me, it’s a numbers game. you just have keep plugging at it. now that’s an asian mentality that comes easily 🙂 good luck. rooting for you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  476. Olyvia wrote:

    Oh Jean, I will pray for you! Half of all my friends have gone through some sort of fertility treatments…which seems like a high number…considering our parents/grandparent’s generation seemed to breed kids like rabbits back in the days with no advanced medicines….makes me paranoid if it’s something (ie. hormones) in our water/food nowadays that’s messing with us. Anyway, one of my other favorite style blogger, Kelly in the City, shared her fertility story awhile back that brought me to tears too! You are not alone! Hugs!!!
    http://kellyinthecity.com/didnt-announce-pregnancy-month-6/

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  477. Laura wrote:

    Hi Jean, I read your blog regularly and I’m not usually the commenting type, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. I’m going through IVF too, on my third retrieval cycle as we speak…shots (and all the crazy side effects) are the worst! Your post was so so so brave and I just wanted to thank you for sharing; IVF is so incredibly frustrating and lonely and reading your post just…helped. Thank you again and know that I am sending you happy thoughts, a big hug and lots of wishes for a successful cycle!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  478. Stacey wrote:

    Hi Jean – You’re right. When it comes to Asian Americans, we just don’t talk about our personal problems. My husband and I also went through infertility. After testing, we found out that it was me who had the condition that delayed our family. It was really tough to feel incredible sad and guilty about not being able to give my husband a child we both wanted. There was also the added stress of being on the older side and wonder if we should have tried sooner. But one day I decided that there was nothing to be ashamed of and started to tell people. The number of women opened up with their own infertility issues was a huge surprise to me. Love and supports always follows. Just know you’re not alone. We did IUI and acupuncture and we are now the parents of a wonderful little girl. Do what’s best for you because i’m sure you’re going to get a lot of advice now that you’ve open up. Good luck, take care of yourself and you’re not alone!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  479. Katie wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. It’s stories like yours that help educate and comfort others – esp in the Asian American community. We never talk about these issues. I was in your shoes 8y ago and your story is 100% mine – from being Asian and not being able to talk about it all the way to our first IVF cycle. I really felt like I was reading my own story.

    Be strong and hang in there! Miracles do come true. I can attest to that. 5.5y ago I had my first baby girl and 2.5y after that I had my 2nd little girl.

    If you ever have q’s, feel free to ask! I’ve been open to everyone asking and have opened doors to friends that had the same issue. They too have gotten pregos too. The process is painful, physically and mentally. But when your miracle comes, it’s worth it all. Good luck and remember that you’re not alone!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  480. Nikki wrote:

    Wow, it’s a very emotional post! Thank you so much for open up & share with us your journey! Wishing you & Nick the best through this! God blesses you two! 💕

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  481. Bukky wrote:

    I Wil be praying for you You will definitely carry and bring forth your own children.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  482. Phoebe wrote:

    I’m glad you were able to talk to your mom! And it’s so wonderful that you and Nick desire children and get this chance to try IVF!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  483. A Friend wrote:

    Infertility is truly a heart wrenching and lonely place. I have been down this road and am now forever a member of this silent sisterhood. Thank you for allowing us to share in such a personal struggle. I found that most celebrities (yes, you are a celebrity :)) would only open up about their infertility after conception or birth. And that never felt quite as helpful when I was in the thick of daily Gonal F injections and entering the torturous 2 week wait AGAIN. Anyways, please accept this virtual hug. And one for Nick too.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  484. L wrote:

    Omg.. I am exactly in the same situation…

    Thank you for sharing this, really

    Its been very trying,, the 1st month when it doesnt happen.. its just the shock I never expected,, and every month after that now.
    I can really related to all the feelimgs (thank you for being so honest) it is very hard to say it outloud,, Everyone around gets pregnant so easily it seems.
    I am afraid to have hope/expectation, I want to be positive inside of me, but it gets heartbreaking every time. And you think, if Im not a bad person, take care of myself, am responsible,, why is this happening to me?.. I guess there is a Greater reason I cannot yet comprehend (?)

    Im on Clomid, hoping for the best (mild PCOS), but really terrified if it doesnt work, and terrified to hope. Its like you have to be positive, but you cant be too positive, cuz then you get your heart broken, each time.

    I wish you all the blessings in the World, that you may become the fantastic mother I envision you to be! and a speedy recovery. It will happen, sooner than you think now Bigbig hugs

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  485. Anonymous wrote:

    thank you so much for sharing about this. I wish both you and Nick the best of luck in your journey. you guys are going to be such great parents

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  486. Michelle Lee wrote:

    Jean jiejie,
    As I teenager who has been following your fashion blog for many years
    now, I’ve always admired you as a role model who is able to do what you love and represent our racial ethnicity with pride. You are an inspiration that I hope to be like when I am a young woman in my twenties and thirties. So from a loving fan out there who wishes you the best, I want to say I Love You. This is probably really improper considering my age and inexperience in all avenues of life, but through my share of family struggles and isolation sometime I think that telling someone those three words goes a longer way than most might think. So I want to say it again, I Love You and hope you stay strong no matter how long or where your road takes.

    With love,
    Michelle <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  487. Daisy wrote:

    Hi Jean
    On my first IVF attempt, I had 9 eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized embryos but only 1 made it to implantation and now that 1 very lucky embryo is a 2 yr old thriving happy little girl. I have been there, hang in there and keep repeating “have faith” over and over again. It’s the only way we got through this. I’m an acupuncturist, I treat infertility and have helped many couples conceive.
    I wish I knew what I know now, it would have been easier. Our lab numbers were all normal too. My advice is to get both you and Nick tested for heavy metals specifically mercury. Google “DDI hair analysis test”. Mercury hinders mineral absorption. If all of your good minerals are on the low side then it could the root cause of poor egg quality and implantation issues. Also test for Lyme disease. Work with a functional medicine doctor instead of traditional PC. Other reasons often over looked by fertility doctors that I think you should evaluate first before pursuing IVF: parasites, EBV, autoimmune (test for ANA marker), dental issues like hidden root canal infections. Email me if you need to talk to an acupuncturist who has been through this journey and have experience with treating difficult infertility cases.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  488. Ann wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing your story. As an Asian gal myself, personal stories are hush hush but if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there are any help or options out there. Without discounting your doctor ‘s credential, my friend had gone through the same road as yours years ago without success until she switched to another doctor. It turned out that a little pimple like in her tube that blocks the sperm from traveling to its destination! The doctor made a small incision, scraped off the ‘pimple’ and she became pregnant through the natural process. She went on to have another 2 beautiful kids! I realize that each woman is different but do keep options open. Huge hug to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  489. Danielle wrote:

    I can’t imagine how much it took to share such a personal struggle. I so appreciate your vulnerability and bravery, especially since you are in the midst of such a trying time. I was diagnosed a few years ago with a blood clotting disorder and apparently most women go undiagnosed until they begin to have multiple unexplained miscarriages. While I consider myself lucky not to have found out in that way, it is a future challenge that I fear deeply. I feel that it is so important for women to be able to talk about these things so that we can support one another rather than feeling shame and suffering in silence. Regardless of what my future may hold, I appreciate you sharing your journey. I hope you know that you are not alone and that there is so much love and support being sent your way.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  490. Stephanie wrote:

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this too. I’m much older than you but am also trying, and have had two failed ivf cycles (never felt like an old lady before, but now I sure do…). Trying to decide what to do next.
    One thing I wish I had understood was that different pharmacies charge widely different prices for meds, even if they are covered! Also, it can help a lot to get prior authorizations sent in from the clinic. It’s minor in the big scheme of things, but that’s a few thousand dollars less that I can move around now to cover another attempt. (Insurance coverage maxed out and now it’s 100% out of pocket.) I hope this helps someone out there.

    Jean, wishing you lots of happiness! Thank you for bringing this topic out in the open on your forum with clarity and honesty.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  491. MT wrote:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey! I know this is a very hard and personal topic for others to speak of and let alone to tell someone about, as you stated. For women who face this struggle, it’s great feeling to know that it is not a struggle you face alone. I hope the best for you!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  492. Trinity wrote:

    I saw the last photo and got too excited for my own good. I know you will persevere; it’s hard not being able to control your fate (like with the cpa exam) but good news will come. Stay strong. I believe in you.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  493. Ziyao wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing this. You are the only lifestyle blogger that i’ve followed. Today after reading this, I’ve suddenly realized why I like your blog so much, it is your warm heart and love that makes this blog great! As a Chinese saying 好人有好报,wish you all the best!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  494. Anonymous wrote:

    Sending nothing but positive thoughts. I’ve always admired how beautiful you are both inside and out. Thank you for sharing this difficult journey. Things happen for a reason, including the timing of things. Your time will come.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  495. Tia wrote:

    For you to come this far is amazing. My husband and I are just at the beginning steps. And it’s already overwhelming to schedule and time when my next appointments are, let alone all the vitamins we have to take. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  496. Merry wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband & I are are married for 2 years and we are also trying for our first baby. Reading your blog is like reading what’s on my mind! Feel jealous when others can get pregnant easily especially when they still don’t want to have a baby. I am currently in my 2ww after my first IUI, should get the result within this week. If this doesn’t succeed, we are going to try IVF too. Baby dust to all of us! 🙂

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  497. X wrote:

    Hope the best for you and your husband.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  498. This was truly one of the best blog posts I read from you. Thank you SO much for sharing this, and although I don’t have any experience with what you’re going through, I really do sympathise with you. I know how Asian families work. Thank you for opening up, it really brings a personal touch to the blog! I hope your IVF journey goes smoothly, really, best of luck. 🙂

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  499. J wrote:

    What an awful and unfair situation! No one deserves to go through this painful process. I will keep my fingers crossed that you will have the same results as someone I know who went through IVF for her first child, then naturally for her second…and now she’s expecting her third child who is a complete surprise! Hugs to you and Nick.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  500. T wrote:

    Jean,
    I was in your boat for a number of years. Two unsuccesful IVF rounds and then told by the doctor he really can’t do anymore for me. I am petite as well and worked out a lot so I was thin and in good shape. I had asked the doctor more than once if it could be my weight, should I gain more? His answer was always “no you do not need to gain weight”. Well after I put on 5 pounds I got pregnant on my own. I really feel some women need the extra weight for fertility. Possibly something to consider.

    This is such a personal journey, thank you for sharing.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  501. Jean, this is such a powerful post. You’ve moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, I know it couldn’t have been easy for you. Sending you an avalanche of kisses and hugs. Best of luck to you and your husband.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  502. Krisia wrote:

    I want to thank you so much for sharing. I know how hard it is to want to have a baby and not have it happened like it should. My husband and I decided to try getting pregnant as soon as we got married. We were ready and we just wanted to be parents. Just like you I knew I wanted to be a mom and also just like you I thought well you just know when its the time and you “do it”. But after two years of trying and nothing happening my doctor finally decided I.should see a specialist. This was right before the holidays in 2014 so I told my husband (as sad and frustrated as I was) that I was not going to worry about it until the next year, I wanted to enjoy the holidays without worries. Next year came and when I say next year I mean January, I was late, 3 days late and I’m never late! I thought could it be? No, it can’t. I was away during that time and didn’t want to take a pregnancy test until I got back home in NYC. And so I waited. On January 8th I did a home pregnancy test and it was positive. I cried, woke up my husband and just said “you’re going to be a dad”. We just couldn’t believe it. Went to the doctor a couple of days later and confirmed it. We were going to be parents. We now have a beautiful son and just welcomed our second son this August. God is great. Please know that sometimes you just have to let go. Its true about the “not stressing” or don’t think about it ” because your body relaxes and things flow better. I.wish you all the best in this journey and I will have you in my prayers. Lots of love.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  503. Tammy wrote:

    Thank you for so bravely sharing your struggle. As a Chinese American from a traditional family, I know how difficult it is to make public such a personal issue and I applaud your courage. Much love & best wishes. XO

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  504. Michelle wrote:

    Hi Jean! I don’t usually like reading blogs, but yours do make my head turn every now and then 🙂 first off wanted to say you are such a brave women for sharing this! I also have be patiently waiting for a baby to happen to me and my soon to be hubby for five years…. just like u i went to the fertility facility to check and everything was confirmed fine but the baby just didn’t happen… we tried for another two years still nothing… so right when we were lost and out of hope we decided to finally go in for the IVF process, but miracle does exist! We were on a trip to Asia and were going to go in for IVF when we come bk , then i noticed my period has been missing for 2 almost 3 months and so we decided to maybe do a prego test, and now I’m 9wreks pregnant! So i wanted to tell you don’t give up! I’m sure your great personality deserve to be the mom you want to b soon!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  505. laura wrote:

    Thank you, Jean for sharing your story. I have been going through my own very personal journey with the idea of pregnancy and really appreciate you being so open with your experience.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  506. Esther wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. However painful to pen, I hope you gather strength from all of us faceless admirers. I hope you get the news you want to hear – good luck in your journey. We are here to listen and sympathize.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  507. Sarah wrote:

    I lived this. I tried for 3 years, the last of which was a depressing blur of anger, sadness, and hopelessness. I didn’t open up to anyone about it except my husband until after I had an early miscarriage in 2015. I was fortunate enough to have success last year with my second round of IUI. It was a long road and I still have a hard time believing that I am here holding a baby. Thank you for sharing your story – reading something like this would have meant the world to me when I was struggling. I’m sure many other women appreciate this too.

    And I hate to be one of those people, but acupuncture did so much for my stress levels. I did it for 2 months along with the IUI and it really helped me in so many ways. Angela Bell in Cambridge is the best.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  508. Eneri wrote:

    We are in the same boat, sorta. We are trying to get pregnant and we’ve decided to do it naturally and if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. Who has that kinda of money for IVF? I teach kindergarten and teachers surely don’t make enough for IVF treatments. I love kids and would love to have my own kids but because of some health conditions, I just can’t imagine putting my body through it all. Oh, and all the pregnancy announcements, baby showers and birthdays…it really is a sad,sad reminder that I am childless and will probably never had a child of my own . I no longer teach and is in search of a new career. Thank you for sharing so I don’t feel so alone. I wish both of us luck in whatever the future holds! Sending positive vibes!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  509. Jen wrote:

    Its so brave of you to share your story. In this curated world we live in where everything looks so pretty all the time, unfortunately there aren’t always pretty things going on behind the scenes. Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest. If anything, you sharing this made someone feel better about going through the same thing. I hope you have a succcessful round and phew what a relief about insurance. Just know that when you do become a mom you will look back on all this and think to yourself, it was so worth it. You’re also in some of the best hands in this city.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  510. Lily wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! I’ve been reading your blog for the past 2-3 years and I love that you’re open about your life in a very real way. I can’t imagine what this must be like for you. As someone who has irregular periods and issues with my hormone levels, infertility is one of my worst fears. I can certainly relate to the cultural aspect as I’m Vietnamese but it’s such an important topic that we need to talk more about, in order to build a community of women to support each other.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  511. Lisa wrote:

    Thank you for opening up about your struggles and sharing this personal story, Jean. I’m one of the childless-by-choice women, have always known since I was a teenager that I didn’t want kids, which comes with its own societal struggles; but it’s nothing like the visceral, physical pain that you and so many other women go through in order to have the kids that they want just as much. Wishing you the very best on your journey.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  512. Agnes Tan wrote:

    Hi Jean, thanks for sharing your stories, have been following your blog for few years now and this latest sharing nearly brought me tears. I totally understand how you feel, I myself one of the many women who experienced the IVF, needless to say that happened after trying, trying and trying. Had my eggs retrieved back in April this year and the hub and I thought, yeah finally and we would get our first good news in 10 days [my doc was very positive too] …….but the test came out negative a big fat negative later. I cried for hours that day, and was reminded the injections, visits to the clinic three times a week, bloating and etc. I was much better the next day and I thank God for HIS peace and comfort, and I know in HIS time HE will give me the desires of my heart. Take care Jean and I wish you the best. Hugs from Malaysia!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  513. Helen Ly wrote:

    Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  514. Rebecca wrote:

    Aw gosh Jean. Keep smiling. You got this. ❤️

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  515. JR wrote:

    Hugs to you, I think ivf is my only choice too- my insurance doesn’t cover it but i feel like we can’t put a price on being a mother. Prayers for you that a healthy baby is on its way to you!!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  516. Hope Wang wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    I am a long time reader of your blog; I so admire your bravery at sharing something so personal. I also went through infertility and the whole IVF process. In fact, reading your blog and seeing your photos brought back so many memories that I cried. Infertility is such a soul-crushing type of disappointment that only someone that went through it can truly understand its impact to an individual. I felt so powerless about my life and myself that I wanted to give up on my life.

    Fortunately for me, after many round of treatment, IVF with ICSI eventually worked and I was able to conceive a child. Today my daughter is almost 2 and I love her SO MUCH. So please know that there is an end to all of this and it is absolutely worth everything you are going through right now. And please know that infertility will eventually become a part of your past, not your entire identity. It will get better!

    Thank you so much for bring awareness to such an important yet overlooked topic! Please let me know if you ever need someone to talk about any of the infertility process (the frustration, the cost, the injections, the disappointments), I would be more than happy to listen!

    Love,
    – Hope

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  517. Julie Tran wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Like many of the comments above, I’ve been following you for years but this is the first time I’m leaving a comment. I’ve been going through the same thing too so reading this, and typing this,
    brings me to tears. My husband and I have been trying for four years and about 2 yrs ago decided to go the IVF route. We’ve done 3 IVF procedures and had two miscarriages. Our dr couldn’t find anything “wrong”with us either so suggested that we look into surrogatcy. However, we decided to get a second opionion at cornel. The dr. at Cornell had us do a hysteroscopy with biopsy (different from HSG ) and saw that there was chronic infection, which could have contributed to us not having success. I’m on antibiotics now and once infection clears, we will be starting out 4th IVF cycle.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate to every single word (you described it perfectly) and I know how emotionally draining and infuriating this process is. I sincerely wish you and Nick all the best and hope you will get encouraging news soon.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  518. T wrote:

    Jean,
    I have been following your blog for the past couple years. You’re one of my favorite bloggers although I have never left a comment before. As I’m sitting on my couch reading your blog, there’s no words to describe as I know exactly what you’re going through. Tonight is my last day of taking BC and tomorrow will be the first day of my 2 weeks IVF injections. Every word, every sentiment you described in your post resonate so well that it gives me chills.
    By the way, thank you for posting that picture. That was one of my main worries of how the body will react to the ovaries stimulation. I wish you the best on your journey, and know that you have one more reader also going through the exact process as you. I would love to stay in touch with you through this process.

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  519. S wrote:

    I’ve been following your blog quietly since a while now but this post really touched my heart. Two of my closest family members are in the exact same boat as you and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be. Thank you for opening up and letting us know about your struggle as hard as it must have been. Will pray you get your positive soon and that you have a healthy happy baby. Till then, keep smiling and rock those awesome outfits! xx

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  520. I know firsthand the infertility struggle as it’s something we went through ourselves. Relatives would ask when we would start our family – not knowing that behind-the-scenes we’d been trying for years. And I *so* commiserate with the “relax and it will happen” frustration – this advice may be well-meaning but it just adds in one more layer to the self-blame cycle …i.e. “now it’s my fault because I’m not relaxed enough.” In the end, the combo of acupuncture, IUI and injectables worked for me – as well as the support of the fertility message boards I’d visit daily. You’re so strong to share this now – it was something I kept hidden at the time – but the more support and knowledge we all share, the better. Sending you hugs <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  521. Cynthia wrote:

    I’ve been following your blog for several years and never commented before, but wanted to thank you for this post. Sometimes blogs present such a perfect, polished life that it’s easy to forget a real person is the author. I really hope that things will work out for you and Nick. If not pregnancy, at least peace of mind. *hugs*

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  522. IVF baby wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story, you are helping so many women who are going through the exact same thing. I am currently 37 weeks with an IVF babe. We tried for 16 months, we had EVERY test (all came back great), clomid, femera, 4 iui’s and nothing. I was diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” which was the biggest frustration! We are 31 and 34 (hub) and healthy. We just wanted to know what could be fixed to fix it! My doctor disagreed, though. She said this was her favorite diagnosis-she didn’t want to waste more time to figure out what was wrong, she wanted to get me pregnant with IVF and she did. Unexplained infertility has very good results with IVF and often times IVF can uncover what the issue was for instance if it is a fertilization issue, implantation etc. which can all be fixed. It was very scary going into it knowing we tried EVERYTHING else and I was just certain it wasn’t going to work, but it did!! I pray for women longing to become mothers every night. It is (in my opinion) the worst thing a woman can go through, but the infertility community is wonderful. I wasn’t comfortable sharing with most of my friends after I received some naive comments. Some people just don’t get it and that’s okay. We shared with a handful of people who were supportative and we asked that they not ask about our progress that we would share what we were comfortable with. I hope you have good fertilization results and that the transfer goes smoothly!! I was doing acupuncture which helped my mindset tremendously. Give yourself a selfish pass to do whatever you and your husband want to relax and stay positive. ill be praying for you!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  523. Dee wrote:

    Let me start by saying that there aren’t words eloquent enough to provide the comfort and peace to those who struggle with infertility. The loneliness, the disappointment, the pain, the frustration, the embarrassment even… all these raw emotions are so hard for people to sympathize and emphathize when it’s not experienced first hand.
    I’ve been following you for years, Jean. I adore you and think you are absolutely inspiring! I appreciate you opening up, especially a topic so close to my heart as my husband and I have also struggled with loss and infertility. I wish you the best of luck on this journey! Just remember, you are not alone. <3

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  524. Kapik wrote:

    Thank you for being the awesome and honest with your posts! Jean stay strong, you can do this!

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  525. Kristy Vo wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    I wish you and Nick all the best!! Thank you for sharing your personal journey.
    Xoxo

    Posted 11.6.17 Reply
  526. miriam wrote:

    I’m sure you can see from your comments that this is a common issue for a lot of women. I hope you will find comfort and encouragement knowing that you’re not alone =)
    we had a miscarriage earlier this year and have been trying again since. it’s very heartbreaking, frustrating and somewhat unfair. thanks for sharing your heart, i totally understand it’s hard and somewhat “taboo” to talk about, esp if you’re asian but i’m excited to follow along on your journey– the ups and the downs and hoping for joys and miracles! <3

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  527. June wrote:

    Jean – I have been in your shoes and know how you feel. It took me 12 months of hoping it would happen and then 6 months of fertility treatments with the accompanying emotional roller coaster rides. My doctor went with IUI (basically forcing ovulation and then using a turkey baster) for those 6 months and we were going to turn to IVF after that. I was working on Wall Street, was constantly stressed, and also worried about how much this was costing us. But like you, I always knew I wanted to be a mom so I was going to do whatever was needed. I ended up missing one of my best friends’ wedding because it fell on “the day”. Well it finally worked and i became pregnant with twins. My third arrived when the twins were 22 months old. It was almost as though my body just decided it was ready after the first two! Ten years later, I ended up with two more step kids, who l love like my own. i was never shy about talking about my fertility issues. There is no shame in wanting children and there is grace in helping others by sharing your experiences so others realize they are not alone. Don’t give up. Keep the faith.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  528. Ai wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you for sharing this with us. It is hard to open up to the public since all of our pictures on social medias theses days are showcase of the best of us. I hope after sharing this posts you will find positive energies and emotional support from your followers who went through the same thing as you.
    All of us are awaiting to hear your updates and hope you and Nick’s hard work will pay off soon. Take care, Jean!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  529. Annemarie wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been a long time follower of your blog. I can relate and sympathize with your beautifully written words. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  530. Archana wrote:

    Jean,
    Thanks for sharing this! I have been through this phase of fertility treatments over the last few years and understand how frustrating and depressing it can be. I wish you all the best and will hope and pray that you and Nick will be parents soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  531. Jacqueline wrote:

    Thank you Jean for finding the strength to share your story! I’m sure there are people that really needed this post. That was really thoughtful of you to open up. Sending you love and prayer!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  532. Tiffany wrote:

    Jean, I have been reading your blog about six years now. I learned how to dress smarter and better because of your influence. When I dress for work now, I always keep your tips in mind. You taught me how to dress for success, and I’m incredibly thankful that I found your blog when I was lost, just fresh out of college, and trying to find my way in the world in terms of career prospects, during a time when I naively thought I will never amount to anything because I didn’t have pretty clothes to wear or didn’t know how to style myself in order to look more professional so someone can hire me. That day many years ago, I stumbled across your blog from a Soompi post a person recommended that you’ve put together about how to look older, in which you wore a purple sweater and jean and transformed the look with a green blouse. When I first started reading your blog, I was a lost person who didn’t see a future in myself of ever becoming a success, but since I’ve found you, I’ve learned great tips about clothes and fashion that has helped me become a more confident person. Even till this day, I’m thankful I found you to learn from.

    Jean, reading this post, I didn’t know what to feel but deep sadness for you and Nick. I wish you and Nick the best in your journey of becoming parents. You’re guys are going to be great parents. Sometimes the problems that we’re facing is just a trail that we have to go through. I always believe that evetually things will fall into pieces although it might take a little time. I wish you both the best.

    Xoxo,
    Tiffany

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  533. Amy wrote:

    I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this post. It helps to read this. I can completely identify. It is so emotional and painful to go through the cycle of hope and disappointment every month. It is terrifying to look at the expense of IVF and it is so nerve wracking to think that it may not work. I hope everything goes perfectly for you and Nick. Thank you for your honesty and courage. You are not alone and you’ve helped me feel that I am not alone either.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  534. Anonymous wrote:

    Sending you so much love and good wishes, Jean. You are a truly phenomenal, brave, powerful, and fierce woman.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  535. Alexis S wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you so much for being so brace and opening up about your journey. I’m wishing you and Nick the best in the coming months. Sending you lots of love.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  536. Naomi wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve been having a different but also very challenging journey to parenthood and really appreciate hearing stories like this. It is hard when all we hear are pregnancy announcements so it is really important to share these stories as well.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  537. Mizeats wrote:

    Dear Jean, thank you for being so brave and sharing your IVF journey. I wish I was in the same city as you so I could give you a big hug. Please know that you are not alone and brighter days will soon come. Sending you lots of love and hugs your way! I’m here for you if you ever need anything. 😘

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  538. Stephanie H wrote:

    Jean-Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I will be praying for you and Nick for good news.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  539. Caroline Kim wrote:

    Thank you sharing with us, Jean. I’m sure it’s not easy to share about your personal journey. I wish you the best with your IVF experience and hope you can enjoy a healthy and joyful pregnancy soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  540. Alicia Yang wrote:

    Jean, I want you to know that I have heard alot of successful IVF stories and you have to focus on the positives that it will happen eventually. I understand what you are going through as it took me a year to get pregnant and I eventually did using clomid. I know it will happen for you and Nick but it may take some time.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  541. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi Jean, Thank you for sharing. I’ve gone through it. Two years of fertility treatment before moving on to IVF. We’ve been blessed with a little girl. My thoughts are with you, I hope you only have to go through one round of IVF. You’re article is exactly how I felt during fertility. The days of loneliness, sadness, depression, happy for friends and family but bitter because it isn’t happening for you. I only shared with my inner circle, many people don’t know what I’ve been through. Good for you for sharing! There needs to be more women like you! Once again, good luck.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  542. Liz wrote:

    Thank you for being willing to open up and share the imperfect, messy, scary, and human parts of life. Sending thoughts and love your way for this challenging journey.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  543. Meisha wrote:

    Sending lots of love and prayers your way! I am in the process of IUI and your message was so touching. Thank you for sharing your journey!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  544. Alexandra wrote:

    Sorry to hear that. We also had problems conceiving and my second baby was IVF. You couldn’t describe the whole process better. For us was also very expensive and not covered by insurance. I know you have heard it all, but one great advantage you have is age. I am glad you didn’t wait longer, and have to deal with this problem later and not even be able to retrieve good quality eggs. Sending you only the best wishes!! And hugs. And I hated all the injections too. I held the needle close to my tummy for about an hour before being brave enough to inject myself for the first time, and ended up being easier and less painful than I imagined.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  545. N wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. It’s very brave of you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  546. Joreley wrote:

    Thanks for sharing! You are so brave. You are not alone, I tried for over a year to get pregnant and I know how fustrating that can be. I remember waiting every month and feeling so upset when I got my period, until one day I started crying and praying outloud at home by myself. I asked God for a miracle and that same month I didn’t get my period and my pregnancy test was positive!!!! God is amazing and I know he will do that same miracle to you too! Just keep praying and don’t give up! Just visualize that baby in your arms. God bless you!!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  547. Kerry wrote:

    Jean…I am so proud of you and Nick for being so courageous and open to share such a personal topic. I am also Asian and understand there are many things we don’t speak about outside of the family, but I don’t think this should be the case. Too often many of us are afraid to share our personal struggles for the sake of protecting “face” or scared of what others may say about us. It is important to realize there are others out there who may be experiencing the same issues and feel like they have no outlet to turn to. Thank you for opening up and I really hope other women out there who are going through the same thing realize there is hope and not to give up. I wish you and Nick the best of luck!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  548. @arienics wrote:

    I’ve been following you almost 4 years now and I’m inspired by you and reading this makes my heart cry.
    There’s so much bravery in struggle a battle in silence or public… maybe its destiny or not, but you have made a Community and you are not alone, at least I am here and from my Home I’m sending you and Nick love and energy. 💛❤️

    Thank you for sharing, you are a strong woman💐

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  549. Rainbow wrote:

    As someone who has experienced infertility, your honesty and raw emotions resonated with me. I thought twice before even replying to your post. My own insecurities and memories flooded back. I remember sitting in the car bawling after a friend‘s pregnancy announcement and feeling guilty about being envious of them.

    It‘s funny that you mention the asian mentality. After my miscarriages, I was always asked if I had lifted anything heavy, ate too many mangoes/watermelon, or drank cold drinks. Each comment would make me rethink if that was the key to why we weren‘t able to maintain the pregnancies.

    Each woman has their own pregnancy journey, some are on blessed and easy paths while others are on a road less traveled. However, once I began to open up and let people in on my journey I began to realize I wasn‘t alone. This isn‘t something that just affected me, so why must I bear the loneliness all on my own? Thank you for opening up and allowing others to do so as well. Keep fighting for what you want and know that this process will make you and your husband stronger together.

    xoxo

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  550. Tatiana wrote:

    Wow. Thank you from someone going through a similar situation.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  551. Cheryl wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I have been through multiple rounds of IVF myself and totally understand how you are feeling. I felt alone too because all my friends were getting pregnant, especially in the Chinese culture where parents have no filter. I used social media to chat with others, and I knew that I wasn’t alone.

    You are brave to take that step to share your journey. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  552. neurosciency wrote:

    i’m sorry you are having such a difficult time. thanks for your honest post and keep being brave!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  553. Sunchicka wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey. I was tearing up and crying. I too am unable to conceive the normal route. And should I ever choose to have kids will have to undergo IVF and have a surrogate. You are so brave and courageous for sharing your story. Your strength is so beautiful and heart is amazing. You will be the most amazing mother one day.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  554. Stacy wrote:

    Jean, first let me give you a virtual hug for being so brave and telling us about what you are going through. I am literally crying after I read this because as an avid follower of yours for many many years I would never imagine behind the scenes you were going through something so painful both mentally and physically. This really hit me hard because I turned 32 this year and as alot of my friends around my age are getting married and having kids, I’ve always been that girl who was never too worried about “catching up” to what everyone else what doing but as I will be getting married next year babies are now on my mind especially since I am “late” in the game. I always took for granted the thought that when I decide to have kids it will automatically and naturally happen for me but after reading this and obviously knowing I’m no longer at a point in my life where I can play the “waiting” game, I will definitely be a little more proactive and have a discussion with my own doctor and have a game plan as well.

    I also want to tell you that no matter what happens just remember to count your blessings and take it day by day.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  555. Daniela wrote:

    I can’t explain how much your words touched me! I’m in a similar situation right now (in the frustration of trying and helpless with every negative result, watching the time to pass…), and I don’t have people around to share my thoughts with. Reading your words was kind of relief, comfort, emotion… thank you for sharing your story. I wish you both success in this new journey, and a lot of love! ❤️ Thank you again!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  556. Rachel wrote:

    Thanks for sharing your fertility story so far. It can be so daunting but when my husband and I were going through our own fertility journey it was amazing how many friends felt able to open up about their own journeys and I realised how common the struggle had been for others too. It gave me strength to stay positive and hopeful that one day we would fall pregnant. After months of trying and some unexplained fertility issues I was waiting for my next period so we could get underway with our first IVF cycle which is an emotional decision to undertake in itself. But my period never came, to our immense surprise we had conceived naturally and nine months later we had a healthy baby girl! Be kind to yourself and hope that you hear the pitter patter of little feet soon x

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  557. Christina wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know someone who has been going through IVF as well, so I know it is tough both mentally when physically. Sending love your way!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  558. Lori wrote:

    Thank you for sharing!!! I completely relate to everything you wrote about. We ended up doing two rounds but finally had a successful pregnancy. I truly hope this is successful for you and you FINALLY get to see a positive test…it will all be worth it. Nothing but positive vibes being sent your way. The waiting is torture. No matter what happens…you are strong, and you are enough.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  559. Erin wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Thank you so for sharing such a beautiful post. It is true that this is a topic that many women feel ashamed to share, and they shouldn’t. I want to add onto the the person above me, who also said to test immune system. It is very common nowadays, that there is a immune system component. I am also in the health field as an acupuncturist. Acupuncture is a great treatment that can help support the IVF treatment you are getting. If you have any other questions, feel free to reach out. Again, thank you for sharing.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  560. Anonymous wrote:

    Hew…. I rember those hardship days…
    When I positively thought that I was… I heard a co-worker, a friend, or even a stranger had a good news, but not me…
    I’ll pray for you! A little angel will come for you!
    🙏🏼

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  561. Ming wrote:

    祝你生个大胖小子

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  562. Brooke wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey. Infertility is such a secret struggle so many people go through. My husband and I have done 3.5 IVF cycles with no success. We’ve been trying for almost for a little over 2.5 years and have never had a positive test yet. I wish you all the best and know you’ll find success to build your family.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  563. Anita wrote:

    Thank you for opening up. This is so raw and so real. I hope the best for you and Nick. ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  564. Eleanor wrote:

    Many hugs. I’m writing this with my 4 day old IVF baby on my chest. It will happen. It is the shittiest Road we’ve been down – for us, secondary infertility. Hurt me, my marriage, just hurt. It took a few friends sharing their journey for us to start IVF, so you have just been that woman to some other woman struggling. I’m very open now and though the journey is hard, it’ll be so worth it.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  565. Cathy wrote:

    Oh Jean, I’m so so proud of you for being so incredibly brave in sharing this. I can’t imagine all the emotions. I’ll be thinking of you and Nick, and I know you’ve helped countless others by sharing your story. ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  566. Irene wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been following your blog for years now but have never posted until today. I have benefitted so much from your elegant and timeless (petite!) style, and you come across as so genuine, classy, and down-to-earth. Thank you for sharing this difficult and personal experience, and for revealing such a vulnerable and human side behind your glossy images. You’re incredibly strong, and I wish you and Nick the very best.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  567. Lucy wrote:

    Thank you for sharing. I went through something similar and understand everything you said. Someone has to go through the same process to understand the extent of pain and frustration. To draw from my own experience, I have no advice other than just trying to stay strong. I ended up getting disappointed over the so-called friends who said sorry but they weren’t really.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  568. Stephie wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I’m tearing up thinking about how you must have felt in pre-op and currently feel. Sending you lots of love and positivity. Y’all will make amazing parents ❤

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  569. Anonymous wrote:

    Very special thank you

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  570. Emi wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing this blog, I can’t imagine the courage it took to be so vulnerable to share your story. It also couldn’t have been perfect timing as an encouragement to me as I myself am struggling with wanting and trying to have a baby. Best wishes with your IVF treatment and praying for a miracle!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  571. Hi Jean, thanks for sharing this very intimate journey. I’ve been through 3 IVF cycled and umpteen IUIs, all with no success of a heartbeat found on the ultrasound scan. I wish you all the best and peace as well as courage to persevere. I’m also now in the midst of saving up for my 4th IVF cycle with a different protocol. Let’s continue this pursuit of having a child bravely.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  572. Hope wrote:

    Jean, you have helped me improve my professional and casual wardrobe like no other, and you seem like such a lovely, glowing person. I always eagerly await your new posts. Thank you for sharing your painful journey – I was so surprised when I read this post because I, too, have been on the IVF journey.
    Sometimes it feels like I’m the only person in the world who cycles through the shame, guilt, anger, debilitating sadness and loneliness of not being able to have a desperately wanted baby. I am paying wholly out of pocket, and have just started my 6th (yes, SIXTH) IVF cycle… with no success yet. It’s taken a toll – I haven’t been truly happy since July 2016.

    I understand every emotion you are going through, and would like to offer some info that may be useful to you. There is a national infertility support group called RESOLVE, which I regularly attend in my area; I looked up the details in Boston for you at the bottom of this comment. Every single time I go, I leave feeling much less alone. The ladies are all extremely supportive and have deep knowledge of all the variants of the procedures, medications, clinics and doctors. They have a message board, too, which is super informative.

    Also, I’ve been reading the following three books: Silent Sorority (Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos), Ever Upward (Justine Brooks Froelker) and Avalanche (Julia Leigh). We are not alone.

    I read somewhere that we shouldn’t think of our story as one of deep sadness, or loneliness, or shame. Ours is, rather, a story of love. The tremendous love you have for your husband, the tremendous love that motivates you to create a family with him, and the tremendous love that holds you up every day to go to whatever length you need to to have a baby, who will be born of that love.

    My best wishes to you, Jean. I hope it happens very quickly for you, and for all of us.

    Best,
    Hope

    Massachusetts: Boston General Infertility Support Group
    Category: Peer-led Support Groups
    Boston Integrative Health Center, 581 Boylston St., Suite 700B
    Boston, MA 02116
    Date & Time: Meets on the first Monday of the month at 7:15PM
    Location: Boston Integrative Health Center, 581 Boylston St., Suite 700B
    Host: RESOLVE New England
    Phone: 781-890-2250
    Email: admin@resolvenewengland.org

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  573. Tiffany wrote:

    I had a lot to say in my comment but I erased it all. I’ve been following your blog since basically its inception. Your words have touched me more than any of your previous posts. I’m here for you, from one petite Asian to another (across the country).

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  574. Jess wrote:

    THANK YOU for sharing your story. It’s so brave of you. Know that you are not alone and are greatly loved by the interwebs world. There is an entire sisterhood that stands behind you, understanding your pain, empowering you, and reminding you that you are an amazing woman. IVF is a challenging process, a huge struggle. Again, thank you for having the courage to share. Wishing you and Nick the best of luck in tackling this challenge. Sending love!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  575. JAN wrote:

    Hi Jean – thank you so much for sharing as I know what you are going through. I also feel the same, my husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and are trying to start a family as well, it is sometimes difficult to see pregnancy announcement from friends or families when you yourself are wanting to have kids. Thanks for sharing knowing that I am not alone in this journey of trying to start a family 🙂

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  576. Veena Talley wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. You are simply a strong and wonderful woman. Best of luck to you and Nick. 💕

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  577. HN wrote:

    I wish you both the best! I’m speechless reading your posts. I couldn’t find other words to comfort you! Will be praying for your good news! Keep us updated! Much love! ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  578. Anonymous wrote:

    Jean, I have to say you are so brave. By trying that difficult path to have a baby, you are more than a mom. I don’t have a kid for a different reason and I cannot share it here as I am Asian 😉 but I do know how you feel. It’s like suffering like hell but cannot share the feelings to anyone. You also gave me a strength to try having a baby for the last time with this blog entry. You are not alone. There are so many happy faces who have so much pain in their mind. Thank you for sharing your feelings and help me to become braver than I am. Sending a big hug! Xoxo

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  579. Jennie wrote:

    I have been in your exact same position. When we finally paired everything with progesterone suppositories…a miracle. It’s hard to believe now, but this will make such a story of love to your child(ren). My miracle girl just started college!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  580. Thanks for sharing such a personal experience. I️ can totally relate to you in terms of keeping this personal coming from an Asian background. It’s such a brave thing to be open and sharing your experience with the world. I️ hope that round one works without any glitches!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  581. V wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story! My husband and I are also trying for our first baby, so to a certain extent, I can totally relate to the emotional rollercoasters we have to go through monthly. Best of luck to you and your husband! I hope we both get to see a big fat positive line soon! xx

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  582. Camille Suarez wrote:

    I give you so much credit for being so brave in your journey, and also for being open and sharing your story with us. I have been a very long time reader, and your blog is my absolute favorite to read. While I may just be a reader, having followed you for so long makes me feel like you’re a very fashionable girlfriend that I’ve known for years! I wish you and Nick success on your journey, and sending you so much love and support for you every step of the way.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  583. Row wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your journey Jean! While I didnt have to go through IVF, I did suffer an early miscarriage earlier in the year and it’s also one of those topics many women do not and feel ashamed of talking about. It has also brought sadness and frustration because I really wanted to be a mom. I felt the same jealousy of my friends who were getting pregnant and having baby showers…took a while to feel comfortable around them without feeling depressed about myself. We tried again and now i’m 33 weeks. But there hasn’t been a day where I don’t think about the possibility of something going wrong….that fear of losing something so precious and not being able to control it. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in the struggles of being a mother and by sharing your journey helped me share mine here.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  584. Monica wrote:

    You are so very very brave to share this and I just wish you so very much that IVF will be successful for you guys and you could become a mother soon! Will keep you in my prayers!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  585. Haley wrote:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But you are not alone! My husband and I have been trying for 2 years. We had 2 failed IUIs and plan to try IVF in 2018 (after we switch to his insurance which thankfully covers it). Best wishes as y’all navigate this journey together. Praying you get your blessing soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  586. Martina wrote:

    Hi Jean! So brave of you to share your experience, my friend recently went through Ivf too and she shared her journey with me and I know it’s not easy. Now you have your eggs retrieving, the most difficult part, it should be easier but I know not the end .
    I totally understand seeing others falling pregnant weather planned or not and you know u should be happy for them but sohow you wish that was you. The frustration and the disappointment makes you angry. It should be nature and simple but it’s not , you ask yourself the question why inside your head many times and each time you have no answer.
    Jean, you got to remember, you are still young and healthy If it doesn’t happen the first time, try again. At least you are trying and have the chance to try if all failed don’t be sad or angry.. Think about adoption. I can totally relate to what you are going through, it’s like Mother Nature have taking the chance of you of doing the one thing you can do as a woman but my story is ten times worst. At 38, in a relationship, my chance of being pregnant is very slim for many reason but i hope one day I will be a mother too. so be positive!! If you need to chat. Let me know . Take care xxx
    Martina

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  587. Z wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I believe it’s very beneficial for both the writer and the reader. The writer is able to vent and the reader is able to get a different perspective of what could or has happened to them. I haven’t been trying but from a few previous tests I’ve taken, it seems as if I will go down a similar route once I decide to have kids. I will be praying for you and your husband that you will have your bundle of joy however God sees fit. Thanks again for sharing

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  588. Graciela wrote:

    Make sure your doctors test your immune system too. Many times the reason for infertility has to do with the immune system preventing pregnancy or attacking a pregnancy. I am a nurse, that’s why I am telling you this. Best wishes!
    @authorgracielagarciabredehoeft

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  589. Melissa wrote:

    Jean, you and Nick are so brave for sharing. I have followed you since the beginning and I am sending you both prayers for your growing family.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  590. Suhasini wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    Good luck and while you are braving it all I’ll keep you in my prayers. I have been following your blog for couple of years now. You have become such an integral part of my daily routine when I log in every weekday. As someone who is on the wrong end of 30 and looking at separation, a social stigma in my part of the world, I have given up any hope of a second chance to start over and hopefully have family of my own some day. I have 2 adorable nephews , the latter being 5 months, that make my very soul go mushy. Not amount of being positive can reset our biological clock or keep it from ticking away and taking with it better chances at natural pregnancy.Either I resign myself to being single / kid-free or I start over. In which case I may be doing exactly what you are in the time to come. Opening up to your family, to your friends to even strangers like me through your blog is much needed outlet for the emotional distress. I am still fighting out my separation process and the trauma is debilitating with the mud slinging and slander. I am probably going the penniless way so I do understand the financial struggle. I’m shamed every now and then, some subtle some overt but finally I have reached the point of tuning people and noise out. This is a first for me too. Sharing the failure of my late marriage which in itself has been a shaming highlight of my life. I’ll be fine though. You will be fine as well. I hate it as well when people state the obvious of not thinking about your worries or stressing over it. Of course we would. If I don’t worry for myself and find a fix no one will. They can empathize /sympathize but no one is more vested in my well being than myself.Period. Babies are a blessing, even in a country of quarter and a billion (and counting) they are nature’s way of touching your soul. They bring the one emotion to surface that nothing else can..loving someone more than oneself. You will get there and be a great mom. How beautiful and incredulous is that I can feel your hardship through your written words alone. And that I want to hug it out. And to tell you that , not that I am religious, I’ll ask of the million gods here (probabilities yay!) to send a stork on a visit to your home .
    Cheer up and chin up babe!
    Lots of love

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  591. Nancy wrote:

    I’m also a long-term follower and thanks so much for sharing. I’m 24 and not married yet, but kids are definitely in my future (or so I hope). Wish you and Nick all the best.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  592. Jess wrote:

    Jean, you are such a beautiful, brave, and strong human being. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope the topic of fertility and IVF can become more common so women don’t have to be afraid and fight this battle alone. Stay strong, Jean! I will keep you in my prayers!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  593. Hanh V wrote:

    I’m sorry you’re fighting this battle. I hope it’s one you’ll win soon. No suffering should be done alone. I hope this outlet will bring you some comfort and relief.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  594. Megan wrote:

    Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing this part of you. Your reflections and feelings are very relatable. My heart really reaches out to you and Nick. Stay strong!! And keep believing <3

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  595. Rachel wrote:

    Thank you (& nick) for your bravery and kindness sharing with us, especially since you don’t know what’s next. its a daunting prospect to think it may not all work out for you, and myself in the future but I’m extremely grateful for your courage to reduce the stigma about IVF and fertility struggles. hugs from afar~

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  596. Shirley wrote:

    Jean, this was really hard and personal of you to share, and I think all of us netizens want to stand up for you in sharing this. It takes a lot of strength to overcome challenges like this but I think you and Nick are really inspirational in your lives. Not everything online is picture perfect, and each person has their own struggles. We hope we can stand with you as you continue to share about your story!! 🙂 <3

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  597. Lizzy wrote:

    Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us. Sending you good vibes for any of the hard days. It’s going to happen for you <3

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  598. Mui wrote:

    Wow, reading posts like these makes me relive everything my husband and I went through. I can tell you it will happen when you least expect it and God works in mysterious ways. My first pregnancy happened when I decided to give up and stop trying. Our second pregnancy happened after a horrible, distraught loss…but we now have 3 beautiful boys. Yes, our second pregnancy were twins. I will also share that both pregnancies were trying and tough. My first I was hospitalized multiple times due to hyperemesis, I lost 20 lbs in that pregnancy. The twins pregnancy ended up in preterm labor at 30 weeks and 2 days. My babies being in the NICU for a month and a half. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it certainly was not easy. I wish you the best of luck and will keep you in my prayers.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  599. Ella wrote:

    Wishing you all the best on your journey xo

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  600. Ivy wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story, Jean. You are breaking barriers set by Asian culture by opening up about the pain and struggle that you have been going through, and as a Canadian-born, Vietnamese-Chinese female, I cannot thank you enough. Although I am not yet at the stage where I am trying for children, I know that I will struggle to conceive in the future due to suspected PCOS complications. Your story is one of bravery and perseverance. Sending all the love and hugs to you and your husband.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  601. Jo wrote:

    I’ve been following you for so many years and this has to be my favorite post. The vulnerability and the emotion that I felt from reading this post really touched the deepest part of my heart. I’m not married like you and Nick, but I’m 28 (turning 29 soon) years old. I’m single, but someday when I meet the right guy, I would love to become a mom. Doctors have looked at my hormone levels and told me that it would be difficult to have kids. In the midst of my friends’ wedding/engagement news and pregnancy surprises, it’s hard to stay encouraged knowing that I would once experience that joy as well. I even thought freezing my eggs, but the the money that would go into that process [10k+] discourages me at the same time. I even did the transvaginal ultraound [the one you mentioned in this post] by myself (that ultrasound was so scary and painful). Although we’re in two different seasons of life, I feel that I connected with your loneliness and defeated state. Stay strong, Jean. God will provide you and Nick a child very soon. Thank you for sharing you journey. xx

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  602. Mony wrote:

    Hi Jean! Thanks for sharing your journey. Hope you and “nurse” Nick have good news to share in a few months!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  603. Candi wrote:

    So much love and support for you!! As an Asian American, I empathize with how difficult it must have been for you to open up and write about this personal journey, and sharing with us. You are strong, courageous, and everything we aspire to be as women. Fingers crossed for you and Nick!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  604. Vivian wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I think it is important for women to share struggles like this with each other so this does not have to be a lonely journey. I have a 3 year old who did come as a surprise. When we wanted a second child, we foolishly thought it would be just as easy, but it did not. Two miscarriages later, I finally find myself pregnant this week. Yet, it still comes with fear, fear that this too would end in failure. Trying is hard, and as I have come to learn, miscarriages are even harder. I wish you and everyone the best of luck on this journey. You will be a wonderfully stylish mom. Don’t give up!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  605. Jen wrote:

    ❤️ thinking about you and nick. We struggled for years with infertility and know how heartbreaking, frustrating and lonely it can be. Four years later we have a beautiful one year old after two rounds of ivf. Thank you for sharing your story- I share mine because I know someone somewhere is going through the same thing. Your post will resonate with a lot of people. All my best. 💫

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  606. Meagan C. wrote:

    Thanks for sharing, Jean. Sending you positive thoughts and wishing you the best of luck on your journey. You and Nick will become great parents to that lucky kid one day.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  607. Phuong wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal story. I’ve been following your blog for years now and have always loved everything you post. This post, while I’m sure was difficult for you to write and post, is so appreciated by me. I am starting IVF now and am feeling overwhelmed by what has already happened and what is yet to come. I’ve also had many friends get pregnant while my husband and I have been trying for the two years and don’t know anyone struggling like me so it’s been a lonely time. Reading your post has made me feel less lonely about the experience and I am so grateful to you. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I hope you feel better soon and that the embryo transfer goes well in the upcoming days and that you and Nick get pregnant! Thoughts are with you! 💙

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  608. Anonymous wrote:

    Sending you love and prayers from Toronto 🙏
    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. You’re a beautiful person inside and out Jean.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  609. Maryiam wrote:

    Praying for you and wishing you all the best! God has a great plan for you! ❤️❤️❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  610. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for sharing something so personal as infertility. I tried for 4 years and went through the same emotions as you are going through now. It’s such a taboo topic that few people talk about but as a someone who had gone through this journey I share my experience with infertility with anyone who wishes or don’t wish to talk about it because you never know who’s in that dark cloud struggling and would like to hear that they are not alone, especially when all their friends seem so lucky. I’m now blessed with two boys and I know you will be blessed with children. Don’t despair. Thank you for being so open. I’m sure you’ve made many ladies reading this blog feel like they aren’t the only ones struggling. Good luck. Sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  611. Susan wrote:

    jean, you are so brave for sharing your story and going through the whole IVF process. Society should be moving towards breaking the stigma that these things shouldn’t be talked about, or that pregnancy announcements should be hush hush until after the first trimester. If things like this aren’t shared, that leaves the couple to grieve alone, which is not right. I wish you and Nick success, and know that you are not alone! We are all here supporting and praying for you!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  612. Emily wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing something so personal! This is so common among women but so taboo to talk about and it really shouldn’t be!! Praying for you and hoping for good results! ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  613. Priscilla Jules wrote:

    I’m so sorry that you and your husband are going through it!
    Few months ago talking to a friend of mine that lives in Brazil. She told me that she has been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years… she had done tons of exams to make sure that her and her husband are fine! And the exams results are fine!
    She told me that they may try the IVF at some point!
    Other couple friends of mine were trying to get pregnant for over 3 years! She got pregant 3 years ago but she had a miscarriage. They also got exams and the results were fine… they kept trying… and few months ago a little before they go to the doctor to start the IVF they found that they are expecting a baby boy!
    It seems like some people take more time! Don’t forget that each body reacts differently. Don’t go hard on yourself. I hope you recovery fast.
    I will be praying for you beautiful! And I’m sure you will be a wonderful mom soon!!
    Send you tons of love!!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  614. Emma wrote:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing your incredible journey. I wish more women felt as supported by their partners and communities so they they could seek out comfort. You are incredibly brave.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  615. Lil wrote:

    Hello! Just wanted to let you know that i adore your blog and I absolutely adore everyone of your outfits! I also love that you opened up and shared such a personal story, I wish you all the luck and positive vibes. My twin nieces were ivf babies and I cant imagine life without them now. My sister had to try twice and as hard and expensive it was, she says it was worth every pain and tumble. Please stay positive and Im sure there will be little cuties in your future♡

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  616. Lacey wrote:

    I read your blog often and just wanted to say – as someone who wanted children and now it’s too late — you are brave and you are not alone. God bless you and yours.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  617. Ashley A wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this. There are so many women fighting this battle – and it’s brutal. Seeing my sister-in-law go through IVF opened my eyes to the process – it’s not just one procedure, it’s pain – physical wounds and emotional nightmares – it’s time and it’s money. I know everyone’s results are different, but after she fought this battle for about 6 years, God has blessed her with two adorable boys. Praying for you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  618. Anonymous wrote:

    Although not in regards to pregnancy, I can completely relate to seeing the cycle of milestone announcements from friends while experiencing the “depression re-run” for myself.

    I can’t fully express why, but it means so much to me that you shared this struggle BEFORE having an ending to your story. While I’m genuinely happy for friends and bloggers who share their struggles and end it with a happy ending, those stories only depress me further. (“Well that’s nice they got their happy ending…”)

    But reading a post from someone who is still trying made me feel less alone about my own struggles. Thank you so much. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you and Nick the best.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
    • Anonymous wrote:

      I love your blog and have never commented before, but this post was so touching I find myself knee deep in the comments section! I definitely agree with this comment. It would be far too easy to post about this topic with a glowing pregnancy photo at the end (although I hope to see that at some point too). Thank you for bravely sharing your journey on social media. I’m an ob gyn and so many patients feel alone, sad, and betrayed by their bodies. Social media doesn’t usually help that process, but in this case, I’m hopeful. You are certainly not alone and I wish you the best!

      Posted 11.7.17 Reply
  619. Elizabeth wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this, Jean. I’m sure it wasn’t the easiest post to pen and publish. Just tearing up as I’m trying to finish the post and I cannot imagine how hard this was for you and how exhausting this process must be. Thinking of you and Nick. You both will be the most amazing and thoughtful parents. Please keep us posted.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  620. Jules wrote:

    Sending you virtual hugs! Thank you for sharing your journey, it made me appreciate some things I usually take for granted. I pray for a safe and successful journey for you and your husband. ❤

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  621. Joanne wrote:

    Thank you for sharing and know that you are not alone. My husband and I have a very similar story and this has also been a very frustrating period of my life. My heart bleeds for you because I can see so much of me in your post. The most important thing I want you to know is that, even though you may not feel it at times, you are beautiful and worthy. This does not define you. I pray for a positive outcome and wish you the strength and support throughout this process. Stay strong!!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  622. eM wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It really isn’t easy to share something so personal and private, especially not to all 400k followers of yours. Please remain hopeful and happy. We love you, Jean! Good luck, xoxo.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  623. s wrote:

    Good luck and stay strong! You’ve made it through so much already. Things have a way of working themselves out. Take care of yourself. Sending much love and strength your way 🙂

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  624. Alina wrote:

    My husband and I are in a very similar situation, but a few cycles behind in the process than you are it seems. My dye test and his second SA are this week. I also wrote a blog post on it trying to be open and help others feel less alone/stigmatized so I really appreciate your sharing. We’re also in the Boston area so I hope you will keep us updated on your journey and if you have any advice or recommendations on doctors or facilities you’ve been happy with I’d love to hear it. You can read my infertility post at http://averyalina.com if you’re interested. Best wishes and good sticky baby thoughts for you!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  625. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi jean! So brave of your to share your experience. My friend recently had IVF too , she shared her experience along the way and I can tell you it’s not easy. Especially the eggs retrieving part .. Oh boy! But I can tell you that’s the most difficult part and once that’s over the rest of the journey should be much easier . It frustrated as everything you done could all be for nothing but for now you got to stay positive and you are still young so that an advantage. I understand the whole feeling of seeing others falling pregnant weather planned or not, you should feel over the moon for them but some how you wish it was you. Getting pregnant should be simple but for some reason it doesn’t happen to you .. You ask the question why many times in your head and don’t get any answer.
    Just remembered you have tried your best and you are still young and healthy so don’t give up. If all fail, think of adoption… If your want to chat , let me know. Currently at 38 years old, in a relationship but still have hope I will be a mother one day but I know it will be a slim chance .. That’s life ! Take care xxx
    Martina

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  626. Shirley wrote:

    I went through this exact same scenario. Having nothing wrong but yet not getting pregnant. I had over stimulated ovaries after egg retrieval as well. It’s so trying… on your relationship, your life, your everything. But after two cycles, I became pregnant with twins. All the needles, injections, drugs…. it’s all worth it. Keep your head up! I know first hand how hard it is. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Although it’s so hard to see now. Sending happy thoughts your way 🙂

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  627. Jules wrote:

    You WILL BE an incredible mom! I send you a big hug, and thanks for sharing such a personal story.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  628. eM wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It really isn’t easy to share something so personal and private, especially not to all 400k followers of yours. Please remain hopeful and happy. We love you, Jean! Good luck, xoxo.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  629. Charlotte wrote:

    I usually never leave comments but this topic touches me personnally. I have been there and reading you was like reviving what we went through a few years ago. We did IVF and we now are parents of 2 beautiful kids. I love them more than anything in the world. Going through IVF was emotionnally very difficult but it was so worth it. We went through a couple unsuccessful rounds but the third one was a charm 😊 and the fourth one, too 😊. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Tons of positive thouhts your way.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  630. Susanna Fong wrote:

    Jean, I’ve followed you for years and I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed you being you. You’re like a girl friend that’s not afraid to tell me how I could improve my outfits. I feel like I know you personally but none more than now. Thank you for such a courageous and heartfelt post. My heart aches for you and I wish you the very best always!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  631. Carolyn B wrote:

    Thank you for being courageous and sharing such a personal and heart wrenching struggle in life. We dealt with significant infertility as well and had to make some really really really difficult and frankly unimaginable decisions to start our family with children and later in life than we had ever hoped. This was followed by a pregnancy with some scary complications a subchorionic hematoma that caused lots of bleeding in 1st and 2nd trimester! Just wanted to send you positive thoughts and hope as we have been there too. Now our miracle baby is 11 months old, all the best!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  632. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story Jean and Nick.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  633. Shelly wrote:

    Thank you for sharing a heartfelt post. My friend went through something similar and finally got pregnant 3 months ago. She struggled for 2 years. Sending lots of love and strength your way ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  634. KittyC wrote:

    Sending you love. IVF is beyond tough, and you’re brave to be open. Best wishes for a good result.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  635. Lesley wrote:

    I feel you!! I’m in the middle of my first IVF right now, just did shots an hour ago. I’m lying on the couch hugely bloated and sore. My egg retrieval should be sometime this week, ultrasound and blood work tomorrow morning. I feel YOU. Our insurance isn’t covering any of it, we are paying cash out of pocket. Yes I feel alone like you but now you have made me feel a little relief that someone like you is going through it too. We are about a week apart in the process. Thanks for sharing and keep in touch if you want to discuss or compare stories. Lots of love and luck, L

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  636. Steph wrote:

    What a wonderfully honest post. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, and I’ll pray for your success. My husband and I tried for over a year to get pregnant, and we were on the verge of trying ivf. Turns out he was having personal issues with the anxiety of our new business and secretly drinking. After being clean a few months, we were able to get pregnant . Our baby is due any day now and my husband has been alcohol free for over a year. Everything happens for a reason and maybe it just wasn’t your time. Best of luck to you and your husband. You guys are a beautiful couple!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  637. Kitman Figueroa wrote:

    I wish everything goes well for you both and your wish is granted. All the best!!! hugsss!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  638. Laura wrote:

    Jean! I’ve followed your blog and loved the fashion. I was touched by your story and can relate to it so well. We struggled with infertility for five years also ‘unexplained ‘. This experience will make you stronger as a mother and a couple and when you finally welcome your baby , whether through IVF, adoption, or spontaneous pregnancy, this trying and desire for a baby will make you an even more patient and loving mom. Best of luck!!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  639. Alli wrote:

    Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. Wishing you so much luck! You are not alone in your struggles. We had secondary infertility issues after our first son and it was a time I never want to go through again. But, I’m happy to report I’m sitting at home here with 2 perfect kiddos 10 years & 6 years later. I’m hopeful for you!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  640. K wrote:

    This was a very brave post from you. Thank you for sharing your experience Jean- wishing you the best of luck!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  641. Anna wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 2.5 years and have gone through 3 rounds of IVF so far with no success. I’ve had two miscarriages in the last 6 months and I’m feeling defeated. Since sharing my journey with close friends, I’ve felt much better about the whole process. I hope that sharing your story with the world will empower you to know that you’re not alone and that we should be embracing how brave and awesome we are by going through the whole IVF process.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  642. Rachel wrote:

    I’ve followed your blog for years and never posted until now, even though I’ve benefited so much from your style inspiration and recommendations. This post made me love you even more. Pregnancy and trying to have kids is such an emotional roller coaster and just wanted to say bravo for sharing your experience in such a vulnerable way. Many style blogs can feel overly curated at times and while I can appreciate it’s a balance between oversharing on the internet and looking TOO perfect, I love how this post reminds me that every person you meet is fighting a different struggle, you just don’t always know it. Praying for you on this journey and wishing you the very best!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  643. Rachael wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you have to go through this and wish you and your husband the best of luck with IVF!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  644. Linda wrote:

    Wishing you and Nick all the best. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  645. Azzaya wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this with everyone, you are incredibly brave to do so. I wish you all the best and hope that you get pregnant soon!

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  646. Aubrey wrote:

    I am so sorry you have had to go through this; you are so brave along with all the other women who are going and have gone through what you are going through. I wish you all the best and when it happens you will make such a wonderful mom. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  647. Katie wrote:

    I’m so sorry; what a tough thing to go through. Sending love your way. ♥️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  648. Tiffany wrote:

    Thank you for using this platform to talk about something that affects so many women. I agree that this topic should be shared, so that others do not feel as alone. Thank you.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  649. Tori wrote:

    Wow, in tears reading this. I’ve been reading your blog for ten years. I cannot imagine how exhausting this road must be for you and Nick. I will pray for you both-not just for fertility but also peace in the process. I think you’re onto something really good with what you said about just facing what’s right in front of you…that’s honestly how we survive the overwhelmingly hard and scary moments. Thank you for your honesty, sharing, and willingness to make yourself vulnerable.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  650. Jessy wrote:

    Thank you so very much for being brave enough to share your journey! I’m in a similar stage – all our friends are having babies, and we are trying but stuck. I’m short but weigh a little more, and carry my weight in my stomach, and every family function where people ask “oh, is there something going on?? Are you guys expecting??” is like a punch to the gut.

    But for all the downs there are so many ups – one of my good friends just welcomed their son Vance after doing IVF earlier this year! Sending you love and light as you continue your journey to motherhood, you are going to be an amazing (and stylish!) mom! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  651. Rachelle wrote:

    I’m not sure there are any words quite fitting, but Thank You for sharing your journey.

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
  652. Shenu wrote:

    Jean I have been following you for 5 years now, I still haven’t found a blogger I like so much. Not just your style but I just love what a beautiful person you are! I teared up reading this. I don’t know why because I think you are so strong, opening up like this… I’m speechless! I’m sure you will get good news very soon! “Hugs”

    Posted 11.5.17 Reply
    • Karla wrote:

      Thank you for writing your personal birth journey. It was touching. It helps women who feel alone to read your journey. And sharing hopefully makes you feel less alone. May your birth journey lead you to love, children are always love.

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Tammy wrote:

      Thank you for sharing your journey so openly. It takes courage to go through IVF, not knowing what the outcome may be. I know firsthand because I went through it myself. By God’a grace, I conceived a little girl over 2 years ago. I pray that you will have a positive outcome! 🙂

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Bana wrote:

      You summed it up perfectly, my husband and I have been trying to for 5 years and have done nine ivf cycles so far, you described it perfectly when you said you cried because it was everything and nothing, eight of my closest friends are all having babies around the same time including my two sisters, i am genuinly happy for all them but i understand when you say it’s a just a daily reminder that it’s not just as easy for others. Please know that you are not alone at all, the injections the swelling the the pressure you are not alone. The only thing that made this process bearable was the decision that my husband and I made is that this process will make our relationship stronger and not break us. Have faith that everything happens for a reason or a lesson that we will appreciate later on, good luck xo

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Adelia wrote:

      Jean, I can feel your frustration. I have been married for 6 years now and I can’t get pregnant naturally. I tried many yoga poses like the head stand that u shared, Chinese medicine’s etc. Nothing works. I felt the frustration, the shame and lost of hopes. I salute u for going through the IVF process. I heard horror stories about it. I don’t have the courage to do it. U r really brave! I have finally accepted a life without children , and be grateful with what I already have. My husband occasionally still complains about my inability of having children. But I don’t feel sad or pain anymore. When I have accepted myself for who I am, I feel free.

      I hope u all the best, Jean. I really hope u live a happy life, with or without children. Most importantly, u always have the support from all the people who loves u, especially Nick.

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Anita wrote:

      Reading this as I have to wake up early for my own super early appointment. The roller coaster of emotions is so real. Sending hugs your way. Stay strong!! ❤️

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • carolkim wrote:

      Jean I pray that the IVF process will work for you..Take heart

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Cat wrote:

      We too have struggled with infertility. You are very fortunate to have insurance cover your treatments because most do not. It is a very emotional and stressful time, lots of tears, hope and then tears. Felt like a roller coaster for us, only one of my 4 embryos were viable . We implanted that one embryo and now we have a little boy that just turned one over the summer 🙂 I really hope and pray that you too will have a happy ending! Carrying the gift of life was the best thing I have ever experienced! I was one of those weird ones that loved being pregnant lol. But it was not hard to enjoy it when it was something that I wanted so badly for years so I gladly accepted the morning sickness. I wish you and Nick lots of luck in this process and virtual hugs!

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Olivia wrote:

      As someone who has gone through infertility for 4 years and who is also a private person, I know how hard this was for you, it was very brave! I am currently saving for IVF for 2018. I wish you the best and pray that it works for you!

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Winnie wrote:

      Dear Jean. Thank you so much for sharing. I was tearing up as I read. I’ve been following your blog for a few years and I can sense the sincerity in all your posts. This one is particularly touching and personal. Sending you and Nick warm thoughts and wishes.

      Posted 11.6.17 Reply
    • Lillie wrote:

      Jean, we are praying for you and sending you guys love and warm fuzzies. Wishing you the best of health and strength on the road to babies and beyond. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a remarkable woman.

      Posted 11.7.17 Reply
    • sophia wrote:

      I been visiting your blog for not a long period of time. However, this time I want to thank you for sharing such a private side of your life. I am a patient living with cancer and doctors tell me i would not be able to have children. my only option is thru surrogacy. Even after 4 years, i am having hard time accepting the fact. I hope you the best of luck with your IVF cycle. and lots of “hugs” to you.

      Posted 11.7.17 Reply
    • True. Sign. And I’m one of those, who says ” if it happens it happens” I sure hope there is a happy ending

      Posted 11.14.17 Reply

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