When it comes to the women in my family (or maybe it’s Asian culture), personal issues are supposed to remain just that – personal. It was only very recently that my mom opened up to me, sharing about the pain and loss she went through as a woman and as a mother. Things she had kept internalized for years that I never knew about. Watching her raise me and my two younger brothers, I saw firsthand being a mom isn’t easy. But what I was never really prepared for was the emotional and physical strain of trying to become a mom.
While I have all the admiration in the world for women who fight their battles quietly, I’m opening up about something very personal in this post. It’s different from the curated version of my life you usually see on my social media, but I think it’s important that we can talk about this kind of struggle without fear of stigma.
The Frustration Cycle
We all have friends who don’t want kids or who are indifferent (“If it happens, it happens”). I respect that, but I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. Once Nick and I decided to start a family, we naively thought it would happen right away. When it didn’t after several months, I started tracking my ovulation like a hawk (I think Ovia overtook Instagram as my most-used app!) And after that, we probably tried every wives’ tale in the book – Mucinex, “special” lube, headstands. Lots and lots of headstands. You try to keep the negative thoughts from creeping into your head, but it’s hard. There’s always this whisper … maybe there’s something wrong with me.
As time went on, the pregnancy announcements that seemingly surrounded us eventually became babies and then first birthday parties. And while we were genuinely happy for our friends’ milestones, at the same time it was like a depressing re-run that I had to watch on repeat. Every cycle the same. High hopes, scheduling, timing, followed by waiting, and then frustration. And shame. And anger. And always, sadness.
Getting Tested
Earlier this year, we finally decided to see a fertility specialist and get tested. It was a few days of getting poked, prodded, and dyed, and plenty of surprise “oh, insurance doesn’t cover that part” bills. When it was over, I was almost wishing for something definitively wrong so we could just “fix” it. But our doctor told us everything looked fine, and started us down a 6-month plan of fertility treatments. Meanwhile, everyone would offer their own advice. Do acupuncture. Don’t stress. Work less. And of course that one line of advice that undoes itself as soon as it’s uttered…“Just don’t think about it.” During this time, the once innocuous question of “so when are you guys having kids?” by well-intending friends and pesky aunts became one more pill to swallow and politely smile through.
After months of the less-invasive treatments without success, the next step would be In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). A more invasive, more expensive, and even more emotionally draining procedure.
For those who aren’t familiar, the IVF process starts with a few weeks of daily self-injections into the abdomen to essentially trick your ovaries into becoming an egg factory. Your doctors monitor egg progress at the crack of dawn almost daily by drawing blood and doing vaginal ultrasounds (let’s just say, it’s not an EXTERNAL ultrasound), and then determine your injection dosages for that night. Next, surgery is performed to retrieve as many eggs as possible, which are then fertilized externally with sperm before being transferred back into the ovaries as an embryo.
However, since our tests indicated nothing was wrong, we were told our insurance would not cover IVF. And without insurance, it can become quite expensive because each cycle brings only a chance of success, and each attempt could cost upwards of $15-20k. Needless to say, at this point I’m not doing so well following the “not stressing” or “not thinking about it” advice!
An Insurance Mix-up
This August when I got my period again, I just felt empty and defeated. We made the hard decision to pay for round 1 of IVF out of pocket, and to figure out the rest as it unfolded. As a last ditch effort, I had our doctor submit the case anyway even though we were told insurance wouldn’t cover it … and we were dumbfounded by the response. Our insurance said that our test results (from over half a year ago) showed sufficient abnormalities to approve IVF coverage. Had we submitted it sooner, it would’ve been approved immediately at the time. I’ve never felt so frustrated and relieved simultaneously.
Where We’re At
Last month we officially started IVF. Probably the most emotionally loaded three letters I’ve ever typed. The fertility journey is a roller coaster, and one of the hardest parts is you never know how far along the ride you are. The ultimate unknown and worst part, is that you could go through it without success. That you do all of it for just a chance to be a mother, and you might have to do it again and again.
Throughout it all, I’ve felt ashamed and frustrated that my body couldn’t do something that a woman should be able to do. Lonely because there was no one to talk to who I felt would understand. Jealous every time there was a new pregnancy announcement, especially from those who weren’t even trying. Guilt, for even feeling that way. Left behind as I watched seemingly every friend and peer graduate onto the next chapter, wondering when it’d be our turn. And silly, knowing how many women go through years of infertility, miscarriages, and so much worse compared to me.
But sometimes, you just have to focus on what’s right in front of you. And in this case, that meant confronting the cooler full of syringes that arrived on our doorstep. As someone who turns into a 5-year old girl at the sight of needles, the daily injections and blood drawings never got easier. And then there were all the unnatural changes to my body from the hormones. The feeling of having no control over the outcome. This week, while waiting alone in pre-op before egg retrieval surgery, I was fighting nausea from the IV and felt tears start to roll down my face uncontrollably. A nurse came in and asked why I was crying, and I just couldn’t explain and didn’t want to have to explain. It was both nothing in particular and everything all at once.
Now, I’m writing this recovering on the couch, wrapped in a heating pad, awaiting news on how many embryos made it and will continue on to the next step. Infertility and IVF gets mentioned so much these days – whether it’s on TV or through a friend – it almost seems commonplace. But that shouldn’t take away from how tremendously brave and strong each woman is throughout her unique journey. It’s something we shouldn’t be afraid of talking about. Because it’s something that no one should have to take on alone.
So whether you have kids or don’t want kids; whether this topic is far off in your future or you’re in the middle of it right now – thank you for lending an ear and letting me open up.
Hi Jean,
Thank you for sharing your journey thus far! My husband and I have been trying for 5 years, we have had the same thoughts you’ve been thinking, and seeing this is giving me courage to do the same! We also have “nothing” wrong with us, tubes clear, sperm on point, but 5 years later, nada. I just can’t thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I appreciate you and hope only the best for your family.
Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. I’ve been through five IVF cycles and can relate to your story. It’s such a rollercoaster! Know that you are not alone and there are many IVF warriors out there. The Domar Center in Waltham has a Mind-Body group that really helped me. I didn’t think it would be for me as I’m quite private, but having that outlet was invaluable. It’s a 10 week small group session (8 or so women) who are on their infertility journey (some IVF, IUI, secondary, etc). It was so helpful to have a weekly meeting to talk about what was going on, learn how to address comments from inconsiderate people, learn relaxation/stress relief techniques and form lasting relationships with those you can talk openly and honestly about what you’re going through. Our group ended in March and we still meet 1x/mo. Four are pregnant via IVF and egg donation and some of us are still working through treatments. Having a support group of people who understand what you’re going has been amazing and takes some pressure off the relationship with your husband as you have another outlet to vent/share your infertility challenges. I wish you the best of luck and know you are not alone!
You brought tears to my eyes reading this post, I wish you the best and can’t wait for you to become a mother, I have two kids, 3 and 5. Thank you for your honesty and posting this personal journey, I never knew the process of IVF until now. Stay strong, you are awesome!!
Dear J,
First, I wanted to tell you that I love your blog & all the work you put to bring and share with us your ideas. I like your style & genuine approach to each post in your blog.
I’m sorry to hear about the hardship you’ve been through.
This may sound a “thrilled” phrase, but stay positive. You are gifted & you are blessed to have a family and a husband/partner and close friends who love you now and forever.
We may not know each other but I can assure you that we, your fans/pen pals will send our best and strong vibes for your wellbeing.
Stay positive.
Warm regards.
Liz
I rarely comment on any blog but felt a need to so after reading your post. I’m also a Chinese American woman, tried for 3 years, doctors could never identify a cause for our infertility, and we did IVF last year. So I hear you, lady. I had similar feelings of shame that my body wasn’t doing what “it’s built to do” or “meant to do.” One thing that helped me is realizing that the large majority of our current medical treatments for infertility are all focused on the woman’s body not because the problems all lie within women but because most of the research has been focused on female and not male infertility. I suspect that we’ll know more about infertility overall in the future when there’s more science focusing on male infertility (like testing for DNA damage in sperm, which seems to be catching on in Europe). The science just isn’t there yet. So for now, women bear more of the stigma and physical and emotional brunt that comes with infertility treatment. I hope it’ll be different in the future. In the meantime, try to be gentle to yourself and stay strong. I hope it gives you some hope to hear that our IVF gave us a wonderful baby boy who is turning 9 months soon. Wishing you the best.
It breaks my heart to read this but if a baby is what you really want…stay strong, push forward and don’t give up.
I turned 44 years old in March and gave birth to my precious rainbow baby girl in June.
It was not an easy journey. It took about 7 years, 12 unsuccessful IUI’s, 1 unsuccessful IVF, and in between all of that, I got pregnant on my own but miscarried 4 times. And that was only after I had a c-section to remove 34 fibroids. I also had a fertility specialist tell me not to bother since I was too old. Well, obviously I ignored him and sought help elsewhere. This last treatment I did that worked for me was mini-IVF. Everyone is different and what will work for one may not work for others, but it’s worth looking into.
Stay strong and know that you’re not alone in this journey. Too many women struggle in silence when there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of. I’ve shared quite a bit on my FB page and have had friends/acquaintances come to me for support and thanking me for sharing my story. Reach out to me anytime if you have questions.
Big hugs & all the best!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this. My prayers and well wishes are with you both during this very difficult time. I can completely understand the feeling. We have gone through two IVF cycles, both of which ended in a chemical pregnancy. The loss is unbearable. I pray that you have a successful, healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby. Good luck!
Jean, thanky ou for being so real and sharing your story. I truly relate as my husband and I are on our own journey and it’s not easy to see things come so easily to others. Remain strong and lean in to get support. Sending you prayers!
Hugs and blessings to you. You’re such a special young lady and my heart aches for you. Don’t give up hope.
Jean, I’ve followed your blog from the early days and wanted you to know that I’ve been inspired by your fashion, words and strength in life. I think it takes a lot of courage to do the things you’ve done let alone say them out loud. Supporting you from the other half of the hemisphere, have faith 🙂
We went through the exact same journey after two attempts at IUI. “Unexplained infertility”. Frustrating and yet relieving at the same time. Our first fresh embryo transfer failed and then I finally got pregnant from our first frozen transfer. Reading your journey brought back all the memories of the shots, drugs, bloating, and rollercoaster of emotions. We had our daughter last year and she’s perfect. How funny you forget the difficult journey once you finally get the good news.
Here I am now pregnant with our second completely naturally!! I say this to let you know that it took us years and medical intervention to get pregnant and then I was able to somehow get pregnant completely on my own. It was quite a shock. I say this to give you lots and lots of hope. I know the days are long right now and the wait is unbearable. Trust me. There is nothing I can say to change that but stay faithful, deep in prayer, and whatever the outcome of your journey – you are a strong woman.
Thank you for sharing ❤
I’m that girl that never wanted kids and is terrified of pregnancies, however I’m a girl, and I am sorry you are going through this and I hope you will have beautiful happy kids!
Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you especially for not waiting until after successfully conceiving before sharing. I fully understand why most women will wait until the 3-mo mark after conceiving or after giving birth to share their IVF success stories because no one enjoys talking about loss and failure. It’s not always shame or embarrassment that keeps me from sharing, it’s mainly because I am guaranteed to burst into tears when the topic comes up. Many women like myself have gone through multiple IVF cycles and are still unsuccessful. I’m at a stage where I’m wondering if there truly is light at the end of the tunnel. Will this all be worth it in the end? The truth is, I don’t know, but I’m going to do everything I can now. I bring this up because it’s hard for me to hear a friend or a family-member say to me, “Don’t worry. You’ll have a baby!”. Really? Well, how do you know? Or, the most insensitive comment of all is “Have you considered adopting?”. Instead, I would want to hear: “I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It’s not fair, and you are not alone. Whatever the outcome may be, you’re going to be okay.” I guess, these are my words for you.
p.s. I’m starting my second round of IVF. I loath needles, too. I’m at high risk of getting OHSS. What’s worse is that my veins are small and it takes multiple tries to draw blood. Four tries just a couple days ago and going again in a few minutes. I feel you. :’(
You are brave to take this step. You’re going to make a great mom! Hang in there. Prayers are with you as you walk this journey to parenthood!
Jean, this post had me in tears, as I felt I was living this with you. It was so poignant, honest, and open. You didn’t have to share this part of your life, but you did, and I thank you for that. Thank you for opening a window into your heart and personal piece of your life, so that others could find peace in knowing they are not alone in such an emotionally wrought fight to become a mom. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I wish you all that you are hoping for and more. XOXO
Hola. Mis oraciones para que tus esfuerzos por ser madre se vean concretados. No te desanimes, sigue adelante. Es un precio tan bajo por conseguir la familia que desan ambos, tanto tú como tu esposo. Dios los bendiga nuevamente.
Hi Jean,
My prayers for you. I think I’m a lot older than your other followers–been married and a mother for 20 years already. The path isn’t easy and I have friends who took years to conceive–and they did. One thing they learned is not to be too hard on themselves, it will come. Take care dear.
Dear Jean, I did the IVF cycle two times and then luckily had a boy who’s now 8 years old. 5 years later a took a chance with our frozen embryos and one of them is now my 3 year old son. I know what you are now going through and wish you the best of luck! I want to share a tip with you – drinking a tee from “Alchemilla” (in Latin) is not only very healthy for women (esp. uterus) but also helps to create a fertile environment for an embryo to nest. Before and first 2-3 months of pregnancy. Just try to ask in pharmacy or your doctor (although they prefer more scientific approach 🙂 ) But it won’t hurt you…and you can do it even within your medication. I have several friends who got IVF and none of them ended up without a baby! 😉 Be strong, YOU CAN DO IT! Hugs and kisses, L.
I have been following your blog now for the psat 5yrs, always admired how well you dressed yourself.
I was in a similar situation 7yrs ago, we were trying and it wasn’t happening, I went for check ups and that thought of “will i ever.. can I?” started to creep in. I also have many friends who are/were ina similar situation some in exactly where you are. All I can say is things fall into place when you least expect it. I know it isn’t reassuring and it’s difficult to see when that will be but it will and the both of you will be in the right place in your own lives when it happens.
Thanks so much for sharing ❤️
Hi Jean! I started watching your Youtube videos a few years back and started following your blog and really enjoy learning how to style my petite body. You’re very brave to talk about IVF and infertility and you’re not alone. I am going through the same process and kept it under wraps for a good bit of time and then suddenly both my husband and I have to undergo a procedure prior to IVF treatment. I only know of a couple of people who had similar treatments so it’s good to know you’re not alone. I feel for you, having people ask when you’re having kids hits a nerve when trying to be a mom is all you want at the moment. All we can do now is hope and I do hope you and Nick hear good news soon!
Stay strong. Wish your dream come true so!
Jean,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have followed your blog for year and you actually met up with my sister Janine, who works for Amazon, a few months ago and someday, we still plan to meet up with you in Boston! I went through years of fertility struggles to have my first baby and I know it is an emotional roller coaster with many lows. Just want you to know I appreciate you opening up on your blog and sharing a personal, and real side of your story. -Renee
Jean,
Thank you so much for your willingness to share your journey with us. I’ve been loving your blog for quite awhile now. Everything in this post resonates with me…wrestling with cultural norms, dealing with comments from others, having close friends that were not TTC getting pregnant/having babies, coping with the waves of varying emotions, navigating through health insurance loops, etc. My husband and I have been on the fertility roller coaster for a little over a year now. Just yesterday I had surgery to have uterine polyps removed. Our fertility doctor and we are praying that we will finally be able to get pregnant now that the polyps have been removed. As we all know there is still no guarantee, so I’m trying to remain hopeful. I try to allow myself to feel the emotions in the moment and then reframe my thoughts toward the positive via journaling. I appreciate and adore women, like yourself, that choose to open up about their fertility journey. I believe it empowers other women to share their stories and inspires us to “link arms” in sisterhood. Thank you again for sharing with us.
Please keep us posted on your journey. We are all rooting for you and Nick.
There is nothing anyone can say to make you less likely to cry at nothing and everything. Not that you would want to be sick with a deadly disease, but with that, you wouldn’t have to feel frivolous in your sadness. I went through this process 29 years ago. What compounded my burden was that no one around me felt my urgency, or even my need, to actively pursue what naturally happens to millions of other women. Mine was an idiopathic case, which meant no one knew how to fix it. With each month, it was like a little death that nobody saw. But I could not believe that it wasn’t possible to make things right. Well, I did what was called GIFT twice, and I have 2 children. I hope you will get your happy story, too.
When I read this post, I felt like you were in my head. You described every emotion I experienced. I went through infertility (still so hard to say that word) and IVF. It’s been 9 years now and I have 2 happy, healthy and beautiful boys. Not only are you an amazing writer, you are a beautiful person in and out and I wish you and Nick success on this IVF journey. Hang in there. Love to you both!
I went through the shots and retrieval by myself when I froze my eggs. I would’ve given anything to have a husband support me through it. I haven’t met the right person yet and I’m almost 40, so I don’t know what’s worse. Really wanting to be a Mom but never getting that chance, or having that chance but not being able to get pregnant. Sigh.
I have been a silent follower of your blog for over many years. You helped me go through my awkward high school years to become a young adult with a relatively good fashion sense (Still love your style, BTW!). As a fellow Asian American, I understand how difficult it is to open up about personal issues, as I have always been taught to share the good and never the bad. I just want to thank you for showing us this side of you that isn’t the polished, well-dressed Jean that I have often been envious of (in a good way). It made me feel more with connected with EP, and I sincerely wish you all the best on your IVF journey!
Jean,
Thank you so much for being so brave and for sharing something so intimate with us in this post. Having gone through my second round of IUI unsuccessfully, I was feeling extremely disheartened this week and having lots of self doubts. Two weeks of euphoria thinking that you are on your way to becoming a parent followed by getting your period before it is even time to take a pregnancy test can really take an emotional toll on your heart. I want to thank you for being so candid with your journey including pictures. This post could not have come at a more needed time for me. You and your other readers have given me some new renewed strength to face this challenge. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you for sharing! I know this can’t have been easy but now we’re all sending good vibes your way! We’re in the beginning stages of trying and no matter how happy you are for other people it’s still so tough. Thank you for normalizing this a bit for everyone going through something similar.
xo, Amanda
Jean, you are so great to have grown such a community of women through your blog who will support and cheer you on no matter what you go through. Thank you for sharing such a private time for you and Nick. We are sure that through your story, a lot of women will be able to gather here to share their struggles and successes and take comfort in each other’s experiences. Thank you for being so brave!!!
I am so grateful to you for sharing. My daughter is going through IVF and I know it’s hard for her to share. I wish you the best.
Jean, I love your blog and I’m so grateful you opened up. There’s so little information about this process because I think there is shame around it that shouldn’t be there. Thank you for talking about this process and I hope you know so many of us are hoping for the absolute best for you and Nick! I wish you all the luck and am sending you hugs. If you feel alone just know so many of us are thinking of you and are there for you in spirit.
I can’t imagine trying to go through this kind of process; we thought a miscarriage was hard enough! But to go through IVF and then pregnancy is a real test of strength, more power to you both! If you aren’t listening to it already, there’s a podcast by Matt Mira and his wife about going through IVF that I’ve heard great things about, it’s called Matt and Doree’s Eggcellent Adventure. 🙂
Thank you for this post. I am about to have my eggs retreived and I am so scared. Reading your post made me feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing – it took my husband and I over a year and a half to get pregnant, only to loose the baby at 13 weeks. Over the course of us trying I had multiple tests and ended up having and undiagnosed thyroid disease. Fast forward 4 years and we have a beautiful baby girl. No matter the method, you will have the children (genetic or not) you were meant to have. It may not be an easy journey, but in the end it is worth it.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It is so hard. I remember when my husband and I were going through IVF, and especially before when we were “just trying”, everybody would tell me, “Just relax!” Relax? HAVE YOU MET ME? Later I learned that those old adages of relaxing, not thinking about it, etc. are just old wive’s tales that drove people like me crazy.
Infertility affects every aspect of life. It affects your relationship, your sex life, your financial life, your friendships, your work schedule, your eating and drinking, your workout schedule, literally everything. And the monthly cycle of try / hope / grieve is so, so difficult. I am so heartened that your IVF is covered by insurance. Back when we faced infertility, nothing was covered, and the financial strain just adds insult to injury. I think things are slowly beginning to change now, and thank goodness for that.
Almost 11 years ago, we did our first round of IVF, after multiple failed rounds of IUI. Our girl/boy twins will be 10 next month. There are some gifts that have come from surviving infertility. Never for a single day have I stopped being grateful that it worked and we have these beautiful, amazing kids. I don’t sweat the little stuff as much, because we went through so much just to have them. A decade later, I still regularly revel in the joy that they bring us and marvel that they even exist. Infertility was a thing I would never wish on my worst enemy. It is so heartbreaking. But it did teach me, in some ways, to let go — and it brought some amazing friendships into my life.
I hope with every fiber of my being that this round is a huge success for you. From one total stranger to another, I am sending every positive thought your way. xoxo
Thank you for sharing, you brave, brave woman! You nailed every emotion I’ve felt for the past few years but haven’t been able to share with anyone except my therapist. THANK YOU. And I wish you and Nick ALL THE BEST.
Hi, Jean,
Thank you so much for this post. There is so much to which I can relate, and I am sending you and your husband lots of happy, positive, and healthy thoughts. One of my other favorite bloggers writes about food, science, health and nutrition, and she recently shared her struggles with fertility. Feel free to take a look, it might be worth trying. http://www.summertomato.com/could-coffee-be-preventing-you-from-conceiving
Jean- thank you for being vulnerable with your readers and letting us in on what’s been going on in your world lately.
This process has been challenging on all levels for you and Nick. Please take heart that you are strong, loving and enough where you are now and always. It’s hardest to remind ourselves of the positives when what we are fixated on tells us otherwise. You and Nick are in this together. Continue to lean on him and I hope that in your courage to share, more women can offer support- near or far, close or just a passerby, mom or not.
Thanks for sharing your journey. Sending love and positive toughts your way ❤️ Stay strong!
Dear Jean. As a mother of 3 I feel kind of out of place to give you some comfort or advice. I do have quite some friends that have been through the same ordeal as you and your husband are facing right now, so I know a bit from the sideline. All I can tell you is: Yes, it does have an enormous impact on your life, on your relationship and on friendships. No, there aren’t any guarantees. Yes, you are the one who decides how to handle this and how to deal with it, whatever the outcome. Wishing you lots of courage, strength and love. Lieske
Jean, I know exactly what you are going through – I know those thoughts, those fears, those hopes, everything as Im going through the same right now! After one year of trying to conceive we finally got pregnant but unfortunately had a miscarriage after 8 weeks.. Now after almost one year trying again, we finally went to the clinic.. All our tests and examinations show NO REASON not to get pregnant, we both are healthy but why it does not happen nobody knows..well, it did happened once and this is already a big sign. But now I no longer want to wait.. The doctor has offered us to try with a simple IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) before jump into IVF. We are getting ready for this now and fingers crossed it will work! Jean, you are not alone! There are so many women going through the same sad stories but most of them become a mother! And im sure you and me soon we will be there as well.. Yes, its not an easy way but seems like we have to go through this.. I do pray for you and your family and God Bless you with many beautiful babies! Big hugs to you!
This year, my cousin also went through IVF to conceive (she is now expecting a little boy!). She kept every single needle and I cried when she showed me the box full. I can not even begin to express the deep respect I have for her, you, and every woman who has walked this path. The essence of motherhood is sacrifice for those you love more than yourself, and you are already knee-deep in this love for your little one before he or she even arrives. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage in sharing this aspect of your journey. I hope you find comfort and courage in knowing that you are not alone. Praying for you and Nick!
Oh Jean, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know and understand all the emotions that you’re going through. I went through IVF three times before we were successful. Actually my story began a few years before then when I conceived naturally but lost my son after I got really ill and ended up in the ER room. My doctors advised that I should not carry a pregnancy ever again. So not only did we go through IVF, we also used a surrogate. And we did this on our own, we did not let my family and friends know because they just didn’t understand or supported us. My daughter is now 10 years old. I wish you success in your journey and can’t wait to hear more of your story (because I know you will have a happy ending like I did).
Hi Jean – I’ve been a lurker on your site for years and wanted to just say thank you for sharing your story – and seconding what someone said earlier, BEFORE the “happy ending”. I’m just starting my fertility journey, though I’m not at IVF stage yet. I haven’t had a period in over six months so currently trying a round of drugs (Letrozole) to kick off my cycle. I’m on my third round of drugs (and if this round doesn’t work, not sure if IVF might be my next and only step.. =/ Maybe I try different drugs? No idea)
I feel like what people don’t talk about is also how time-consuming and expensive the whole process is! Even before you get to IVF. I have to go to the doctor 1 – 2 times a week to get blood drawn and an ultrasound to have my cycle checked (that’s 1 – 2 times a week I have to arrive late to work). Even with insurance coverage, that’s $200+ a visit for the ultrasound and blood work. I’m lucky that I have the means to afford this and flexible work hours but I honestly don’t know how normal people who have fertility issues get pregnant!
Jen we are in the same boat and at very similar stages in our treatment. Please reach out if you just need to talk and vent. It’s been helpful having a girl friend to compare notes with.
Jean, thank you so much for sharing your story…I am so sorry your going through so much heartache. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you ❤️.
Hi jean, I usually do not post any comments on social media however, reading your blog post hit so close to home. My husband and I were in your exact shoes a little over 2 years ago. Reading every word you wrote felt so much like my story. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant with no success and no reason as to why we were infertile. Then, we did IVF and it was the most stressful thing I have ever been through. After paying the entire thing out of pocket because insurance did not find “infertility” to be a medical necessity we ended up with only one embryo and only one shot at having a baby. Miraculously, that one embryo took and now we have a very active, beautiful 19 month old son. He made the whole IVF journey worth it. From every injection, transvaginal ultrasound, surgery, you name it, worth it! Hang in there and just know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Many people feel ashamed and keep infertility to themselves, but when we opened up and shared our story about our struggles we were surprised to find how many other people were in the same boat and others thanked us saying our story gave them hope as they were currently struggling. Good luck to you two and I wish you all the best.