High Heels: One Man’s Opinion

[This is a guest post by Nick, boyfriend of Jean. See his other posts here.]

Someone requested I write about my most and least favorite fashions for women. Great idea! I’m going to focus on the latter.

Maybe you saw Jean’s recent photo of Stuart Weitzman boots. Or maybe you remember when I showed a liking for well-broken-in Tory Burch Revas. These are two of my all-time favorite looks. Actually, no, let’s call them favorite pieces. Because they look pretty good, but—more importantly—they’re functional. And the main function in this case is being able to use your feet in the way for which they’ve been biologically evolved.

 In the immortal words of Jessica Simpson, “These boots are made for walking.”

So, if one of my favorite aspects of women’s fashion is stylish flat-soled footwear, you might be able to guess one of my least favorites…

There is no greater burden to the urban-dwelling man than a pair of expensive high heels.

The type doesn’t matter—pumps, stilettos, platforms, wedges (although Jean adorably calls these her “walking shoes”) whatever—every high-heeled shoe abides by this universal law: the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks.

“Let’s put skinny sticks under our feet. That’ll look hot!” -Inventor of High Heels

Women wearing Miu Mius (male readers: this is a shoe brand, not a type of Pokemon) are clocked walking the streets of Manhattan at an average of 0.7 MPH—or 1.13 KPH for you international folks. And nothing puts a damper on an evening out like a one-inch gouge up the patent leather heel of a Louboutin (male readers: it’s pronounced Loo-boo-tawn).

Now, don’t get me wrong, heels feed into the whole look good, feel good mentality for a woman, so I guess that’s a plus. But in the midst of a night on the town, it can be hard to see the bright side. For instance, consider this completely fictitious scenario where I’m about to take a step and…

“You’re walking too fast.”

Or when we’re standing in a packed bar with no chairs in sight…

“I have to sit down.”

Or going to a restaurant right above the subway stop…

“We have to take a cab.”

Then to the bar around the corner…


Along a cobblestone sidewalk…

“I’m just going to walk in the middle of the road.”

And then, at the very end of the night, when I’ve had about all I can take…

“Hold on while I change into these other shoes I have in my purse.”

This is the part where I think to myself, “WHAT?! You had flats in your purse the whole time?! Why didn’t you just wear those?”

“Oh, nevermind they’re in my other bag. I’ll just go barefoot.”

While I’ve never witnessed Jean trotting around the city barefoot, I have stood on the curb at the end of many nights bewildered at the lengths women will go to simply for the appearance of longer legs. But despite all of this, I must also commend you. Because not only do men tolerate high heels, we often encourage them. Why? Because, damn, they look good. And maybe that’s the lesson in all of this, if there even is one. Do whatever makes you feel good because ultimately if you’re happy, we’re happy. Just as long as you promise to never wear these:

Offensive, and not just to PETA.

[Note: The author is aware Nancy Sinatra sung the original. Jessica Simpson + Immortal = Sarcasm.]


142 thoughts on “High Heels: One Man’s Opinion

  • Reply Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    I guess I will not be back to read this blog. If I wanted to read Nick's opinion/blog I would go to his blog. Is Nick voicing his personal opinion of wearing high heels? Maybe I am the only one-but I don't care for the husband's point of view. I am not a man hater- I happen to have an exceptional husband who would not care to be a guest blogger on my blog-he has more manly things to do.

  • Reply samchin February 21, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. It's candidly true and hilarious! He should guest post more often.

  • Reply Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    LOL cool story, bro.

  • Reply Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    You won't be missed.

  • Reply Rocks Paper Metal February 21, 2012 at 9:51 pm
  • Reply Delectable Duo February 21, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    What a great post! Laughed my ass off, then read all your other guest posts. Great writing and sense of humor.

  • Reply Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    LOL you gave me a good laugh.

  • Reply Anonymous February 21, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Are you REALLY not going to be back cause I think you REALLY will be. LOL.

    It's funny that you say you have an exceptional husband yet you don't care for his point of view. 😛

  • Reply Goldi | Magie February 22, 2012 at 1:51 am

    Bwahaha! Laughed out loud alone in my room at the last pic. That really looks ridiculous! LoL! I wouldn't wear them even if any famous celebrity would wear that. I'd hate looking like a galloping goat.

    Great post. Raised good points. 🙂

  • Reply Joy February 22, 2012 at 1:51 am

    lol it's all true. despite all that not a single female will give up heels.

  • Reply Jen E. February 22, 2012 at 6:11 am

    What are the "more manly things" your husband has to do? Because on top of working, my husband helps cook, clean, do the laundry, even irons his own shirts, takes care of our son, and supports me 100% as I embark on professional school. I see Nick as a dedicated boyfriend who guest posts on his girlfriend's blog (which clearly means a lot to her) so she can study for her CFA exam. That is his way of supporting her. My "manly" husband would do the same for me.

  • Reply Nick February 22, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Thanks for the comments everyone, but we should give Anon #1 a break. I completely understand her point. Between chopping firewood, drinking fine whiskey, and shaving his ever-growing beard, her husband couldn't possibly have the time to engage in an activity as trivial and womanly as writing on the Internet.

  • Reply Tina February 22, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I think it's too cute that the bf offered to guest blog…and he's doing great at it! Good luck on studying Jean! I'm a fan of you both. http://tinaseverydaystyle.blogspot.com/

  • Reply Ann February 22, 2012 at 11:13 am

    ^LOL Nick :P.

    Methinks Anon#1 is just jealous of the love and support you have for Jean. Anon#1's husband is clearly too busy doing "manly" things than to support his wife when she's busy juggling multiple aspects of her life and doesn't have time for one factor that clearly means a lot to her.

    Don't worry about her, Nick, and please continue guest posting 🙂

  • Reply Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Jean, I check your site often but never post. Today is a first. This is hands down the funniest post I have read on a fashion blog in a long time. Great and witty writing. Hats off to the BF!

  • Reply Janice Liao Shiao February 22, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    LOVE THIS POST. CHEERS to NICK! George feels the same way. Here's a quote, 'Honey, lets stop at this store so I can pick up some flip flops, my feet hurt.' His quote, 'another pair! do you know how many pairs of flip flops you have?'

  • Reply Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Nick-O! Keep doing blog posts like this and you'll be a WELL-HEELED online writer.


  • Reply Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I was cracking up at this post, because me and the bf have had THAT EXACT CONVO a million times. Hilarious.

  • Reply Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Actually the most comfortable heels in my opinion are slingbacks–there is always a way to adjust the size if you want them tighter or more loose.

  • Reply Anonymous February 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    Next Nick Guest Post: He Wears Heels for a Day and let's us know ab the experience ;-). Some journalistic integrity needed.

  • Reply live love laugh February 22, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    que espanto esos zapatos, ¿existen peores? Me refiero a los ultimos. Lindo blog, mucha suerte 🙂


  • Reply Krizia February 22, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Heehee why are boyfriends so funny 🙂 I read this yesterday, but while I was walking to the subway in my high heels, I remembered this post and laughed out loud. Needless to say, I was traveling after a long day of work and kind of wanted to walk around barefoot (eww, esp. in NYC!). I vote for more guest posts from Nick!

  • Reply Sheng Lee February 23, 2012 at 12:20 am

    well said. =)

  • Reply Petite February 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Love the boots!

  • Reply Elaine A (TOBeautyReviews) February 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Nick another brilliant post! I sooo used to be that girl, now I'm more practical and am in flats the majority of the time where walking is required 😛

  • Reply megan alissa design February 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Nice Job Nick! So true, and well said 🙂

  • Reply craycraystyle February 23, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    Its all so true! Loves it!

  • Reply Dr. Juris February 24, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I literally snorted when I scrolled to the last photo. Then laughed out loud when I read the caption. GOOD POST!

  • Reply Katie February 24, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    This was quite the entertaining read. Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  • Reply Anonymous February 24, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    HAHA this is so true. Very nice post!:)

  • Reply Anonymous February 25, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I didn't care for this entry either. I'm not a fan of when blogger's bfs write on the blogger's website, because 9 times of 10, it's really not funny.

  • Reply jaysface February 26, 2012 at 3:55 am

    great post! my favorite line was the "universal law: the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks." i have to admit, i love my heels but i walk much slower with them on!

  • Reply Nellie @ Our Wired Lives February 26, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Super adorable and well-written post! Can't wait for more.

  • Reply Lorna February 28, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Great post!

  • Reply DiamondsandTulle March 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    ahahahahah! I LOVE this post! Definitely after you have been with someone long enough and comfortable, I find guys always prefer if we (women) wear comfortable/practical shoes that doesn't prompt any of those aforementioned statements. I am a HUGE an of the foldable flats to keep in my purse. My hubby is an even bigger fan! BF's and other husbands are always in awes when I bust out my "transformer shoes" and think they are ingenious! Anyways – can't wait to read more from Nick!

    xx Vivian @ http://diamondsandtulle.blogspot.com

  • Reply Anonymous March 8, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    pretty funny to me! 🙂

  • Reply Diane Huang June 20, 2012 at 9:09 am

    i clicked on the link for the weitzman boots and the tory burch flats. your boyfriend is stupid.

    i laughed.

  • Reply tai belle February 7, 2013 at 2:39 am

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Reply tai belle February 7, 2013 at 2:42 am

    Lol! This blog is very accurate and funny! I can recall the many times I experienced cramped toes while wearing high heels, just because it looked so great! I often tell myself, I would die wearing high heels;beauty is pain!Lol

  • Reply Anonymous March 31, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    This guy is a winner.

  • Reply mangoscript December 6, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Well done, Nick! And funny too. You are wise to hone in on the fashion enigma that plagues so many women in western society — how does one cultivate fashionable feet without deforming one's bones and spine? Ines de la Fressange seems to pull it off. Then again she's almost 6 feet tall. Like Jean, I have the added challenge of being short and appearing childish in flats. Still I'd rather look short than battle low back pain any day. Please tell Jean that the more she spends time wearing flats, the more her back will thank her later when she's in her 40's. Take it from a woman who has been there.

  • Reply Minh August 10, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Best. Post. Ever.

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