My Experience with Postpartum Depression

Ways to cope with postpartum depression

I’ve never been so nervous to share about something. Part of it is the stigma surrounding mental health. And also the fear of being judged. Or that some will see it as complaining about motherhood, after we were so fortunate to be able to have a baby. And truth be told, it’s still hard for me to acknowledge that I struggled with PPD.

Society and social media tell us that moms are strong. That we are superheroes capable of everything and anything. But the reality is, that’s not always the case and especially not right off the bat. It took me months to acknowledge this, but admitting that you’re having a hard time does NOT mean you don’t love your baby, that you’re not trying your best, or that you’re not grateful. And I hope that by sharing my experience, another mom who is struggling might feel less alone and less afraid to seek help.

PPD Feels different for everyone

It’s normal for many women to experience postpartum blues in the immediate weeks after giving birth, due to the crash in hormones compounded with sleep exhaustion. But if it extends beyond a few weeks or you have more severe symptoms, it could be postpartum depression. For me, the best way I can describe it is it felt like wading through a fog of guilt, uselessness, and anxiety. It was a fog that I had no idea I was in until I was out of it, but looking back with a clear mind, it seems obvious. 

After touching upon this on IG stories, I learned that it affects so many of us yet is rarely discussed. It can materialize in different forms and intensities, not just the “I want to hurt myself or my baby” kind that most people think of. One of my good friends who appeared to transition seamlessly to motherhood recently told me (very briefly and dismissively) that she went on antidepressants after giving birth. Another rockstar mom friend unexpectedly shared that she was in therapy for PPD. It reminds me that you never really know what someone else might be going through.

Boston style blogger, Extra Petite opens up about her struggle and experience with Postpartum Depression. Check it out here!

My ExperiencePOSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

The Guilt of Not Bonding
I always heard moms talk about the immediate bond they felt with their new baby. I thought that because I grew her in my belly for 9 months, that I’d intuitively be able to comfort her. But this didn’t happen, and it tore me apart. Nori cried a LOT as a newborn due to bad reflux, gas, and related pains. I would hand our crying baby to Nick while sobbing that I couldn’t console or soothe her, or I’d sometimes go blank and emotionally shut down. I said things like my baby hates me, and I felt unfit as a mom. And then I’d feel terribly guilty for even feeling that way, leaving me in a cyclical rut.

Feelings of Not Enough

I constantly wondered if I was enough for my baby. Doing enough, being enough. We had doctor visits every day the first week home due to jaundice, and then shortly afterwards, Nori ended up in the ER and was hospitalized for a week with an umbilical cord infection. Even though the doctors told me that I did not do anything wrong, I of course felt like it was my fault.

Breastfeeding Ups & Downs
I’ve always been a subscriber to “fed is best,” but the first few times we supplemented with formula, I had to leave the room with tears streaming down my face. I’ve had more ups and downs since, but feel fortunate to still be breastfeeding her at 6 months. I can only imagine how more severe breastfeeding challenges or complications could contribute to a new mama’s anxiety.

Feeling Hopeless and Overwhelmed
One of the things I wasn’t prepared for was the around-the-clock care aspect. Nursing every 2 hours combined with endless laundry from blowouts, daily doctor visits, blood tests, and medication routine felt like a continuous cycle of care and crying during which days and nights blurred together.

When Nick’s 2 weeks of paternity leave was coming to an end, I broke down and told him I couldn’t do it. I know a lot of mamas don’t even have this option, so I’m extremely grateful he was able to take unpaid leave to take care of both of us. During this time we also started Nori on reflux medication which helped a bit with her around the clock discomfort. But it was still hard to imagine a time when it would get easier. I was so focused on trying to care for my baby, I overlooked taking care of myself.

6 Months Later

The heavy feelings and tears still feel incredibly fresh, and I often wonder whether they’d come back one day as quickly as they had faded around 3 months postpartum. Part of getting through it was just time, but I wanted to share some other things that helped or that I could’ve done more of early on.

A few things that may help WITH POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

1. Setting up a support system before giving birth.
Talk to your partner, friends and family before giving birth and line up a support system to help take care of YOU (not just the baby) and recognize signs. It’s very hard to realize symptoms of PPD yourself while in the depths of it. 

Nick would encourage me to talk about some of the things I was feeling and why I was crying, even though most times there was no explanation or even if I felt the reason was silly. When some of my mama friends checked in and really listened, it meant the world to me to just to be able to talk candidly.

2. Move up your 6-week checkup if needed, and be candid with your doctor.
Your baby goes for regular checkups within days after leaving the hospital, yet most women in the US don’t have a checkup with their OB until 6 weeks after giving birth. This opens the door for physical complications from birth to go untreated, and for PPD symptoms to go unidentified and untreated, since caring for yourself can really fall to the back burner during those early weeks.

When I finally made it to my 6-week checkup, I tried to be chirpy and downplayed pretty much everything I was feeling. My doctor implored me to get help at home after hearing that it was just going to be me without family living nearby. She also talked about late onset PPD and how she sees it increasingly more around the 6-month postpartum mark. 

3. Try to leave the house once a day (after taking sufficient time to heal from giving birth)
This helped me a lot not just because of the fresh air, but just to have one attainable “goal” and routine each day for you and your baby. This is unfortunately harder in the winter, but I feel like when it’s cold and dark it’s all the more important just to get out of your house once a day.

4. Actually accept help and ask for it if needed
Friends, family, and hired help. If you can afford to hire help for house cleaning, ordering food instead of cooking (or prepare frozen meals well in advance), nannies or night nurses, get the help that you need and don’t let it make you feel like less of a wife or mom.

Also, this was hard for me to do, but say YES when someone offers to help. And don’t be afraid to ask for it and to be specific if someone can offload some small tasks or errands for you. 

5. Know when to get off social media
I think I can speak for many of us that it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap, and come across something on social media that makes you feel “less than.” I saw fellow women making motherhood seem effortless. I saw posts about their babies being angels, and how being a mom felt so natural and brought more joy than they ever could’ve imagined. I saw these posts and struggled to relate, and knew I had to stop scrolling and comparing myself. 

6. Join a new mom group
Whether it’s online or in your city, I found that talking to other moms in a similar situation was one of the most helpful things I could do. That being said…

7. Addressing Mom-shaming
I wanted to touch on this because it’s gotten so prevalent in today’s world. After having a baby, it was as if the floodgates were open for unsolicited criticism, and the most disheartening thing is it’s mostly from fellow moms. People often forget that social media is a snapshot of a moment in someone’s life. Those early weeks, I lost count of the unkind messages about going through IVF just to have a “photo prop” or “clickbait,” for getting dolled up for staged Instagram photos instead of bonding with my baby at home, for causing her to be sick in the hospital due to neglect, for being inconsiderate of other new moms by wearing regular clothes too soon…the list goes on. There were also dozens of people who continuously created new accounts to harass me (and still do!) about my baby or call her ugly, including some downright racist comments.

I thought I’d developed thick skin from blogging for so long, but during the postpartum fog, this brought me down to a new low. I remember those negative messages echoing word for word in my head, wondering how people knew to kick you when you’re most vulnerable. I ended up posting infrequently and set a timer on Instagram, and I stopped checking direct messages at that time since those often got the most nasty.

Mom shaming doesn’t occur only on social media though – friends to family to strangers will also be quick with opinions and judgements. It’s important to trust yourself and remember that you’re doing your best. And it always helps to surround yourself with positive souls, and take time away from those who tend to bring you down.

To fellow moms who may be struggling right now, I’m sending you hugs, and a reminder that this too shall pass.

Did you experience postpartum depression or anxiety? What are some things that helped you cope?

Leave a Comment

233 Comments

  1. Nancy huang wrote:

    I read the I v f journey posts and find this very inspiring because of the joy of finding this little nook when I have all these stories from you and fellow commenters. I am inspired to start my take on listing my outfits and knowing that As a woman I can feel okay saying to others To not ask about when a couple will conceive and even things like marriage. Hope to see you around town.

    Posted 9.28.19 Reply
  2. Karina wrote:

    Thank you for a much needed post about post partum depression. Your willingness to be completely honest and vulnerable with your readers is such a show of bravery. I am honored to hear your story and please know that by sharing you helped many others suffering alone.

    I love your blog and have been a follower for years! Keep up the good work!

    All the best to you and yours!!

    Posted 7.25.19 Reply
  3. Katrina wrote:

    Thank you for your courage in writing this post, and for letting whomever finds your blog feel that they aren’t alone.

    Posted 7.15.19 Reply
  4. Amy wrote:

    Jean, as so many others have, I want to thank you for a candid post on such a sensitive and rare topic that many women avoid talking about. Though we are about the same age, I started having kids about 7 years earlier and back then, no one talked about PPD or any of the struggles immediately post-delivery. I felt completely blindsided by so many of the emotions you described and didn’t feel the fog lift until 6 months later. Thank you for rising above the norm and making other new moms aware of this, so that they too, can be encouraged and rise above it. Much ❤️ from a long-time follower.

    Posted 6.23.19 Reply
  5. Abby wrote:

    Thanks for sharing. I can relate to all of it. It took me ten years of trying before I became pregnant naturally. I never thought insurance would pay for it so I never tried. The cost to pay out of pocket seemed too prohibitive and I couldn’t afford it. For a decade I suffered the pressure from my Asian parents and their friends gossip that there was something wrong with me or that I was too selfish to want to start a family. Admittedly I never shared my deep desire to be a mother. All they saw was my commitment to furthering my career. I wanted to be successful but also a mother. Three years ago I finally hit a wall and quit my job and took a few months off before I started a new job. Removing myself from the corporate stress finally allowed me to get pregnant. I had always worked 60+ hours a week and didn’t think it was anything that could prevent me from getting pregnant (except feeling too tired to have sex). But it finally happened. Even after waiting so long for my baby the pregnancy was complicated and I had to have a c section prematurely to save the baby. Then afterwards I had PPD. I had all these expectations of breastfeeding my baby but it just wouldn’t work. The baby was weak because of the prematurity and couldn’t suck well and at the time I thought it was because I failed as a mother. I didn’t bond with her well because of the frustration of trying to breastfeed her. I finally gave in to exclusively pumping for her. It was the only way I could feel like I was being a good mother was by pumping for her. I pumped for six months and built a supply to feed her for another three months. By then I started recovering from PPD. The baby is no longer a baby now but the sweetest toddler and I’m bonding with her more and more. Now she has a little sister that just came home in March after 2 weeks in NICU. I learned that breastfeeding is not easy and I can’t force or will a baby to breastfeed. I bottle fed her pumped breast milk until 2 weeks ago and started practicing feeding from the breast once a day with increasing frequency. Now she us breastfed for all her feedings. It took time for this baby also to gain in size (she was 4.75 lbs) and strength to take to the breast. A better understanding this time around allowed me to bond better with the baby and not have so many depressive feelings and thoughts. In the grand scheme of things, the breastfeeding (and incessant crying) period is short lived. You will be your child’s mother for the rest of your life and will have many opportunities to experience moments that will deepen your relationship with her. The bonding will happen just not in the fairy tale manner, but in the real relationships take work kind of manner. That’s reality and that’s ok. Best of luck and many blessings to you and your family.

    Posted 5.9.19 Reply
  6. Abiola wrote:

    I’m sorry for the ugliness you experienced. Thank you for your courage.

    Posted 4.27.19 Reply
  7. Emma wrote:

    Thanks for sharing this post, and the rest of your posts on this blog. I’m a mum of two, petite and wish one day I could look as stylish and polished as you do. Alas somehow I don’t think that is going to happen. Anyway I just wanted to say I’m so sorry that people feel some sort of weird need to send you negative comments about you and your beautiful baby. Some people obviously don’t have anything better to do or just lack meaning in their lives making them feel the need to put others down I guess. As mums we are all trying to do our best, even if it may not look like it to others, we all have our good days and our bad days too. You are doing a great job. Don’t let the haters get you down.

    Posted 4.26.19 Reply
  8. Isabel wrote:

    Hi Jane. Thank you for sharing this brutally honest yet beautiful post on motherhood. My baby was born a few months after Nori and she is about 6 months old now. I’ve filed for 6 months of maternity leave (which I am one of the few lucky ones) and about to go back to work next week. I am especially feeling anxious about leaving my baby and whole issue of figuring out how to pump breastmilk while I am at work. I’ve never realized how strong mothers are until I become one myself. I am incredibly grateful for my body to be able to grow a human, birth a human, and feed the human afterward. There are so much changes to our body (mentally and physiologically) and I must say it is a tough/traumatic experience to our body. Meanwhile, we as women must be resilient and develop strong coping mechanism to copy with all these drastic changes! We also have to educate ourselves to recognize that there will be turbulence while we are riding out our experiences of motherhood. In this community of motherhood, we all should treat each others with a little bit more love and support. Of course, there will always be exceptions, but unfortunately there isn’t much we can do about it other than ignoring their negativity. I’ve no doubt that you are the best mother to your baby as I am one to my precious little one. Good luck and please post more about motherhood. Sharing our vulnerability only makes us stronger, not weaker.

    Posted 4.24.19 Reply
  9. Mimi wrote:

    I truly appreciated this post. My baby boy just turned 1 and I wish that I would’ve realized that I wasn’t alone when going through the early months of motherhood. The tears, the anxiety, the fear, the guilt… it is all too common… and I almost feel like that is invisible veil of motherhood that we all wear. Your baby girl is so lucky to have a mother like you, to be her role model and shining light to guide her through life. Wishing your family all the love in the world <3

    Posted 4.22.19 Reply
  10. Melissa wrote:

    I’m just getting around to reading this now and I wish I could give you a hug. So brave for telling your story and thank you for being so candid and honest for those of us who have yet to experience motherhood. You’re doing great and little baby Nori knows it too. Also… so sorry about how wretched some people can be.

    Posted 4.17.19 Reply
  11. Chloé wrote:

    Hi Jean,

    Postpartum Depression must be taken seriously. I strongly recommend you to seek God at the Universal Church and listen to the Universal online radio.

    Best wishes from Switzerland. 🙂

    Posted 4.11.19 Reply
  12. Giedre wrote:

    This was very good post. I am 21 weeks pregnant with my first child. I have read about PPD but in reality, do not know what to expect. My mom had severe PPD after my younger brother was born. I already talked with my husband and will talk with him again. Thank you for sharing your tips. And I am very sorry you had to go through so many negative people in that time. Wish you and your family all the best! I love your blog and appreciate the knowledge you share with us 🙂

    Posted 4.10.19 Reply
  13. Fiona MacDonald wrote:

    It took me almost a full month to read this post because even 3.5 years later the wounds of PPD/PPA are still as fresh as they were the day I was diagnosed. My symptoms were almost identical to yours, just a feeling of being overwhelmed at this new job, my husband going back to work shortly after our son was born and struggling with BF which in the end I did pump for 6 months (which most of my friends was bonkers in itself) and then using formula as well. I think with social media being so in your face and seeing these perfect families makes us think child birth and post partum is some fantasy like dream world, but once I opened up about my struggles, starting seeing a therapist and speaking out ( I actually now run a yearly walk to help raise awareness and funds for postpartum support international) more friends and moms came out with their own stories, we need to support each other and be honest with our struggles so others know they’re not alone. I applaud your honesty and strength mama, you’re amazing xo

    Posted 4.8.19 Reply
  14. Cat wrote:

    You are a ~beautiful~ mother with the most stunning, perfect, angelic baby in the world and it makes me furious that any nasty comments ever made you feel like less. Even though I cannot relate to being a mother quite yet, your blog has always inspired me to be a better version of myself. At 24 I’m still looking up and looking forward to every stage in my life because you make it real and not as complicated as it seems. I wish you and your family only the best and I can’t wait to see what stunning posts you bring us next!!!! xoxoxoxox

    Posted 4.8.19 Reply
  15. Linda wrote:

    Friends and family were the backbone to my survival throughout the last 5 years. After having three kids all under the age of 2.5 years (two of them being twins), post natal depression as we call it in Australia didn’t set in. While everything was still a blur and I was anxious most of the time, family and friends were always there. They lived with us, cared for us, drove our kids to whereever they needed to go when we couldn’t, fed us when we couldn’t cook, did laundry everyday, baby sat occasionally when we needed a break. They did this while I was in and out of the hospital when the twins were in special care and during surgery. Their unconditional love kept me going and although it took me awhile to accept all that love, it’s what I believe all mums should receive. It takes a community to raise a child and care for mum. This can be family, friends or your local community. Accepting help is key.

    My heart goes out to you because we as mums know how tough it is. Everyone thinks it’s such a “natural” thing, but from experience, there’s nothing natural about it. We just try to do our best and you are enough. No one can tell you otherwise. Lots of love from Australia

    Posted 4.4.19 Reply
  16. Al wrote:

    I called mine “postpartum rage”. I was on the lookout for depression-like symptoms, so the high hum of anxiety and adrenaline and the insanely short-fused temper that came with my PPA/PPD blindsided me!

    9 months of 100mg of Zoloft and an incredible therapist, and I’m a better person than I was before. Taking meds was an agonizing decision, for myself, and because I was nursing. (And nursing was the only thing going well at that point.)

    Looking back, I can’t believe I thought that her exposure to the meds in my breastmilk was worse than having a mother who could not get through a day, hell, an afternoon, without a complete breakdown.

    Jean- much love to you and Nick. I can’t even count how many days I called my husband sobbing/screaming, begging him to come home from work early. He ended up taking a long, unpaid leave, too.

    It’s all about to get much easier, I promise!

    Posted 4.3.19 Reply
  17. Joy wrote:

    Love these tips Jean—and baby Nora so cute…please do a blog on breastfeeding. Thanks

    Posted 3.31.19 Reply
  18. Christan wrote:

    Thank you so much for your brave transparency. Your honesty and openness will help countless women, I am sure. As a 45 year-old mom of two teens, I’ve never thought about how I didn’t have to navigate social media comparison/pressure when my kids were babies and toddlers. My goodness, that must be so hard — especially as a blogger. Thank you, also, for your vulnerability in sharing about the racist comments you and your daughter have received. I am so very sorry you’ve had to endure this. It breaks my heart — we have so far to go. I do believe that you are the very best mother for Nori… God gave her to you over anyone else on the earth. You are enough. And just as you will teach her many things, she will teach you, as well. God uses our kids to teach us so much about ourselves, society, and our worldview… and they don’t even know they’re teaching us. 🙂 What a gift that you are learning so much. Thanks for bringing us into your grief, your struggle, your tension. xo

    Posted 3.31.19 Reply
  19. Jenny wrote:

    Hi Jean, kudos to you on this post! I’m a long time fan and follower of your blog. It is so important to talk about these issues and realize how many other moms are going through the same thing. I’m a mom of two (9 and 5) and completely relate to all of your observations.
    The most important thing for me has been there is no right answer except what works for you and your family, and also that there is usually no “magic” solution to problems (including eczema! my kids have it – I’ve tried everything under the sun and right now we’re liking K-beauty snail cream). Thank you for taking the time and sharing.

    Posted 3.29.19 Reply
  20. Rukia wrote:

    I greatly appreciate you share this and I truly hope every woman getting pregnant can read your post and become more prepared with all the support and help she can find. I was totally in your place, and I found so many new mommy had been in that place too. Most of us got luck, we recovered with time and blend in our mommy role. But some were not. They might had marriage crisis because the husband never understood the changes a woman had been through physically and mentally after the baby was delivered, and they were misleading but the fake from social media or celebrities: laboring was easy, so was nursing. WRONG!! They all have a village to care for the baby and the mom, but we only have our own!! And some mom felt so misunderstood and hopeless as to become severe drepression, or to suicide even.

    I have been each experience you had: the guilt, the not enough (I shopped Amazon every day cuz I always I left some baby stuff and always returned items because I felt they are not helpful ), the breast feeding uncomfort, the little sleeping time, and the hopelessness that no one I can share with.

    All your suggestion are very helpful, indeed. That’s how I heal myself too: asking for more help (I finally hire a 24/7 babysitter), going outside to talk to ppl, joining a new mom group….then you will know what happen to your baby are usually normal as some other kids. It’s not mom’s fault. It’s not everybody’s fault.

    Posted 3.28.19 Reply
  21. Congratulations being a mommy and to your bundle of joy. I am a mother myself too and the things you have mentioned on your blog is relatetable for I have been through some of those experiences myself. You will get through it. It is okay to have an alone time away from your baby even if it is an hour or less as long as you take time to recharge. It is not being selfish but self-love. We can’t give when we have nothing to give like our time or energy.
    Best wishes!!!
    Glenna

    Posted 3.28.19 Reply
  22. b. wrote:

    you are not alone. i am one of those moms without a “village”. i don’t have family nearby to help me and my husband is always at work. it was overwhelming being a first time mom as i was also depressed and wanted to hurt myself so badly. people do not understand the why’s of this, even i don’t. when my baby was 2.5 months old i found out i was pregnant again. so while still having postpartum depression, almost alone taking care of my baby all day i was also pregnant most of my child’s first year of life. i honestly could say i would not be in this world if it werent for my kids. i knew and still know they need me. i am still a mom without a “village” raising 2 kids under 2. my oldest is 18 months and youngest is 6 months. i love them more than anything but i think its ok not to love motherhood all the time.

    Posted 3.27.19 Reply
  23. Pia wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing. It breaks my heart that people were so cruel to you. Please know that you are adored and appreciated by your real readers! You are amazing! Hugs!

    Posted 3.26.19 Reply
  24. RC wrote:

    I’m a long-time reader, and just wanted to say “Wow.” I think it is amazing that you have been willing to share this aspect of your journey with all of us, and I thank you for it. I had severe PPD after my first and went on medication, which I have not stopped since. Yet, I have shared that with very few people. It is people like me – those who don’t share – who contribute to a world where new moms don’t know what to expect, don’t know what to look out for, and don’t realize that what they are thinking and feeling are normal and not things to be guilty/ashamed/whatever about. Thank you for not being like me, and being the brave person that you are.

    Posted 3.26.19 Reply
  25. Nancy wrote:

    You are doing an awesome job as a mom. I hope you get more positive comments or feedbacks than negatives. When you first posted your IVF blog my cousin had forwarded that to me and I’ve been following your story since. I myself am Chinese and my husband is Filipino. Our first born daughter Angelina was stillborn on March 23, 2017. It was a year of heartbreak but we finally did conceived our rainbow girl 9 months after. Our rainbow Isabella was born Sept 5, 2018 just weeks after your Nori. I can tell you Nori is one beautiful, happy, and quick learning baby. When Isabella finally rolled over I saw your post of Nori crawling and eating real solid foods. You should be a proud mama!!! I know it’s hard to ignore the negative comments but remember you inspire a lot of girls, and mamas out there.

    Posted 3.26.19 Reply
  26. Sam wrote:

    I just wanted to say that I’ve loved your blog and perspective for over a year. You’ve helped me feel confident, comfortable, and pretty in my professional attire.

    Shortly after you had your baby, I found you on Instagram, too. I have an on-again/off-again relationship with instagram because I just can’t manage the negative emotions it seems to induce in me. So my strategy is to log in everyone once in a while and enjoy it til it gets to be more negative than positive, then log out and give it a break for a month or two…and wash/rinse/repeat. Anyway, the point is that I found you on insta, too, and loved following you there because your stories were so… normal. I found that super refreshing, and I hope it’s not too creepy to say, but they made me think it’d be fun to be friends in real life. 🙂

    Babies are hard, and it sounds like you’ve had an especially tough road. Thanks for the work you do for strangers like me.

    Posted 3.26.19 Reply
  27. mk wrote:

    I was in labor for three days, and was passing kidney stones while I labored. Delivery was difficult because my boy was wrapped in his knotted umbilical cord. Recovery was long,. I had lost a lot of blood, was so very weak, and in so much pain. I remember crying every day. I remember not caring about anything. My mom had to insist that I feed my crying son; I was so tired and overwhelmed that I would have just let him cry. I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel anything. My mother and my husband stayed by my side for two weeks. And afterwards, my husband stayed at home with me for over a month. It was he who pointed out that I wasn’t acting like my normal self (even my normal self when stressed-out), and that I had PPD, and that I shouldn’t judge myself for it or imagine that it would last forever. I was in such a blunted state that it hadn’t occurred to me to wonder about any of this.

    Posted 3.26.19 Reply
  28. Raven wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience, the tough details, and your advice. Nori is so lucky to grow up with such a great mom, who can teach her to be strong, responsible, and honest, to accept help, and to help others. And she’s lucky to grow up with a dad who cares so much about his relationships and his family, who appreciates the importance of sharing our feelings, and who is adaptable, generous, and responsible. Your family is beautiful not because of the perfect instagram photos (though I love looking at them), but because of the complexity and depth we can relate to.

    Posted 3.25.19 Reply
    • Cat Bilodeau wrote:

      I LOVE that you shared this! It will be so meaningful to so many new moms.
      I am a psych nurse for young adults and it can be a scary, confusing and exhausting time for moms dealing with PPD on top of all the other challenges that come from being a new mom!
      Your helpful ideas are great!

      Posted 3.25.19 Reply
  29. Marcela Bastos wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    I admire your courage to be so honest and open. This is a really tough time for new moms. It took me a good year and a half to get better. I was in denial about my PPD.
    Thank you for your post! We need more support for one another. You are part of the change!

    Posted 3.24.19 Reply
  30. Alisa wrote:

    Jean, I am so very sorry. This post was difficult to read, I can only imagine how difficult it was to write. Number 7 brought me to tears. As a woman, I simply can’t understand how some of us can treat others in this way. I am sitting here, trying very hard to understand and I can’t, because there is no excuse for it. We are supposed to have each other’s backs and be there for one another, not tear each other down. Just know that for every ONE of those women who are hurting you, there are a MILLION ready to go to war for you. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better.

    Posted 3.24.19 Reply
  31. Adelina wrote:

    My daughter is 11 now- but your post made it all come back to me! Everything you said was so relatable. You are brave and better than most for talking about it. It will get better. For all you mommies out there- I used gripe water for the gas pain my baby had. Oh how she would cry! People sometimes made me feel like I wasn’t doing something right… I started giving her gripe water before and after feedings- it helped a little bit mostly she just had to develope her digestive system more. So time…. the breast feeding struggles, the exhaustion… so relatable. Time will help you Jean. Plus your husband and your friends. You are doing great!

    Posted 3.24.19 Reply
  32. Anne wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    First of all congratulations! She is beautiful! My little one is almost one, and though I did not have post partum depression, it was certainly overwhelming to have a new child. She is my second one. And I remember from her earlier days, it was certainly tiring and overwhelming and the lack of sleep was just kicking my behind. I complain everyday to my husband, I still do. And it’s ok. It’s an outlet. A release. I was fortunate enough to have family nearby. And they would let me sleep for at least a couple of hours during the day. Motherhood is hard. Wifehood (don’t think it’s a word but I don’t care) is hard. But my children’s smile makes everything worthwhile. And I will tell them stories of how hard it were to raise them, so I won’t be able to babysit their babies overnight when they get theirs. I’ll tell them I haven’t recovered yet! 🤪. I follow you because I’m petite as well. I’m 4’9” and proud of it (there’s even a Broadway song for it!). And with a little bit humor and a whole lot of sleeping pill (at least for me), I’m sure you’ll be the best mom for Nori. Good luck! And welcome to mommyhood! (It’s exhausting, and it’s worth it (now shake your hair like a l’oreal commercial model)).

    Posted 3.24.19 Reply
  33. Patricia wrote:

    I am sorry you felt afraid to share this with your audience. I am not a mother nor will be, as my husband and I have chosen not to have children. However, I feel disgusted by people judging you or us or anyone for the matter as everyone’s reality is different. I am glad you are doing well. Nori is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your family. ♥

    Posted 3.23.19 Reply
  34. Misty wrote:

    Honestly, thank you for this. I didn’t recognize my PPD initially for what it was and went through many of these same emotions. Unfortunately I hid it from my doctor and went untreated for four months. Destigmatizing PPD is an important step and sharing this took a ton of strength.

    Posted 3.23.19 Reply
  35. RA wrote:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself . I still tell my kids I make mistakes but I am ready to learn..They are older now but I understand as a new parent what you are going through. Having help at home especially someone older like parents or in laws will help. Remember this is just a phase and she will be grown up even before you know. “This too will pass”. As for the difficult people forgive them and think maybe some circumstances in their life made them the way they are. Not your fault so don’t let them take away your happiness or your peace. I wish you and family true happiness and wonderful memories to cherish for lifetime . My daughter used to be up most of the nights and today I joke about it with her and she grins and laughs about it. It was difficult back then but today that same memory is something I laugh about so think of it like that . Someday you will be telling your daughter and she might just grin at you. I never thought I would !

    Posted 3.22.19 Reply
  36. Lisa wrote:

    I’m so sorry. Those cruel people don’t actually know you, so their criticisms say everything about them and nothing about you. It’s time for kindness and love. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years, and I think it is wonderful. Several items that you recommended are now go to pieces in my closet, and you’ve helped me to look at petite fashion in a new way.

    Posted 3.22.19 Reply
  37. EN wrote:

    The new mommy thing is hard and I went through with PPD with my first. Took me a long time to forget and kind of conquer it, which then allowed me to freely thing of having a 2nd. TIREDNESS and the scary new job of being a mom was the main cause of my personal experience. When the fog lifts, it feels amazing and it sounds like you making it work now! The secret is we’re (parents) all making it up as we go!

    Posted 3.22.19 Reply
  38. Neha wrote:

    Thank you for sharing, I had a horrible time after my son was born. He cried, no screamed all the time, never wanted to be skin to skin. I didn’t feel the bond and just felt I couldn’t make him happy. He has a list of issues as we now know reflux, milk protein allergy and now FPIES.He was born around the same time as Nori and seeing your posts at the time made me compare and feel more inadequate. This is not a criticism of you at all. But we couldn’t go out because he would cry all day. We have no family in the US so really were alone. I wondered what I did wrong during pregnancy for my son to have all these issues. I blamed myself for everything, I’ve never felt so bad. I think the social media comparison is dangerous for sure but also I don’t think enough people are honest about how the immediate aftermath of birth feels. I don’t think many people feel instant love and have instincts that kick in. But we think we are meant to. Immediately after having a baby I just felt like a robot – I was doing things but without really feeling anything, and what I did feel was negative. Anyway thank you for sharing I think this will help many people. Things definitely get better but some people just need that extra support.

    Posted 3.22.19 Reply
  39. Renee wrote:

    Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  40. Maureen wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s not always you hear about it especially because as moms we are supposed to be strong. Unfortunately that’s not the case. I didn’t love motherhood. Matter of fact, I still don’t. There’s a lot of it that I can’t seem to stand but that doesn’t mean I don’t love my son. On the contrary, I will do what it takes to give him the best. I rode out my emotions during the first two years. It was rough. My son isn’t the best sleeper and was always up after 2 hours. What helped was having my parents around from time to time helped with my sanity because they were able to support me in ways I am forever thankful for. I also cried when I needed to and I walked away when I couldn’t handle any more time with baby. I let him cry it out a lot because my son was always crying too. Just nonstop. It was no joke. My son is now five. It doesn’t get easier Jean as most people will tell you but your challenges change and you find your way.

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  41. Christy Ploen wrote:

    Nori is beautiful and you are doing great. My 1st had reflux and nursing issues. He is 11 now and just fine. Nori will grow out of most of the symptoms. Don’t listen to hateful people. 😊❤

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  42. Col wrote:

    Hi Jean, I’m a mom of two in the Boston area and I’ve been reading you for years. I recall reading your post about Nori having jaundice and being hospitalized as a newborn, and I thought, “Oh wow, how absolutely terrifying and difficult. I hope *Jean* is OK.” I’m so sorry that you were struggling. Your baby is beautiful!

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  43. Juls wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing! You are a super mom and are always doing the absolute best for your beautiful baby!!

    There are so many different forms of PPD and I wish I would have known before. Support and someone who will listen are so true advice. Not to be mistaken with someone to advice and criticise you.

    Mom shaming is cruel and so unnecessary. The comment I will always remember was “why did you have two if you can not manage” (I am a twin mom). After the fog has now lifted I am very good in countering, but it still hurts!!

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
    • Janki wrote:

      Your open and frank posts are always so refreshing. After following you for several years
      I feel like you are a friend of mine. I want to remind you to keep the mindset that you are “enough” in the front and center of your mind. As the baby grows you will find moms (usually random ones from play groups or day care) will drop little digs to make you feel like you aren’t enough.
      Just keep reminding yourself that you are. Also, as an Asian American we often may have been pushed to be flawless. You may like to read “Mindset” by Carol Dweck which takes about how learning to embrace mistakes is a good thing.
      Keep that in mind when you run into moms bragging about how her baby counts to 1000 in several languages, walks, draws, and reads all while yours is just barely uttering a word.
      Good luck!! It gets better when you find your tribe of mamas! And a manicure never hurts.
      Xoxo

      Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  44. Clarissa wrote:

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience! Sharing with other women really helps them feel like they’re not alone and others are going through the same thing! My baby is 5.5 months old and I can now say I think my PPD has gone away for the most part. After the 4th month I started to feel it lifting slowly. I’m feeling more like my old self. The first 3 weeks (initial baby blues) were miserable, the worst I’ve ever felt in my life, worthless and hopeless; like my life was ending. Cried everyday and found it really hard to bond with my baby. I didn’t have that initial maternal bliss and bond that women say they feel as soon as their babies come out. I was waiting for that happen and when it didn’t I felt like there was something wrong with me. And I wanted to get pregnant so bad and was so grateful when it happened for us! It doesn’t change the fact that having a baby is the most life altering thing you can do. Breastfeeding was an issue too, not a proper latch (super painful) and baby wasn’t getting enough. Supply was low too. My father-in-law in the hospital even said to me “does breast size affect how much you produce? Because (his other daughter-in-law) had no trouble breastfeeding and she’s very well-endowed in that area!” Comments like that do not help! I turned to pumping my milk and supplementing with formula. No one told me how hard pumping would be! But I’m glad I did and almost done at 6 months. Also, being a stay at home mom carries a different dynamic. I actually couldn’t afford to keep working because my income was lower or the same as what childcare would cost in NYC. Thankfully, my husband makes enough where we can survive, but really tight. Not having a job anymore left me feeling like less of a person. So I had to accept that this was my new job and down the road I can get a work from home job when the baby gets more independent. So in the end, what helped me the most was trying to be patient and knowing that it does get easier when the baby is older and the bond does grow when they get more of a personality. Accepting your new life as your new reality instead of refusing it and craving your old life like I was doing. Knowing that things you aren’t great at (burping them, getting them to sleep, diaper changes), you will eventually be a pro at, just takes practice and time!

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
    • Angela wrote:

      I know this comment is old, but I just want to say thank you so much. You described a lot of what I’m feeling, especially wanting your old life back. This gives me hope, thanks for sharing!

      Posted 9.14.19 Reply
  45. Trish wrote:

    My daughter is 6 and I must admit it’s still tough at times….it will get easier but there will always be challenges. Hang in there. I’m also always asking for help when I feel I need one….never had a problem with that.

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  46. Sarah V. wrote:

    You are beautiful and so is your baby. You sound like a thoughtful and caring mom. So sorry for the mom shaming. I’m still working through PPD but wanted to share some alternative therapies that are helping me:
    http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/Non-drug_treatments.pdf

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  47. Michelle wrote:

    I am currently pregnant and I live abroad in the middle east away from my family and friends. I decided not to return home to give birth so that my husband will not lose precious time with our baby as he does not have paternity leave. Everybody has been warning me about PPD being away from home so I wanted to be more cautious find ways to prevent or help. Thank you for sharing and shedding a bit of light on your experience and train of thoughts throughout the period.

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  48. MyHanh wrote:

    Hi Jean, 6 months already wowie! Congratulations on motherhood thus far. I love seeing sweet photos of Nori and Nicks candid and funny posts on a dads view. Thank you for your honesty and a peek into a side that is very rarely talked about and known for those who don’t experience pregnancy or motherhood. How scary those moments must have been. Sending you a big hug. I hope Nick writes a cameo post about his experience. That is often neglected as well- the male and father perspective. Also, is it surprising that an ad company/ Bai doesnt offer paid paternity leave?!

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  49. Jessica wrote:

    I just wanted to say I’m sorry that people were/are ugly to you, and said cruel, hateful, and untrue things about your daughter. As a mom of 3 half Korean children, this breaks my heart. You are very brave for sharing.

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
    • AS wrote:

      Thanks for writing about this. Do you think being a blogger and having to post outfit photos so soon after birth created even more pressure? Most moms don’t have to worry about appearance so soon!

      Posted 3.24.19 Reply
  50. Suzanne wrote:

    Thanks for sharing this post. I’ve been following your blog for years and am really happy for the addition to your family.

    I always thought how you could carry yourself so well when I still struggle with my 19 month old son. This post is great to let all mamas who struggle to know they are not alone and those who look great might have bitter stories yet to be told.

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
    • Mariia wrote:

      Dear, you are an inspiration to many! I had a baby a couple of months after you had your baby girl. Your posts energized me so much and gave me strength to allow myself some “me” time without feeling irrationally guilty, and to remember to care for myself too.

      What kind of a sick and twisted person would harrass a new mom for looking great?! Good for you for being resilient and moving beyond those toxic words.

      Posted 4.16.19 Reply
    • I’ve loved your blog for so many years. Thank you for staying in this community. I’m an asian american myself and you are my biggest lifestyle/fashion inspiration and you really allowed me to see myself (a 105 pound, 5”2 woman) as beautiful and let me accept myself in so many ways. I’m going to be a prosecutor in a few years. Thank you for always being there for me for all the years of ups and downs in my life by bringing beauty and confidence into the world with little minority or petite woman. So many of us love you and thank you for always being authentic, compassionate, and strong. All the best.

      Posted 1.31.20 Reply
  51. Linda wrote:

    Hi Jean! Sending love your way. My baby is probably a month or two older than Nori and I’ve enjoyed following your journey. Motherhood is definitely a whirlwind and I can definitely relate. I’m not sure if I had PPD but I definitely has something because there were a lot of emotions, tears, anxiety and guilt those first few months. (Anxiety and guilt still there for sure!) Thank you so much for sharing your story. I always look up to you and how perfect and easy you made motherhood look, while still being so stylish!! Thank you for reminding us that there is more that meets the eye and sharing your candid story. You are doing an AMAZING job; don’t listen to those haters! Do you have any tips on finding a mom group in the Boston area while working full time? I would love to find some mom friends but I barely even have time to shower some days!

    Posted 3.21.19 Reply
  52. Anonymous wrote:

    New discovery for ALL the moms, new moms, and mothers-to-be out there:

    https://www.thecut.com/2018/02/what-to-know-about-the-first-drug-for-postpartum-depression.html

    Not that taking drugs for PPD is really the first thing one thinks of, but it may help those who feel PPD more acutely/severely! Good luck out there!

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  53. MissLilly wrote:

    Big thanks for sharing something so honest. We need more honest mums out there because reality is not just that gorgeous picture on social media, reality can be so hard. I had heard about PND but didn’t really thought it was so common until it hit me in the face. Similar to you my daughter had reflux and colic and who knows what. She was losing wait, not sleeping a thing and comfort feeding. I had to fight with doctors to be heard. I would not sleep until 16m for more than 2 to 4h a night in slots of 30m and no family around me other than my husband. I felt powerless and hopeless. I felt like a fraud of a mum because she was in such pain. I stopped going to mum and baby yoga classes because she would cry most of the time. I cried every single day for 6m in a row. My husband was amazing and was with me all the time. Knowledge is power and the more I realise what she had it helped me out. I also had to reach out to friends and ask for help which I never would do. What helped me clear the fog in my case was 3 weeks with my family, her improving and then going back to work (when she was 6m). I wish I had realised back then that maybe I was having some form of pnd. I wish I had known it was so common and I could reach to peer groups (like I did for living with reflux uk). Hugs to all the mums out here, we are superstar! Our kids loves us and they know we do everything we can and cannot for them. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to ask for help. Together we can do this. Thank you so much for sharing and open such an important dialogue

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  54. AW wrote:

    I have been following your journey as my own pregnancy was pretty close to yours and was always wondering how these instamoms do it – they look so put together and their babies looked SO happy, and my oh my how their babies slept through the night.

    Birth was difficult experience for me, and i was in denial being a mother. Breastfeeding broke me, and my own mother, despite having her around was immensely helpful during the first month, made me feel useless. And like you, i begged my husband to extend his parental leave, which he did and we moved in with his family. Having my husband’s support and presence was immensely helpful.

    Currently my baby is 5 months old and although things have improved tremendously I still feel pretty blue somedays. Most nights i can still hear phantom cries and i have anxiety about my baby waking up that prevents me from sleeping well. I hope things do turn a corner around the 6 months mark..

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  55. Jessa L wrote:

    Jean,

    Thank you for sharing this. You really never know what’s happening behinds someone’s social media doors. Or even real doors. I work in healthcare and am all about people opening up! Everyone would be healthier, and hopefully happier, if they did.
    I have a 9 weeks old now and, while I luckily haven’t suffered from postpartum depression, I felt, and still, feel those blues sometimes. The middle of the night is the hardest when it’s dark, you’re exhausted, and your husband is sleeping and you love him but you hate him. (Hilarious poem by the way that made me feel so much better and more “normal”: https://www.popsugar.com/node/45824747). While I fed and held my baby, I wasn’t totally connected with her to begin with. Sure, I loved her, but the kind of love that’s like you have to love them. Not the kind where you’ve chosen to or fallen in love with them. She wasn’t interactive and we were strangers. There was actually a moment when she had a fever at a week old. We went to the pediatricians office and I got scared for a minute there. It was my first time out with her alone and I was so sleep deprived. I started crying while staring at her infant the office and that’s when I realized how much I actually love her. I fell in love with here right there, being scared for her. And I wanted to do everything to protect her. We have since become buddies.
    And the getting out is important. Luckily, I live in Denver where, even if there was a blizzard one day, it’s 60 degrees on the surrounding days. And the gorgeous mountains are an hour away. But I still go outside on those snowy, grey days. It helps. Just to move. And breath. And the mama’s group is my weekly sanity! It’s what I look forward to the most. Every. Single. Week. It’s where I can open up.
    Fortunately and unfortunately, it’s just my husband and I and our families live far away. Unfortunately, it’s hard. Fortunately, I’m learning and growing so much. And I’m surviving! I’m trusting my gut and surviving. The first month or so, I was online looking everything up, in Facebook groups asking questions. The last few weeks, I stopped that and staying offline has helped so much.
    I know you have a lot of followers and a public image, while I don’t, but keep in mind, you got there by being you. So, being a mother should be the same. Keep being you and trust your gut. Sure, read your messages and comments if that’s what you like to do to stay connected, but ultimately, you do you. Thanks again for sharing and being you! And, thanks for all the fashion advice and tips. I’m a small Asian, about your size, and you help me look decent 🙂 I actually lived in Portsmouth, NH for 10 months on a travel nurse assignment and anytime we went to Boston, I secretly hoped I’d run into you. I would’ve been star struck 😂 Anyway, I hope this doesn’t come off as rambling, because I do have a 9 week old-I’m still sleep deprived…

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  56. Lisa wrote:

    Hey Jean. I’m not a mom yet, but I appreciate your honest post. It’s refreshing. When I look at your blog, I think you have the perfect life! I know in the back of my head that it’s not always what it seems. You are so brave for sharing your experiences and putting yourself out there. Keep it up. You are amazing.

    BTW I am absolutely appalled that people will create accounts just to mother shame you and call your baby names. This makes me wonder of the type of values they hold and what they might share with their own kids if that’s the case. Just remember that they don’t really hate you or mean those things… they are just bored with their lives and don’t put much thought into it their comment after they hit “submit”.

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  57. Kristin wrote:

    What a beautiful mom you are, and what a beautiful daughter you have been blessed with. It is not easy to share the “tough” parts of life, or motherhood, so I applaud you for putting yourself out there. Anyone who has a negative comment to send your way of course has their own problems that they are manifesting out to you – please know that the mean-spirited comments are worthless, but the effort it takes to be honest with yourself and your audience is very meaningful. Thank you, and continued happiness/awareness/understanding to you and your family.

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  58. Ginger wrote:

    You are courageous and strong. Motherhood is not for sissies. Every mom has moments where she feels less than no matter how she appears to the world, but not every one is brave or real enough to say so. What an amazing role model for Nori!

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  59. Anna wrote:

    She is clearly so much more to you than a photo prop! There is so much love in your photos. Please keep posting pics of that beautiful baby girl!

    Also, I was cycling with you as you did your IVF. My IVF baby was born shortly after Nori. Although not the same sex, some of what you’ve posted has been helpful (the pineapple pajamas and bear suit). I would love to see more baby outfits, especially things that could work for both baby boys and girls!

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  60. Rose wrote:

    Just wanted to say I too have experienced this. Jean, you aren’t alone in this hard phase . My son is 3 now but as a newborn he was very fussy and had to be placed on reflux medication. I breastfed but didn’t have a good support system so I would stay in my room for what felt like weeks at a time just nursing. Sure there were sweet moments but I understand the fog. I broke down crying, just looking at him and wondering if I was fit to be a mom. Three years later he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He stared into my eyes and tells me he loves me. This is all the validation I need as a mother. Your baby feels your love even though she has yet to tell you. She felt it from the first moment you hold them. She feels it every time you feed her, smile at her and hug her. Bless you and know that you are doing a wonderful job. Hugs from Texas!

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  61. Elle wrote:

    Jean,

    You are so amazing and are such an amazing mom!! I have followed you for years and have always liked your style, blog, and personality. I respect you even more now that you are doing all that you do, as a mom of such a beautiful and adorable baby! Nori looks so pudgy and happy, it’s obvious that she is loved and that you are a great mom! Nori is seriously one of the cutest, prettiest babies I have ever seen.

    It’s upsetting to hear that there are so many haters out there who has nothing better to do with their lives than try to spread their toxic energy. I hope that for every negative comment, you’ve been getting 1000 positive ones in return. Please don’t ever let the negativity stop you. You are changing lives!

    I just had my second baby, but I’ve learned so much from you, a first time mom. Keep up the awesome work!!

    Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  62. Bela Anzu wrote:

    Jean, I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a difficult three months. I wouldn’t have guessed it because from your photos, it looked like everything was going smoothly. You’ve done an admirable job in caring for Nori without the help and guidance of family nearby, fended off mean and critical comments on social media, while still finding time to blog and help other moms (and potentially their partners)!

    Looking back to when I first became a Mom, the steep learning curve and the around-the-clock 3 hourly feeds were the most challenging because I was suddenly continually sleep deprived, which was unlike cramming for exams. I was trying my best to meet all the demands of motherhood and it was one of the most difficult years I’ve experienced. I don’t think I had post-partum depression or anxiety, but the changing hormones made me emotional and cry easily. The first year was the most challenging for us, but it has gotten easier with time. So there is hope!

    In regards to your helpful ideas, I agree that taking walks outside and setting up a support system is vital. Being out in nature helped me feel better and put things into perspective. One thing which I’m grateful for and helped me transition into motherhood, was that before I left the hospital in Canada, one of the nurses asked if I would like a health care professional to call me after I was discharged. I accepted it and a nurse called me a few weeks afterward to book a home visit to see how I was doing. She came regularly (every two weeks?) and introduced me to a home visitor who was a mom with grown up children. They would teach me helpful and practical tips like reasons as to why my babies were crying and what I could do, why it was important that I train them to sleep in the crib instead of allowing them to fall asleep in my arms, how to determine when to start solid foods, etc. The home visitor would come weekly and spend an hour with the twins and me. She’d teach me how to incorporate song and exercises for the babies, which was good because I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. The thought of taking the twins to a Moms’ group at a community centre by myself was overwhelming. They were with me for the first nine months until I got the hang of things and made a world of difference.

    I hope things continue to get better for you and your beautiful family. Nori is beautiful and she’s fortunate to have such dedicated and loving parents.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  63. Babybear wrote:

    Just wanted to say that, you are doing a great job new mummy! My boy is almost 3 now, but goodness, I went through perhaps PPD as well. Baby refusing to latch, low milk supply, crying day and night for a good one month, I had to kangaroo sleep with him the first 2 months of his life, and once I really thought of jumping out from the window with him! I didn’t speak to anyone about it as I was too tired from everything. But thankfully somehow it went away without me realizing it. But I swear the baby blues subsided a lot once I supplemented with formula milk.

    Hang on there and it will get better definitely!

    xoxo

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  64. Kristine wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with PPD. I had my baby just weeks after you did, and I, too, suffered from PPD. But like many moms, I denied that I was depressed. Yet I cried everyday over how my baby hated me. I felt unfit to be a mom. I kept my feelings inside until one day, weeks later, I finally told someone I had been crying. Acknowledging what I was going through helped me cope. What made the biggest difference was going to a mommy and me class, where I got to speak with other moms going through the same thing. And slowly my confidence as a mother grew and PPD began to slowly fade away.

    Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. It was as if I was reliving those lonely, dark days feeling trapped in the fog of PPD. I wanted to reach out and tell your former self (and my former self) that everything would be okay.

    Long story short, I hope your story helps another mom who may be struggling with PPD. We need to be there for each other.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  65. Em wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you, as always, for being brave enough to talk about what everyone is going through but is too scared to talk about. Voices like yours are so rare, but make such a difference. All of your posts about pregnancy and motherhood have been so helpful for showing us that we are not alone.

    You may not see this post, because so many other people already commented. But I just wanted to tell you about our experience with the acid reflux medication for our son. We realized that doctors prescribe it, but they don’t tell you how your kid can stop taking it! My son was prescribed a PPI, and the doctors said he would be fine when the stomach valve was fully formed. But every time we tried to stop the medication after that, he would cry and have really bad reflux. We were worried he would be on it too long, because PPIs can have long term side effects. Apparently the reason we were having trouble is because the medication can cause extra acid to be made in the stomach, and if you stop taking it all at once, it’s really awful and painful. It turns out that the way to stop it is to reduce the dosage gradually over time. We slowly weaned our son off the medication, and he was fine afterwards. So, just in case your doctors are like ours were, and didn’t bother to tell you how to stop the medication, that’s how we were able to stop taking it.

    Much love to your lovely family!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  66. Carla Day wrote:

    Yes – to all of this! So proud of you for sharing and posting this. Every time a mama shares her story, it helps other mamas.

    Generally speaking, our culture and society in the USA does not support parenting. One is expected to work like they don’t have a home life and raise their children like they don’t work.

    I do believe that #millenials will change this.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  67. Jess wrote:

    Thank you for being so open about your experiences with infertility, pregnancy and motherhood. We also had trouble conceiving, and I became pregnant a couple of months after you. I have really really looked up to you and enjoyed reading your blog. I was so grateful to be able to read the thoughts and see the style choices of another petite pregnant lady/mama! I’m sorry that you’ve had to read such awful criticism. I don’t understand why people don’t seem to think that their words hurt if they’re typed instead of said in person. As is clear from the comments on your posts, the conversations you’ve opened about infertility and PPD have been helpful to your readership. Keep your chin up – you’re doing a great job!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  68. Anonymous wrote:

    Dear Jean,

    Thank you for posting this. My son is one month younger than Nori and I have really enjoyed following your journey with Nori. Like you, I also had PPD which I did not realize until it had significantly improved. I didn’t know if it was normal to feel as sad as I did, cry out of nowhere and I just chalked it up to being exhausted. It did not help that my son had colic. Although now things are almost back to normal, there are still times when I’m alone with my baby that I get scared I am not enough and can’t take care of him without my husband’s help. I think being alone with him for long periods of time (like when my husband travels) is when my mind goes back to that dark period when I felt so alone. It is so nice reading your journey and also seeing other post about their experiences as well. All I can say is- forget the haters. We got this mama! As one of friends once told me: “Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are not good enough for your baby. You grew that baby from 2 cells into the beautiful being he/she is today! Can they say that about themselves? I don’t think so!” Sending you much love.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  69. Nina Berglund wrote:

    Oh my goodness. I cannot believe the awful things that people said to you. That’s effing terrible. I am so so sorry to hear that. Motherhood is tough shit. I seriously think I haven’t caught up on sleep since giving birth the first time 8 years ago. Sometimes I even wonder if I still have PPD. I definitely had a hard time bonding with my first child. I mean she literally destroyed my lady parts, it was kinda hard not to be resentful. But, as you know, being a mother is also one of the best things in life. In fact, I often refer to it as the best and worst thing I have ever done. I am so glad you are feeling better! Enjoy your little family.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  70. Vanessa wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story . I suffered PPD with both pregnancies and felt so alone and ashamed because this is something we don’t really talk about . It’s great that there is more awareness now about this and women don’t need to suffer in silence.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  71. Linda wrote:

    Reading this wasn’t too surprising , I relate in every sense and I’m glad you’re getting through it. I guess everyone thinks it won’t happen to them, until it does. I had stitches after my first born and with no postpartum help, I had to do everything! Stitches got infected, I ended up in the hospital and the depression set in hard. I felt guilty and terrible and just all around sad. No one really talks about that so I’m glad you shared. The one thing that has me so angry is that people are bullying little Nori!!! How can anyone call her ugly? She’s a gorgeous little combo of you and your husband. I literally check your blog just to catch a glimpse of her adorable face.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  72. Deezee wrote:

    Your pregnancy posts have been a guiding light for me, and many others. That light and strength will shine through Nori, as she grows up with such a strong mom she will learn to live true to herself, unapologetically

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  73. Jenna Carberg wrote:

    This really is so brave for you to share. I went through 8 months of severe PPD. The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.

    I’m not a blogger but I did post about my experience. It was really hard for me to write too just because I didn’t want to even think about it again.

    Here’s a link to what I experienced:
    During: https://www.postpartumdepression.org/blog/life-postpartum-depression/
    After: https://www.postpartumdepression.org/blog/freedom-from-postpartum-depression/

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  74. Lauren S wrote:

    You are so awesome to share your thoughts and feelings! I too experienced PPA and the breast feeding was such a challenge that I think that’s what caused it. I ended up nursing my daughter for 10 months, and felt really proud when I was done. I’m glad you joined a new moms group. This helped me tremendously as well in a Chicago. People who don’t live in big cities aren’t as lucky to have that kind of option for support, which is unfortunate. Keep going mama! You’re doing great!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  75. Jennifer wrote:

    My daughter was 6 months old when I realized something wasn’t right. And what I was experiencing wasn’t baby blues anymore. I was breaking down, I no longer was able to sleep and constantly in a negative mindset, I always wondered when will I feel better again ? and I had extreme mom guilt. My mom moved in to watch me, I saw 3 therapists and was put on sleeping medication. I just wanted to be the super star mom for my daughter. Nurse her, comfort her but omg I was hard on myself and I didn’t take care of myself. I slowly was able to sleep with medication and after many month she I was able to sleep again. I had a son since then and twins on the way. I’m pretty scared that the hormones and sleep deprivation will put me back in the dark place but I’m preparing. Drs, therapists, friends and family know about my depression and are supportive. We are also looking at hiring night nannies for a few months. Take care momma.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  76. Carien wrote:

    You are such a rockstar!
    Thank you for sharing such a personal issue. It was a beautiful message!
    Lots of love, xxx

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  77. Jamie wrote:

    I had PPD with my first. Like you, I didn’t realize what was wrong while I was in the middle of it all. I did not have feelings of hurting myself or my baby, but feelings of not being good enough. My all natural birth turned into an emergency c-section. I struggled to nurse and had to supplement with formula. I also vividly remember running into the bathroom to cry while my husband gave her formula. I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t birth my baby and like a terrible mom because I couldn’t feed my baby. All the tips you listed also helped me. I am blessed to have my mom so close. She came everyday for an hour to give me a little break. When I became pregnant with my second child I started having panic attacks thinking about my dramatic birth and PPD. How could I go through all that again with a toddler? I hired a doula and she helped me work through a lot of things. The extra support during labor was wonderful too. My VBAC did not go as planned and I needed another c-section. Thankfully, besides the normally ‘Mommy Blues’ I have been okay this time around. My advice is to put off visitors. I found that aspect very overwhelming the first time around but I felt bad saying no. With my second, I used my c-section as an excuse saying I wasn’t up for visitors. That quiet time alone as a family those early days really helped me.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  78. Lershan wrote:

    Hi Jean, I just wanted to thank you for sharing so much of your life with us. I’ve lurked around your blog for ages and was just really shy about making my presence known. I love your posts about dressing for work, getting married and then having Nori. I’m a few months behind you in terms of life milestones so far, and I’ve found so many useful tips from your blog about navigating each new stage. I’m a new mommy too and my little one is a month behind Nori, I look forward to all of your posts because it gives me so much encouragement and it’s just nice to know that we all have similar ups and downs.
    I found it difficult to transition into my new identity as a mother. I’m grateful I have a healthy, happy baby, but I was completely unprepared for what parenting would be like and how much life would change. I don’t cry much but I do feel this nagging sad feeling . I did many of the things that you mention in “A few things that may help” and am starting to feel better.
    It’s crazy how some people find so much gratification in making others feel bad. I hope I can offer you some encouragement too – continue to pay them no heed, it’s not worth the bad mojo and it just makes these people feel more gratified. You’re so full of grace and I love that!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  79. I went on anti-depressants a few weeks after JB was born. I knew I loved zir but I couldn’t actually feel the feelings, it was like my positive feelings were locked up and I only had tiredness left. Obviously not sleeping much contributed to that, as did my fibromyalgia, but I needed the medications to help me be me again after giving birth.

    I hate that people are so willing to attack you during such a delicate and difficult time but it seems to be something they feel so free to do to moms particularly and moms in the public eye even more so. I’ll never understand it.

    I’m glad you got some of the support that you needed, and I hope you will continue walking out of that darkness, and that the heaviness will leave you in peace.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  80. Cat wrote:

    Thanks for sharing this, Jean. It took a lot of courage and heart, and I’m sure you’re helping so many moms out there who may be wondering what’s wrong with them. I had PPD after having my baby, 7 years ago. I was in a constant state of fog and hopelessness, and I didn’t have the support I needed (and, to be honest, I was to ashamed to ask for it). Realizing I had an illness took far, far too long — my son was 3 by the time I felt more like myself, and I wouldn’t wish that prolonged feeling of meaninglessness on anyone. My baby was definitely a “high-need” baby, and I think part of my PPD was not being able to admit to myself that my actual baby was nothing like the cooing, sleepy, easy baby I had envisioned.

    I do feel like our culture glorifies the baby “bump” and focuses on the labor/delivery process (“natural” births, perfect birth plans, etc.). All of this can be such a disservice to women. After birth, new moms realize pregnancy is just the very tip of the iceberg — the reality of sleep deprivation and being “on” 24/7 with a squalling newborn can be such a shock and we feel so underprepared. That’s how I felt, at least! But 7 years later I feel so lucky to have my “high-need” kiddo (though sleep is still an issue. Gah!).

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  81. Basia wrote:

    I’m 11 week pregnant and I already fear postpartum depression as I sometimes get this ridiculous pregnancy depression.
    And last week I almost write to you to ask you for writing about this!
    My friends are going through IVF right now and your post was so helpful! I know how to support them and that’s the best one can do for their friends.

    I read about postpartum depression a lot because I somehow hope that I can prepare myself for that.

    Thank you! Just remember you’re strong no matter how you feel about yourself and no matter what stupid people say.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  82. Anna wrote:

    I had PPD with my first child. Many of the feelings you describe I can totally relate to them, thank you for sharing them. My second baby just turned 6 months a couple days ago, and oh man, it has been such a different (better) journey! Now is when I can clearly see the PPD I had with my first. Two should be harder than one, but it actually is easier this time around. If you and Nick decide to go through the journey of having a sibling for Nori, just know it won’t necessarily be as hard as the first time!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  83. I think you are very brave sharing these personal experiences. It is hard to do so in real life, let alone online when you have no idea who is going to read (and judge) it. Anxiety in many forms is often hidden from the outside world. Sometimes it helps protecting you, sometimes it avoids getting help. I think each of us should make a choice what to share and what not. Your tips (getting out of the house, taking about your problems with close friends or people in the same situations) are very helpful. Work (in our case blogging) is also a big help, since it will take your mind off your anxiety. Love, Lieske

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  84. KT wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your experience and being so candid and open about it. I am currently pregnant with my third and suffered pretty badly with PPD when we had our first. My daughter was a collic baby and we knew very early on that she was. She would not stop crying and it was the absolute worse in the evenings. Breastfeeding as a new mom was so difficult because you have no idea what you are doing or to expect. I would breakdown in tears while breastfeeding as she would neglect the breast while I struggle so hard to continue on. Society makes you feel so guilty if you fail to breastfeed your baby. She also sufferered from jaundice and was in and out of the Dr office and had lab work done everyday for the first week of her life. Coming from an Asian background, my mom and MIL just never had the right words to say to make you feel as though it’s okay and that you are doing your best. There was this expectation that my daughter is suffering and I am causing it; whether it be something that I ate that caused her gassiness or what I could be doing better. What really helped me get through it was my amazing husband who saw the signs and forced me to talk about my feelings, get out of the house, and open up to other friends/family. Having a strong support group and being able to open up honestly helped me get through it. You are doing an amazing job, Jean! We may not always do things perfectly, but the most important thing that really matters at the end of the day is your baby is feed, happy and loved! Just remember the days are long but the years go by so quickly. Enjoy the good and bad moments with your little one!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  85. De wrote:

    I’m 37 and have no plans for children in part out of fear it really isnt all that it’s made out to be. I imagine it’s very, very hard. Im admittedly a coward. I commend you for being real and brave, for sharing the real side of it and not pretending it isnt hard. Your sharing can help other mothers. You and your daughter are beautiful. The people who say hateful things are most likely miserable human beings who dont deserve your time or thoughts. Stay strong!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  86. Jennifer M wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing this very personal topic with such sensitivity in order to aid other mothers.. and mothers to be. It is an issue that needs more public discussion and a brilliant and courageous person (as well as aspirational role model) like you to give other women the courage to address their own feelings. Symptoms are indeed difficult to separate from “normal exhausted new mom” symptoms.

    Mom-shaming is terrible and hurtful… even if you know that you are only the target… and not the source of the shaming behavior.

    I experienced PPD as well – feelings of isolation, worthlessness, exhaustion, not being enough of a good mom, and not enough support from my partner. Fascinating how one can be with company 24/7 of your beautiful baby, yet still feel lonely… and writing your PhD dissertation. We had latch & various milk supply issues (low supply, to oversupply) as part of our challenges- not being able to feed or comfort your baby felt so hard. Joining La Leche group and talking to other breastfeeding moms helped with this aspect. Talk therapy helped a lot – as well as a popular education/community-based parenting group, which acted more like a fun social peer-playdate group. Getting a full-night’s rest at least once every 2 weeks and letting the husband bottle feed on night shift instead of breastfeeding made a big difference as well. Agree with your suggestion about making a plan for support network while you’re still pregnant- this was so key! Getting out for walks daily works wonders. An occasional post-partum massage works wonders – if you can manage a childcare option.

    Just one more pat-on-the back among the many supportive comments here that say, you’re doing great and an inspiration to us other moms who are trying to “keep it together.” Your wardrobe inspirations help us feel beautiful inside and out – starting with dressing on the outside for the women we are inside… and the women we want to be. Both your beautiful photos of inspiration, as well as the beautiful mom-in-reality photos are two-sides of the same coin. On those “blah days”, as a new mother, you feel far from your old self; making a little time to look more like yourself is so helpful. I appreciate your “nursing friendly suggestions” while still a breastfeeding with 2yo toddler and working from home (I am eagerly looking forward to the bittersweet event of weaning soon).

    THANKS for being honest, graceful, and thoughtful in your words and an inspiration. PS- Nori is absolutely adorable. a big hug from me.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  87. Pearl wrote:

    Jean, I’ve been your quiet follower for the last few years. Ever since I saw your baby, I immediately told my husband how cute and sweet she is! She is one of the most adorable babies I’ve seen. You are so strong in taking care of Nori and coping with PPD. Wish you are feeling better these days!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  88. Valeri Pighini wrote:

    Oh sweetheart. I remember PPD quite well, and of course, this too shall pass. And you’re handling it well, what with the personal communication and pictures you share with us. I really don’t understand it when people are cruel but I think you’re wonderful and I love seeing pictures of you and little Nori so much. Just every picture is precious to me. Sending you love and encouragement – keep sharing my dear – you’re doing this for so many people who cannot. And I for one am very proud of you. Love, Val

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  89. Stephanie Snyder wrote:

    I suffered from extreme PPD after my second son was born. The lack of sleep, missing time with my first born, having to go back to work too soon, not enough help, not binding as well with baby and countless other things combined to make the perfect storm so to speak. I looked into antidepressants, but hate taking medication. I reached my breaking point around 6 mos postpartum and finally broke down and asked for help. It is such a dark cloud. Motherhood is hard and is definitely not all sunshine and rainbows. I can’t believe how awful people can be and it is so horrible you had to deal with PPD and haters. I will say I adore you and your family. Please keep as positive as you can. Haters gonna hate and all that.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  90. Aubrey wrote:

    I was super depressed and isolated when I gave birth to my baby girl. I have no family around (they all live out of state) and no real close friends so it was tough. I cried EVERY day and thought I had issues because of it. I felt helpless, useless and very much alone. She cried a lot when she was a baby and it took a toll on me especially with the lack of sleep. I also had issues with breastfeeding (I just didn’t produce enough) which contributed to her crying a lot bc I had refused to give in to formula thinking I would be a complete failure if I did. I tried joining mommy groups but it just didn’t click for me. It finally got better and I felt more like myself once I returned to work. Looking back now I wished I had reached out to the few friends I did/do have but at the time I felt like it was a burden. My baby girl is now 19 months and is super independent , smart, funny and strong. I am due to give birth in 4 weeks to my second baby and while I am scared I would fall into the same depression I am hopeful it won’t be as bad. This time around I know the signs and am more open to reaching out to people. Thank you for sharing your experience. I find that it is more common than most people expect. I am honest about my experience with my girlfriends when they ask so they know it’s ok if they also go through the same experience.

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  91. Niki Wang wrote:

    You are so brave to post something like this! I am a mom of a 2-year-old and frankly I did not go through PPD in the first year. However I think I do now. After two years I am still not able to get enough sleep and stuck at home because my kid gets sick frequently after joining daycare. Anyway I want to give you a big hug and tell you that you are a wonderful woman!

    Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  92. Chrissy wrote:

    Not a mother here. But an avid fan of your blog.
    You’ve honestly been a positive inspiration. Happy to hear that you’ve been feeling and doing better.
    Nori will grow up to be a strong lady, just like her mama 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  93. Nisa wrote:

    Sending hug Jean! ❤

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Julia wrote:

      Hi Jean, I’ve followed you for a few years for your petite fashion tips as I am about the same height. I am not a parent and probably won’t be, but just wanted to thank you for sharing. Mental health problems shouldn’t be stigmatised and the more people like you that open up the more people will share their problems and the easier life will be for so many people! I’m not a ‘baby person’ but Nori is adorable so please try not to take those horrible comments to heart. Wishing you happiness.

      Posted 3.20.19 Reply
  94. Jo wrote:

    First of, big hugs and kudos to you for posting this.

    I suffered from PPD after my second baby. But it wasn’t until he was 6 months old that it was confirmed by my OB. I was coasting the first 6 months. Trying to balance my time between my 3 y/o and the baby. To me, I was supposed to feel that way because I was beyond exhausted. Everyone wanted my attention that my movements became robotic. At my son’s 6th month appt, my son was teething and was suffering from reflux, his Pedaetrician asked me if I was ready to feed him solids and I broke down. I told him I can’t handle more. I just want to sleep & he immediately told me I didn’t need to do it all. Once I calmed down, he told me to see my OB as he felt I may be suffering from PPD.

    My son just turned one last week and I am still struggling. There are days that I beat myself up for not being able to do it all. And some days that I just give up and say, to hell with our schedule! Whatever makes everyone happy today, that’s what we’re doing!

    Only advice I have is… Surround yourself with other moms- they may not be going through exactly what you are currently going through at that particular moment, but being able I just get it all out of your system really helps. And trust me, newer moms than you will be thankful you told them about your teething/reflux/colic/sleep regression/growth spurt woes. LOL

    A friend of mine once said to me, ‘you may not feel like you’re doing your best but to your children you are the best mom’

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  95. Jennifer wrote:

    I didn’t realize I had PPD but my husband did. What ended up helping me was 30 minutes of aerobic activity…in the form of a dvd of sweating to the oldies with Richard Simmons. No lie. The endorphins from exercising made a incredible difference in my ability to deal. Of course, everyone’s physical abilility a couple months after delivery is different …but I highly recommend getting a little sweat on, even if you are exhausted.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  96. Caroline wrote:

    This is so brave of you to share and so thoughtful that you put the time in to offer tips to other moms. Hopefully everyone can start supporting each other more and judging each other less.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  97. Beth C wrote:

    I just can’t with the mom shamers! I think many of them don’t even realize what they’re doing.
    I’ve been following you for literally a decade (imagine my excitement when I started my first job and found we were the exact same size!), so my heart breaks for you. Something I didn’t see mentioned in the comments yet is placenta encapsulation. I was SUPER skeptical, but having PMDD for all of my adult life put me at a huge risk for PPD and other things, so I was game for anything. The capsules turned out to be little miracle pills for me! Any time I feel the beginnings of emotional “off-ness” I start taking them, and I always go back to feeling normal within a day or two. My son is almost 2 years old now, and I haven’t been this free of symptoms since I was a teenager.
    Thank you for sharing! Lots of love <3

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Nadine C wrote:

      Hi Beth, do you mind sharing where you had placenta encapsulation done? Thank you!

      Posted 3.19.19 Reply
      • Beth C wrote:

        I’m in Hawaii and used Shine Birth Services. I think most people who do it are also doulas or midwives, so maybe you could find someone that way?

        Posted 3.23.19 Reply
  98. Nikki wrote:

    Jean, I wish I had some words of wisdom. I had PPD with my second child. I didn’t even realize it until my doctor told me. Between all the sleepless nights and emotions, I thought I was just tired. I was breastfeeding and didn’t want to take medication, whether that was wrong, I don’t know. Mine was triggered by guilt and anxiety over the wellbeing of my kids. All I know is this, opening up and realizing what I had, being open to the wisdom of others and constantly reminding myself that I was enough, I was a good mom, and to not get triggered by a mere sniffle, helped me cope. I think I saw a counselor at the time too. It’s all a big blur. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better, go out for a bit with other moms, see a therapist, and get rest.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  99. Fiz wrote:

    My baby just turn 2 months. Im not sure if i really had PPD but wat i can share is that things got overwhelmed and heart pain for me. Im currently staying with my mother in law. Well she is a big help when comes to cooking and she did trained me well during the first 2 weeks. Baby cried almost every night during that period and i really felt helpless and useless becos it makes me feel that im not a good mom becos baby doesn’t want me. But it always works well when comes to MIL. I felt sad and angry becos theres a period that everytime when the baby cries, MIL will always get the baby from me without any permission. I did shared this with hubby, but hubby wasn’t on my side. He said that im just being sensitive and MIL was just trying to help. In the house, everyone seems to be soo obsessed with the baby but nobody cares about me. There are always times when im even worried if MIL oftenly picks baby up from me, the child won’t even recognize her own mommy. The support system that i need in the house was really bad. The only way of me coping with the unhappiness is by messaging my mom who lives miles away from me and a couple of close friends. In this house, nobody seems to care about PPD or PPA. To them its just how i managing myself. MIL even compares that she was perfectly FINE throughout her child birth to her 3 sons. She also compares me with my other in-law that all things are well for her. MIL even wants to control how i dress up the baby and she even complains how i stores the baby essential items. I feel the only issue here is becos im living with MIL. I agree that she will be the caregiver of my child once i started working but i do hope that she give me the chance of taking care of my baby during this period. You will have all the time with my baby once i start work. Now that my baby is 2 months, i try to accept the way my MIL do things. I am better everytime she wants to play with the baby, but she still don’t ask permission from me (i dont need a formal permission but all i need is for you to ask). Now, since that she is soo into my child, at times i want to have the freedom to just go out and have some fresh air. But again, she will nag and unhappy when i come back home late. Seriously i can’t tolerate with her attitude. I just hope she realize my unhappiness and know wat to do.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Carly wrote:

      Thank you for sharing your experience with PPD and being honest about the many stages, doubts and struggles you went through. I am sorry you experienced such hurtful and awful comments from mom-shamers. It is a sad state of our society that we tend to tear other women down, especially with the easy cloak of anonymity that social media affords us. It’s not right. Please know that there are those that want to lift you up, and see you succeed, and know that despite all the struggles, you’re a fantastic and amazing mom. Your daughter is very lucky and blessed to have you as her mommy.

      Just remember the road you’re on with your daughter is very long. It’s not just the infant stage, but hopefully all the many stages of being a toddler, to a kid, to a teenager and eventually young adult. There are many opportunities on that road to bond and share and connect with her. Just like they say don’t judge by the first few pages of a book, I say, don’t judge yourself by the first chapter in your life story as a family and as a mom. The rest of the story, I can already tell, is going to be amazing.

      Posted 3.19.19 Reply
      • Diana wrote:

        Hi there! I have been following your blog for about a year and just want to tell you that you and your family are absolutely beautiful ! I have always been inspired by your style and natural beauty. As for all the people who dared to tell you negative and hateful things about you and your baby it’s truly shameful and unbelievable that they would do that. The only way to explain it is they have hate and jealousy in their hearts. So it’s nothing about you. Don’t listen to those hateful people and their comments.
        I would like to also encourage you with your precious baby girl. Motherhood is very hard! I have four boys ages 8,6,4 and 1. My first son also had to be hospitalized multiples times and once for a week right after birth for jaundice, and cried uncontrollably due to tummy pain every night for several hours. I didn’t have any help from family but I’m so thankful my husband was extremely helpful. When my MIL would visit she ask why is he crying and I felt so terrible because I didnt know how to calm him down or what to do. My MIL would also say comments out of innocent obliviousness the other daughter in law son sleeps perfectly without rocking and eats on schedule. Only she the other daughter in law can do something like that which made me feel even worse as a mother. I totally understand how you feel and I too would feel overwhelmed exhausted and not sure if I was doing everything right or what to do. I also didn’t have that immediate connection with my first baby when he was born. And I was too scared to talk about it with anyone. With my second and third son it was a little better. Although of course I had other pregnancy and infant struggles but they were much better than my first baby. With my fourth son it was soooo hard that I can’t even describe it in words. I thought I would lose my mind. He cried uncontrollably every night 5-10 pm. It was exhausting mentally physically and emotionally. I don’t have anyone to help except my husband so it was very hard on both of us. There were times I just had to put him down in the crib and go to another room or hand him to my husband because I couldn’t handle it anymore. He also would wake up every 30-60 minutes at night. I tried every sleep training method on earth but nothing worked. Finally after he turned 1 yr of age he grew out of his crying at night and waking up often . Now he’s 18 months and it’s so much easier. He sleeps and eats better. I just want to encourage you and lift you up because I know how hard motherhood is . Also don’t listen to any hateful comments or people. You are were so beautiful and graceful during pregnancy and then after pregnancy. People who say hateful or negative things have jealousy in their hearts. Whatever is in someone’s hearts pours out. And even if they don’t know you personally they dare to judge you and be hateful. Don’t listen to hateful comments. You and your family are beautiful. God bless you .

        Posted 3.19.19 Reply
      • Anonymous wrote:

        Jean, I’ve loved to open your posts for the past two years; you make buying and wearing petite clothing so much easier and fun for me! Your photos are gorgeous, your style is creative and approachable, and the amount of homework that you’ve done to make these fashions available to us, is amazing. Thank you. As for all of those feelings that you’re experiencing from other moms, I feel sometimes it comes from their talking through their own insecurities; we all have them , because the responsibility for this precious child bears so heavily. It’s terrifying, and overwhelming , and most of us are Not prepared, despite the multitude of bedside- table baby books we’ve read! Im blesed with three boys, ages 12, 16, and 18. My eldest was in the icu for a week while I frantically tried to nurse him, or give him a pumped bottle , traveling back and forth. He had colic and diaper rash for for over 9 months and only a few years ago did he get diagnosed with gluten, dairy, shellfish , and egg intolerance. My husband was wonderful also, but one night as he was walking him outside in the stroller, we got a call that we thought was from CPS- Child Protective Services. It was a new low! Looking back, it makes me think that God made us strong, like a sapling . We can bend, and adapt to the fresh challenges of each and every little person we’re gifted. How we love each child in our family is going to be unique to you- just getting through some days out of duty is an act love! The strength and wisdom that makes you what we call a Mother is hard-earned, and I think that’s what allows our children to feel that our love is unconditional.

        Posted 3.20.19 Reply
    • Bam wrote:

      I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. As much as she’s of big help towards your baby, you must also set boundaries and she must know where and when to cross over. It’s a shame that you have spoken to your husband and that was his response. You need to talk to your MIL. You need to adress your feelings, in a calm and respectful way… without any intention of hurting her feelings, of course she’s going to be hurt but if you don’t communicate your feelings, there won’t be any change . Everything that you wrote, is EXACTLY what you need to tell her. I personally hates comparisons with other people. Tell your mom in law that you are sure your other in laws are great moms just like you , you just happen to be different people and doing things/parenting differently. Thank her and tell her that you appreciate it that she’s there, but also tell her that you need this time to get to know YOUR baby and to bond. Listen, it’s your baby and you’re the mother. Everyone else, including the MIL can give tips, tricks, advice and whatever but in the end it’s yours and your husband’s decision to do what you feel is right for your child. If she’s still adamant , ask her how would she feel , if it was the other way around?

      I hope you work it out. Sending you peace.

      Posted 3.19.19 Reply
    • Leslie Espino wrote:

      Jean,

      I’m not a mom, but as someone who may not want children it is very good to be honest about motherhood. It’s not for everyone – my fear is that I’ll resent my child for taking away a lifetime of opportunity from me. People like to be excessively positive and claim that the love you feel will totally overshadow that…they make it seem like parenting is ALWAYS easy and effortlessly natural. It’s not. That’s not a bad thing.

      Thank you for being honest about it. That honesty makes you a great mother – not a bad one. You know your family.

      Leslie

      Posted 3.19.19 Reply
  100. Fellow mom wrote:

    Your baby is adorable. Those people are just haters.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  101. Anonymous wrote:

    It’s not the same, but I had to take care of my sick father who needed round-the-clock care starting a few years ago. It took a toll on me, mentally and physically, and I’m your age. He entered the hospital and was belligerent with me and everyone else due to dementia, so it was like dealing with a grown man-child who wouldn’t listen. It seems to fall to you, the care-taker, (especially if you’re Asian and female) to DO EVERYTHING… and *THAT* is actually impossible. Nothing prepares you for when you need to take care of someone around-the-clock unless you are in the medical profession (and even then!). I had to learn that the best way to take care of someone (helpless baby or belligerent grown adult!) was to take care of yourself first. So go be “selfish” (it really isn’t selfish if it helps your sanity!) and spend some time outside, go out for “girls night” or “haven’t seen you in ages! night”, try to ease back into the activities that you were interested in before this life-changing event happened, have some fun, and most importantly, ENJOY having that fun.

    Also, people are stupid; your baby is cute as hell! Sorry she’s got eczema, but if it helps any, I outgrew mine by the time I was 12 or 13! (Just in time for puberty to start! Lol) Good luck, lady and baby!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  102. Thatiany wrote:

    I am so sorry you experienced your first few months of motherhood this way. I did not have PPD , but I definitely had long nights with some tears shed because I felt like I was failing as a mom or as a wife. But what makes me most sad is the fact that other women or other moms were sending you hateful and nasty messages. That is one reason I hate social media. Since people don’t see all of you, they think they have the right to judge the little they do see. I hope you’re doing much better. Praying that you as a mom find peace and comfort in knowing that how you’re handling life as a mom currently is the best you can do. Keep working on you! And I’m sure Nori will grow up to be appreciative of all you are doing for her. You making sure you’re ok and stable to take care of her is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey. It’s definitly not easy for us moms. ♥️

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  103. Becky wrote:

    I’m 15, 17, and 19 years post-partum (:D), but appreciate your honesty. I just told my husband the other day that I am so thankful I didn’t have my babies during the age of social media. It would be SO hard not to do the comparison game with these women on social media that seem to bounce right back and look beautiful doing it! I was still sitting on a donut, barely showered, and struggling with breastfeeding for weeks! Your vulnerability is so refreshing in a world of perfection. Blessings to you and your family!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  104. Kristine wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    Long time reader but first time commenter here. First- you, Nori, and Nick make the most beautiful family, and I wish you all the best.
    I’m sorry that there are people who have been unkind; I’d like to think that for each mean spirited person, there are many more compassionate people who appreciate your authenticity, honesty, courage, and beauty. Letting the “meanness “ roll off you is easier said than done. But I think the same quality that makes you vulnerable to the stings of judgement are the same qualities that make you sensitive and empathic towards others. So, I hope little Nori learns the art of resilience from you 🙂 I believe it’s one of the most important qualities we can teach our children.
    Thank you for sharing your story. <3

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  105. Y.A. wrote:

    I’m not a mother but I can image how difficult this must have been to write. I was on birth control for several years not realizing that it was giving me cycles of pretty intense depression. It was only when I went off of it that I realized how different my mood was. But at the time, it was so hard to see. It’s so easy to accept as the norm. Thanks for sharing your story so that others can find strength and hope.

    On a side note… people create multiple accounts just to be mean to someone on social media?? Geeze, if I had that much time on my hands I could take over the world… Sometimes I think about sharing more of my interests on Instagram but I don’t think I could handle the senseless cruelty that’s out there. Thank you for pushing past the meanies to share your life with us.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  106. Cassi wrote:

    Just want to send some encouragement your way! I had my daughter a few months before you had Nori and have loved following along with your motherhood journey! You are so genuine, have TONS of great baby ideas and I love checking in on your sweet family! I’m so sorry people have been so unkind during this time and I want to show my support! And thank you for being so vulnerable with this post! I didn’t realize I was struggling until I was out of the “fog” either and it’s so helpful to find community in people who are going through the same things. All the best to you and your gorgeous family!!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  107. Ann wrote:

    I’ve never commented on any blogs before, but ever since your post on your infertility journey, I’ve had the urge to write you. To say thank you for being so honest and putting yourself out there. It’s not easy talking about these issues, especially so openly on social media where most people create false idealism of the perfect self image.

    I started following you when I was working as a young lawyer around the same time you began writing this blog. After a few years I got married and actually moved to Boston with my husband. (As a foodie, I loved your restaurant recommendations even more than your fashion posts, haha). I was going through infertility issues the same time you opened up about your struggles and it was very encouraging. I now have a 5 (almost 6) months little boy! I saw you with Nori and Nick a few times and wanted to tell you that I really appreciate your willingness to share, but always decided against it because I didn’t wanted to bother you.

    After quitting my job to move to Boston, I’m now a stay at home mom, and I know how difficult it can be taking care of a baby full time. All my family is back in Taiwan, so I also understand how isolating and hard it can be without nearby support. Being a first time mom, I’m also struggling with the mom shaming issue and often feel judged that I’m inadequate at taking care of my own child. It’s something I’m still learning to cope with. I’m glad you are better and have the support you need. It’s not easy to share your life struggles, especially when it may probably bring new waves of hatred comments, but please know that your openness to discuss these issues are so important and helpful. Thank you for being so strong!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  108. M in Tokyo wrote:

    Thank you so much for your honesty. I think we all feel under pressure to gush about how wonderful motherhood is when the reality is that it is very difficult. Of course we love our babies but becoming a new mother is a huge shock to the system. I was fortunate enough not to have suffered from PND but looking back, I wasn’t as happy as I felt I should have been. My first baby was what you might call “high needs” (couldn’t put her down for a second, would cry all night, etc) and I remember sobbing in the shower one morning saying “what have I done? My life is over! “. Living thousands of miles away from my family and friends made it so much harder. I am fortunate that my husband works from home and so was able to give me the support that I needed.

    I’m so sorry you suffered from such appalling online bullying. You are doing a wonderful job and your daughter is absolutely beautiful.

    Let me know if you are ever in Tokyo – our babies can play together ^_^

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  109. Blaire wrote:

    This is so well written Jane. You capture the raw truth of PPD. Sharing your story is beautiful and brave. Being a mother is so hard. You are not alone in your struggles. I also suffered greatly from PPD. I love my son but found myself wanting to run away when he was a baby. I felt inadequate and thought my son needed better care than I could provide in my broken and exhausted state. He needed medical care as a newborn and I developed an extreme paranoia to keep him healthy. I wanted a child so much so it felt selfish to share my true feelings of anxiety and depression. But I needed help. I finally broke down after almost a year and accepted the help I needed. I thought asking for help was a sign of weakness but it was actually my greatest strength.

    Hindsight 7 years later let’s me appreciate that I was and still am an amazing mom. I have found peace in parenting. Time and self-grace helped me cope. I needed medication to balance. Talking about PPD openly is important to healing. I agree with the points you addressed. I also highly recommend date nights to reconnect with your husband and for you both to take mental breaks from parenting. My best friend watched my son overnight so we could sleep. It is amazing how much you can accomplish with a little more rest.

    I wanted to write you and say thank you for sharing your story. You’ve got this mamma! Take a deep breath and know that motherhood evolves. Your daughter is precious and lucky to have you.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  110. Carole wrote:

    Yes, girl, thanks for sharing your story! PPD/PPA/PND are not talked about enough. I definitely had PPD (especially aggravated by breastfeeding issues and my baby not gaining as much as the ped wanted). Being a mama is so freaking hard, and it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for all of us. Anyway, I LOVE being my girl’s mama, but oh my goodness, the worries and anxieties sometimes left me unable to function. Now I’m preggo with my second, have prenatal depression, and this time I’m taking care of myself! So glad you’re feeling better now, too. You are a superhero to that baby girl and to the world of mamas!!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  111. Bo Bae wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve enjoyed all of your postings of Nori from IVF to her most recent post. It’s such a shame that women can’t support and help other women. That’s for sharing your IVF story. It is such a hard journey to go through. I thank you for sharing your stories for other mothers .
    I had PPD when I had a micropreemie, but just got through it by will due to circumstance. This time around I had severe post parting rage. I have been on antidepressants, even though I had some reservations, but they have helped tremendously.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  112. Winn wrote:

    Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. Your words are empowering and I have been wondering about how you and your family have been doing after following and hearing bits of your challenges to conceive and actually raise your child. I have always wondered about child birth because instagram and model sized celebrities make it seem like a breeze. I had no idea it would take this kind of toll on your body, mind, and mental health and deeply appreciate the journey you are on and sharing it with us. Your experience is valid and you are an incredibly strong and amazing mother. Your child is extremely lucky to have you even though she won’t realize it or think about it until she is much, much older.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  113. HH wrote:

    Sending you a virtual hug and a verbal smackdown to those people who harassed you, and continue to do so. I’m so sorry that you experienced that. Nori, you, and Nick seem so lovely and as a fellow new mom who went through IVF, your posts have really hit home. Thank you for sharing about PPD and for offering a very sane take on it.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  114. Alice wrote:

    You are amazing. You are an amazing mom. Nori is perfect. And your bond is perfect. Just the way you both are. Please do not let anyone make you feel anything less!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  115. KV wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your experience. I myself also went through IVF and was lucky enough to conceived with twins. My twins also had to dealt with jaundice and had to admitted to NICU for the light treatment a day after they came home and immediately back at the hospital. They also had an issue with spitting up after feeding. It was quite a lot to dealt with now thinking back. My kids are now 11. Heavy and growing up too fast. I can still recall some of my struggles being a new mom and dealing with twins. I had the biggest fear to go anywhere by myself with the twins with the fear of not being able to provide care for both at the same time when they needed care. I eventually got over it and had to go back to work but yet I still had anxiety for a long time feeling guilty for not being home with them taking care of them instead having to send them to daycare. In any case, it is not easy but as you have called out having a support system and making time for take care of yourself is extremely important. I want to applaud you for sharing your difficult journey and dealing with PPD. Sending you love ang hugs! Stay strong and Nori is absolutely adorable!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  116. Carly wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this! You are an amazing mom! Your little girl is so adorable and a true little miracle. NEVER EVER let anyone on social media make you second guess that. We all experience motherhood differently. Our babies are different and we are different, so I don’t know why we expect our experiences to all be the same. I struggled a lot at first thinking every single decision I made for my daughter was going to have a monumental impact on her life, from daycare to diaper brands. She’s over 1 now and she’s had ice cream, french fries, and non-organic foods. I use the cheaper diapers instead of the fancy brands that I started with. I breastfed for 7 months instead of a year. She often goes outside without socks or a hat because she pulls them off in the car. I always remind myself that at the end of the day, if you love her and provide her with a supportive, happy home to grow up in, everything is going to be just fine. Once I started living without so much importance tied to every decision, life has been more enjoyable as a mom.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  117. Farrha Powell wrote:

    Thank you so much for this blog, I know this will help so many. Even after 15 year (yes my oldest is a teenager) still brings me back to those dark days of guilt and isolation. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t like my sisters who made it look easy or friends who multitasked with such ease. Simply put, I was a mess. I had an emergency c section and my son got an infection so he was in the NICU for a week. I was adamant I would breast feed him so I was woken up every 1.5 hours to be wheeled to feed him. I didn’t know how to ask for help because EVERYONE told me he must be breast fed. But in doing so, I neglected my own need for healing and rest. I went home in a fog and my husband (bless his soul) did his best to reassure me all would be okay. I cried constantly and was filled with crippling anxiety. This was nothing I ever experienced so it was hard to explain my emotions when they were foreign to me. I was so sleep deprived that I was a shell of a new mom feeling intense guilt about not bonding with my child. Breast feeding was not working and that made the cruel inner voice more apparent. Finally, my husband reached out to my parents and sister for an intervention. It was my life raft that I was so desperate to grab. They were all on rotation helping me get the rest, cooking, cleaning and all the things that felt too much. When my husband had to go back to work, I cried all day and so my parents had me to go their home the moment he left for work and when he got home, I would drive back. I did this until my baby was about 5 months old. Thank God for my family otherwise I would have drowned. I didn’t get PPD with my second child, but I was prepared if I did. My family and friends were helping and we hired a night nurse so I could get the rest. My goal was to be kind to myself so that I can be healthy and emotionally available. Thank you and I hope this email makes you feel less alone. xoxo

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  118. Sharon wrote:

    Thank you for sharing honestly your experience. I do agree that PPD isn’t talked about openly and there is still shame associated with it. I didn’t have PPD but I did have the blues where I cried for no reason and felt helpless when I had a hard time consoling my newborn baby. Thankfully I had help and that definitely helped me as a new mom. Being a new mom is REALLY hard. The baby doesn’t come with instructions and each baby is SO different. I hope others who read your post will be able to find the help they need.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  119. Christine wrote:

    Thank you for being so honest throughout your entire journey to motherhood! As a woman getting just barely ready to even start trying in a few months it helps so much to have a realistic view of what pregnancy and motherhood can be behind the photos. Bravo and keep the ‘you’ behind the awesome style coming!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  120. Jen wrote:

    Jean, thank you for posting this. It’s brave and necessary to eliminate shame around PPD, and because sharing is healing, and I hope for healing especially for you. I’m two weeks away from delivering my first baby (a daughter, too!) and I’ve been trying to be mindful that PPD can affect any one of us. My husband and I have had conversations about the possibility that it could afflict me, to notice signs if it does, and I’m hoping that my mom traveling to us for a few weeks will help (my family isn’t near either). Know that so many women, mothers or not, support you. Thank you again for this post.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  121. Leslie wrote:

    Thank you for being honest. We have been trying for 2 years now with little success. Last month, I had a positive test only to be a chemical pregnancy. Reading your posts have helped me a bit as I have had no reasons as to why we are not successful. We are ready to go IVF this summer. Reading your blog has given me some insight. With no history and no results, it is nice to have someone to talk to.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  122. Mary wrote:

    Thanks for your honesty and for being raw about your experience. Its so appreciated from a fellow mama. We need more bloggers like you who are truthful and vulnerable! Ps- this is my first time commenting on a blog post ever but have been following you for a couple years now. Pls always remember you are joy and light to many women including myself through social media!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  123. Kim McCue wrote:

    I feel you. I had a hard time conceiving and I also had a hard time dealing with early Motherhood, I didn’t feel like a natural.

    I wish Moms would do a better job at building up other moms rather than tearing them down.

    Thanks for sharing your story

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  124. Liz wrote:

    As someone who’s dealt with depression and wants kids in the future, PPD is something that I’m concerned about. Seeing women who have made it through helps me know that even if I do face it, I’ll be able to make it to the other side too. Thank you for sharing your story. Nori is so lucky to have you.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  125. Ellie Moutoudis wrote:

    I know exactly how you feel. My daughter had reflux as well and she barely slept. We finally got her on medicine at about 6 weeks, but at the point I was so sleep deprived and so agitated that I had started to disconnect from her. I felt like everywhere I went, even away from home I could hear her crying!! It was terrible. My husband was starting his own business at the time, so he took about a week off, and my mom was not able to help much because she was still working, so my support system was small . I had a great sister in law luckily who helped me, and would say to me that there was always light at the end of the tunnel, which of course I thought there would never be! Lol
    But I finally was able to see that I needed help.
    I did do therapy for a bit, but I felt as though therapy was time consuming and the therapist was always trying to dig up info from my past that I just felt like didn’t have anything to do with what I was experiencing.
    I did finally take medicine, which helped tremendously, but it took me a long time to be able to bond with my daughter.
    I just couldn’t breastfeed either because she was just always uncomfortable, so it was a struggle for me in that department as well.
    My daughter is 15 now,
    And I do still Feel guilty sometimes for how I was with her, but honestly Infants are tough, and acid reflux babies are tough, so don’t feel bad.
    Only you know what that’s like, luckily it’s just a small phase and they will grow out of it, but it’s a really scary feeling what you are going through.
    Hang in there, and always be honest with yourself and your husband.
    There is a light at the end of the tunnel!!!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  126. Mishelle wrote:

    What a brave post, thank you. I suffered postpartum depression for a very short time. I didn’t think it was very serious because it lasted for such a short time, but in hindsight it was the start of my long battle with depression and anxiety. I’d be fine for years and then depression would hit during stressful times in my life. The “episodes” got longer and longer and it became harder and harder to pull myself out of it. When it became impossible to hide (I was good at hiding it from everyone), I asked for help from my husband, sister and family. I recognized I was in a very dark place and was afraid of where my mind was going. I leaned most heavily on my husband. I felt so guilty and ashamed because I thought I was a terribly weak mom, and I was fearful about the stigma of mental illness. I finally went to a psychiatrist, went on medication and took a break from work. I’m now off of medication and in a good place. I can smile, think, make decisions, and look forward to the future. I learned I am most prone to depression when I am short on sleep. Exercise, meditation, yoga, getting outdoors in nature, good nutrition and most importantly sleep are helping me. Nori is a stunning baby, thank you for sharing her with us. I don’t know how you put yourself out there online. Be grateful for Nick (what a good guy!) and know that all the challenges you go through together make the good times that much sweeter! I wish you strength and good health!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  127. Angela C wrote:

    I’ve had 3 kids and experienced PPD when months later I didn’t know I had it. The signs were so obviously.! That baby book what you need to know about the 9 months of being pregnant… well I read that and when I got to the post partum page, I’m like “you gotta be stupid to not realize if you have these issues.” Well after my first born came, I would hold him and just cry. I told myself why is he here? I’m not worthy of being his mom. To top the cherry with PPD, my hubby was also in the military at this time so he was two weeks out to sea and back. I felt so alone, and I would cry when he wake up. I just thought if my baby could hush for an hour I would be okay.? I nursed him and my nipples cracked and bleed which made everything worse. When I wasn’t nursing him, I would feel bad because I had the most negative thoughts I could think of being his mom. I cried everyday, I kid you not. I would look at my son and tears will just flow. Then when my hubby was home, I’d stare at him and my baby and thought how lucky I was yet I was so sad. I cried being a mother and as a wife. Idk, PPD definitely took a toll on me but after a good 2 months I finally came to my senses. I slowly grew out of it but I still remember it so vividly! I’m so happy you shared with us because you definitely aren’t alone. <3 Hugs Jeanie!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  128. Anonymous wrote:

    Hi Jean. Thank you for sharing. I really think it will help others. I was in a similar situation as you – I’m a fellow Bostonian, IVF pregnancy and had what I realize now was probably undiagnosed PPD after my son was born. I’m also a physician, so you would think I would have been able to “see” it, but I couldn’t. My symptoms were more “lack of interest and hope.” I simply didn’t have anything to look forward to, even though I knew I was supposed to be happy because we tried so hard to have the baby. Having the baby in the dead of Boston winter didn’t help because it was so hard to get outside in the snow and slush.

    I think your suggestions were spot on. As new mothers, we need to ask for help, realize that PPD can present in many ways, and stop comparing ourselves to perfect Instagram mothers. If you can afford housecleaning and a night nanny, I strongly suggest it.

    I came out of the fog at about 4 months when I went back to work. Ironically, working made me feel like I had something to look forward to again. But now I try to tell anyone that asks how I was feeling. I think it helps others to feel that they aren’t alone if they feel this way.

    Best wishes.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  129. Nathalie wrote:

    Great post thank you for sharing your journey

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  130. Sara wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I also did ivf, and my baby was in the NICU for 5 weeks, and I felt so guilty for not bonding with him right away. I felt
    So much pressure to be HAPPY he was home, but I was drowning in my own anxiety. He also had reflux and cried so much that I heard “phantom crying” even when the house was silent. I was in an exhausted fog. Honestly, getting on anxiety medication and carving out exercise time for myself was all that helped. That, and time. My son is 2 now and that newborn fog seems like it was ages ago, but I’ll never forget it. We moms need to look out for each other.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  131. Kitty wrote:

    Thank you for sharing! And I’m so sorry to hear about the terrible comments. I think you, your blog and your little family are just lovely. 💕 💕 💕 Reading your posts is very much a bright spot in my day.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  132. Martha wrote:

    I have been a supporter of you and love your blog. You do such an amazing job for a needed niche. But, I can honestly say I love you more than ever for this post. I have four sons. They are getting older now, but the pain of PPD and PPA is so real to me as I contemplated things I never thought I would then. I would suggest looking into a postpartum Doula. They are expensive, but worth having some good support if you don’t have people around you.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  133. Carla Krae wrote:

    Family can drive us nuts at times, but this is why having a support system is so important. In the past when kids didn’t move far from parents, often with generations staying in the same neighborhood or town, new moms didn’t face so much pressure. Now in the modern world of spreading out + social media…. But at least info is readily available and doctors understand this is a real medical issue. Anyway, one of the best things a person can adopt in modern society is to stop caring what other people think and load up on f—it all. Pity the trolls. They’re deeply miserable people.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  134. Eunice wrote:

    Thank you for sharing! It’s not always easy to talk about something that “should” feel so natural to us and when it doesn’t… well can just make you feel helpless. I too had postpartum! I remember before I had my son all I wanted was to have him and hold him. I was put on bed rest at 5 months pregnant bc I was diagnosed with a incompetent cervix and could have a preterm birth. I cried and prayed he would be ok and come full term. Thankfully he did and I was over the moon when I made it to my 39th week. I thought this is it what I’ve wanted for so long! Then I held him and expected to feel this instant connection and pure happiness but I didnt.. I thought it will happen give it a few days but it didn’t! It didn’t happen for a long time. I remember not even wanting to hold him! I would even be mad at my mother for holding him too much and would start crying hysterically at nothing.. I had no connection to my son and felt so guilty and none of my friends could relate. Finally after I got my first period I started to feel different. I wanted to hold him more and felt less helpless but the guilt still lingured and I still feel it today! My son is 17 months and I’m expecting number 2! I don’t know if its PTSD but I’m having these negative feelings start creep back into my mind about this lil guy growing inside of me. I knew I had to do something about my feelings and started to talk to someone about my fears of feeling the way I did with my son. I am open to taking an antidepressant after I have number 2. Our bodies go through so many ups and downs when having babies. There is not a day that goes by I don’t think about the first 3 months of my sons life and how I wish I felt differently but life is not perfect BUT that’s what makes us human the imperfections..

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  135. Ale wrote:

    Hi, I can relate cause I got depressed under different circumstances last year. I was so afraid to admit it and so embarrassed to even tell my mother. I looked for help (therapy), and it helped me to get out of it. I am feeling like myself again. I hope your are now on the other side. I am also a Mom and during my depression episode it was hard to take care of my kids, the desire to isolate myself…. it seemed like required a monumental effort of my part to engage into playing and other kids activities, crying was constantly and the guilt of feeling like a bad mom… but I got better. I hope u r out of it too.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Christina wrote:

      You are amazing. I want to leave a comment to try to off set all the negative comments. I work with mom’s with PP depression and it is heartbreaking. I really appreciated your perspective and introspection with this post. Keep plugging along, you’ll make it to the other side. There will be some hard days but there will be more and more bright days. Nori will learn strength, love and beauty from all your experiences. You’re the best mama for her; you’re irreplaceable. From one extrapetite mama to another.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  136. Linda wrote:

    Thank you so much Jean for this, not only did you create awareness about how our bodies are postpartum but you’ve literally taken the words out of my mouth (well mind because we don’t talk about it!)

    I’m 4 months postpartum and had suffered PND whilst pregnant and now going through PPD. As a first time mum its been real tough and I’ve been struggling so hard from the labour trauma to not bonding with my baby girl. Trauma has been so bad that my anxiety is through the roof when anyone goes near down there. I have been heavily reliant on my husband for support but sometimes we need it from other mums.

    I’ve also learnt that the power of social media and being online reading other people’s stories or people you least expect will reach out to pull you out of your darkness. We’ve all been there, nursing baby middle of the night on our phones about to throw in the towel and send out ‘help signals’ but one message, one heart emoji from another mum/woman/friend is all what it takes to keep us going.

    I’ve bookmarked your blog, this post especially to read again and again, we’re doing an amazing job as new mums. Jean no doubt you are an amazing mother, it’s hard to filter all the negative comments/messages but at the end of the day it’s about you, Nori and Nick, one beautiful little family that you’ve created and you should be oh so proud, Nori is beautiful x

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  137. Stephanie wrote:

    I’m fairly new to your blog. You have been through so much and are so brave to share all of your experiences. I too went through IVF and then dealt with PPA. Time helps, but also bring open and honest can help to relieve the pressure and anxiety you feel. You are strong – thank you for speaking out and sharing your story about such important topics.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  138. Leslie wrote:

    I want you to know that I looked forward to your posts about you and your experiences with giving birth and now caring for your baby. I have a 3.5 month old baby girl who was born at 32 weeks. She was in the NICU for 3 weeks. It was a difficult time and I naturally blamed myself for not being able to carry her full term. Thank you for your stories. Thank you for sharing. Seeing you go through it helped me deal with the daily ups and downs from the body changes to all the feels. From one mama to another, you are doing amazing. You are one bad ass mama and don’t you forget it! – all the love!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  139. Emily wrote:

    Thank you Jean. It’s really not easy (first time mom myself to an 11month old). I think you’re incredible for being able to balance first time mom responsibilities while trying to keep your readers happy. Thank you for always being honest. I’m sorry for all the negative comments you’ve received. I know how much little things can hurt. From what people thoughtlessly say.. to seeing your baby in the hospital for the first time when they’re so little.. it’s heartbreaking. My baby also had jaundice and had to spend time at the NICU during his first week. I also didn’t feel any strong immediate bond. But through all my tears, I realized how much love I have for this little person. I would take all his pain and more. Nori is yours and you are hers forever. She is beautiful and you are beautiful. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Jen wrote:

      As a first time mom to a 3 week old, thank you so much for writing this and your courage and honesty in everything else. Everyone tells you how hard it will be (and to date this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, labor included!), but you don’t understand that sentiment until you’re in it. I was the same way about the formula even though I knew “fed is best”. Thank you for uplifting your fellow moms and women. I wish everyone would extend you the same courtesy. Love to you and your family ❤️

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  140. Dahlia wrote:

    Thank you for sharing and kudos for having the courage to talk about it. It’s so very important to be able to talk about what you’re going through in the early stages. I had the baby blues the first 2-3 weeks and would not wish those awful feelings on ANYONE. I was crying nonstop because my daughter also had jaundice, my milk hadn’t come in yet, and we had to supplement with formula, and I was constantly fighting with my husband because he didn’t understand what was going on with me.

    I was doing too much: pumping, breastfeeding, formula feeding. I was never sure how long she should nurse or how much formula to give in the beginning. In the end, I had to decide what I wanted to do, and I chose to exclusively pump (and still do, 7 months on) for my baby because nursing was too painful and stressful.

    It wasn’t until my mother finally visited and did an intervention, that I had recognized that something was wrong and sought a mental health worker to talk about what was going on. It felt SO good to talk to someone who simply listened and empathized and felt like I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We only did 3 sessions total, once a week, and by the last session everything was going much more smoothly as I got the hang of things.

    It’s so very important to have a support system, as I don’t have any family that live in my city either. But I was able to push through, and I only needed to hear this: Because you care so much of making other people happy, including your baby, it means you’re a good mom. I was trying my best, despite being new, and I’ve read countless articles and instagram posts saying the same thing: you’re doing great, mom. Don’t let the posts of other moms be your goals. Inspired? Maybe. But take care of you too. Carve out time for yourself (not as mommy or wife). You’re brave for sharing so much of your life online, and even more courageous to fight through the negativity that comes with it. Hang in there momma, you’re doing a fantastic job!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  141. nat wrote:

    So sorry to hear that there are so many unkind comments there to attack you and your baby and to know that you’ve to endure all that. really sad for me to hear. :'( I have followed your blog for a long time and I’ve really appreciated all your honest and brave sharing. Best of luck in your journey in motherhood. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  142. Mallory Winter wrote:

    Thank you Jean for sharing your story. We are ALL doing GREAT every day, just as long as our babies are loved <3 I had a baby boy 3 weeks after Nori was born, and even found myself comparing my experience to yours and other new moms on instagram (Are their babies growing faster than mine, does it look like they are doing a better job at nursing than I am, are their babies sleeping through the night, do their babies seem to be developing more quickly cognitively).. The comparison game is such a dangerous one. This post is one of my favorite yet <3

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  143. Sara wrote:

    Love this! It’s beyond true. Thank you! I love reading your journey, I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and reading your posts that are so real and helpful. Best to you and your beautiful family. Appreciate you!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  144. Candice wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing this. I am a first time mom with a 9 day old baby. I can relate to so many of your challenges. Just today I cried my eyes out because we are supplementing with formula. I am fortunate in so many ways with a great support system, including paid time off for my husband, which is rare. I feel guilty for feeling depressed, anxious, or when I just need a break from the near constant demands of a newborn because I’m so fortunate. I’m so sorry you experienced mom shaming and down right harassment. People can be so horrible, especially when hiding behind social media accounts. Nori is absolute GORGEOUS, and I’m glad you’ve come out the other side of PPD. It’s so good to just hear from other moms about their experience.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • HH wrote:

      Hi! Fellow new mom here and we had to start supplementing with formula around 4 or 5 weeks and continue to do mixed feeding. I cried, too, and it’s a terrible feeling when you can’t feed your baby the way you hoped you would, but it gets better. Sending good mom juju to you.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  145. Sarah wrote:

    Hi Jean! I’m a fellow Bostonian who loves your blog (even though I’m not particularly petite), and I loved this post too. Thanks for sharing your blog, your story, and the beautiful pics of your daughter and family. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Benita wrote:

      Thanks for sharing Jean! (: I was in a similar boat to a lot of things you mentioned (baby had jaundice, had to supplement – HUGE struggle to be breastfeeding only now, experienced lots of highs and lows) and I am glad you are sharing this to bring to light this important issue! By not concealing it, you are giving a more rounded picture of motherhood in social media, which is often lacking, like you mentioned! Way to go Jean!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  146. Irene wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this! I too had PPD and only got help when another mom who’d beren through the same talked to me about it (she recognized the signs in me.) So I know firsthand that speaking out about can definitely help others.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  147. ls wrote:

    THANK YOU so much for sharing your story. Being a strong mother doesn’t mean being perfect. You can’t grow strong without being faced with difficult challenges, and every mother faces a completely unique set of challenges. Keep growing and keep sharing! 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Katherine wrote:

      Thanks for sharing this honest post! I’m sure it will help everyone understand the struggles of a new mum and that its not all rainbows and butterflies

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  148. Mary wrote:

    Thank you, Jean!

    I started following you because of fashion but greatly appreciate your personal stories because I have been struggling to balance an invisible chronic illness, fertility, marriage, and career (and people have made verbal attacks about my ability to be a mother, marriage and career).

    Thank you so much for sharing your struggles and experiences with fertility, being a mother, and postpartum depression. Thank you also for speaking up about mental health.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Jamie wrote:

      I had a baby a few months before you had Nori! I had a hard pregnancy (threw up daily for 9 months). I have absolutely loved watching your journey from the beginning of IVF to all of your post baby posts! You always show the real side of things, not just the pretty instaphoto and that helped me so much when I was trying to keep it all together! Although I didn’t experience the fog of PPD, I can relate to all of the struggles you talked about as a new mom, I had a colicky baby for 3months. It is intense and all at once, nothing prepares you. My baby is turning a year next month and I still can’t believe I survived it, no joke! Don’t listen to those trolls and mom shamers. You are doing a great job and your baby is beautiful!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Erin A. wrote:

      So sorry to hear all you’ve been through but always incredibly proud of you that you share your life with us – but both the good and the bad too. It’s so refreshing to know both sides, honestly. I know it’s so easy to focus on the negative things people say but you have a lovely little family.

      Did you do the traditional Chinese sit-month? Or were you encouraged to do so by your parents or your in-laws? Curious about that because a lot of your coping strategies for PPD goes against the traditional Chinese sit month “rules,” like not leaving the home for a whole month… You’re also not allowed to do a lot of things, like not washing your hair, no strenuous activities, etc.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  149. Kristin wrote:

    Thank you for sharing your story. I went through PPD myself and at the time felt like I was the only one among my friends who recently gave birth to suffer from it, only to find out that many of them were going through the same thing, but were afraid to admit it. I actually suspect that more women than not go through it and I hope the more people who are open about it, like yourself, the less shameful it will be for others. Bravo for putting yourself out there!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • El wrote:

      You are so so brave to post this and I am so incredibly grateful you did. I had both ppd and ppa after having my son. I tried therapy for a few months, then had to add medication as well. I was in a similar fog you described and having never suffered from any mental health issues prior, I think I also was in a bit of denial at first too. I used to say to my husband, “I miss me”. Then I’d feel guilty for thinking of myself. My son is 9 months old now..happy and healthy as well as his mama. Things that have helped me in addition to therapy/medication…Joining mom groups, forcing myself to leave the house once a day, exercising during his naps or early in the morning, savouring the small things knowing he won’t be little forever, and being honest and patient with myself. At the end of everyday, I make sure to remind myself that I’ve done my best and that my best is enough.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Jillian wrote:

      Thank you for being so open and honest about your experience. I recently had a baby and can relate so much to what you talked about, it is refreshing to know that we’re not alone. I found getting out of the house and talking to fellow moms was so helpful. Morherhood is no joke, thank you for sharing, momma!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Ashleigh Rudkin wrote:

      Thank you for sharing! I felt all of these things too. I didn’t get out as much as I should’ve, I pretended I was okay with other people, I tried to look brave at my 6 week post partum appointment. I had crazy anxiety spells which didn’t make any sense looking back. It was all there. Mine also went away at 3 months post partum too. Crazy how it happened that way. But I still struggle with comparison to other moms. It was so hard with the depression, and then I had a stroke at 2 months pp, and wasn’t allowed to Breast feed anymore. It is hard daily but we are walking through it. My daughter is now 9 months old and we are both doing well! I hope you and Nori are doing well now too.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • J wrote:

      I’m going to be honest I rolled my eyes in the beginning thinking ok this is another article about ppd but it was an absolute honest experience. I greatly appreciate the read. With my first I felt exactly the same about the connection, and the feeling adequate , and the mom shaming or even opinions that I saw more ate criticism. The sleep deprivation is just incredible and I think anything can drive you insane at that point. My second is an angel and it’s hurtful to say but it makes loving her so much easier. My first grew out of it so it too shall pass is 💯 correct. But I always loved and love him with all my heart. I was once told that babies are really good babies when their parents love them unconditionally-because I opened up about my son having a lot of energy and being a handful. People suck because it’s completely NORMAL! We are raising human beings who need to be taught how to be civilized independent and loving individuals. THAT IS THE HARDEST THING TO DO IN ALL OF LIFE.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  150. Mel wrote:

    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I’ve followed your blog for a while and this is the first time I’m commenting because I feel truly connected to your words here, even though I’m not a mom. Sometimes we forget that people online are also people in real life and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with harassment like that. You have a strong community here, and we support you (even if it’s from far away). Thank you for speaking up about mental health. As someone who works in mental health, I know how shameful and isolating these experiences can feel. The more we talk about it, the more we expose the darkness to light and allow healing.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  151. AAC wrote:

    Your baby is beautiful. You’re beautiful. Postpartum depression is so common these days that it borders on the cliché, so no reason to feel abnormal, singled-out, or anything else negative. My suspicion is that those who were your worst critics may also have had PPD & perhaps feel so guilty for not being able to care adequately for their own babies that they have to lash out at others. Or, even likelier, they could just be unhappy jerks with nothing better to do than trash others! Do yourself a favor & try to find a Functional Medicine physician who knows how to get to the “root cause” of your PPD (unlike conventionally trained physicians) & can help you adjust your diet and prescribe supplements that will get your hormones & biochemistry back on track (https://www.ifm.org/find-a-practitioner/ )… Just remember: people are often jealous of the success & beauty of others when they’re not successful or feel unattractive themselves. Keep thickening your skin & don’t look back. You & your husband have a beautiful little girl to get on in life with. All the best to you & thanks v much for ur great blog & for having the courage to share ur life with strangers!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  152. Bonnie wrote:

    Hello. I know you don’t respond much on your blog vs instagram, but I hope you know that you’re not alone. I wasn’t able to bond with my child either. I had a lot of postpartum complications (that took 2 months to heal), and I also had to exclusively pump around the clock, which meant I was alternating between feeding baby and pumping. When my husband went back to work after his 2 week unpaid “parental leave”, I cried. And continued to cry for the next 5 months. Just feeling physically, mentally and emotionally vulnerable. There were days when I would have one hour of sleep in 24 hours. I could keep it together while by myself, but when he came home I would just cry and cry without reason. The teary fog didn’t begin to clear until around 6 months, and it was probably closer to 9 months when I bonded with her. Looking back, I think it was PPD but I don’t know if it’s considered mild or severe. Maybe it’s normal? I don’t know.

    I will say, my mom and mother in law really came through during those times. Their schedule would alternate so they could watch baby while I napped for a precious 2 hours at a time.
    Social media in the form of mom groups were also a great outlet – knowing I’m not alone, and also answering questions for first time moms who had no idea what to do.

    I want to add that I don’t follow any blogging sites except yours. I’d say ignore the haters, but it’s difficult when you’re feeling vulnerable. Know that there are people out there that follow you for your style/culture/sales and love seeing pics of Nori.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  153. Jean, thank you so much for sharing such an honest experience with us. I think PPD isn’t talked about nearly enough. While I’m not a mom yet, this post is something I plan to save for that time in the future just in case. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes to you and your sweet baby Nori. <3

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  154. Leigh wrote:

    Thank you for sharing honestly. I just had my third in January (also my third winter baby) and it’s very tough to feel upbeat with the weather so cold and dreary, among other things. I’m glad you are finally coming out of the fog and beginning to recover.

    I too felt totally unprepared for the constant care and lack of sleep of having my first. It really does “hurt” when reality hits and it’s not what you see on social media.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  155. LJ wrote:

    Thank you for this post. I needed this today. This is basically everything I’ve wanted to say to my friends and family but don’t know how. I have been battling PPD since my daughter was born (she just turned 2) and just recently began treatment (talk therapy). My PPD peaked at 6 months and then I thought it would go away on its own, but it didn’t. While time (and sleep) do help, I sought treatment late because I finally decided I owe it to myself and my family to feel good again.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  156. Jill wrote:

    Thank you for your honesty. There is unfortunately a stigma and most people don’t share. I also had PPD but a little more extreme, I had to take antidepressants. Luckily years later I have perspective now. I now know that I didn’t feel an instant connection with my first son because of the anxiety of knowing I was taking a human being home and I had to make sure he survived. Both of my boys had reflux that was projectile. Both refused the Zantac. I am petite like you and pumped because of the breast feeding guilt. My son spit up so much though that I couldn’t supply enough milk. That was soul crushing for me! I felt like I was a horrible person and a failure. Now I have two sons that are a joy. I’m grateful anytime someone is brave and tells there own truth. We are all different and it’s okay for our children to not be exactly like the parenting books say they should be. Thanks again, your writing is beautiful.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  157. AnneHH wrote:

    Just writing to say bravo for your post and also sending you virtual support and affection during this time. How sad that the world has evolved in ways to allow and even encourage the unpleasantness and rudeness that has been directed at you. I am so sorry that during your low points, that kind of negativity made things worse. Best wishes to you and your beautiful family now and always.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  158. Barb wrote:

    Thank you for being brave on your platform! You are helping tons of women!!!!! I also suffered from PPD (my boys are 19 and 20 – flies by, trust me!) and wish I would have read something like this then. Women need this info BEFORE giving birth.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  159. Petiteish wrote:

    I have nothing but admiration and support. You’re doing an amazing job and Nori is very lucky to have you and Nick as parents! I don’t think being a mom gets easier (every week brings new challenges), but I do think we get better at rolling with it <3

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  160. debbie harrison wrote:

    My heart goes out to you. I suffered with post natal depression after my 2nd daughter, who was born 7 weeks prem. The shock of delivering early and having a poorly baby in neonatal was pretty hard. I did manage to breast feed, initially expressing and her been fed naso gastrically. I breast fed my first daughter so luckily new the pit falls.
    My daughter is now 30 but sadly I do not remember much of her 1st year because of the horrible fog.
    The breast feeding ups and downs I relate to as well and coming from a generation where breast feeding was not really encouraged much and also very few places to breast feed your baby. I remember been asked to leave a cafe as my baby was been fed underneath my sweater and people would “ know” what I was doing. Thankfully that is not the case now.
    All I can say is that you are a wonderful mum despite the feelings and yes, things do get better. Be open and honest as there is much less stigma these days compared to my generation.
    I have helped my daughter through this, 4 times a mum too.
    Take care of you, accept help, rest and eat well. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  161. Thank you so much for opening up about PPD and for sharing all of your experiences with us, Jean <3 My heart goes out to you and your family! Don't ever think that you're not doing enough! Sending lots of love to you!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  162. Lisa wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you for your post! Your original announcement about being pregnant through IVF came just as I found out our latest embryo transfer had taken and I was pregnant for the first time. I’ve followed your journey, grateful for your advice as you were a couple months ahead of me. Our son arrived in late October, and I too have suffered from a form of postpartum anxiety…thank you for your courage and honesty. And you are a great mom! Hugs to all three of you.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  163. Emily wrote:

    I had my son the same week you had Nori and it’s like you’re speaking directly to my heart. I had PPD, but it’s so insidious that I didn’t know what to call it when I was feeling terrible. And I’m a mental heath professional. I felt like I should know (and do) better. The guilt for feeling guilt or fear of admiting that I was struggling as an indicator that I didn’t love my son were immense. It didn’t help that I was stubborn and tried to downplay my suffering.

    Thank you for writing this, particularly the encouragement to see a doctor sooner than 6 weeks if needed. I was allergic to my stitches and didn’t know my pain wasn’t normal (because post-partum is “supposed” to hurt) and I think my mood could have been improved if I had greater mobility or aftercare.

    I appreciate your sharing about the difficult and wonderful transition to motherhood.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  164. Grace wrote:

    Thank you for your honest post! I’m not a mom yet (or even married at 30) so following along your journey has been very informational and inspirational. I’m so grateful you are able to be open about these supposedly taboo topics to show others that they are not alone. I just can’t believe that so many people have nothing better to do than to send nasty messages – what?!! Why?! I guess haters gonna hate – you and Nick are doing an amazing job, and I wish you good vibes only.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  165. Lori wrote:

    What a beautiful, well-written post. You addressed so many things that new moms go through and the feelings that motherhood should be perfect. No one really tells you that being a first-time mama is incredibly difficult. The most difficult job you’ll ever encounter. Yes they joke about sleeplessness but just about everything is hard and the unsolicited advice on just about everything. And I’m so sorry to hear about all of the negative comments. I think you are amazing for sharing your story!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  166. Kim wrote:

    I’m a mother of two and can totally relate to many of the things that you are saying. Experience is definitely the best teacher. I wanted to be super mom and seen as someone who can handle it. I had trouble with breastfeeding and did everything–lactation consultant, goat’s rue (plus other herbs), pumping and feeding every two hours, medicine for milk supply, and my child was tongue-tied. I wasn’t able to nurse. I felt like a failure as a mother.

    With my second child, I wasn’t as hard on myself and accepted all the help I could get. I rolled with the punches, but learned so much from the first since I saw my marriage headed toward divorce after the second child was born.

    Mothers, do what works for you. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s. We all struggle even when the kids get older!

    Thank you for sharing.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Olga wrote:

      Hi Jean,
      You are so brave and sincere. And such a wonderful mother. Never let other people bring you down with their misery and jealousy.

      Olga

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  167. H wrote:

    Reflux babies are a different ballgame! I too found myself sobbing and feeling helpless while my babies screamed and cried for hours at a time. It totally wears on you because they seem in pain and you can’t do anything, much less get any rest. Unfortunately our doctors weren’t much help in diagnosing it, finally with my third I was able to figure out it was cows milk/soy related and took it out of my diet.

    You’re a beautiful and wonderful mom. You gave your best. You’re also human and we are not impervious to tiredness, helplessness at times, and physical weakness. Three reflux/ food allergy babies later, I just want to thank you for your post.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  168. Brandi wrote:

    Hi Jean, its been a while since I’ve left a comment but I still follow along regularly. Thank you for being so open and honest. You sharing your experience will only further the conversation about PPD and make others feel less alone. I admire your strength and your style! Keep it up girl, you got this! ❤

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  169. Ainomiaka wrote:

    Thank you so much for writing this. I have previously tried to keep my comments about clothes, but I empathize with this so much. The struggling with bonding after working so hard to have a baby. I didn’t do IVF like you did but did have to do fertility treatments and it definitely adds a weird edge of feeling like you shouldn’t ever find anything unpleasant. And that’s not realistic even when you have a hypothetical baby with absolutely no struggles. Your blog has been wonderfully honest and helpful and uplifting. Keep doing what you are doing and I am so sorry that you were hearing the awful comments.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  170. Erin wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing this, Jean. I’m not a mother yet (hoping to start IVF in the coming year), but I have been dealing with depression recently surrounding some big life changes, and I can completely relate to the “never (fill in the blank) enough” internal narrative that you describe. I really appreciate your talking about this; it really does make me feel a little better knowing that I’m not alone in how I’m feeling.

    For what it’s worth – you went through so much to bring Nori into this world, and it sounds like you are doing the very best you can to give her everything she needs. I think you have a lot to be proud of!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  171. Cassandra wrote:

    It takes a lot of courage to share these dark experiences. Thank you for opening up about what you experienced. You are certainly not alone, and many of us have inner battles of different kinds. It’s important that these experiences can be shared and normalized. I’m so disappointed that other people would go to such great lengths to hurt you. I wish I could apologize on their behalf. I have followed your blog for a long time and I have so enjoyed getting to “know” you through it. I wish you all the best in your journey toward wholeness again.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  172. PHG wrote:

    I’ve been a long time follower and I have 2 young kids of my own. I came here to comment on the mom shaming on social media… I can’t believe you had to deal with all of that on top of being a new mommy!!! Hearing what people have said to you really breaks my heart. Motherhood is tough enough already, and especially the first years 🙁 You are already stronger than you know. Thank you for sharing and hoping your journey into motherhood continues to grow and that you heal well from your ppd.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  173. MLe wrote:

    This was an amazing post. I went through PPD and needed help, but was too ashamed to ask for it. Luckily, my husband recognized the signs and encouraged me to talk to someone. Its a shame that mental health has a negative stigma around it in our society, but seeing this post might help those who are suffering now.

    Whatever people say/do, just know this. You are doing an AWESOME job. Nori is happy and healthy. Try to ignore those comments and as long as you feel as though you’re doing your best for her, then that’s perfect. My heart goes out to you, as it brought me back to my PPD days (my little one is almost 4), but those wounds and feelings still feel fresh. I’ve become a stronger woman and mom for going thru it and sharing my stories with others.

    You’re doing great Jean! Keep up the good work. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  174. Susan wrote:

    Jean, thank you for this honest and intimate post. I and sending you hugs via the internet for your struggles–depression is so illogical, and it creeps up at times when we think we should be happy but are just feeling hopeless and helpless. I am sure you have heard of the 3 or 4 B’s bedtime routine (bath, book and bottle, bed) but be sure you think of it for Dads! Mom feeds the baby at 9 pm and goes to sleep. Dad does a bath, a baby book, a bottle, and bed at 11 pm or whenever. Mom sleeps until 1 am, maybe later! and gets a 4 hour sleep. This helped me enormously. Sleep helps so much. Nori is probably sleeping better now, but this strategy still applies–you go to bed early, dad does a feeding, and you get a longer stretch of sleep. xoxoxo

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Natalie wrote:

      I admire your courage to share your experience. Thank you for standing on the front lines and bringing this topic the attention it deserves. Ignore all those haters, you and Nori are beautiful!! I loved reading your posts throughout your pregnancy (and post partum). I have a four month old and it was so cool to follow your pregnancy while I was pregnant. We had to do doctor visits the first two weeks due to jaundice, and yeah that just sucks, so I’m sorry you had to deal with that too. Stay strong, and know you have tons of people cheering you on, you’re doing a fantastic job as a mom!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  175. MaryAnn wrote:

    I thought it was so awesome of you to share this, especially because I can see many women reading your blog and thinking motherhood was a breeze because of your beautiful photos and OMG amazing post baby extra petite figure! My babies are 16 and 14 but remember like it was yesterday how overwhelming motherhood is, especially at the beginning. I so enjoy your blog and love all the petite fashion tips and photos – best of luck to you and your beautiful family.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  176. LS wrote:

    Dear Jean, thank you for sharing your postpartum experience because I’m certain that it will help a new mom going through something similar and hopefully prepare someone about to become a parent to recognize the signs. Your story brings back memories of my own experience with postpartum depression and anxiety for all three of my little ones (8,5,3). I did learn from each experience but the first one was the hardest because I didn’t understand what was happening to me. By the third time, I was truly ready and had built a strong plan for how to cope. Thank goodness for my supportive husband, family and friends but I do think our country needs to make it a priority to take better care of new mothers, regardless of income level. We have the highest maternal mortality rate in the world for a developed nation, which is disturbing. On top of all that you are going through, reading nasty comments and direct messages is a horrible form of bullying and harassment and I’m sorry that you have to experience that. Take care.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  177. Anonymous wrote:

    Beautifully said!! Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your experience, Jean. It is women who are strong like you who can help us change how we all perceive PPD. This is such an important topic that we need to normalize for moms. Best wishes to you and your family.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Sarah wrote:

      I agree. Thank you for being so honest about a hard topic. Hearing about your experience is reassuring to me. I can relate on many levels. A newborn can be so discouraging and physically exhausting. I also had a hard time soothing my baby in the first few months, and it made me feel like a failure as a mom and so overwhelmed dealing with her by myself. Hour after hour with a fussy baby, it’s really hard to stay positive and endure. I also had medical issues and problems with breastfeeding, which was very disheartening. I can only imagine how hard it would be to have your baby go to the hospital! So much anxiety just with that. I’m glad your husband was able to take some unpaid time off. I wish every husband could do the same, because sometimes it is absolutely necessary and would help everyone bounce back faster. I thank you for your presence online and am so sorry you are exposed to nasty comments. I had no idea it was that bad.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  178. Donna wrote:

    I’ve been following your posts for years, and I’ve really found them helpful for petites. This post was so much more and I’m so proud of you for being willing to share so honestly. My daughter just had her first baby and I have been helping her through this initial period because I remember how hard it is. I really feel it’s barbaric how we tend to leave new moms (and dads) to handle the newborn period all alone. It’s overwhelming to manage learning how to care for a newborn, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, etc, all while recovering from a major health event yourself, especially if you had a c-section. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but the rewards are also the greatest. Best wishes to you and your beautiful family.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  179. Erin wrote:

    Thank you for being so candid! YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB.
    As a mom of 2 (they are now 4.5 and 3) it’s such a roller coaster of emotions and even when it feels like we are just keeping our heads above water, we are doing a good job. I dealt with PPD after my second and didn’t realize it until she was 2 years old. I just kept equating my feelings to other things (sleeplessness, a less than ideal job, etc.) and just kept forging on. Now I’m taking something for anxiety and depression and looking for a therapist to talk through some things. It’s such a weight off my shoulders. I still struggle but I have more tools and more awareness.

    Sending you all the love!

    And I’m so sorry you had/have to deal with such awful people on social media. That is awful.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  180. Jen wrote:

    Jean, thank you so much for sharing. Your story is my world right now as my newborn is just turning 2 months old. The nights and days blurring together, the exhaustion with breastfeeding, the emotions of not being feeling like you care enough (or blanking). You give me hope!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  181. Margot wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you. Thank you for being open about this subject. Many women struggle with this. You never know who you will touch with your words.
    Much love and joy to you, Nick, and Nori.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  182. Linda wrote:

    Hi Jean,
    Thank you for sharing your experience with PPD. I went through my own variation of it, despite starting therapy and anti-depressants during pregnancy because I knew it might be a problem. It breaks my heart that you’ve received so many unkind messages, especially since in my own experience it was the judging comments from other moms and grandmas that made everything feel so much worse. My son is 19 months old now and I’ve developed a bit of a tougher skin, but still deal with pressure from other moms to do things a certain way. Like you said, you have to trust yourself and your decisions, and try to let those other people’s opinions go. I’m so thankful for you sharing your experiences and hope that it helps others open up and be vulnerable as well.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  183. Kimberlee wrote:

    I just want to say that I love your blog! You are the exact same size as me and I’ve found so many good recommendations for clothes that actually fit me! I also have a 6 month old little girl and I was diagnosed with postpartum depression when she was 4 months old. I had no idea how hard motherhood really is. I thought, being a nurse who had worked in pediatrics, that I had done some pretty hard things in my life and I knew what I was doing. But I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had so much anxiety but my husband was so supportive, helping me to get help. Medication definitely helps and having a support system is so important. What helped me the most though was God. He changed my life completely and actually healed me from a lifetime of anxiety. I am so happy that you are honest and open about your experience with PPD. It’s so important! I started asking myself, why am I trying to pretend like I’m okay for other people? I just need to be honest about my struggles. So for all the negative feedback you receive, you really help and inspire so many others! Thanks again for sharing!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  184. Older mom wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing the rough things you are experiencing on the inside as well as your beautiful and helpful blog for petites. I’ve learned a lot from you about wearing clothes properly. You have such wisdom to share from your experience with motherhood, this is your story and it’s beautiful! Your daughter, Nori is darling and I applaud Nick and his kindness and support. I’m a mom to seven, who are now grown and adults (youngest is eighteen) and want to encourage you to keep on and yes, please, depend on the help around you. I’m also a Christian, a believer in Jesus. He is humble and available, wanting to help and I love that about Him. Here is a verse from Him, that helps me…”Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Thank you Jean!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  185. Thank you for sharing your experiences, Jean. ❤️ I know postpartum depression affects a lot of new mothers – many around me have suffered from it themselves. I can’t say much since I’ve never been pregnant, but I know your post will help many others reading this! Wishing you and your family the best. 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  186. Ann H. wrote:

    Your brave candor will be of help to some new or future mother. Bravo! I love following your journey into parenthood. You’ll find the “days are long and the years are short” to ring true.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  187. AW wrote:

    Thank you for sharing this, Jean. You’re a wonderful mom. Your openness helps reduce the stigma around mental health and PPD in particular. I know others will find hope and support reading this post. A combination of medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy helped me with PPD. I find that there is an incredible stigma around help-seeking as well, especially with regard to medications. I try to remind others that untreated mental health concerns are far more damaging to mom, baby, and family.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  188. Bei wrote:

    Thank you very much for sharing. It’s really touching!
    I went through depression during entire pregnancy and the first couple of years after my son was born. I was alone, mistreated by the father and his family. When I look back to that period of time (2-3 years), I couldn’t believe I survived. And I grew, as God had arranged all these for me to grow. Many of us focus on too much on the new-born child, but rarely the mother, even though they have one been a mother of a new-born. I understand now what I should do if my son one day has his child, how to help especially the mother of his child. Whatever I’ve been though, it should not pass on to another (new) mother. Now I’m stretching out to help new mothers from my friends and colleagues, and that healed me.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  189. Sarah wrote:

    Thank you so much for this post. While reading this I realized how much guilt I felt for not feeling sufficiently bonded to my newborn. Normalizing those feelings by talking about it is so important. I’m not brave enough to talk openly about it because of all that shaming you describe. Thank you again for this.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  190. Grace wrote:

    Jean,
    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I think this post will help so many moms out there who keep thinking “Why is this so hard for me? Other moms don’t seem to be struggling this much!” My husband had to remind me often that the other moms I was comparing myself to were only sharing the good, and I never got to see the whole picture.
    While I didn’t know exactly what you were going through, that brief mention of PPD helped ease my own struggles- it’s not just me.
    While I didn’t get diagnosed with PPD- to be honest I sometimes wish I had so that there would be some explanation as to what/why I was feeling this way. I had wanted a baby so badly- to the point of tears. I thought being a mom would come so naturally. I read everything, talked to everyone, I thought I was fully prepared that the beginning is tough. I was NOT prepared for truly how hard it would be. I always subscribed to the work hard and you will succeed motto, but parenting doesn’t work that way. No matter how hard you work- sometimes he still doesn’t want to sleep 🙂
    At one point in my sleep deprived, emotional state I remember crying to my husband and feeling so guilty for saying “I don’t like this as much as I thought I would” And then he said something that really helped me “Well of course you don’t. Why do you think everyone keeps referring to this time as survival mode. But we will get through this!”
    So to all the mamas out there struggling, we will get through it!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  191. Kayla D wrote:

    Thank you for your candid message about ppd. I went through a bit of it, too. I knew about it & my doctor talked to me about it,. But didn’t realize i was experiencing it until my husband asked me why I was crying & I didn’t have an answer. I just felt hopeless.
    Having people ask if they could help was nice. But it’s hard for me to accept it. When someone would just tell me to go lie down or do dishes without asking, that was most helpful.
    My husband was very helpful too. He paid attention to my symptoms & shared late-night diaper changes/feedings.
    Thank you again for sharing what you went through. It’s incredibly important to spread information on ppd.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  192. Ellen wrote:

    I started reading your blog because your tips were a fashion lifesaver for me as a petite woman. I never imagined we would share a struggle with infertility and so much more. Thank you for sharing. Your girl is gorgeous inside and out just like her mama. Our son was born in November and we have had ups and downs, especially with breastfeeding (the most difficult thing for me, much harder than being pregnant or giving birth). It’s that much harder that every moment is heavy with judgement. I found a wonderful nursing support group through my local hospital system where I met other moms who got it!

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  193. Anonymous wrote:

    Thank you for your beautifully written article on PPD. My children are in their 20’s but I will never forget my own experience.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  194. Kristy wrote:

    Jean, thank you for sharing this. While I personally didn’t experience PPD, I definitely had post partum blues. I cried so much as I read this post, especially the Mom shaming section. It breaks my heart that people can be so cruel. When I reflected on my situation, I had zero help, and those who came for “a visit” only seemed to give me unsolicited advice. The only thing that helped me keep my sanity was going for a walk everyday. I had my baby last June so I was fortunate for good summer weather (at least in the mornings before it was too hot). I too have a mixed baby and have heard from one side “he’s so white” and from the other “he’s so dark”. I think this country could use some sensitivity training. I truly am sorry for what you have endured, and hope this only makes you a stronger individual. I hope to teach my son kindness and generosity of heart so that the next generation isn’t so cruel. Best wishes always.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Natalia Thomas wrote:

      Jean,

      I dont know you even though I have been visiting your blog for years. Of course what brought me to your site was your elegant and impeccable style but what keeps me coming back is your class, grace and even humor in the face of hardship and negativity. I had my daughter a couple of weeks before you had Nori and so I felt like I was on this journey of first time motherhood with you, I cheered when you got pregnant and when she was born. I giggled at your husband’s posts and melted over pics of Nori. But I never commented until now…abt ppd, I know what you mean completely. Even when I’m doing my best for my daughter I feel waves of guilt of not being good enough. I cant even specifically say a person I am comparing myself to, I just know I could do better, that is of course all nonsense but these are feelings I’m talking about not necessarily based on facts or logic. I just wanted you to know that despite all the frequent hate you might receive there are sooo many others like me cheering your little family on, celebrating the milestones and wishing you all the best. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing an awesome job mama! It’s not easy but nothing worth having is and you will get through it. Hugs from NY!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  195. Tara Meyer wrote:

    Bravo! How brave you are to speak out. I know your honesty will help many women. I am glad you have a supportive husband and family. That’s a great place to start.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  196. Frida wrote:

    Thank you so much for sharing this and for being so strong and truthful. Lots of love for you and your family.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  197. no wrote:

    You can hire someone to moderate your comment sections on social media, so you don’t have to see the harassment yourself! Of course the clear minded neutral comments, even if they’re not adoring, are accetable but you (or no one!) should be exposed to such continuous attacks.

    I think it would be well worth it. The moderator should be able to take it much more easily as for them it’s not personal, and there’s absolutely no reason you should ruin your psyche by letting people use you as a trashcan for their ugliest feelings. There are a lot of people today wondering about feeling very unwell and not knowing how to get it out of their systems acceptably.

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  198. Rena wrote:

    Thank you so much for your honesty! Highly appreciated! Motherhood can be really difficult and I think your tips are really helpful.
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    http://www.dressedwithsoul.com

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  199. Janine wrote:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing something so incredibly private with us! I do not have any experience with pregnancy or PPD, so I feel like I can not really contribute to this topic, however you definitely opened my eyes regarding this issue and this post educated me a lot about it! I can only imagine how many women you are helping an supporting with this. I am wishing you and your family all the best!
    Xx Janine

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Kathleen wrote:

      Wow thank you for sharing. I’m sure this will help so many other people, not just new mamas, who can relate to your suffering and see how admitting there was a problem and reaching out for help, while so hard, was the absolute best and right thing to do. Doing that certainly does not show weakness, failure, or mean that you are not doing things right. In fact, it shows how strong, successful and how much you did do things right. What an accomplishment that you were able to keep working. Mental health issues are real; thank you for opening up dialogue addressing the subject. This is an illness like any other and not something anyone should shy away from talking about. As for those who judge and shame, showing the incredible hate that social media can sometimes reflect, please do not take to this to heart. No one has the right to judge you until they are in your shoes and in your head, which of course no one else is. Last, hats off to Nick for adjusting his leave and doing his part. Great show of love and support. Life and raising a family can sometimes be so hard. But the rewards are also so great. Keep up the good work!

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
  200. Janet Anderson wrote:

    Jean thank you for sharing this candid picture of your experience of PPD. Thank you for putting yourself out there to help other women that may see your blog. Way to be bold, strong, positive and beautiful! I started following your blog as I am very petite and have a very difficult time finding clothes that fit but I have so enjoyed your posts that go beyond fashion. I was hoping you were doing ok after the baby as your posts were less frequent-completely understandable. IVF kids are wonderful (i have twins from IVF-almost grown up now- happens faster than you can imagine) and it is too easy for people who haven’t been down the infertility road to judge. I too had a similar PPD experience. I am shocked at the haters out their- thank you for continuing to be strong and continuing to post. I missed your posts after you had Nori and was hoping you were doing ok. Glad you sound like things have gotten better. I love your blog and get good fashion info and good feels from it. Thank you for sharing fashion and life 🙂 PS. I had another child after the twins and knew the PPD was coming. Just knowing it may happen helped so much and that awareness made it much easier to manage on round 2 🙂

    Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Fei wrote:

      Jean, 3 things.

      Nori is blessed to have a beautiful, thoughtful, and intelligent mother.
      Your daughter is stunning, not a surprise as you and Nick are the parents.
      Finally, anyone that is remotely anyone will have haters, and you are very successful. Don’t let their jealousy manipulate you.

      From a fellow new Mama.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • Karen wrote:

      Jean, thank you for this beautifully written post! It must have been very hard for you to put yourself ” out there.” Please know that nasty comments are written by those who have nothing more important in their lives than time to criticize others. I enjoy your blog and wish you, Nick and Nori much happiness.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply
    • B wrote:

      Sorry to hear what horrible things people have said to you, Jean. You are such a strong person and a fantastic role model and mother. Only weak and insecure people pick on others to make themselves look and feel better.

      The fact that you are still carrying on working and juggling having a young baby is something I’m sure your little one will admire in you when she’s old enough to understand.

      I agree that people do still need to be more open about mental health. Personally, I think we need to make it acceptable for people to ask for help and to need a community, especially in these times where the internet – although in some aspects joins us – can often isolate us as well.

      I have been through depression and anxiety and realised that it was caused by cutting myself off from friends and from stopping things I loved doing. It was only when I reached a low point of my life when my days were filled with activities that I didn’t want to do and I thought what is the point, that it got too much.

      I now regularly schedule time for doing things I want to do. Personally I love listening and playing music and exercising. I make sure that every single day I have is worth living for by doing something I enjoy. I have since discovered that painting, bird-watching, sewing, knitting and walking in the countryside all make me feel great and have added them on to a list of things I like to do so I’ve plenty of ammunition to fire at any dark days if they ever come my way again…

      ‘How to beat depression and reclaim your life’ by Alexandra Massey was given to me – a brilliant book

      Also forgot to mention that anxiety affected my sleeping so I used a muscle-relaxation track to help me sleep for a few years – now I know some of it off by heart but the technique still helps. I found that if I went to bed after 11pm then the next day I would feel really down so now I try to have a regular, early sleep routine (easier said that done with a baby though I imagine!!)

      I also found that cutting out ALL junk food helped because as soon as I felt sad I would reach for the chocolate/ cookies which just made it all worse… I found lots of healthy recipes and easy soups (see book above) that could be chilled or frozen for those days when you can’t be bothered but still need to look after yourself.

      Lastly, I found that cutting out alcohol made a massive improvement to my mood. Turns out there’s a reason why it’s classified as a depressant!

      If there’s one last thing that has changed my life it would be: Stephen Covey’s 7 Principles book which is probably one of the best self-help books ever (and I’ve read most of them) to help you get what you want out of life.

      Hope this helps. Best wishes.

      Posted 3.18.19 Reply

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