On Nick – Bonobos grapefruit print shirt, J.Crew 9″ shorts, similar Sperry shoes
Each year for our anniversary, I put on my “something blue” wedding shoes and we return to the Boston Library for a photo right where we exchanged vows. This year marked 3 years of marriage (and 14 years together) for us, but of course it was even more meaningful because of the little addition that’s bumping her way into our photo!
We’re not big on gifts in general, but each anniversary morning has me eager to see my husband’s creative, personal take on the “traditional” anniversary gift. I shared before about the gifts I woke up to Year 1 (the paper anniversary) and Year 2 (the cotton anniversary). Yesterday, for our third anniversary, I opened up a box containing a small leather photo album titled “The 3 Years of Us (Before There Were 3 of Us)”. It was filled with snaps from our favorite trips, and this note from Nick:
“When we got married, we vowed to always put each other first—even when there’s a little munchkin spitting up between us and fighting for our attention. The book is wrapped in leather because leather is strong and resilient. It can be a reminder that as we pour so much of our love into this little girl, we need to devote the same amount to each other to keep our relationship strong and resilient.”
I loved the book, but appreciated this reminder even more. Having been together for a good part of our lives, we know that relationships don’t endure and thrive on their own. They take work, patience, and the ability to really hear your partner. And one thing we’ve learned from our friends with kids, is that there’s a new level of strain when you’re frustrated, sleep-deprived new parents. So while our little one grows, we hope to always remember to keep growing and strengthening our relationship with each other.
Those of you who’ve been married or with your partner for a while – what are some of your tips or secrets for making a relationship last?
PS – A few notes about this dress by Little Mistress (UK brand) – it’s a Self Portrait “look for less,” in a shorter midi length compared to the original. I’m wearing US 4 / UK 8 maternity, and the fit is snug on me in the torso. The lace bodice is a sturdy weight and non-stretch, and is lined in a skin-toned material with bust padding (so no bra needed!). The pleated skirt on the maternity version is not lined, so may be a little sheer if you don’t wear nude undies or a slip.
The same dress is also available on LM’s website for pre-order in non-maternity regular sizing (note the listed sizes are in UK, not US sizes) or on ASOS’ website in petite (with shorter skirt length) or tall! Love the look of the navy lace version in non-maternity, and also this mustard lace version that comes in petite sizing! My size in this brand pre-pregnancy was usually a UK 4 to UK 6, for reference.
Love this look! Wow! 🌸🍃
xxx, Linda
http://bestwalletreview.com
Hi Jean!
What a great post.
Been pondering this since you first posted the question. I’ve been married for almost 12 years, (and we have a 4.5 year old), and the only constant has been change. Be it health scares, career ebbs and flows, or family feuds, there will always be things in a life (especially a shared life!) that pop up. Having a child will only make this more so, because it is not only another psyche bouncing around in the family, but it is the biggest emotional roller coaster there is. I remember President Obama saying that having a child is like “having your heart walking around outside of your body.” And in my experience, that is so, so true! Nothing prepared me for the feeling of vulnerability. Not even marriage. So, my biggest advice for you and Nick is to be gentle on yourselves, especially in those first few months of adjusting to life as a threesome. Remember that there are days where you might reasonably think: what the heck did we get ourselves into!! And it’s on those days, when nothing seems picture-perfect, that it’s most important to take lots of deep breaths, and know that “this too shall pass.” Looking at some of these beautiful photos might help, too. 🙂 Parenthood is so much work, but it’s always better when done as part of an amazing team. Go, team Jean and Nick! We can’t wait to share your journey with you.
I’ve been following along with your guys’ journey for so long it seems now and always so happy to see how happy you two are and how genuine and down to earth every gift Nick gives you!
xx jen
http://lilthoughtswithjen.com/
Congratulations on your anniversary, Jean! <3 🙂 You and Nick are seriously one of the sweetest couples ever, and I love reading about your relationship so much! So happy for the both of you, and the new little addition to your family!
XO, Elizabeth
http://clothestoyouuu.com/
Lovely photos! i recommend the book “And Baby Makes Three.”
OMG He’s so creatively sweet with those gifts! I want to see the bear! Hahha
My husband and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary this week. We’ve got 3 grown children 😀. My best advice would be to always remember that love is a decision and to choose that every day because obviously there are times you don’t feel like you are in love. Also to give grace as marriage is a union of two imperfect people and we all make mistakes . Wishing you the best and congratulations on your upcoming arrival 💗 – then you get to undertake a whole new adventure! You’ll wonder what you used to do with your time before you had a baby🤣
Your marriage is like a house that you build together, your kid is like a hurricane. I read that in Parenting magazine long ago. It’s so true for me. We were together 10 years before marriage. Then married for 8 years when our first daughter arrived. She was a very difficult baby. I briefly considered a divorce because I wanted/needed a break and that’s what a custody schedule would give me! (We don’t really have family around to help out.) Luckily, things improved when daughter was 18 months old and dramatically improved when she turned 2. Now we added another baby girl, 5 months old. Thankfully she’s an easy baby. Plus it’s easier going from 1 kid to 2 kids than no kids to a baby!
How we made it through: patience and not being afraid to ask for help
Jean, I actually just conferred with my husband about this. This is our best advice coming from new parents. Our baby girl is 8 months old. Make sure you not only share baby responsibilities, but try to have them set and understood so you’re not left having to ask the other one to do something all the time. In the beginning as the mom, I felt like I was in charge and responsible for the majority of things. Sometimes I just wanted my husband to just do things without me having to ask. Often I wouldn’t ask but instead complain under my breath. You just want to avoid resentment. Once you get in a routine, it will be easier to have clearer and understood duties. Overall though, I think you will find that your relationship will actually be stronger and better than it has ever been. Our baby has brought us so much joy and happiness. Wishing you and nick all the best! xoxo
Meredith and Jean- I think this is one of the best suggestions on here! Have you listened to podcast on the emotional labor that wives/ mothers do? It compliments everything Meredith just said.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/05/podcasts/listen-to-dear-sugars-the-invisible-work-most-women-do-with-gemma-hartley.html
Holy moly maternity looks great on you! Love this tradition you guys have of re-taking your wedding photo every year! It doesn’t look like you guys need any relationship advice at all but for my two cents I would just say to always work through struggles together and not to take out stress on each other.
Congratulations! I love your tradition of returning to the place you got married each year for a photo and of wearing a little something blue. I couldn’t help but think how poignant it is that in your first anniversary blog you mentioned how excited you were to be taking the anniversary photos of your friend who was almost 9 months preganant and here you are 2 years later almost the same. So beautiful. Such a wonderful time for you all. Xx
Well it’s now time to have your husband cloned .
Just joking but what beautiful sentiments.
Self Portrait is a great label , love 💕 this dress !
Jandrew
Dress The Part
http://www.jandrewspeaks.com
Happiest anniversary to you two! We had triplets last November and although they sleep through the night now (thank heavens) the broken patches of sleep was so hard for us the first few months. We promised each other that whatever was said/cursed/snapped at each other in the middle of night would automatically be forgiven the next morning because we knew it was coming from a place of exhaustion. Man I was mean!! Lol thankfully we don’t remember much of it and only hold on to the good times 😄
Happy Anniversary! You look so lovely with your bump!
While I wholeheartedly agree with putting each other first, I think it’s helpful to remember that parenthood has stages where you may be so overwhelmed that it is all you can do to focus on your little one, and that’s ok. Sometimes, taking care of your spouse means letting him or her prioritize the baby for just a little while, even if you haven’t spent quality time together or had a decent conversation in too long. My now-2-year-old and I both had a very difficult time adjusting when I returned to work full-time shortly after he was born, and I was blessed that my husband supported me in my zombie state devoting all my spare time to our son for a few months. These days, we have plenty of time for date nights and are back to normal. Those sleep-deprived baby stages are temporary, and your marriage is permanent. <3
Lovely as always!
My suggestion (from someone married for 7 years, with a 5 year old kid!) is that it is 100% worth it to hire someone to come clean your house for you. They never do it as well as you would, but when you have jobs and kid(s), it’s worth it to avoid the endless squabbles about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom. It sometimes feels profligate, but finding a way to simply remove the cause of the minor squabbles, and freeing up the time for what you love (i.e. each other), is just about the best solution we’ve found to keeping everything happy!
My husband and I have had some ROUGH moments since our son was born. Levels of frustration we’ve felt towards each other that we had never experienced in our 12 years together before having a baby. We’ve had our most trying times since being parents, but have thankfully been able to recognize it and pull ourselves out of it when we start to feel ourselves turning on each other. We both did a similar thing where we agreed that we have to put our relationship first and that’s ok. It’s hard because you feel like that’s wrong, you have to put your child first, but your child needs happy, loving parents. Your child’s interests are actually being put first when you focus on your relationship to make sure you’re happy because if you’re happy, your baby is happy! Congrats to you and Nick on your little one and you two will be amazing parents!
Hi Jean!
Wishing you both a Happy Anniversary and may you enjoy many more years ahead!! My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have been together for 17 years. My advice is to always find time for yourselves. As your family grows life gets even more hectic and it can be easy to loose sight of each other. Quality time together is important!
Happy anniversary to you and Nick! Congrats on the pregnancy too! We used to live in South End a few years ago but moved away – love seeing familiar streets in your posts.
My husband and I have been married going on 6 years, together for 13. Since y’all have been together for a huge chunk of your lives and know each other well, don’t assume that your partner automatically knows what you’re thinking/feeling/needing/wanting. Keep the lines of communication open and don’t get mad with you’re not on the same wavelength. With love and patience y’all will be back in tune with one another. To many more love-filled years.
I think the best way to keep a marriage strong is to leave some things private, to be shared between the two of you and no one else. Perhaps you should keep sweet notes intimate and private, to be share only between each other and not the Internet?
That’s a valid point! I also want to mention that what people opt to share on the internet is usually just a snippet of the full picture, and everyone has different comfort levels of what they want to share (or see from others!). I asked to share a portion of my husband’s note that I felt could be relevant to others.
My husband and i have been together 22 years, 6 married, and 3 kids (2m, 2y, and 5y). A lot of patience and please and thank yous goes a long way. Communication is always key. Dont forget me time for both parties is really important once you have kids! Happy anniversary to you both!
Jean – Happy Anniversary!
Me and my hubby have been together for 14 years too and it will be four years of being married this year. We have a little boy of 22 months. All I can say is communication is the key to everything – not just relationships/marriage!
Enjoy your time as a twosome before the little one takes over. It will be a life changing in so many ways but yet all very worthwhile!
Best the luck!
Ruth
Such a great point – strong communication makes everything go round (professional, personal, teamwork)
Your post brought happy tears to my eyes— you a an absolute blessing to each other!
Nick’s gift holds so much wisdom and love. Have been happily cheering for you and this little girl for such a long time as a fellow Bostonian.
Thank you for taking us on your journey! (Especially the IVF part- it was such an incredible statement of love both for your daughter, and for all those who go through the pain of interfility).
Thank you, Giannina! It’s lovely to hear from a fellow Bostonian as well <3
Happy Anniversary!! I love your yearly photos and how you keep those traditions going, its so sweet and most people (especially guys) dont even acknowledge that!
Happy Anniversary to you both! What a sweet gift Nick gave you. Those words are so true especially when it comes to being parents. I love how you wear your wedding shoes each year for your anniversary!
I love the way you capture this part of your life in photos Jean. Thank you [always] for sharing.
I also love the site LIKEtoKNOW.it. I wish everybody did this. It’s wonderful the way you have practically everything you’re wearing on a link. I show my boyfriend a lot of things Nick wears because his body type and style preference are similar. Thank you.
Congrats on your anniversary.
Here’s a link to a photo of Kate Middleton wearing the Self-Portrait version of your dress which is just lovely.
https://whatkatewore.com/2016/11/03/kate-in-self-portrait-lace-dress-for-film-festival-movie-premiere/
Love it on her! Thanks for sharing : )
Happy Anniversary! I didn’t realize you got married just a year before me. Love your dress, so adorable! I am so excited for you two to welcome a little one into the world. When are you due?
Thank you! Due at the end of August
Dear Jean, what a wonderful gift and dress. As for the tips: we have always made sure to spend regular evenings out together when the kids were younger. We put them in our diaries and took turns organising what to do and making sure there was a babysitter! Now they are older (teens), we manage to add minibreaks to our evenings out. Spending time together is indeed something to be consciously aware of when you turn from a couple into a family. Oh…and make sure you talk about other stuff than the kid(s)! Love, Lieske
Thank you for sharing, Lieske! I agree carving time out together is important with or without children!
This is so so sweet Jean! Happy anniversary!!
Ah, love to see all of these photos together! You two look so happy.
You are such a beautiful couple! All the best to you!
A divorce lawyer recently told me that the majority of divorces in long term relationships he sees are caused by infidelity. The majority of infidelity was instigated on Facebook ( more than other sites, porn, workplace, etc). Of course, he doesn’t see the happily married couples in his office. Just something to think about …. You two look so in love. As life gets more stressful, Facebook serve initially as a diversion/ distraction. For the vulnerable, it may then become temptation. I don’t even know if you even have Facebook. I recently deleted mine, and I feel more Free. I married ( 21 years), with 4 kids.
Absolutely beautiful Jean. I love these sweet traditions. Such a thoughtful reminder from Nick to always cherish each other even when your little one comes along. Wishing you a joyous 3-year anniversary, and many many more years.
You are such a beautiful and joyful couple! I am excited for you both as you welcome your baby to the world and to your family. My husband and I have been married for almost 24 years, and, like all couples, we have certainly had our ups and downs. There were even a few times that I wasn’t sure that we would make it. So my advice is less about how to maintain the “ups” and more about how to handle the “downs.” During those low points, if you (1) think about all the wonderful reasons that brought you together in the first place, (2) be willing to give and/or accept a heartfelt apology when necessary, (3) be truthful with each other, and (4) don’t hold onto grudges, I think it really helps you get through it. Happy Anniversary!
That is great advice, Carol. Thank you for sharing and congrats on almost 24 years together!
Happy anniversary to you both. Still can’t get over how beautiful you looked in that wedding dress. I wonder if Nick can manage to carry you and baby girl up in the air for your next anniversary 😆
Happy anniversary! You guys are such a cute couple, and these are beautiful photos. I wish you many more years to come! 🙂 ❤️
Congratulations on your anniversary! You guys are adorable!
Happy anniversary! Love these beautiful traditions and photos. x