[This is a guest post by Nick, boyfriend of Jean. See his other posts here.]
Someone requested I write about my most and least favorite fashions for women. Great idea! I’m going to focus on the latter.
Maybe you saw Jean’s recent photo of Stuart Weitzman boots. Or maybe you remember when I showed a liking for well-broken-in Tory Burch Revas. These are two of my all-time favorite looks. Actually, no, let’s call them favorite pieces. Because they look pretty good, but—more importantly—they’re functional. And the main function in this case is being able to use your feet in the way for which they’ve been biologically evolved.
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| In the immortal words of Jessica Simpson, “These boots are made for walking.” |
So, if one of my favorite aspects of women’s fashion is stylish flat-soled footwear, you might be able to guess one of my least favorites…
There is no greater burden to the urban-dwelling man than a pair of expensive high heels.
The type doesn’t matter—pumps, stilettos, platforms, wedges (although Jean adorably calls these her “walking shoes”) whatever—every high-heeled shoe abides by this universal law: the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks.
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| “Let’s put skinny sticks under our feet. That’ll look hot!” -Inventor of High Heels |
Women wearing Miu Mius (male readers: this is a shoe brand, not a type of Pokemon) are clocked walking the streets of Manhattan at an average of 0.7 MPH—or 1.13 KPH for you international folks. And nothing puts a damper on an evening out like a one-inch gouge up the patent leather heel of a Louboutin (male readers: it’s pronounced Loo-boo-tawn).
Now, don’t get me wrong, heels feed into the whole look good, feel good mentality for a woman, so I guess that’s a plus. But in the midst of a night on the town, it can be hard to see the bright side. For instance, consider this completely fictitious scenario where I’m about to take a step and…
“You’re walking too fast.”
Or when we’re standing in a packed bar with no chairs in sight…
“I have to sit down.”
Or going to a restaurant right above the subway stop…
“We have to take a cab.”
Then to the bar around the corner…
“SO FAR!”
Along a cobblestone sidewalk…
“I’m just going to walk in the middle of the road.”
And then, at the very end of the night, when I’ve had about all I can take…
“Hold on while I change into these other shoes I have in my purse.”
This is the part where I think to myself, “WHAT?! You had flats in your purse the whole time?! Why didn’t you just wear those?”
“Oh, nevermind they’re in my other bag. I’ll just go barefoot.”
While I’ve never witnessed Jean trotting around the city barefoot, I have stood on the curb at the end of many nights bewildered at the lengths women will go to simply for the appearance of longer legs. But despite all of this, I must also commend you. Because not only do men tolerate high heels, we often encourage them. Why? Because, damn, they look good. And maybe that’s the lesson in all of this, if there even is one. Do whatever makes you feel good because ultimately if you’re happy, we’re happy. Just as long as you promise to never wear these:
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| Offensive, and not just to PETA. |
[Note: The author is aware Nancy Sinatra sung the original. Jessica Simpson + Immortal = Sarcasm.]
haha awesome post! I think you should do more!!! Now can you please talk to my husband and somehow convince him to do a guest on my blog!? 😉
Nick, can I suggest your next blog topic? How about giving us a lowdown on how Jean looks when she's trying to disentangle her hair off that bumpit?
For walking-around-in-heels, nothing beats wedges. They're still sky-high (so still not as comfortable as if you're in flats) but at least they're a lot more stable than the "skinny sticks" as Nick refers to them. 🙂 I own two pairs of Marco Santi's Heather Buckle Booties and I wear them when I know I'm going to spend some time walking around outdoors.
Hahaha. That was great!
Good heavens, where did you find the horse hooves heels? They're HIDEOUS. To a point where I feel physically ill just looking at it.
Goal: achieved.
Great job.
Haha! Great post! So glad I found your blog. I'm only 4'10 and 93 pounds. Also petite. I look forward to seeing more of your blog posts.
The Simple Swan
http://www.thesimpleswan.blogspot.com
Lol. All the scenarios are RIGHT ON. I love that you (Nick) have a good sense of humor about it. And you are definitely a wise man – as long as we're happy, you're happy.
OH MAN, this post is AWESOME and so freaking funny. I have a feeling my boyfriend would agree with most of these, except I doubt I could even get him to listen, he completely zones out when I begin to talk about anything fashion related. Le sigh.
nick needs his own blog
asap
LOL I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks Nick for the great laugh. Made my husband read this post and he enjoyed it.
I always wondered how Jean manages to walk around in those gorgeous shoes she wears! Now I don't feel quite so incompetent in the footwear department. (Sorry Jean! I still love you!)
ROFL!! Nick is hilarious! I love his posts…it's funny to hear it from a guy's perspective about heels but it's totally true!
Hahaha all the quotes so true!! Absolutely hysterical!
❤ zayasmiles
Wow, I always thought that girls who wore shoes like that just must have built up their foot stamina to the point that they're comfy or something. I have some 3-inch heeled boots that are actually fine for walking once I add insoles (I mean, I wouldn't walk for miles in them, but they're fine for wearing to the mall, etc)…but they're a semi-chunky, stacked heel. I can't even walk in stiletto pumps long enough to convince myself to buy a pair. Anyway, I recommend stacked heels or wedges instead of stilettos.
Oh I am so thoroughly amused because 1)I thought to myself "this guy doesn't know that Nancy Sinatra sings these boots were made for walking" and 2) I am one of those gals who is constantly walking in the middle of the street to avoid the damage from the darned bricks and cobbles.
im guilty of walking barefoot…
Hilarious! Keep these posts coming!
I love PAB's posts they are so funny!! please write more nick!
haha, this was awesome! I need to show my fiance this post. Thanks, Nick! Oh, and as a fellow petite girl, I must say I feel just as sexy in flats as I do in heels. The comfort helps 😉
I'm cracking up, hilarious and true!
red pump so cute. tc
Nick, YOU have to post more often! That made me smile =)
We do love our high heels; especially we petites. I'm against wearing flats or running shoes, even though I know they won't push me over the 5' mark =3
My hubby doesn't see the point in heels either lol he likes me without them…but he tolerates them because I like them.
Thanks for the post!!
Thoughts on these ? A new breed of heels…. LOL > http://nikeheelsoutlet2012.com/images/Nike-Dunk-SB/Womens-Nike-Dunk-SB-Low-Aqua-White-Black-Heels.jpg
"And the main function in this case is being able to use your feet in the way for which they've been biologically evolved."
Hilarious. That is, word for word, exactly something my ex-boyfriend would've said. (We're still friends, so no bad memories there)
I wear flats because they're what make me feel good – i.e. they're comfortable, and that, for me, is most important. Yes, I'm 5'2" and no, I don't care if I look short. Hello, I AM short. I dress for me and if you have a problem with how I look, nobody asked you to keep looking ;-). (within reason of course. I won't show up in the office dressed sexy secretary style.)
That said, I know everybody has a different personal style … it's what makes fashion so interesting!
THANK YOU NICK – well said.
Personally, I think women dress for other women. Women are very judgmental, and they like to check out what other women are wearing. At least I do . . .
LOVEEE this post!! You should definitely post more of these. And it's actually really hilarious that you know so much about shoes! 😀
Great post. 🙂 You wrote: "Do whatever makes you feel good because ultimately if you're happy, we're happy." As you pointed out before this, men encourage high heel wearing… which is why we "feel good" about wearing painful shoes like these. What it all comes down to is that women dress for men, and men love to look.
ew those goat heels are hideous xD
http://highprofilehighexpectations.blogspot.com/
Nick, you're a funny guy! Thanks for filling in.
Oh, that was hilarious. Hubby was just wondering why I was giggling just now. I totally agree with you, Nick, but damn, I know that hubby does appreciate me wearing the high heels when we go out to dinner. From time to time, I'll wear the heels at work (wedge only) 'coz, c'mon, they look good.
Don't EVEN get my hubby started on how many times I have to change my clothes. 😉
BTW, I love, love this blog! Thanks, Nick and Jean–you guys make me smile! 🙂
Nick is so funny but then again he is so true on everything he said, my husband agrees with him 100%.WE woman rather suffer then not looking good in our outfits where heels are the most important piece.It is nice once in a while to wear comfortable flats and not to worry about how we look or how our feet feels.
Nice to hear the boys side of view on heels 🙂
xoxo
cari
totally! made my day!
corso como shoes are extremely comfortable. they aren't as stylish as many a brand out there but I never have to break in any of my corso como shoes.
Haha. I need at least one bar full of people to see my awesome heels before I'll consent to putting on the ugly flats stashed in my bag.
Great post, but really? Jessica Simpson? Nancy Sinatra sang it first! And better.
Nick is a great writer! I laughed out loud a few times. Too funny. Thanks for the guest post on a dreary Monday. He is a really funny guy!
Lol, so much truth, but it drives me nuts when I walk faster in my heels than people walk in sneakers. Especially if I'm stuck walking behind them!
Hilarious and true.
I was very running shoe kinda girl for most of my life, until I entered the working world – and that's when I went for flat shoes. I have a few pairs of high heels and I think many lovely ladies look great in it, but I still find them uncomfortable.
HAHAHA love 'the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks.'….I do walk slow but that is because I am petite and have short legs (or so that is my excuse). hahah hilarious post!
Haha hilarious! Oh, Nick, my husband agrees with you 100%. When we were in Switzerland for new year's this year, the darn cobblestone streets were a total pain in heels, but I wore them anyway and made him walk the long way around the city to get to the restaurant. At least, I guess, I didn't have flats in my purse… they were in the car. 😉
I debated including some facts or research in this post but decided against it. If I had though, this NYTimes piece would've been a great reference. A good read, regardless.
This is hilarious and so true! You have a very funny boyfriend Jean!
lol, nick you are too funny!! i hardly ever wear high heels anymore because chances are whereever i'm going ill either be dancing or walking really far now that i live in a city with no parking, so for the reasons u mentioned above, i wear flats!! haha
"Sorry but I think Jessica Simpson should have never remade a classic song."
I agree 100%. The original Nancy Sinatra version is clearly superior. I don't think any Jessica Simpson song is actually immortal.
Fashion bloggers often comment on how their high heels are comfortable so it's refreshing to see this post. Yes, some heels are more comfortable than others, but seeing this is a nice reminder that even the bloggers who invest in the best heels and rave about their "comfort" suffer like the rest of us.
Reminds me of this recent NYTimes article: "A Scientific Look at the Dangers of High Heels" http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/25/scientists-look-at-the-dangers-of-high-heels/
Awesome post!
LOL…. Nick, you are absolutely correct. I walk much slower in heels. It's a love hate relationship.
Helen
P.S. "These boots are made for walking" were first sung by Nancy Sinatra. Sorry but I think Jessica Simpson should have never remade a classic song.
Laughing over the line: "the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks."
Okay, Nick is hilaaarious! 🙂 Thanks for having him do a guest post ^^
LOVE U NICK….God bless u both…
a 35 year old mom, who does not knows how to walk in a Stiletto…and feels sad 🙁 sometimes…
Haha.. Funny post but it is so true. My husband agrees with you 10o%! i am a petite woman too, wearing heels for the extra height is important to us, u mr tall man.