[This is a guest post by Nick, boyfriend of Jean. See his other posts here.]
Someone requested I write about my most and least favorite fashions for women. Great idea! I’m going to focus on the latter.
Maybe you saw Jean’s recent photo of Stuart Weitzman boots. Or maybe you remember when I showed a liking for well-broken-in Tory Burch Revas. These are two of my all-time favorite looks. Actually, no, let’s call them favorite pieces. Because they look pretty good, but—more importantly—they’re functional. And the main function in this case is being able to use your feet in the way for which they’ve been biologically evolved.
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| In the immortal words of Jessica Simpson, “These boots are made for walking.” |
So, if one of my favorite aspects of women’s fashion is stylish flat-soled footwear, you might be able to guess one of my least favorites…
There is no greater burden to the urban-dwelling man than a pair of expensive high heels.
The type doesn’t matter—pumps, stilettos, platforms, wedges (although Jean adorably calls these her “walking shoes”) whatever—every high-heeled shoe abides by this universal law: the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks.
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| “Let’s put skinny sticks under our feet. That’ll look hot!” -Inventor of High Heels |
Women wearing Miu Mius (male readers: this is a shoe brand, not a type of Pokemon) are clocked walking the streets of Manhattan at an average of 0.7 MPH—or 1.13 KPH for you international folks. And nothing puts a damper on an evening out like a one-inch gouge up the patent leather heel of a Louboutin (male readers: it’s pronounced Loo-boo-tawn).
Now, don’t get me wrong, heels feed into the whole look good, feel good mentality for a woman, so I guess that’s a plus. But in the midst of a night on the town, it can be hard to see the bright side. For instance, consider this completely fictitious scenario where I’m about to take a step and…
“You’re walking too fast.”
Or when we’re standing in a packed bar with no chairs in sight…
“I have to sit down.”
Or going to a restaurant right above the subway stop…
“We have to take a cab.”
Then to the bar around the corner…
“SO FAR!”
Along a cobblestone sidewalk…
“I’m just going to walk in the middle of the road.”
And then, at the very end of the night, when I’ve had about all I can take…
“Hold on while I change into these other shoes I have in my purse.”
This is the part where I think to myself, “WHAT?! You had flats in your purse the whole time?! Why didn’t you just wear those?”
“Oh, nevermind they’re in my other bag. I’ll just go barefoot.”
While I’ve never witnessed Jean trotting around the city barefoot, I have stood on the curb at the end of many nights bewildered at the lengths women will go to simply for the appearance of longer legs. But despite all of this, I must also commend you. Because not only do men tolerate high heels, we often encourage them. Why? Because, damn, they look good. And maybe that’s the lesson in all of this, if there even is one. Do whatever makes you feel good because ultimately if you’re happy, we’re happy. Just as long as you promise to never wear these:
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| Offensive, and not just to PETA. |
[Note: The author is aware Nancy Sinatra sung the original. Jessica Simpson + Immortal = Sarcasm.]
So funny! When I lived in Manhattan, I hardly ever wore heels. I have to agree, they're much harder to navigate the city streets in than a pair of comfy flats. And with the fast pace of the city, there's no way I was walking slow 🙂
-Sharon
LOL! I think I've said all of those at one point or another when wearing heels (except the middle of the road one, we don't have cobblestone here) – love it!
Hahaha, very hilarious post. My guy seems to feel the same way. He doesn't "get" high heels or the point of them. But lucky for him my feet are so small I never fit any heels!
my husband hates me in heels, so I don't wear them when we go out- only to work. lol! I always wondered why he hated heels- perhaps these are the reasons 🙂 Though I don't have expensive heels, I still don't want to ruin them quickly.
Thanks for this male perspective. This is exactly why I wear mid heels. I like to look pretty without suffering.
Kathleen Lisson
Hahaha, this is so funny 🙂 And you are so right! But wedges; I can´t live without them (and they really are comfortable).
xx Marie
OMG this post is so funny!!!! I'm a girl and I don't use that type of heels because, well..you can't walk in them!!!! If I can only walk in a shoe for 3m, then it isn't worth the money =) Now, wedges might be good! I do use wedges on a daily basis (ok…ONE pair of wedges, but still!) and they are pretty comfortable =)
xoRose
I definitely think that Petite Asian Boy should do some more blogging (I was so confused when I first saw his blog xD).
But I think the last paragraph of this post summed it up: guys complain about girls wearing heels (and they'd complain more if they knew what it feels like!) but then encourage them to do so because they look good. Make up your mind, boys 😛 I have no problem with a woman wearing heels because she likes them (that's why I wear them occasionally) but to wear heels because a man likes the look is a sad thing, in my eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be if heels didn't hurt and didn't damage our legs, but they do.
hahahaa…..I laughed so hard! You now what? I couldn't agree more. The ultimate truth from the mouth of a guy. I can't wear heels to save my life so yes, I know what Nick means. Jean, you've got to get him to write more posts. I've enjoyed every word!
Very amusing!!! So basically we (women) were right all along? LOL! Thank you for a great post Nick – Jean, I think you got some blog-competition! 🙂
Sorry to point out but since Louboutin is French, it's pronounced closer to "loo – boo – tan(g)" with the last bit rhyming with 'fang' but with the g sound silent.
So true! Good one Nick! Funny!
VERY GOOD! 😀
So true. Great post nick!
I definitely recommend suede heels for the material is softer and is more comfortable! I was head over heels (no pun intended) when I saw the leopard wedges at Payless and wanted them even more when I tried them on and they were oh soooooo comfortable… I ended up buying the patent nude wedges but wish they came in nude suede cause the suede leopard design was so much more comfortable! Probably because they were the lowest heel height I own, they were only 3"!
With that said, I think heels that are around 3" are comfortable! Still love my nude wedges from Payless and I wear them ALL the time.
HAHA "Let's put skinny sticks under our feet. That'll look hot!" -Inventor of High Heels
love your guest posts. You're completely right
Love this post! Made me laugh 🙂
lol!!! i dont feel alone anymore!
sniff!
Wow I really like the male perspectives, great job! As a petite woman, I have to say I love my heels, a few inches sometimes do make a difference in our look and confidence
Hahahahaha! This is hilarious – I love it! David constantly complains when I'm in heels as well because I can never walk for long periods of time and it's a burden. I think it's an indication of love when your man prefers you in flats, though, because let's face it – we DO look a lot better in heeled shoes. Thanks Nick for the laugh, and hope you are doing okay and getting rest, Jean!
xo
Jen
LOOOOL. Nick, you're hilarious!! It makes it more funny when what you write about is true. I loved this line: "..every high-heeled shoe abides by this universal law: the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks." It cracked me up so bad.
OMG, so hilarious. MORE. MORE!
Great job, Nick! I love it. He's totally right on *every* count…but I still love my heels! haha…
Nick speaks for many of our male counterparts!! On many a night out, I'll look to my fiancee and ask, which shoes go better with this outfit? & He always replies, whichever is comfiest (blargh, thanks for all the help!). It also drives him nuts that I carry the Revas along in the car when wearing heels around the city (SF for us).
PAB, don't you just love it when we exclaim to ourselves about how we've survived walking around X in our fave high heels?? 🙂
Hehe witty! Very entertaining! Makes a lot of sense! I like this –> "…the more the shoe costs, the slower the lady walks." is it true Jean? ;p
We'd love to hear more from your guest author! ^^
Nice post, Nick. Thoroughly enjoyed it! 🙂
This is so funny, and SO TRUE! We do, do those things. LOL, well, maybe not all but most. Hahaha! LOVE those Louboutins btw! (=
LOL I laugh my a** off!! thanks for the post I was having a bad night and this reading made me feel beer because I was laughing so hard – keep up the great work !!!!!!
Hahaha! My boyfriend and I loved your post, Nick. It's so true, I remember a fateful night in NYC when he had to fireman's carry me because I just couldn't walk another step in my high heels. Luckily I didn't participate in another less than functional trend that evening, the miniskirt. Keep up the great work and Jean might be out of a job.
Favorite Line: "This is the part where I think to myself, "WHAT?! You had flats in your purse the whole time?! Why didn't you just wear those?"…" I laughed so hard I cried.
Well written Nick.
lol this is crazy! btw, nick are you the guy on the mouthwash commercial? 🙂
Such an amusing and witty post : ). Please do more guest posts, Nick!
Looove this post! Hilarious!!!
xo
Phoebe, I googled those pumps and they are SO classy and pretty and totally my style! There is a patent red, black, and nude on Piperlime and I want all three. How do they fit for you? True to size?
http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=892586022&tid;=plpn000611&kwid;=1≈=7&mkwid;=U4j00a&adid;=Cebqhpg+Nqf&redirect;=true
so funny! i loved this post! keep them coming!
HAHAHA Nick you need to do more guest posts!
Thanks for the post, Nick! While it is hilarious, it definitely brings to light some issues that us women don't normally consider we put our significant others through when we wear our sky high heels. But hey, practice makes perfect, and one day we'll be great at walking with heels on and look great at the same time!
Susan, I have a pair of Vince Camuto Elanie pumps that I swear by! Unfortunately they come in limited colors – I have the leopard print calf hair – but they are incredibly comfy (and look better in person than online)! Let me know if you find a comfy black suede pair…
Nick, all of the scenarios are 100% right, which makes them so much funnier! Well, maybe not to my boyfriend. An apology might be in order, haha.
My husband echoes these sentiments.. especially when we're in Europe, where we walk everywhere and many of the streets are cobblestone 🙂 but I have to wear heels if we're on a date night or if I'm in a crowded bar! Even if it means my feet are ringing and throbbing painfully with each step later.. sigh.
(btw Jean or anyone else, do you have any recommendations for high heels that are somewhat comfortable for walking? I've heard good things about YSL Tribtoo but have yet to find a pair of decent pumps that I can walk around in for awhile.)
My boyfriend would agree 110% with this post. It's especially fun for him when we're walking down steep hills and I have to clutch on to him for dear life.
HAHAHAH This was hilarious! Nick should write more blog posts on here. I had a good laugh =)
So funny Nick – you and Jean are both such witty and funny writers!
Love the "fictitious" scenarios you described!
I love my handbags and my fashion – but I can NOT wear uncomfortable shoes – and while taking care of designer handbags is do-able – it must be impossible to protect expensive shoes, so I'm glad I have cheap tastes when it comes to shoes LOL!
Love your scenarios. 🙂
hahaha, loved this.
LOL can't wait for the next post.
Loved the candor!
This is too great! I feel even more motivated to wear heels more often now! I think Nick should make more "guest appearances" on here — your opinion is quite valued! 🙂
haha not going to lie, very entertaining and very accurate.
Hilarious post! Awesome job, PAB!
OMG this is hilarious!!!