Even before Nick and I started trying to have kids, I would sometimes imagine the insanely happy moment of seeing two lines appear on a stick, then conjuring up a clever way to surprise him with the news. But after years of trying, infertility and then IVF have transformed getting pregnant from something I once viewed as encapsulated in a single moment into a process defined by so many points along a journey, each point with its own different odds of either heartbreak or advancing to the next step. And at each point, the only thing you can really do is hope.
After we completed egg retrieval last year, one of the next crucial points was the embryo transfer, followed by an anxiety-ridden wait to find out if it implanted successfully. Although I kept telling myself to keep my hopefulness in check based on probabilities, the truth was I felt like I had poured everything I had, both emotionally and physically, into that single embryo.
While in a cab earlier this month, we finally got that phone call from the IVF nurse with my blood test results, and she uttered news we’d been hoping to hear for so long:
I remember barely breathing, as Nick and I just sat there blankly. It was like we were both brimming with joy, yet neither of us wanted to let it out in case it might not be real or it might not last. But when I looked over and saw a tear well up in his eye, it really started to hit me. And with each day and each doctor’s appointment, it’s becoming much more real.
I’m now about 9 weeks along, which I know is a little early to share by traditional standards. I’m feeling especially anxious, since infertility has made it hard for me to trust my own body to do the things it’s supposed to do. However, this journey has taught me to find strength in knowing you’re not alone and knowing others have experienced and felt the things you have and more — especially when the outcome is not certain. It’s also shown me that things don’t always happen how you expect them to, and there are many different paths to get where you’re trying to go.
Even though this road didn’t unfold how we’d imagined, we couldn’t be more grateful and so very happy to have made it to this point. Thank you to each one of you who shared hope, positivity, and encouragement thus far, and we’re so excited to continue sharing this next chapter with you!